Chapter 31
After blowing up the computer, the constant harassment stopped completely. Although I was still a little worried, I had a peaceful holiday overall.
With nothing to do and suddenly free, Yael spent more and more time communicating with the project team.
The main bug I was dealing with was Adelaide, but I also had many small meetings with other bugs.
The student project was not very difficult for him, but it was also a key support of the college, so a week before the New Year, Eysenck College approved the subsidy.
“So much?”
Yael looked at the 5 million star coins that had been deposited into his account with a shocked expression. He counted them several times to make sure there were no extra zeros.
Adelaide's voice came from the computer, and he hummed nonchalantly.
"You're almost becoming another leader of this project. This little money is nothing."
Then, a hint of enthusiasm was revealed in his tone, "Have you rested well? What have we figured out just now..."
Compared with Adelaide, Yael felt that he was not hardworking at all, at least not as hardworking as a science geek. But he was immersed in the project every day and his life was fulfilling.
It was already noon when the conversation ended, and after agreeing to continue in the evening, Adelaide reluctantly ended the call.
Yael took a sip of water to moisten his throat and was about to sort out the new information sent over when he heard 015 knocking on the door.
"There are so many gifts for you out there. What should I do with them?"
He paused for a moment, then suddenly remembered what day it was.
Etar is a rare planet that has preserved ancient traditions. When the new year is approaching, people will send gifts to their good friends or partners, and have a meal together to keep in touch.
Yael arrived on this planet a year ago, just in time for this.
During that time, he received all kinds of gifts every day, piled up at his door, and fresh bouquets of flowers without fail.
The bouquets come in many varieties, but all are vibrant, delicate, wrapped in fine velvet, even with fresh dew on the petals.
Sometimes it is placed in front of the door, sometimes it is pinned on the door handle, decorating the dull iron door beautifully and brightly.
When Yael left, the living room was already filled with all kinds of flowers and gift boxes. The bright colors filled every corner of the house and were almost overflowing.
015 walked back and forth holding a bunch of sunflowers. "The coffee table, the dining table, and the vase in the corner are all full. There's no place to put them."
Yael rubbed his brows and sighed helplessly, "Pile them all on the dining table first, I'll deal with them later."
The sofa was also piled with bouquets of flowers, and Cise, who was surrounded in the middle, looked a little restrained.
He asked hesitantly, "... Is today your birthday?"
"no."
Yael sat down on the sofa and explained the customs of this planet. He picked up a bouquet of flowers beside him and casually opened the small card inserted in the flowers.
I want to be the air
Only on you
Rest for a while. I want to be unnoticed.
It is also indispensable. [1]
The card had no signature, which meant that there was no expectation of a response, but the straightforward and sincere emotions always touched his heartstrings, making him unable to help but raise the corners of his lips.
Although he didn't tell anyone, Yael was actually grateful.
These surging enthusiasm and kindness were like hands pulling him out of the quagmire of depression countless times, pushing him to stumble forward, trying to accept and integrate into this absurd world.
"It's a lively and interesting festival, isn't it?"
Yael curled his eyes, folded the card as it was, and placed it neatly in the box that 015 brought.
He will keep the cards with blessings written on them carefully, and the rest of the gifts, such as cakes and biscuits, will be handed over to the welfare home in the name of the givers so that the little ones can also celebrate the festival together.
Caesar heard the sound of unpacking. "Do you need my help?"
"No……"
Yael paused for a moment, wanting to refuse, and then maliciously pulled out an exceptionally pink flower and quickly pinned it behind the female insect's ear.
The flowers seemed to grow out of the fluffy new snow, blooming proudly on the side of her hair.
The female insect is beautiful, and the flower is gorgeous, but the combined effect of the two is horrible.
I guess Cize has never been so charming in his life.
"This flower suits you so well. It complements you perfectly. It's very delicate and gorgeous. Especially, especially..."
He pretended to look at it carefully, exaggerating a few irrelevant words, and after trying for a long time, he couldn't help laughing, "Yeah - it's really beautiful, I'm not lying to you."
Xi Ze looked somewhat helpless, but he did not reach out to throw the flower away, allowing the male insect to insert another flower on the other side with great interest.
"You see, good things come in pairs!"
Yeer snapped his fingers and looked very satisfied as one light pink and one bright yellow occupied both sides of the river, decorating the female insect very artistically.
After thinking for a moment, he reached out and adjusted it, specially selecting a small daisy as an embellishment, and buried it in the female insect's fluffy hair, forming an incongruous triangular structure.
The moment he met the female insect's gaze, Yael couldn't help but burst out laughing. Even 015, who was passing by, chuckled along, "What are you doing? You look so stupid."
I finally stopped laughing, but was caught off guard by Xize's slightly curved eyes.
Those eyelashes would tremble slightly when she smiled, and the light golden irises reflected the flowers and his figure, with a soft and tolerant smile, as if to say that he could do this to him, and it was okay to even go further.
At that moment, time seemed to suddenly freeze.
Yael could clearly hear the heartbeat hitting his eardrums, pounding and throbbing.
It was as if I were bathing in the cool winter sunshine and then being swept away by the sudden rush of spring, caught off guard and unexpectedly, yet so strange and wonderful.
He blinked, came to his senses, and stiffly plucked the flower from the female insect's ear and put it back.
"Well... I don't want to play anymore. I need to sort these out as soon as possible."
Yael coughed softly, took a deep breath to calm his confused emotions, and then asked 015 to move the gifts piled in the entrance over.
"Yes, it's right there, take them all over..."
I had this experience once before. The bouquets and gifts were not difficult to organize, but there were so many of them that if I didn't check the door every hour, they would pile up into a small mountain.
The flower stands and hanging baskets were wiped clean of dust and hung up, with clusters of colorful flowers constantly inserted into them, making the place look full of vitality, luxuriant and prosperous.
The wheels of 015 were spinning so fast that they were smoking and almost starting to sizzle and emit sparks.
After being repeatedly refused to help with the application, Xi Ze could only sit quietly on the sofa, his eyes unconsciously following the male insect's moving figures.
After this period of training, his eyes can already vaguely see light and colors, with much higher clarity and brightness.
It was as if a layer of hazy gauze was covering my eyes, and the colorful blocks that made up the world were smeared and stained, and the picture presented to my eyes was like an abstract painting.
Xi Ze suddenly recalled an incident that happened several years ago.
At that time, a large-scale battle had just ended, and he stayed on the main planet for a long time to deal with the accumulated miscellaneous matters.
It was also during that period that a female painter emerged and became famous among the upper class with her stunning pastoral oil paintings.
With the generous support of the royal family, hundreds of art exhibitions were held on the main star, one of which was right next to the base of the First Legion.
His colleagues invited him to see the paintings at that time, and he had to admit that the paintings were indeed very beautiful, with free and wild brushstrokes and bright and colorful colors. They were rare masterpieces.
But he was not very moved at that time. After turning around, he sat down to check the information. Not long after, a young female with a low ponytail also sat down.
"Sir, what do you think of these paintings? Do they bore you?"
"No, these paintings are beautiful." He closed his laptop and coughed softly, "It's just that there are too many things to do in the military, so I have to take some time to deal with the mail."
"It doesn't matter."
However, Yaci didn't care about his real attitude. She just stared deeply at the painting opposite her, and her voice was so soft as if she was immersed in a dream.
"You don't feel it, just because you haven't met your own wildness, so you can't understand how romantic, free and crazy it feels..."
"The soul is full but anxious, sheds tears when overjoyed, even a moment of breathing seems a luxury, and countless times I am grateful for the generous gifts of fate."
Not knowing what she was imagining, the female's breathing quickened, her expression pious but with hidden excitement, as if she was not facing a frozen painting, but was bent over in ardent pilgrimage.
Finally, he blinked, and a tear suddenly fell from his pale blue eyes.
Later I heard that the Asian female painter refused the royal family's invitation to be an employed painter, and wandered among countless planets, holding art exhibitions one after another, always chasing and showing the mysterious wilderness to the world.
To this day, Xi Ze still can't really understand it.
I suddenly felt that the scene before my eyes was much more vivid and beautiful than those paintings separated by cold glass.
Those lines and colors that I had only briefly seen now surged out from the depths of my dusty memory.
Each stroke depicts the bright halo before the eyes, the flourishing branches of flowers, and the thin figure in the center of the painting wearing light yellow pajamas and holding a gift box.
It is so dazzling, as if it was born to be the focus of all eyes.
"What are you looking at?"
Noticing the sight behind him, Yael suddenly turned around, only to see the female insect hastily lowering her eyes and turning her face to the side.
He was a little confused, but didn't take it to heart. He just said, "This time the gift includes a cake. I remember that the desserts there are especially delicious. Let 015 cut a piece for you..."
The little robot butler was holding the packaged gift and placed it at the door, waiting for the courier to pick it up. After hearing the order, it rummaged through the remaining gift boxes and went into the kitchen carrying the cake.
從被發現偷看的不好意思中回神，西澤詢問道，“這些都是要寄去福利院的嗎？”
“是啊，近幾年老是開戰，福利院都快裝不下了。”
想起那些活蹦亂跳的小崽子，耶爾輕嘆了一口氣，“聽說等春天回暖後會翻修福利院，再新增幾棟宿舍樓。”
對比近幾年的新聞，他蹙了蹙眉，神情有些遺憾。
“我記得那位犧牲的上将，生前一直在大力推行新的遺孤撫恤政策，但是等安托上将即位後，那政策就不了了之了，真是可惜。”
西澤怔然，半晌才低聲道，“是啊，确實可惜……”
“如果他多警覺一些，早早察覺身邊蟲的背叛，或者在戰場上多堅持一會不潰敗就好了，幾十年鑄造的心血和基業，崩塌也就在一瞬間。”
耶爾沉浸在思緒中，沒注意到他的語氣隐隐透着自嘲，只是慢慢道。
“可是世界上哪裏有什麽早知道呢，能做好當下的事就已經很好了。”
“那位上将很厲害啊，能做到他那種程度的真的不多了，雖然我不怎麽了解政治鬥争，但是他一直在大力推動真正的惠民政策落實，做了很多實事……”
他拉開膠帶密封包裹，順口稱贊道，“這是最近聽新聞陸陸續續了解到的，怎麽說呢，不愧是第一位被授予帝國之光稱號的上将，非常值得尊敬。”
身後卻很久都沒有聲息，耶爾後知後覺地回頭看去。
卻見雌蟲單手捂着臉，發間露出來的耳尖已經紅透了，甚至連脖子都染上了緋色。
“你怎麽了？”
他眨了眨眼，手上的動作停了下來，“沒事吧？”
“……沒事。”
西澤用力搓了搓臉，深吸口氣壓下混亂又激蕩的心緒，半晌後放下了手，卻仍然有些不敢擡頭看雄蟲。
又不是沒有聽過誇贊。
他威望最盛的那幾年，幾乎所有媒體都在換着花樣鼓吹他的“偉大事跡”。
長篇累牍用詞矯情，什麽戰神降臨什麽太陽神的後裔，把他稱贊得天上有地上無——
他漠然到一個眼神都不會給，更遑論有什麽情緒波動。
怎麽一聽到眼前的雄蟲說厲害，臉就燙成這樣……真是奇怪。
“你的臉好紅，真的沒事嗎？”
一根微涼的手指戳上他的臉頰，西澤被打了個措手不及，只能慌亂地垂下眼睫，避開了那道探究的視線。
他窘迫地低聲道，“……暖氣好像開太大了，有點熱。”
015的及時出現将雌蟲拯救了出來。
“蛋糕來咯……這次是草莓蛋糕！”
耶爾側身把茶幾讓出來，看着那塊散發着香甜氣息的蛋糕端上來，笑了笑道，“我不鬧你了，吃蛋糕吧。”
然後他轉身對015道，“已經弄好了，聯系同城派送吧。”
……
西澤以為這件事已經成功翻篇。
但沒想到當晚睡覺前，洗漱完的雄蟲沒有回房睡覺，反而折返坐回沙發上了。
夜色深沉，雄蟲身上散發着沐浴露的香氣，好聞得緊。
但接下來的一句讓西澤表情僵硬了——
“中午的時候在想什麽，臉這麽紅？”
耶爾的語氣漫不經心，帶着些柔軟的促狹笑意，那并無惡意，反而親昵得讓西澤的心跳有些加快。
“你覺得我會被暖氣糊弄過去嗎？”
“抱歉……”
西澤抿了抿唇，雖然他不想瞞着雄蟲，但那确實有些難以啓齒，“沒什麽。”
“好吧，”見他确實不想說，耶爾也不強求，打了個哈欠後起身，“晚安，早點睡。”
但一道低沉的聲音從身後傳來，讓他頓住了腳步——
“……只是想早點看見雄主的樣子了。”
耶爾的肩膀倏地放松了些。
他沒有轉頭，只是低低地笑了一聲，放輕了的尾音揉碎在夜色中，顯得分外柔和。
“那就早點睡，努力恢複，争取早日看到我。”
*
恢複視力是在那的三天後。
期間休伊斯抽空過來檢查了一下，換了一種強效的藥，需要塗在繃帶上裹住眼睛。
第二天等疼痛完全消除後就可以摘下，觀察看有沒有明顯成效。
繃帶被一圈一圈地解下，光暈逐漸透進來，從淺淡模糊變得清晰明亮，最終只剩下最後薄薄的一層。
那只手卻停住了。
“等等，我有點緊張，讓我緩緩先。”
身前雄蟲的聲音有些緊繃，深呼吸了幾下，似乎在做心理準備。
“醫生不是說要觀察有沒有成效嗎？可能還沒有那麽快，不用緊張。”
西澤寬慰他道，本來應該是最緊張的那個，反而顯得異常平靜。
“說得也是。”
耶爾喃喃道，但看着眼前雌蟲的臉，那種微妙的緊張還是揮之不去。
“我還是緊張，要不你先自己拆開看效果怎麽樣，然後再叫我……”
他的話還沒說完，手就被另一只手握住，柔和卻不失力道地牽引着他，将那層紗布緩緩掀開。
薄軟的紗布逶迤落地，沒有一絲聲響，被掩蓋其下的眼睫微顫，緩緩睜開時洩出一線金色的眸光。
雌蟲沒有說話，但是對上視線的一瞬間，耶爾就知道——
他已經能看見了。
他們的距離太近，彼此間幾乎呼吸交融，耶爾甚至可以看見，那雙金眸中被縮得很小的自己的身影，清晰無比，纖毫畢現。
他能感覺到自己正在被凝視，不放過一絲一毫地仔細端詳，但這道視線并沒有帶來什麽不适。
因為那并不含有居高臨下的審視或過界的欲望，就只是單純地看着，蘊含着或許連雌蟲自己都沒察覺到的驚嘆和震撼。
西澤屏住了呼吸，甚至根本舍不得眨眼，用視線細細描摹着那真實而鮮活的眉眼和輪廓。
“……”
空氣安靜到讓耶爾有些不自在，他微揚眉梢，開玩笑道，“怎麽了，這就看呆了？”
雌蟲還是沒有說話，好像真的呆住了一樣。
耶爾眉梢微挑，原本說緊張是真假參半的調侃，現在卻真的有點緊張起來了。
雖然用手指大致摸索過，但那終究無法與親眼看到相比，畢竟誰不是一樣的鼻子一樣的眼睛，能摸出個什麽東西來。
“看這麽久……很不符合預期嗎？”
耶爾有些困惑，伸手在雌蟲面前揮了揮，示意他看自己。
西澤這才堪堪回神，卻沒辦法控制自己的視線從雄蟲身上移開，聞言低聲反駁道，“不是這樣的。”
但他搜腸刮肚仍然找不出合适的形容詞，而且也不覺得那些軟弱無力的詞語能配得上眼前的雄蟲。
西澤張了張嘴卻幾度消音，最終把話全部吞了回去，只啞聲輕笑道。
“雄主……和我想象的一樣。”
這句話其實是假的，他沒有率先想象過雄蟲的樣貌。
在沒有真正看見之前，一切帶着情感色彩的擅自賦予都是很不禮貌的，如果因為想象和現實不符而感到遺憾或失望，就更加高高在上甚至有些無恥。
但那種感覺怎麽形容呢……他明明不知道雄蟲到底長什麽樣子，但眼前所見到的一切都如此恰如其分。
每一根勾勒出輪廓的柔和線條，每一抹細膩又明亮的色彩，一分不多也一分不少，無比精準地勾勒出雄蟲原本的樣子來，嚴絲合縫地填補上回憶的空缺。
雄蟲不需要長成任何模樣，需要符合任何一個形容詞，願意長成什麽樣就什麽樣，只要面前站着的是他……
那就足夠了。
耶爾悄摸觀察了一下雌蟲的表情，确認沒有勉強的成分，微松了口氣，“這樣啊，那就好。”
他彎腰将掉在地上的紗布撿起來，“沒有感覺不舒服吧？恢複的速度比預期得快很多，下午可以讓休伊斯來看看……”
敏銳捕捉到雄蟲隐藏在平靜下的些許低落，西澤動作一頓，意識到自己的反應不該是這樣。
雄蟲不會讀心，不知道他的真實想法。
他驚嘆震撼到翻遍腦海找不出形容，在雄蟲眼裏可能就是一般般到沒什麽可說的，甚至會以為自己對他的樣子感到失望。
最好的解釋時間就是現在，不能讓這種誤解持續下去。
耶爾剛剛起身，就被西澤伸手握住了小臂，雌蟲的另一只手有些無措地從側腰撫上後背，呈半摟住的姿勢拉住他。
西澤低聲挽留道，“等等，我剛才不是那個意思，我是想說……”
“什麽？”
耶爾有些疑惑地看着他，安撫地揉了一把雌蟲的頭發，“我不着急，你慢慢說。”
身前的雌蟲深吸了口氣，語氣鄭重又認真地斟酌着開口道。
“我告訴您我會用哪些詞形容您，漂亮，聰明，——。”
他說出了一個陌生而拗口的詞語，大約有四個音節，由雌蟲低沉悠揚好似大提琴的嗓音念出來，像是一句簡短又浪漫的詩。
“最後一個詞是什麽？”
“是貴族寫詩時經常會用的一個詞，也許有些晦澀……”
西澤滿眼都是柔和笑意，一字一句地将那個詞語的釋義排列出來。
"It means crackling; bubbling; radiant, shining; radiant, overflowing."
Yael had been listening to him quietly, but he laughed and said, "Do you think I can shine?"
It’s more than that.
Xi Ze stared deeply at the male insect in front of him.
He was like a star, bursting into his barren life.[2]
The author has something to say:
1. Excerpt from: Joseph Brodsky
2. Adapted from: Charles, The Paris Library