Song Qingrong didn't go anywhere else after that.
We went home.
Perhaps because she was in a bad mood, Song Qingrong sat on the sofa in a daze after getting home, doing nothing. Since I was just a soul, I couldn't comfort her, so I could only silently stay by her side.
It wasn't until evening that Song Qingrong got up and returned to her room. Just like yesterday, she sat down at her desk and stared at her diary for a while before she began to write.
[To my late husband Xu Ruo:]
I wasn't planning on writing this diary entry today, since I already did this morning.
But after thinking it over, I still feel I need to tell you about this.
I went to find Gu Nianci and got your photo back. It was torn from your wedding photo with her; she tore it off herself.
But for some reason, I can't be happy. I don't understand what she's thinking. She clearly doesn't love you, yet she planted sunflowers all over your former home and put your wedding photos in your room.
When I left, I saw her crying.
Why do you think she's crying?
Seeing this, Song Qingrong stopped writing, seemingly pondering what to write next.
I looked at it, smiled wryly, and replied, "I don't know either."
"But the reason is not important, I think."
"Even if she suddenly changes her mind, that's her business and has nothing to do with me."
"I used to be quite shameless and irrational, but that doesn't mean I'll always be stuck in it and unable to get out."
"So...you don't have to worry about it."
As I was speaking, Song Qingrong had already resumed writing.
Forget it, let's not talk about her anymore.
I found Lin Qingxue today.
Actually, I had already contacted her a long time ago, while you were still alive. But in the beginning, she was the one who contacted me. She asked me about you, cared about your every move, and cared about everything about you.
She told me that she regretted her past choice and that she would never have done it if she could.
She said that when she knew you were sad and that you felt she had betrayed you, she was in so much pain that she wanted to die, but she didn't dare to see you again.
I am actually a very selfish person, especially when it comes to you. I selfishly want to possess everything about you, which is why I didn't tell you this before.
But now I regret it. I didn't let you know about her before she died, and I didn't let you know that she didn't actually betray you.
sorry……
I told her where you were buried, she should go to see you, right?
Please don't blame her, okay?
"I stopped blaming her a long time ago," I said with a smile.
"I know her difficulties."
I had thought about going to find Lin Qingxue a long time ago, but then I felt that I was going to die, and going to find her would only be a disturbance to her. Now that I think about it, I do feel a little regretful.
When I saw Lin Qingxue again during the day, I felt a pang of sympathy for her looking so haggard.
But that's just how the world is.
It's a pity, the choice...
Ultimately, it's impossible to have the best of both worlds.
[There's one more thing... I think you'll be very happy.] At this point, Song Qingrong continued writing.
Lin Qingxue has decided to help me.
I want to stand up for you at Gu Nianci and Xu Yan's wedding.
Would you agree?
If you don't answer me, it means you agree, right?
Then I'll take that as your agreement.
These last few lines left me both amused and exasperated.
I really wanted to say that I hadn't agreed, but after thinking about it, I said instead, "Thank you."
"But I hope even more that you won't suffer any injustice."
"It's not worth it for me."
You probably think I'm stupid, right? You're already gone, and I'm still going through all this trouble.
I was taken aback for a moment.
Song Qingrong really knows me.
She continued writing.
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