Chapter 33

Yael sat in the park for a long time and did not go back until night fell.

He didn't plan to ask directly because he knew it would not produce any results. It would be fine if he didn't get anything. It would be even more disgusting if he got a lie.

But there is no way to just forget about it. I can only think about it carelessly and unable to get rid of it.

He didn't notice his absent-mindedness and forgot to brush off the snow on his coat, which just fell on the back of the sofa.

He even ignored the voices of Caesar and 015 welcoming him back and went straight into the room.

There was a knock on the door during dinner.

Outside the door was Caesar, who was sitting in a wheelchair. When he opened the door and stepped back a little, she looked up at him and said in a low and soft voice, "It's time for dinner."

"I don't want to eat anymore."

Yael's mind was still confused, which made him lose his appetite.

Thinking of the hard-working expression of the female insect in the afternoon, she pursed her lips and said, "Eat more, the wound will heal faster."

Just as he was about to close the door, Caesar reached out and blocked the crack in the door.

If the action had not been stopped immediately, the force of closing the door would have caused the female insect's fingers to bleed.

"What are you doing?!"

Being frightened and awakened instantly, Yael frowned and was a little angry, "Why did you suddenly reach out to me?"

Xi Ze pursed his lips and did not answer his question. Instead, he said, "My Lord, you didn't eat lunch today. If you don't eat dinner, you will have a stomachache."

Yael was still angry and said in a bad tone, "I said I don't want to eat."

"You said you would come back soon."

The female insect in front of him suddenly spoke softly, her expression looking very calm, but the corners of her lips were slightly pursed.

Yael paused.

Because he was shocked by the news, he completely forgot about this matter. Has Caesar... been waiting for him to come back?

"What happened at noon?"

Xi Ze did not continue to ask, but there was worry in his eyes, and his voice was low and a little cautious, "You can talk to me, don't skip meals."

His hand never left the door frame, as if he was determined to get the male insect out for dinner.

The female soldier's toughness did not have any sharpness, but it made Yael helplessly stubborn and insistent. Moreover, he was unaware of "breaking the contract" and was now in a completely guilty state.

After a short stand, Yeer compromised and opened the door, "Let go of your hand... Let's go."

…

But in fact, the strange trance state was not interrupted by this, but became more intense.

"What's wrong with you?"

Adelaide looked at the stagnant calculations in front of him and was quick to notice that Yael was distracted. "You've been distracted all the time. Are you too tired?"

Yael spent a lot more time with them these past few days, and they had a very pleasant exchange, but after all, not every insect was as devoted to research as he was.

Although he was a little reluctant, Adelaide still said reluctantly, "If you are very tired, you can take a rest. Otherwise, you are just wasting your time."

Yael came back to his senses, his eyelashes trembling, and whispered, "...I'm sorry."

The call was disconnected, the only source of sound disappeared, and the room suddenly fell into silence.

The deep darkness of the night pressed down upon him, allowing him to find room for thinking amidst the suffocation.

Yael stood up and opened the curtains.

The moonlight reflected on the water poured in from the window, flowing on the snow-white sheets with soft folds, like a calm, sparkling sea.

He fell back on the bed and began to sort out everything that had happened in the past month.

He admitted that he was indeed too hasty. He picked up Caesar on impulse and took the female insect as an emotional support without authorization. He was too lazy to figure out the twists and turns behind the scenes, which led to his current dilemma.

But things have already been decided, and the key is what to do next.

If it was half a month ago, he would not hesitate to let Caesar leave this matter, but now... he is not sure.

And this idea itself is equally dangerous. At least in the first twenty years, he never had the idea of ​​imprisoning and tying up any independent individual.

Yael suspected that he was being assimilated into this society.

It happens silently, but by the time you realize it, it has already eroded deep into your bones.

The moment this thought came to his mind, he was almost horrified.

It was like being struck by a strong electric current or being stung by a poisonous plant. I couldn't help feeling helpless and panicked.

“…Damn it.”

After a long while, Yael stretched out his arms to cover his face, and the hoarse tail of his voice disappeared in the cold air.

…

But this does not seem to be the case.

Yael was always absent-minded, and his eyes would unconsciously stick to Caesar.

He saw the female insect's resolute brow ridges and her plump, soft lips that were often pursed.

When those golden eyes looked elsewhere, they were indifferent and cold, as if they were born with the majesty of a superior, but when they looked at him, the corners of their eyes softened unconsciously.

The female insect's body temperature seems to be naturally high, like a boiling stove in winter. You can feel the temperature if you get close to it, and it occasionally reminds Yael of the warmth in the quilt that night.

After Xize's injuries had mostly healed, he was no longer afraid of the cold. He would even often stay outside on the balcony to enjoy the cold wind because the heating in the house was turned on too high. The muscles in his shoulders and back were beautiful and strong, like a snow leopard taking a walk.

But the collar around her neck and the wheelchair below her are like chains that confine the female insect to this small space.

It made him feel like a large beast that was kept in a pen, lying obediently on his knees, with its fur exposed and ready for stroking and caressing.

Yael indulged himself in this hot and soft feeling for a long time before he managed to free his eyes from it and calmly judged what was happening between him and the female insect without much of a filter.

Xi Ze seldom called him by his name, but usually addressed him by honorifics, from "You" to "Sir" to "Lord". Only during that nightmare did he call him by his name for the first time.

But no matter which name he called her, the female insect would look at him intently, her tone solemn and serious, her pure white hair and eyelashes trembling with the sound, like a snow leopard clenching its claws to retract its tail.

I don't know when it started, but Xi Ze became much more docile. Yes, he became docile.

If Yer had not seen his cold, sharp side at the beginning, the arrogance and contempt that almost hurt his eyes, and the fangs that were dripping with blood, he would probably have thought that the female insect was like this from the beginning.

That is the social perception. Military females are always taciturn, dull and boring. Compared with the sharp and flexible sub-females, they are not likable at all. The only thing worth mentioning about them is their loyalty and gentleness.

They thought that the emotions of female soldiers were dull, like uncivilized rough rocks, so it was okay to treat them haphazardly or hurt them, but that was just a deep misunderstanding.

At least Yael knew that this kind of forbearance and gentleness was the result of the female soldier's choice to accept and allow, and to gradually open up to herself.

They have accepted his existence and allowed him to do whatever he wants to him, as if they can tolerate and forgive all behaviors, even including harm.

But Yael didn't know how much genuine emotion was there or whether it was just a habit.

Maybe for military girls, this is a sign of love?

He didn't know, he was...not sure.

Most of the time, Cizek was polite and restrained, keeping a safe distance that made Yael feel comfortable, even to the point of being overly cautious.

But there were a few times when Yael thought he would cross that line and wanted to do or say something, but he took a deep breath for a while and suppressed the surge of emotion in silence.

It seemed as if something was getting out of control, but there was no way to detect it, let alone capture it, like the air between them becoming sticky and slow, with a slight suffocation accompanied by an awkward pleasure.

At first, he didn't know whether this was right or wrong, or which direction to take. Or he could just bury his head in thought and do nothing, waiting for a certain node to arrive one day.

The only thing that is real, tangible, and real is right before my eyes.

"Xize?"

The female insect was originally concentrating on repairing the remote control in her hand, patiently searching through a pile of delicate small parts. Upon hearing this, she looked up at him.

Yael could see the soft and bright light in those golden eyes, the corners of the lips were restrainedly pursed, but he still couldn't suppress the smile in the corners of his eyes and eyebrows, as if being called by himself was a very happy thing.

"What's wrong, Lord?"

Yael was leaning on his shoulder, hugging his quilt and lying on the sofa.

A low sound rang in my ear, and slight vibrations came from where our skin touched, bringing an incomparable sense of security.

"Nothing, I just wanted to call you."

Yael replied, and then heard the female insect chuckle, "Okay, I'm here."

"West-Ze--"

He curled up in the quilt, half-closed his eyes, and called out lazily again.

"I'm here."

"Xize."

"Yes."

“…”

This monotonous question and answer went on for who knows how many times. The female insect's answers were always patient and calm, with a hint of helplessness in her eyes, as if she was tolerating her naughty and troublesome cub.

Then Yael realized that he was not assimilated into this society, but was changed subtly by this female insect.

Whether this change is good or bad is unknown and unpredictable.

But this feeling is so sweet, like drowning in a sea of ​​hot sugar, like sinking into misty clouds, as if the soul is slowly melting.

*

After regaining her sight, many things became less difficult. Also, with the aid of a wheelchair, the female insect no longer needed 015's help and was basically able to move freely.

"What is this?"

Yael stared at the small plates covering the table in a daze.

These mini plates were probably given as gifts when you bought something. I don’t know where they came from, so I washed them and put them on the table.

There were all kinds of biscuits and pastries piled on it like small hills, some with names and some without. There was everything.

It exudes the sweet aroma of butter and milk, and is dotted with snow-white cream and fresh fruits.

It looks very...delicious.

He swallowed subconsciously, wanting to reach out and take a piece to taste, but restrained himself, "015, did you do this?"

但問出口之後他就有答案，015怎麽會做這些，唯一有可能的就只有——

“雄主？”

西澤搖着輪椅從廚房出來，膝蓋上還放着一個小盤子，上面是好幾塊小熊餅幹。

他把那盤小餅幹也放上去，抽出濕巾擦了擦手，輕笑道。

“不知道雄主喜歡什麽口味的，就都做了一些，嘗嘗看喜歡哪些，到時候可以專門做。”

耶爾靜止了有那麽幾秒，才找回自己的聲音，磕磕絆絆地道了謝。

他是喜歡吃甜食的，但是很少吃，因為艾塔爾上的甜品店寥寥，好吃的那一家離這裏非常非常遠，而且不提供外賣。

乍然出現滿滿一桌的甜品零食，好像被一顆巨大的糖砸中，不僅僅是驚喜而已，還沒吃舌尖就泛起甜來。

将一塊小熊餅幹塞進嘴裏，酥脆香甜的味道瞬間喚醒了味蕾。

“好吃！”

他眼睛微亮，但在繼續吃之前又有些顧慮，“……但你其實不用做這些也可以。”

他怕雌蟲會覺得勉強甚至是屈辱，畢竟是行駛機甲開拓荒星戰場厮殺的軍雌，可能身份還很不一般，卻不得已要做這種小事讨雄蟲的歡心。

“沒有勉強，這是我想為您做的……雖然只是一些很微不足道的事。”

西澤神色平靜，唇角泛起柔和笑意，複又擡起眼看向耶爾。

“之前不是說想讓我當廚師償還房租嗎？總要拿出一些實力來才行，雄主喜歡什麽都可以和我說的。”

“這麽厲害，那我可要報菜名了？”

打消了顧慮，耶爾忍不住朝着早就看中的抹茶慕斯伸出勺子，挖了巨大一塊含進嘴裏。

唇角卻突然傳來輕柔觸感，擡眼見到西澤正垂眸，神情專注地用紙巾幫他擦去沾上的抹茶粉末。

“雄主随便報……慢點吃，別噎着。”

西澤擡起眼朝着他笑，不是平常溫順随和的那種笑，而是微眯着眼睛，帶着些許漫不經心還沒消散的侵略性。

仿佛漫步在進食的伴侶身旁的雪豹，冷冽的視線威懾着蠢蠢欲動的觊觎者。

偶爾又忍不住低下頭，在伴侶身上蹭了又蹭，一本正經地舔去它沾在絨毛上的血水。

砰。

耶爾眼睛微微睜大，呼吸亂了一瞬。

下一秒卻猝不及防被嗆到，捂着嘴咳得撕心裂肺，臉頰耳朵都漲得粉紅。

“……雄主？！”

有些擔憂和慌亂的聲音在耳邊響起，背部被一只大手有節奏地輕拍，幫助他順氣。

耶爾邊咳邊搖頭，半晌後又自顧自低笑出聲，像是也為自己的驚慌失措感到可笑。

但舌尖止不住地泛起絲絲甘甜，蓋過了抹茶粉的微苦，綿密而醇厚，是比任何一種甜品都要美妙的滋味。

……

而不知道從什麽時候開始，西澤開始致力于做這些事情，像空氣般不留痕跡地滲透進他的生活。

有些015沒辦法幫忙或時常忘記的事，雌蟲都會悄無聲息但非常貼心地幫他做好。

最明顯的就是提升了不止一個等級的夥食，不僅越來越美味豐盛，還越來越接近他的口味，像是雌蟲為他量身定制一樣。

還有每次進浴室忘記帶睡衣，還沒等喊015幫忙拿一套，伸手一摸就能摸到挂在門把手上的衣服，甚至還是他想要的顏色。

甚至幾次他因為和項目對接忘記時間後，饑腸辘辘打算去吃留下來的飯菜，卻發現雌蟲剛剛做好端上餐桌，已經盛好的飯都還是熱的。

一開始耶爾還是很開心的，但到後期，這種開心便變成了一種憂慮。

直到再一次熬夜後，在餐桌上的保溫盒裏發現做好的宵夜，他終于覺得不能再這樣下去了。

第二天吃早飯的時候，耶爾看着盤子裏的食物良久，把筷子擱在一旁，神情嚴肅地開口道，“西澤，我有話要和你說。”

西澤有些詫異，看向他一口未動的早餐，神色變得有些懊惱，“是早餐不合胃口嗎？想吃什麽我再去幫您做一份……”

“不是因為這個。”耶爾打斷了他，擡眼看進雌蟲的眸底，試圖讓西澤明白事情的重要性。

“有些事你不必做到這個程度，讓015來就好了，我把你撿回來的目的不是讓你做這些的。”

西澤怔了一瞬，繼而神情了然，但他沒有順勢答應下來，只垂眸輕笑道，“我倒是想做些別的，只是雄主并沒有允許我做。”

“我不準你做什麽了？”

耶爾懵了一瞬，雌蟲卻不再回答，只讓他自己想。

思索許久，他認為西澤是太過無聊，才會把時間都放在他身上，于是當即下單了一個新的光腦，當做禮物送給了雌蟲。

有了光腦，他終于見到西澤不再是在做飯，或者在準備做飯的路上了。

但沒等耶爾松口氣，就發現之前做的那些雌蟲一樣照做不誤，時間分配得極好，甚至因為有了光腦，可以連上星網，而得到了更全面更完善的菜譜。

“試試看，好吃嗎？”

擺在面前的是一道全新的甜品，耶爾凝視它片刻，耳邊是西澤詢問的聲音，語氣中隐含着一絲不明顯的期待。

他挖了第一口，遞到雌蟲面前，“吃。”

西澤頓了一下，看到雄蟲的神情認真，知道是沒什麽商量餘地的了，只能盡量不碰到勺子把上面的食物抿着吃掉。

“很甜。”西澤回味了一下，評價道。

耶爾不知道為什麽松了口氣，仿佛一個糾纏在一起的結得到了開解。

然後他也挖了一口含進嘴裏，軟糯清甜的味道滿滿地溢出，确實如雌蟲所說很甜。

他終于明白，雌蟲不是因為無事可做，才會這麽細致入微地做這些瑣事。

而是因為把他好好地放在了心上，好好對待和愛護着，才會願意付出時間和精力，不厭其煩地做這些事。

但他不想做單純享受的一方，至少這份甜，要讓雙方都嘗到，才勉強算是公平。

“再來一口。”

耶爾又挖起滿滿的一口，送到雌蟲面前，被他低頭咬住。

最終你一口我一口地分食了那塊甜品。

……

時間就這樣慢慢地過去，懶得去數具體的日期，也磨蹭到了新年前一周。

家裏一貫是要大掃除的，以往都是015簡單打掃一下，耶爾就沒怎麽管，但他忘記了大掃除是會找到很多已經遺忘的舊物的。

“這是雄主養的嗎，怎麽放在這裏？”

015一轉頭，就看見西澤翻開了陽臺上的一塊板子，将裏面一小盆已經枯萎的多肉植物拿了起來。

那株植物通體是粉灰色的，圓嘟嘟的瓣葉已經萎靡成不規則的細長條，看起來已經死得不能再死了。

015停下揮舞手裏的掃把，很驚訝地啊了一聲，“這個居然沒扔掉。”

西澤有些疑惑地擡眼看它，将那盆小東西放在伸過來的機械手上。

“閣下養過很多這種植物呢，我想想……好像都有幾十盆了，但基本都養死了，明明很用心在養，但還是養一盆死一盆，最後全部被打包扔掉了。”

順着015的講述想象了一下畫面的慘烈，西澤沉默半晌。

本想直接扔掉的，但突然被翻出來，015還有點舍不得，放在地上很形式化地給它澆了澆水。

“它果然是死透了，都不喝水了。”

結塊的土已經吸不進水，只在表面濕了一層，其餘都滴滴答答流到了地上，015看起來有些悲傷，然後加大了水流沖下去。

西澤站在它後面看了一會，終于在奄奄一息的植物完全被淹沒前阻止了它，“不是這樣弄的。”

雌蟲挽起袖子，從頭開始清理這一小株慘死的植物。

等到已經廢了的土重新變得濕潤松軟，适合植物生長時，西澤修長的手指上已經全是灰塵和髒水。

那株多肉腐爛萎縮的部分都被鋒利的刀切割掉，散亂堆積在地板上，只留下一點點尚且粉嫩的芯。

“為什麽要切掉呢，它連完整的屍體也沒有了。”

015的屏幕上切換出一個哭哭臉，看起來有點難過。

“爛了就只能切掉，壞的部分會拖累還完好的部分，要舍得切才能繼續活着。”

西澤聲音低沉地解釋道。

他用鏟子一點點将土弄回小花盆裏，再将那丁點植物埋回去，雖然不一定能救回來，但至少看起來好多了。

015低下頭，近距離觀察了那個小盆栽，居然在裏面檢測到一絲微弱的生命跡象，明明之前系統已經判斷這是一株死苗了。

它哇了一聲，開啓誇誇機模式，“您好厲害！居然真的活過來了！哇塞……”

耶爾出門接水的時候，外面已經陷入一片朦胧的昏黃中。

透過打開的陽臺門往外看，燦爛夕霞漫天，在地面打下一片潋滟光影。

但讓他感興趣的并不是夕陽，而是坐在夕陽下的那個身影。

西澤穿着白色襯衫和行軍褲，襯衫袖子挽到小臂上方，露出結實流暢的手臂肌肉來。

His palms were broad, with distinct finger bones, and he held a pot of soil steadily. One could vaguely see the bulging blue veins on the back of his hands and forearms, winding their way into his cuffs. He looked strong and reliable.

The female insect's hands moved swiftly, and it didn't look like they were loosening the soil or watering the soil, but rather like they were fiddling with some advanced mecha parts.

A proud and sharp military heroine, even if she fell into the mud and was beaten to a bloody mess with wounds all over her body, she could be picked up, washed and nursed back to her original strong and dazzling appearance after she recovered.

Yael's lips curled slightly and his eyes moved down casually, but the moment he saw something familiar, his smile froze.

Wait, what is the female insect holding in her hand...?

"Okay, put it in a cool place."

Cesar wiped his hands with a towel and was about to put the plant on his knees down when his hands were suddenly held down.

"Where did you get this from?"

He raised his eyes and looked up, and saw the male insect's eyes widened, and he pursed his lips with an expression of annoyance, even a little shy.

"What's wrong?"

Cizek paused, and the part that was touched froze. The fingertips that were supporting the male insect didn't move, and his breathing became lighter.

Yael took a closer look and confirmed that it was the plant he had raised to death. He still looked at 015 next to him, hoping that it had not told those "deeds" to the female insect.

Xi Ze understood his look and coughed softly, "I already know."

"...Forget it quickly!" Yael covered his face and squatted down beside the wheelchair, saying in a muffled voice after a while.

Xi Ze blinked, coughed and laughed, then deliberately said, "What if I can't forget it?"

Yael shot a death glare, but because his cheeks were flushed, he had no intimidation at all. A piece of softly curled ear tip poked out from his black hair, which looked very touchable.

The muffled laugh in Xi Ze's throat froze, his eyes were completely attracted, and he was a little dazed for a moment.

He restrainedly tightened his fingers, and when the male insect's face became less depressed, he lowered his eyes and whispered, "Master, are you in a better mood today?"

Yael was stunned for a moment.

How did Caesar know that he was in a bad mood during this period?

He glanced at the female insect a few times and said in a dazed tone, "So you've been making delicious food for me in various ways these days, just to cheer me up?"

"Not really, it's just that I recently recovered my sight so I can do something."

Xi Ze corrected him and reiterated, "Even if the Lord gets better in the future, he won't stop."

Later...

Yael was lost in thought for a moment and pursed his lips.

He wanted to say something, ask something, but he didn't know where to start. But when he thought about it carefully, it seemed unnecessary to ask further questions.

Xi Ze will leave one day, and he has already been trapped where he is, with no heart or energy to chase after anything.

But he ultimately could not resist getting along with female insects for this reason, just like if he particularly liked a puppy, even though he knew its life span was only a dozen years, he could not suppress his love and not stop raising it, caressing it, and being intimate with it.

And that day hasn't come yet, has it?

At least not in the next two or three days that he could see. Instead of being anxious, upset and thinking about all sorts of things, he might as well enjoy the last time wholeheartedly.

Yael sighed and finally decided to let himself go.

He reached out and took the female's hand, which was on her knee, rubbing the hard knuckles on the fingers, and received a firmer grip in return.

And if that day really comes——

He was willing to give him freedom and watch him fly away.

The author has something to say:

One of the ways the general pursues the enemy: Feed the bear biscuits x5, strawberry cake x5, croquembouche x5, tart x5, mousse cube x5...

Yeye's thinking result: lying down, lying down, looking open-minded, and then opening his mouth to wait for feeding.