Chapter 72
The next morning at half past eight.
I don't know why the female insect stayed at home today, but maybe she had other plans. Yael didn't care much and went into the study after breakfast.
Most of the books and materials in the study are in electronic form, which makes them easy to search and browse, but a small portion are in old paper form and neatly placed on the bookshelf.
Yael took out an ancient book from the bookshelf and sat down on the floor next to the corner of the bookshelf.
"Excuse me... do you need a cushion?"
A square hole appeared on the silver wall opposite, and a small machine with a round head and a round brain emerged. It blinked its big eyes and asked in a low voice nervously.
"No, thank you."
Yael chuckled and refused gently, and the machine went back into the wall reluctantly, and the small square door closed tightly.
It really feels like an elf in the mantel.
He sighed, opened the thick cover of the ancient book, read the preface at a glance, and with a slight movement of his fingertips, he turned the page to the first chapter of the main text.
The location here is very good. Although it is in a corner, there is a decorative stained glass window not far away, which is inexplicably different and yet fits in with this study. It is a very ancient and exquisite craftsmanship.
Every time around eight or nine o'clock, the sun would shine on it, casting a large area of faint light and shadow on the open space in front of it, cutting a clear boundary between the two sides of the bookshelf.
“…”
Yael narrowed his eyes slightly, then realized that he had been staring at the first page for ten minutes and was still stuck on the first sentence.
My condition today is definitely not right, never mind... I'll just let it go for a while.
But before he could remain in a daze for long, he heard the sound of a door opening and closing gently not far away.
There was a sound of light footsteps, followed by a sharp click, and the footsteps stopped beside the desk.
Yael thought that Caesar needed the desk to process documents, but it took him a while to come to his senses. According to the distance, that was his desk, and the female insect's desk should be on the other side.
…
Time goes back ten minutes.
"Prepare the final documents as soon as possible and send them to me before noon."
After finishing the last urgent matter, Xize hesitated for a moment and finally dialed another number.
"When can you finish the thing I asked you to do last night?"
A hoarse bass voice came from the computer, sounding somewhat helpless. "I give up. Not only did you wake me up at four o'clock last night, but you also called me in the morning to urge me—"
"It's not a big deal. I'll give it to you tomorrow, okay?"
Xi Ze whispered a thank you, hung up the call, and rubbed his brow tiredly.
These trivial official duties were not so overwhelming that he could not cope with them. However, he almost did not sleep last night because he was holding the male insect in his arms. After thinking about it over and over again, he still could not be sure whether it was his hallucination.
On the other hand, he was also hesitating whether to tell the male insect about this and ask for an accurate answer... but asking directly was still a bit too embarrassing.
Not only for him, but also for Yael.
After pondering for a while and still coming to no avail, Caesar unconsciously raised his eyes and scanned the interior of the house with his sight.
——The living room and dining room were completely empty, with no sign of male insects.
A huge fear instantly gripped his heart, causing his pupils to shrink slightly. The hand holding the computer consciously exerted force and pressed a shallow pit on the smooth surface.
"...Hero Lord?"
Xize opened his mouth, his Adam's apple rolled violently for a moment, and he managed to squeeze out a hoarse low cry from his throat, "Hero!"
015, who was sweeping the floor with a loud bang, passed by and after hearing the sound, he poked his head out with some confusion.
"Are you looking for the host? I just saw him go into the study."
As if some bizarre nightmare had been pierced, Xi Ze quickly came to his senses and realized that he had overreacted. After whispering a thank you to 015, he hurried to the study.
However, when he walked quickly to the door, he suddenly stopped, took several deep breaths, adjusted his expression, and then walked in with a low voice.
The study is filled with simulated natural light, creating a comfortable little world no matter what the weather is like, but male insects still prefer to be close to real windows and sunlight.
A vague feeling came from the end of the mental tentacles, indicating that Yael was not far away from him. Xi Ze hesitated for a moment, but still walked towards that direction.
When passing by the male insect's desk, perhaps because he was too distracted, he didn't pay attention for a moment and tripped over a hard object.
With a crisp "click", a notebook fell to my feet, with the pages spread out.
What is this…?
Xize half-knelt down and tried to pick it up, but before his fingertips touched the notebook, he saw the contents clearly and froze in place for a moment.
It was the notebook of Yael's that he had come across by chance when he was in Etal.
From the moment I discovered that those characters did not belong to any race in this universe, the fuse of uneasiness had already been planted, but it had been suppressed and ignored and had never surfaced.
He once said that he didn't care where the male insects came from, nor would he ask about their shameful past.
But last night, when my arms suddenly felt empty, another deeper level of uneasiness suddenly came over me, giving rise to countless fears and unstoppable anxiety.
Yael suddenly appeared in the Zerg tribe, so will he disappear silently one day?
Only those memories and promises were left behind, leaving him in this vast universe, like evaporating water vapor, leaving no trace and impossible to find.
Or if one day, Yael needs to face the dilemma of going home or staying, will he choose to go home or stay with himself?
…These are questions that cannot be thought about in detail. Once you delve into them, you will fall into endless anxiety and suspicion, and even destroy this relationship that you have worked so hard to build.
Xize lowered his eyelashes, and his body, which had been still for a long time, suddenly moved. He picked up the notebook and put it back to its original place, then walked towards a corner not far away.
A piece of the male bug's clothes was exposed next to the bookshelf. He seemed to be sitting directly on the ground, with his hands pressed directly on the ground at his sides, and occasionally he would unconsciously spin his fingers in circles.
“…”
Yael was just daydreaming when he suddenly heard the rustling sound of clothes beside him. Then he felt the female insect sitting down on the other side of the bookshelf, just a small corner away from him.
He didn't say anything, and the female insect didn't say anything either. They just sat there quietly for a while.
"Hero Lord."
"Um?"
Yael responded subconsciously, still staring at the first line of words in a daze.
"Can you tell me what kind of world it is over there?"
The female insect didn't say it explicitly, but her implication was obvious. Yael had never expected Caesar to ask this, and he froze in place.
"ah..."
He then frowned in embarrassment, his eyes wandering blankly into the air. After a long while, he slowly said, "The world over there? Actually, there's nothing special about it."
After he was rescued, a large-scale genetic comparison was carried out. His origins were mysterious and his identity was questionable, which was actually something that many insects already knew.
But Yael kept insisting that he had lost his previous memory and knew nothing.
On the one hand, the existence of the earth is not easy to reveal, and on the other hand, the idea of time travel is really unbelievable.
Even the technologically advanced Zerg have not yet discovered the secret of controlling time and space. Who knows if you tell others about it, you will be considered a hypochondriac or be arrested for research?
But...Xize is different.
If you tell other insects about it, they will think it is just fantasy, but the female insects will just believe it.
It's not because the facts themselves are convincing, but because it's him who is telling the story.
Thinking of this, Yael let out a breath and suddenly felt the urge to confide. "Since you want to listen, I'll just briefly explain it."
"In addition to the Zerg, there are various other species in this universe, but they are rarely seen. The species I was a part of before is very similar to the Zerg in appearance..."
He coughed softly. Since the Zerg could not say the word "human", and the female Zerg could not understand human language, she could only describe it to him as best as possible.
Having not mentioned that place for a long time, Yael thought the memory might have faded a little, but just like a wanderer who has not been home for several years, he can talk endlessly about the food and customs of his hometown.
He talked about everything from gender characteristics to social structure, and enumerated various customs and habits. After briefly talking about the big ones, he began to talk about the environment in which he lives, as well as some things from childhood to adulthood.
"The universities there are very different from those here. Let me tell you..."
The male insect next to me had completely forgotten about the ancient book on his knees. He fixed his eyes on one place and recalled it carefully. While he was talking, he tried to gesture with his hands. He seemed extremely focused and interested.
Even though he couldn't see his specific expression due to the angle and could only see his slightly trembling eyelashes, Xi Ze could still imagine the curve of his eyebrows and the extremely bright light in his eyes.
The distant and unfamiliar world that I had caught a quick glimpse of last night gradually became complete and vivid during the male insect's narration, filling up with concrete flesh and blood outlines.
Lively and warm.
This is the feeling that stands out when Yael tells the story.
But he knew that every world has a dark side, and every life contains various kinds of pain. There can be no perfect and lovely place.
But through the filter of memory, beautiful things become more prominent, and because of the unbearable longing, they become the unreachable white moonlight in the heart.
“…That’s great.”
Xi Ze's Adam's apple rolled for a moment, he swallowed down the sadness and responded softly.
For Yael, suddenly coming to the Zerg from there must have been a nightmare that he could not wake up from for a long time. It made him so desperate that he even wanted to commit suicide.
If given a choice, Yael would probably choose to go home without hesitation. His presence and attempts to keep him would probably only bring him trouble and more pain.
"If there's a chance, I really want to take you there to have a look. Well, you're tall and handsome, and you're no less handsome than the big stars on TV. If you walk down the street, you'll definitely get a lot of attention!"
Yael didn't notice the female insect's disappointment. He thought about it and felt that it must be very interesting. But then he noticed a key problem and hissed.
"But you must have been an illegal immigrant in the past. That would be a bit difficult. Let me think..."
"Never mind that for now. Anyway, you can live with me when you get there. After you get your identity, you can find a job. It should be easy for you. Then we can go to get off work together, take turns cooking, and travel to various places during holidays..."
With unspeakable joy, he planned an impossible, yet beautiful and happy future.
It was as if they really existed in a corner of another world, far away from all wars and troubles, living a simple, warm and free life, and could easily walk through the rest of their lives hand in hand.
An indescribable warmth welled up in his eyes and his heart was throbbing slightly, as if it was pain or joy. Xi Ze took a deep breath and responded softly to Yael's story.
"Really? It's hard to get an identity..."
"Where does the Lord live? The house next to the school is really nice, and it is very convenient for going to school."
"There are no wars and no turbulent party struggles? The system there is really good. The Empire has advanced technology over the years, but other aspects such as the system and social form have lagged behind."
They talked one after another, in no hurry, but there was not much to enjoy, and when the enthusiastic appearance faded, it sank into cold silence again.
Xize hesitated for a long time, but couldn't help but whispered, "My Lord, if one day... you..."
But before he could even ask the question, Yael suddenly said, "I actually don't like being on the main planet."
The female insect's voice was too soft. He had just come down from his excitement, and his ears were buzzing, so he didn't hear the tentative question clearly.
"I don't like being on the Prime."
Yael repeated it subconsciously, then raised his head and looked towards the window not far away, as if he could see the endless sky outside through the blurry colored glass.
He originally wanted to stay in Etal, but he stayed there by accident. Then he walked down step by step, and when he came to his senses, he was already stuck in the mud and couldn't get out.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Xi Ze's hand pressed to the ground, clenched into a fist, with veins bulging on the back of his hand, as if he was enduring a slight tremor, but the female insect remained silent and did not say another word.
Then Yael's eyelashes trembled slightly, and he stopped looking at the window, and his gaze naturally fell on the pages of the book in his arms.
The ancient book is old and thick, but because it is well preserved, the contents can still be clearly seen. It is somewhat different from the current text, and it is even more different from the text over there.
Learning a new language was difficult and painful enough for him, and he still hasn't mastered it.
Some bugs I met in Etal before teased me about how elegantly I spoke. It turned out that I was a noble from the main planet, and the grammar I used was very complicated.
But that was only because he had forced himself to learn written language, which was far inferior to the concise and skillful use of the insects that had lived on this land for decades or even hundreds of years.
"In fact, you may not understand. If you don't feel comfortable anywhere, why do you want to go from the prosperous main planet to a remote planet? The environment is poor and the welfare is low. There is no need for this."
Yael lowered his bent knees and knocked his head lightly against the bookshelf. Thinking back to the time when he was willing to end his studies to run to Etal, he could no longer remember how he felt at the time.
"On the one hand, it's relatively backward there, and many things haven't been updated. It's a bit like my hometown."
"On the other hand, you should also understand that the waters of the main star are too complicated, with too many undercurrents and chaos, factions fighting overtly and covertly, nobles forming cliques and factions... It directly led to my first split, and there were countless troubles afterwards, which has seriously affected my normal life."
This time, he returned to the main planet and became an S-class male insect in one leap, and he was able to find a large amount of time to hide quietly, which was actually beyond his expectations.
I guess it was the female insect that stood in front of him and helped him deal with countless things and troubles.
But even though the female insect tried her best to hold him up and prevent him from sinking into the mud, the cold black water still reached above his waist and swallowed up half of his flesh and blood.
The so-called freedom is only the freedom in a larger and more luxurious golden cage, but there is no white bird that does not yearn for the boundless sky, which is the most genuine desire that bursts out from the soul.
The air was silent for a moment, until there was not even a trace of wind.
...But he said this not to complain that Caesar had dragged him into the mess without permission, and it was not the female insect's fault at all.
Xi Ze has done the best he can and given everything he can.
Yael stretched out his hand and covered the female insect's clenched fist. He pried open the fingers that were shaking from exerting too much force one by one, and gently rubbed the palm that was almost bleeding from being pinched.
"But just because I don't like it doesn't mean I'm leaving."
Yael spoke softly, suddenly talking about something that happened a long time ago but he still remembered it very clearly.
"When I was very young, probably just learning to walk, I was reluctant to stand up and walk even after I learned it, because my legs felt so painful and uncomfortable."
"Now I think it was because I was sick, but my mom didn't really understand. She just thought I was lazy and didn't want to walk, so she always used candy to lure me over."
"The candy tasted good. Although it was painful to walk, I could bear it. But in order to guide me to walk a few more steps, she would step back every time I was about to walk, and before I could no longer hold back and cry, she would stuff the candy into my mouth."
Later, the disease seemed to heal itself, and he no longer had a mother who would hold candy and carefully and gently guide him to take a few steps.
Every time he thought of it, all he remembered was the sweetness of the candy. The pain had long since become blurred, leaving only a general concept.
There is pain everywhere in this world, and there is no pure hope and happiness.
Even the warmth of the sunshine and the sweet appearance of life are covered with a false veil. Only the pain is so real, but it is no longer sharp, as if it has turned into numbness after swallowing poison.
He realized very clearly that he was being alienated, sinking uncontrollably into the quagmire, powerless and unable to escape the whirlpool of fate.
But to him, Caesar was the candy hanging in front of him, which made him willingly endure the pain, stand up and stumble to chase after it.
As long as I can keep it in my mouth, I can be nourished by the sweetness for a long time, and I don’t care whether this life is painful or boring, false or real.
Yael told Cecil those feelings in detail, and then said, "I'm sorry for making up so many illusions just now. It must be painful for you, but in fact they are just some daydreams."
"I will not leave here... and I certainly will not go back to Etal without permission."
He whispered, "I used to be able to abandon everything and escape, but now I have something I can't let go of. I can't be a snail in its shell anymore."
Yael didn't move, and the female insect didn't move either, so neither of them could see their expressions. But in the peripheral vision, I could see the female insect raise her other hand to cover her eyes and take a few quick, deep breaths.
"You don't need to understand the world over there. It has nothing to do with you. And you shouldn't let my knot in your heart become your knot... It's too painful, and it's meaningless."
The snapping sound he heard just now should be the sound of his diary being knocked off. The female insect may have seen the contents on it, which is why she wanted to know those things.
But what does that have to do with Caesar?
The female insect has heavy work to do every day and is caught up in all kinds of open and secret struggles, but she still tries her best to focus on him and tries to take good care of him in every way.
Xi Ze had no obligation to share his thoughts and pain, nor did he want to bother the female insect too much with the emptiness, boredom, loneliness, etc., the black mud that breeds in life.
It's not because I have any distance in my heart or don't like you enough, it's just because I feel heartache.
“That’s about it.”
Yael took a deep breath of the cool air. He didn't feel ashamed to be honest about these things. Or rather, some things should have been said a long time ago. In fact, they were nothing.
"Some insects told me not to act too obedient to you, or I would be looked down upon by those noble male insects, but I never thought it was a big deal."
He shrugged his shoulders and said in a light tone, "But since this is your home ground, it is more appropriate for you to be the guide and protector."
This tight network is so tight that it can no longer accommodate any more earth-shattering surprises.
"I do what I should do first, and then I do what I want to do."
"I don't ask for much, as long as we can be together and live well, that's enough."
As long as everything is safe and sound.
This wish is both simple and difficult. Both myself and the female insect are working hard for it. We don’t know what the future will be like, but it is enough.
"It's meaningful..."
Xi Ze finally put down his hands that were covering his eyes, cleared his throat, and said in a hoarse voice, "That is meaningful."
Yael was stunned for a moment before he came to his senses and heard the female insect respond with "it's meaningless" and felt a little amused.
This reaction time is too long.
He chuckled, but calmed down and waited for Xi Ze to tell him what he meant. He consciously drew circles in the palm of the female insect's hand with his fingers, and felt inexplicably safe when he was wrapped in the warmth.
There was no hug or kiss today, but it seemed that there was no need to confirm each other's existence in this way.
Just knowing that he is sitting next to me, still breathing lightly, makes me feel at ease.
Xi Ze tightened his palms, holding the fingers that kept scratching him, and thought of the question he hadn't asked just now. He opened his mouth, but still couldn't bear to break this warm atmosphere.
The male insect said that he would not leave again, but only under the premise that it was impossible to go back, and in the end he did not dare to ask - if he could choose, what would Yael do.
Perhaps fate is silent and has already arranged everything. All he can do is believe and wait.
Believe...the promise Yael had made came from the same love as his, waiting to be firmly chosen and favored, just as he had always done with the male insects.
Xize pulled up a bitter smile at the corner of his lips and lowered his eyes in panic, hiding the faint sadness in his eyes.
After a long silence, he suddenly whispered, "Master, can you teach me the language there?"
Yael was slightly startled.
The author has something to say:
There is a chapter next time. Um, babies can squat for a while (look left and right) (no sh) (make wheels with confidence)
Playing meme theater:
Y: Chinese is extremely difficult to learn.
X: How difficult is it? I don't believe it.
Three days later——
Y: It's Hello! Not Nihao!
X: It's really hard. I believe it… (doubt about insect life.jpg)
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
