July 6, 2024, sunny turning cloudy.
Yan Yin is gone.
She suddenly disappeared from my world, catching me completely off guard and leaving me in despair.
Perhaps this world just loves to play jokes. I had already found hope for her to live, and if she had just persevered a little longer, she would have been able to witness the sunflowers blooming in the coming years.
But the world seemed impatient to take her away.
They neither gave her nor me a chance to struggle.
I placed Yan Yin's ashes in the coffin she had prepared for herself, which was decorated with sunflowers, and then buried her in the open space by the moat.
As agreed, I scattered sunflower seeds all around.
After that, he sat in front of Yan Yin's grave for a whole day and night.
I wish this wasn't real, yet I knew it was, so I could only smoke one cigarette after another, trying to use the effects of nicotine to make myself feel less sad.
The next day, Song Qingrong couldn't bear to watch any longer and finally stubbed out my cigarette. Then, with red eyes, she said to me, "Xu Ruo, do you think Yan Yin would want to see you like this?"
Have you forgotten?
She wants you to be happy!
"The way you are doing this will only make her restless and sad, just like you."
"Besides, even if Yan Yin isn't here, you still have me..."
"Xu Ruo, you still have me!"
I know that feelings are sometimes unfair. When Gu Nianci asked me if I had fallen for Yan Yin, my first reaction was that I didn't want to face the question. But I knew in my heart that even though I had only known Yan Yin for less than half a month, she had already left an indelible mark on my world.
At the moment Yan Yin passed away, as I personally escorted her body to the crematorium, and then carefully placed her ashes into the urn before burying her by the moat, I truly wished that I were the one who died.
So when I heard Song Qingrong say these words, I didn't know how to respond for a moment. I could only put away the cigarette that was numbing me and just quietly look at Yan Yin's tombstone.
It wasn't until it got dark again that I looked at Song Qingrong and said, "I'm sorry."
At this moment, Song Qingrong's face was full of fatigue, but after hearing what I said, she still forced a smile and said, "Xu Ruo, you don't need to apologize to me."
"Yan Yin... is a good girl."
"I understand."
I don't blame you.
"You know, I met Yan Yin when I was preparing for my own funeral. The moment I saw her, I felt that she was the same kind of person as me—lonely, pitiful, as if she had been completely abandoned by the world." I withdrew my gaze from Yan Yin's tombstone, walked to a nearby recliner, and sat down, just like when I first came here with Yan Yin.
After Song Qingrong followed me over, I continued, "It's funny to say, but after getting to know her better, I found that she seems a bit neurotic. Even though we had just met, she kept telling me not to think too much, and even..."
"They even offered to introduce me to a doctor."
"Can you imagine that scene?" I asked, my head bowed and my voice trembling. "She was so nervous that she was almost stuttering as she tried to cheer me up."
"What's even more outrageous is that when I thought she was sick and wanted to stay away from her, she really did cling to me like a lunatic."
“I went to the cemetery to buy a burial plot, and she went with me.”
"Then, they brought me here."
"She was pointing there!" I looked at the remaining open space, and I seemed to see Yan Yin speaking to me again. "She said, after you die, bury me here."
“I asked her why, but she said that I seemed more pitiful than her.”
"But clearly..."
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