We didn't stop for a moment, from the roadside to the car, all the way to the hotel.
Over the years, I have never made such demands of a woman, even though Gu Nianci never lets me touch her, I have always refrained from doing so.
To put it bluntly...
A man like me is somewhat pathetic.
But I never complained.
Because I often comfort myself that we will eventually get to that point, and that she will eventually fall in love with me.
But I was wrong.
That's completely wrong.
So this time I felt like a wild beast that had been released, wanting to unleash all the repression from the past, regardless of who she was or whether she was willing or not.
That night, we went through a constant cycle of tears and blood, pain and pleasure.
Until I fell into a deep sleep.
Daylight.
I was startled awake by the soft and supple body. I subconsciously looked at the sleeping person next to me, and a bitter expression appeared on my face.
Song Qingrong.
Why you?
I remained silent for a while before sighing, covering Song Qingrong with the blanket, and then heading towards the bathroom.
The cold water washed over me, gradually bringing me back to my senses.
At this point, my emotions were no longer as out of control as before. The release of the night and the relaxation of my mind had made me much more clear-headed.
Even so, I stayed in the bathroom for almost an hour, constantly looking at myself in the mirror, trying to see a trace of what should have been my true self.
I looked for a long time, but there was nothing there. I feel like a stranger to myself now.
This is the second time in the past two days that I've spent so much time looking in the mirror.
I shouldn't have done that.
Degeneration, self-abandonment, and internal strife.
Even if it means death.
I must die knowing the truth, and I must let everyone know that I have not let any of them down.
When I left the bathroom, Song Qingrong was indeed awake.
She was calmer than I expected.
Or rather...
Everything that happened last night was actually done with her tacit approval.
Looking at her calm face, I couldn't help but ask myself, was she... making amends to me? Making amends for her betrayal of me?
We stared at each other for a long time before I broke the silence.
"first?"
"Um."
"Feel sorry……"
"I don't mind."
Despite the simple conversation, Song Qingrong remained emotionless, as if she were answering a very simple question, rather than about her chastity.
I thought for a moment, then asked again, "...Why? Why betray me?"
This time, Song Qingrong's face finally showed some emotion.
She cried.
It was the first time she cried in front of me; she just looked at me like that.
"Xu Ruo, do you really think I betrayed you?"
Why won't you believe me?
"Can I still trust you?" I asked after a moment of silence.
I know this is a cruel statement, but I have no choice. As long as I don't lose control of my emotions, I can only remain rational, and this rationality forces me to still harbor doubts about Song Qingrong.
Even if we end up in bed together, it's the same.
“You know, in that situation, I didn’t want to see Gu Nianci.” I took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve never felt as bad as I did yesterday.”
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