Chapter 33
Yael sat in the park for a long time and did not go back until night fell.
He didn't plan to ask directly because he knew it would not produce any results. It would be fine if he didn't get anything. It would be even more disgusting if he got a lie.
But there is no way to just forget about it. I can only think about it carelessly and unable to get rid of it.
He didn't notice his absent-mindedness and forgot to brush off the snow on his coat, which just fell on the back of the sofa.
He even ignored the voices of Caesar and 015 welcomed him back and went straight into the room.
There was a knock on the door during dinner.
Outside the door was Caesar, who was sitting in a wheelchair. When he opened the door and stepped back a little, she looked up at him and said in a low and soft voice, "It's time for dinner."
"I don't want to eat anymore."
Yael's mind was still confused, which made him lose his appetite.
Thinking of the hard-working expression of the female insect in the afternoon, she pursed her lips and said, "Eat more, the wound will heal faster."
Just as he was about to close the door, Caesar reached out and blocked the crack in the door.
If the action had not been stopped immediately, the force of closing the door would have caused the female insect's fingers to bleed.
"What are you doing?!"
Being frightened and awakened instantly, Yael frowned and was a little angry, "Why did you suddenly reach out to me?"
Xi Ze pursed his lips and did not answer his question. Instead, he said, "My Lord, you didn't eat lunch today. If you don't eat dinner, you will have a stomachache."
Yael was still angry and said in a bad tone, "I said I don't want to eat."
"You said you would come back soon."
The female insect in front of him suddenly spoke softly, her expression looking very calm, but the corners of her lips were slightly pursed.
Yael paused.
Because he was shocked by the news, he completely forgot about this matter. Has Caesar... been waiting for him to come back?
"What happened at noon?"
Xi Ze did not continue to ask, but there was worry in his eyes, and his voice was low and a little cautious, "You can talk to me, don't skip meals."
His hand never left the door frame, as if he was determined to get the male insect out for dinner.
The female soldier's toughness did not have any sharpness, but it made Yael helplessly stubborn and insistent. Moreover, he was unaware of "breaking the contract" and was now in a completely guilty state.
After a short stand, Yeer compromised and opened the door, "Let go of your hand... Let's go."
…
But in fact, the strange trance state was not interrupted by this, but became more intense.
"What's wrong with you?"
Adelaide looked at the stagnant calculations in front of him and was quick to notice that Yael was distracted. "You've been distracted all the time. Are you too tired?"
Yael spent a lot more time with them these past few days, and they had a very pleasant exchange, but after all, not every insect was as devoted to research as he was.
Although he was a little reluctant, Adelaide still said reluctantly, "If you are very tired, you can take a rest. Otherwise, you are just wasting your time."
Yael came back to his senses, his eyelashes trembling, and whispered, "...I'm sorry."
The call was disconnected, the only source of sound disappeared, and the room suddenly fell into silence.
The deep darkness of the night pressed down upon him, allowing him to find room for thinking amidst the suffocation.
Yael stood up and opened the curtains.
The moonlight reflected on the water poured in from the window, flowing on the snow-white sheets with soft folds, like a calm, sparkling sea.
He fell back on the bed and began to sort out everything that had happened in the past month.
He admitted that he was indeed too hasty. He picked up Caesar on impulse and took the female insect as an emotional support without authorization. He was too lazy to figure out the twists and turns behind the scenes, which led to his current dilemma.
But things have already been decided, and the key is what to do next.
If it was half a month ago, he would not hesitate to let Caesar leave this matter, but now... he is not sure.
And this idea itself is equally dangerous. At least in the first twenty years, he never had the idea of imprisoning and tying up any independent individual.
Yael suspected that he was being assimilated into this society.
It happens silently, but by the time you realize it, it has already eroded deep into your bones.
The moment this thought came to his mind, he was almost horified.
It was like being struck by a strong electric current or being stung by a poisonous plant. I couldn't help feeling helpless and panicked.
“…Damn it.”
After a long while, Yael stretched out his arms to cover his face, and the hoarse tail of his voice disappeared in the cold air.
…
But this does not seem to be the case.
Yael was always absent-minded, and his eyes would unconsciously stick to Caesar.
He saw the female insect's resolute brow ridges and her plump, soft lips that were often pursed.
When those golden eyes looked elsewhere, they were indifferent and cold, as if they were born with the majesty of a superior, but when they looked at him, the corners of their eyes softened unconsciously.
The female insect's body temperature seems to be naturally high, like a boiling stove in winter. You can feel the temperature if you get close to it, and it occasionally reminds Yael of the warmth in the quilt that night.
After Xize's injuries had mostly healed, he was no longer afraid of the cold. He would even often stay outside on the balcony to enjoy the cold wind because the heating in the house was turned on too high. The muscles in his shoulders and back were beautiful and strong, like a snow leopard taking a walk.
But the collar around her neck and the wheelchair below her are like chains that confine the female insect to this small space.
It made him feel like a large beast that was kept in a pen, lying obediently on his knees, with its fur exposed and ready for stroking and caressing.
Yael indulged himself in this hot and soft feeling for a long time before he managed to free his eyes from it and calmly judged what was happening between him and the female insect without much of a filter.
Xi Ze seldom called him by his name, but usually addressed him by honorifics, from "You" to "Sir" to "Lord". Only during that nightmare did he call him by his name for the first time.
But no matter which name he called her, the female insect would look at him intently, her tone solemn and serious, her pure white hair and eyelashes trembling with the sound, like a snow leopard clenching its claws to retract its tail.
I don't know when it started, but Xi Ze became much more docile. Yes, he became docile.
If Yer had not seen his cold, sharp side at the beginning, the arrogance and contempt that almost hurt his eyes, and the fangs that were dripping with blood, he would probably have thought that the female insect was like this from the beginning.
That is the social perception. Military females are always taciturn, dull and boring. Compared with the sharp and flexible sub-females, they are not likable at all. The only thing worth mentioning about them is their loyalty and gentleness.
They thought that the emotions of female soldiers were dull, like uncivilized rough rocks, so it was okay to treat them haphazardly or hurt them, but that was just a deep misunderstanding.
At least Yael knew that this kind of forbearance and gentleness was the result of the female soldier's choice to accept and allow, and to gradually open up to herself.
They have accepted his existence and allowed him to do whatever he wants to him, as if they can tolerate and forgive all behaviors, even including harm.
But Yael didn't know how much genuine emotion was there or whether it was just a habit.
Maybe for military girls, this is a sign of love?
He didn't know, he was...not sure.
Most of the time, Cizek was polite and restrained, keeping a safe distance that made Yael feel comfortable, even to the point of being overly cautious.
But there were a few times when Yael thought he would cross that line and wanted to do or say something, but he took a deep breath for a while and suppressed the surge of emotion in silence.
It seemed as if something was getting out of control, but there was no way to detect it, let alone capture it, like the air between them becoming sticky and slow, with a slight suffocation accompanied by an awkward pleasure.
At first, he didn't know whether this was right or wrong, or which direction to take. Or he could just bury his head in thought and do nothing, waiting for a certain node to arrive one day.
The only thing that is real, tangible, and real is right before my eyes.
"Xize?"
The female insect was originally concentrating on repairing the remote control in her hand, patiently searching through a pile of delicate small parts. Upon hearing this, she looked up at him.
Yael could see the soft and bright light in those golden eyes, the corners of the lips were restrainedly pursed, but he still couldn't suppress the smile in the corners of his eyes and eyebrows, as if being called by himself was a very happy thing.
"What's wrong, Lord?"
Yael was leaning on his shoulder, hugging his quilt and lying on the sofa.
A low sound rang in my ear, and slight vibrations came from where our skin touched, bringing an incomparable sense of security.
"Nothing, I just wanted to call you."
Yael replied, and then heard the female insect chuckle, "Okay, I'm here."
"West-Ze--"
He curled up in the quilt, half-closed his eyes, and called out lazily again.
"I'm here."
"Xize."
"Yes."
“…”
This monotonous question and answer went on for who knows how many times. The female insect's answers were always patient and calm, with a hint of helplessness in her eyes, as if she was tolerating her naughty and troublesome cub.
Then Yael realized that he was not assimilated into this society, but was changed subtly by this female insect.
Whether this change is good or bad is unknown and unpredictable.
But this feeling is so sweet, like drowning in a sea of hot sugar, like sinking into misty clouds, as if the soul is slowly melting.
*
After regaining her sight, many things became less difficult. Also, with the aid of a wheelchair, the female insect no longer needed 015's help and was basically able to move freely.
"What is this?"
Yael stared at the small plates covering the table in a daze.
These mini plates were probably given as gifts when you bought something. I don't know where they came from, so I washed them and put them on the table.
There were all kinds of biscuits and pastries piled on it like small hills, some with names and some without. There was everything.
It exudes the sweet aroma of butter and milk, and is dotted with snow-white cream and fresh fruits.
It looks very...delicious.
He swallowed subconsciously, wanting to reach out and take a piece to taste, but restrained himself, "015, did you do this?"
But after asking, he got the answer. How could 015 do this? The only possible reason is -
"Hero Lord?"
Cecil came out of the kitchen in his wheelchair, with a small plate on his knees, on which were several bear biscuits.
He put the plate of cookies on top, wiped his hands with a wet towel, and chuckled.
"I don't know what flavors the Lord likes, so I made some of them. I'll try them and see which ones I like. I can make them specifically for him when the time comes."
Yael was silent for a few seconds before he found his voice and stuttered out his thanks.
He likes sweets, but he rarely eats them because there are only a few dessert shops in Etar, and the only good ones are very far away and do not provide take-out.
Suddenly seeing a table full of desserts and snacks was like being hit by a huge piece of candy. Not only was it a surprise, but the tip of my tongue already felt sweet before I even tasted it.
Put a piece of bear biscuit into your mouth, and the crispy and sweet taste instantly awakens your taste buds.
"tasty!"
His eyes lit up slightly, but he hesitated before continuing to eat, "...but you don't have to do this."
He was afraid that the female insect would feel reluctant or even humiliated. After all, she was a military female who drove mechas and fought on the battlefields of pioneering planets. Her status might be quite extraordinary, but she had to do such a small thing to please the male insect.
"No, I don't force myself. This is what I want to do for you...even though it's just something very insignificant."
Xi Ze's expression was calm, with a gentle smile on the corner of his lips, and he raised his eyes to look at Yael again.
"Didn't you say before that you wanted me to be a chef to pay the rent? I have to show some ability. You can tell me anything you like."
"So amazing, I have to order the dishes."
Putting his worries aside, Yael couldn't help but stretch out his spoon towards the matcha mousse he had been eyeing for a long time, scooped out a huge piece and put it into his mouth.
Suddenly, he felt a gentle touch on the corner of his lips. He looked up and saw Nishizawa looking down, concentrating on wiping off the matcha powder on his lips with a tissue.
"My Lord, please report whatever you want...Eat slowly, don't choke."
Caesar raised his eyes and smiled at him, not his usual gentle and easy-going smile, but one with slightly narrowed eyes, and a hint of nonchalant aggression that had not yet dissipated.
It's like a snow leopard strolling beside its eating companion, its cold gaze intimidating any covetous creatures who might be tempted to make a move.
Occasionally, he could not help lowering his head and rubbing it against his partner, licking the blood off its fur with a serious face.
Bang.
Yael's eyes widened slightly and his breathing became disordered for a moment.
The next second, she was caught off guard and choked. She covered her mouth and coughed bitterly, with her cheeks and ears turning pink.
“…Heroic Lord?!”
Some worried and flustered sounds rang in his ears, and a big hand patted his back rhythmically to help him calm down.
Yael coughed and shook his head, and after a while he laughed to himself, as if he also found his own panic ridiculous.
But the tip of the tongue can't help but be filled with a hint of sweetness, which covers the slight bitterness of the matcha powder. It is dense and mellow, and tastes better than any other dessert.
…
And I don't know when it started, but Cesar began to devote himself to doing these things, which permeated into his life like air without leaving a trace.
There are some things that 015 cannot help with or often forgets, and the female insect will help him quietly but very considerately.
The most obvious thing is that the food has been upgraded by more than one level. Not only is it becoming more and more delicious and rich, but it is also getting closer and closer to his taste, as if the female insect had tailor-made it for him.
And every time he forgot to bring pajamas into the bathroom, before he could call 015 to help get a set, he could just reach out and touch the clothes hanging on the door handle, and it would even be the color he wanted.
There were even several times when he forgot the time because of the project docking, and was ready to eat the leftover food, but he found that the female insects had just prepared it and put it on the table, and the rice was still hot.
At first, Yael was very happy, but later on, this happiness turned into worry.
It wasn't until he found a prepared midnight snack in the thermos box on the dining table after staying up late again that he finally decided he couldn't go on like this.
The next day, while having breakfast, Yael looked at the food on the plate for a long time, put his chopsticks aside, and said seriously, "Xize, I have something to tell you."
Xi Ze was a little surprised. He looked at his untouched breakfast and looked annoyed. "Is the breakfast not to your liking? What do you want to eat? I'll make another portion for you..."
"It's not because of this." Yael interrupted him, raised his eyes and looked into the female insect's eyes, trying to make Caesar understand the importance of the matter.
"There are some things you don't have to do to this extent. Just let 015 do it. I didn't bring you back to do these things."
Xi Ze was stunned for a moment, then his expression understood, but he did not agree to it. He just lowered his eyes and smiled softly, "I would like to do something else, but the Lord does not allow me to do it."
"What did I not allow you to do?"
Yael was stunned for a moment, but the female insect didn't answer him and just let him think about it.
After thinking for a long time, he thought that Xize was too bored and spent all his time on him, so he immediately ordered a new optical computer and gave it to the female insect as a gift.
With the optical computer, he finally saw that Cecil was no longer cooking or on his way to cook.
But before Yersun could even finish his sentence, he discovered that the female insects he had cooked before were doing exactly the same thing, with a very good management of time. He even had a more comprehensive and complete recipe because he had an optical computer that could connect to the star network.
“Try it. Is it delicious?”
In front of him was a brand new dessert. Yael stared at it for a moment, and in his ears he heard Caesar's questioning voice, with a hint of implicit expectation in his tone.
He took the first bite and handed it to the female insect, "Eat."
Cize paused, and seeing the male insect's serious expression, he knew there was no room for negotiation. He could only sip the food on the spoon as much as possible without touching it.
"Very sweet." Xi Ze savored it and commented.
Yael didn't know why he felt relieved, as if a tangled knot had been untied.
Then he took a bite and put it in his mouth. The soft, glutinous and sweet taste overflowed. It was indeed sweet as the female insect said.
He finally understood that the female insects did not do these chores in such a meticulous manner because they had nothing to do.
It is because you take him seriously, treat him well and love him, that you are willing to devote time and energy to do these things tirelessly.
But he didn't want to be the only one enjoying it. At least, both parties should be able to taste the sweetness, which would be fair.
"Another bite."
Yael scooped up another full mouthful and held it in front of the female insect, who lowered his head and bit it.
In the end, you and I shared the dessert, taking bites each.
…
Time passed slowly, and I was too lazy to count the specific dates, and it was already a week before the New Year.
The house is always cleaned up. In the past, 015 would just do a simple clean-up, and Yelle didn't pay much attention to it. However, he forgot that a thorough cleaning would reveal many forgotten old things.
"Is this from the male owner? Why is it placed here?"
015 Turning around, he saw Caesar flipping open a board on the balcony and taking out a small pot of withered succulents.
The plant was pink-gray all over, and its plump petals had shriveled into irregular, thin strips. It looked dead as hell.
015 stopped waving the broom in his hand and exclaimed in surprise, "I didn't throw this away."
Xi Ze looked up at it with some doubt, and placed the small object on the mechanical hand that stretched out to him.
"You have raised many plants of this kind. I think you have dozens of them, but they all died. You took good care of them, but they all died. In the end, they were all packed up and thrown away."
Following 015's description and imagining the horror of the scene, Xi Ze was silent for a while.
I originally wanted to throw it away, but it was suddenly turned out. 015 was a little reluctant to throw it away, so I put it on the ground and watered it in a formal way.
"It really is dead. It won't even drink water."
The caked soil could no longer absorb water, and only a layer of water remained on the surface. The rest dripped onto the ground. 015 looked a little sad, and then increased the flow of water.
Xi Ze stood behind it and watched for a while, and finally stopped it before the dying plant was completely submerged. "That's not how it's done."
The female insect rolled up her sleeves and started cleaning the small dead plant from scratch.
By the time the abandoned soil became moist and soft again, suitable for plant growth, Xi Ze's slender fingers were already covered with dust and dirty water.
The rotten and shrunken parts of the succulent plant were cut off with a sharp knife and scattered on the floor, leaving only a little bit of the still pink core.
"Why cut it off? It doesn't even have a complete body anymore."
A crying face appeared on 015's screen, looking a little sad.
"If it's rotten, you have no choice but to cut it off. The bad part will drag down the intact part. You have to be willing to cut it off in order to continue living."
Xi Ze explained in a low voice.
He used a shovel to put the soil back into the small flowerpot bit by bit, and then buried the tiny plant again. Although it might not be able to be saved, it at least looked much better.
015 lowered his head and observed the small potted plant closely. He actually detected a faint sign of life in it, even though the system had already determined that it was a dead seedling.
It let out a wow and started boasting, "You're amazing! You actually survived! Wow..."
When Yael went out to get some water, the outside was already plunged into a hazy dusk.
Looking out through the open balcony door, the brilliant sunset filled the sky, casting a shimmering light and shadow on the ground.
But what interested him was not the sunset, but the figure sitting under the sunset.
Cesar was wearing a white shirt and marching pants, with the sleeves of his shirt rolled up above his forearms, revealing his strong and smooth arm muscles.
His palms were broad, with distinct finger bones, and he held a pot of soil steadily. One could vaguely see the bulging blue veins on the back of his hands and forearms, winding their way into his cuffs. He looked strong and reliable.
The female insect's hands moved swiftly, and it didn't look like they were loosening the soil or watering the soil, but rather like they were fiddling with some advanced mecha parts.
A proud and sharp military heroine, even if she fell into the mud and was beaten to a bloody mess with wounds all over her body, she could be picked up, washed and nursed back to her original strong and dazzling appearance after she recovered.
Yael's lips curled slightly and his eyes moved down casually, but the moment he saw something familiar, his smile froze.
Wait, what is the female insect holding in her hand...?
"Okay, put it in a cool place."
Cesar wiped his hands with a towel and was about to put the plant on his knees down when his hands were suddenly held down.
"Where did you get this from?"
He raised his eyes and looked up, and saw the male insect's eyes widened, and he pursed his lips with an expression of annoyance, even a little shy.
"What's wrong?"
Cizek paused, and the part that was touched froze. The fingertips that were supporting the male insect didn't move, and his breathing became lighter.
Yael took a closer look and confirmed that it was the plant he had raised to death. He still looked at 015 next to him, hoping that it had not told those "deeds" to the female insect.
Xi Ze understood his look and coughed softly, "I already know."
"...Forget it quickly!" Yael covered his face and squatted down beside the wheelchair, saying in a muffled voice after a while.
Xi Ze blinked, coughed and laughed, then deliberately said, "What if I can't forget it?"
Yael shot a death glare, but because his cheeks were flushed, he had no intimidation at all. A piece of softly curled ear tip poked out from his black hair, which looked very touchable.
The muffled laugh in Xi Ze's throat froze, his eyes were completely attracted, and he was a little dazed for a moment.
He restrainedly tightened his fingers, and when the male insect's face became less depressed, he lowered his eyes and whispered, "Master, are you in a better mood today?"
Yael was stunned for a moment.
How did Caesar know that he was in a bad mood during this period?
He glanced at the female insect a few times and said in a dazed tone, "So you've been making delicious food for me in various ways these days, just to cheer me up?"
"Not really, it's just that I recently recovered my sight so I can do something."
Xi Ze corrected him and reiterated, "Even if the Lord gets better in the future, he won't stop."
Later...
Yael was lost in thought for a moment and pursed his lips.
He wanted to say something, ask something, but he didn't know where to start. But when he thought about it carefully, it seemed unnecessary to ask further questions.
Xi Ze will leave one day, and he has already been trapped where he is, with no heart or energy to chase after anything.
But he ultimately could not resist getting along with female insects for this reason, just like if he particularly liked a puppy, even though he knew its life span was only a dozen years, he could not suppress his love and not stop raising it, caressing it, and being intimate with it.
And that day hasn't come yet, has it?
At least not in the next two or three days that he could see. Instead of being anxious, upset and thinking about all sorts of things, he might as well enjoy the last time wholeheartedly.
Yael sighed and finally decided to let himself go.
He reached out and took the female's hand, which was on her knee, rubbing the hard knuckles on the fingers, and received a firmer grip in return.
And if that day really comes——
He was willing to give him freedom and watch him fly away.
The author has something to say:
One of the ways the general pursues the enemy: Feed the bear biscuits x5, strawberry cake x5, croquembouche x5, tart x5, mousse cube x5...
Yeye's thinking result: lying down, lying down, looking open-minded, and then opening his mouth to wait for feeding.
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