"Yes," Lu Jiangting said with a wry smile, "My guilt towards Jianjun was an obsession. However, after those who should have been imprisoned were imprisoned and those who should have left were released, my obsession disappeared."
He remembered the time in front of Wang Jianjun's grave when he felt the taste of death.
After Lao Wang beat him up, he came to his senses.
Doctor: "So you have a new obsession now?"
Lu Jiangting was stunned for a moment, then nodded slightly.
"I guess so. Yuyao and I have been childhood sweethearts and have been in love for many years... I don't think... I don't think this is what should have happened between us."
The doctor wrote it down silently.
Lu Jiangting's nose felt sore and his eyes were red.
"There are so many misunderstandings between us. If they are misunderstandings, then we should just clarify them, right?"
"This..." The doctor smiled and did not answer.
It would be better if the misunderstanding could be clarified, as for the scoring situation.
If it doesn't lead to an irreversible situation, it is still possible.
But if an irreversible situation has already occurred, how can we go back to the beginning?
Lu Jiangting clenched his fists, tears already streaming from his eyes.
"I didn't betray her. I loved him. It's just that there were too many misunderstandings that led us to this point. I can't understand it, and I can't accept it."
He told others that he had let it go and would not disturb Yuyao's peaceful life, and also said that he wished her well.
But here, he dared to speak out his innermost thoughts.
The doctor couldn't help but smile after hearing this.
As he wrote on the medical record, he said, "I remember you said she was married and had two children."
Lu Jiangting took a deep breath, feeling uncomfortable, but nodded. "Yes, but I'm still unwilling to accept it. I don't think we should be like this."
The doctor looked stunned, then smiled faintly and said, "Well, I understand you."
But if I don't agree with him, of course, I can't say this to him, and it's useless to say it.
For this kind of patient with mental illness, you have to agree with him and understand him before he will tell you the truth.
If you go against him, he will become resistant and no longer trust you.
This will increase the difficulty of treatment.
"What are your plans?" the doctor asked him.
Lu Jiangting said, "In my fantasy world, the child has finally reached adulthood, and I've used my connections to arrange a future for him."
"Well, that's good. Then your obsession with your friends in the dream should have disappeared as well, right?"
Lu Jiangting was stunned for a moment, then said, "It should be soon, because I told myself before that raising Wang Chenchen would be my way of repaying Jianjun's kindness. Now that Wang Chenchen has grown up, I have arranged a job for him. I should be able to bring Yuyao and her daughter back home later."
"Oh, that makes sense. Did you take it back?"
Lu Jiangting shook his head.
The doctor was surprised. "No? Why is that? Have we encountered a new problem?"
"No, this time I dreamed about sending Wang Chenchen to work. What happened next was just my guess. Of course, it was also my thoughts in the dream."
The doctor seemed to understand.
"Your current obsession is regret, because you and your childhood sweetheart, Yuyao, never had a happy ending. Now that you've finally fulfilled your promise to your friend, you want to see yourself spend the rest of your life making amends to your wife and daughter."
Lu Jiangting nodded hurriedly, "Yes, I think that once I see the misunderstanding between Yuyao and me resolved, and I see that I live a happy life with them, my obsession will disappear, and my illness should be cured."
"Well, what you said does make sense. But do you have any idea what to do if the ending you see is not what you expected?"
Lu Jiangting's face froze. "What do you mean?"
"I've recorded every dream you've had. It seems like your relationship with her isn't good. You've caused her a lot of trouble because of Fang Qing and her son. What if she doesn't forgive you?"
Lu Jiangting's expression was cracking inch by inch, as if it would break in the next second.
The doctor saw that something was wrong with him, cursed himself for saying the wrong thing, and hurried to make amends.
"I just think it's possible, but you've been together for many years and your child is already that old, can you still get divorced? As long as you turn back and resolve the misunderstanding with her, she will forgive you for the sake of the child."
Lu Jiangting's eyes moved, and he finally smelled the breath of a living person.
He forced an ugly smile and consoled himself, "Yes, Yuyao will definitely forgive me. She's a traditional woman, and her children are already grown up. She won't talk about divorce again."
A few years ago, Yuyao mentioned divorce and even brought it up in front of Lao Xu.
Lao Xu scolded both him and Fang Qing, and he was also punished to write a letter of apology, put on the criticism list, received a warning, and had his bonus deducted in order to appease Yu Yao.
But he did not agree to divorce, and Lao Xu did not allow them to divorce either, as he felt it was shameful.
Yuyao knew that she couldn't get a divorce, so she never bothered about it again.
She didn't leave me when she was young, so how could she leave me when I'm old?
Yes, they can’t get divorced. They definitely won’t get divorced.
Doctor, "So what do you think now?"
Lu Jiangting said, "I want to actively stimulate myself to hallucinate."
The doctor was surprised, "Active stimulation?"
"Yes, I want to see the end as soon as possible."
The doctor was surprised for a moment.
No, didn't you say a few months ago that you didn't want to see hallucinations anymore? And for that reason, you didn't go see Miss Lin for several months. Why are you suddenly taking the initiative again?
The doctor was speechless, but eventually nodded in agreement. "That's not impossible, but remember, if you experience any abnormalities, you must immediately stop this dangerous action and come to me."
"Yeah, but I can't stimulate hallucinations now."
"What do you mean?"
"I rarely dream about Wang Chenchen anymore. I want to see Yuyao, but I can't see her now."
"Why can't I see it?"
"She moved. She now lives in a high-end residential complex. There's a guard at the gate, so I can't get in."
doctor:"……"
"She also changed her workplace, where there are more security guards."
The doctor was amused. "Then come to me. I can't do anything. If you can't see him, I can't see him either."
"I know. I just want to ask you if there is any way to actively stimulate me."
Doctor: "Me?"
"Yes, you stimulated me medically."
The doctor was speechless, thinking that what you said was like a fairy tale, which was beyond his comprehension.
Medical means stimulated him to go crazy?
He really hadn't thought about it.
"Remember me."
Lu Jiangting nodded and said, "Okay, I'll come see you in a few days."
"Okay." The doctor handed him a prescription and said, "I've prescribed some medicine for you. Take it and continue taking it."
"Yes, thank you."
…
I used both realistic and idealistic approaches to describe the protagonist's past and present lives. The characters in the present life, Yuyao, Xiaotong, and Xiaofen, were all written in a more idealistic style. However, when writing about Yuyao's past life, I took more realistic considerations into account: she was just an ordinary person born in the 1960s, and it was difficult for her to get a divorce.
Look at the older generations around you—at least among my own grandparents, my parents, all my relatives—there really wasn't a single divorced couple, regardless of whether their lives were good or bad. Even now, many men lament and envy the love of their parents' generation, where marriage lasted a lifetime (they believe it was pure love that kept them together).
But I think that the life they earned by enduring humiliation and sacrificing themselves should not be forgotten or glorified.
Looking at them from today's perspective, you might even say they deserved their hardship. But if we go back to that era (with its social, public opinion, and ideological constraints), we'll realize they didn't have many options.
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