Chapter 88
These two days, Yael went to the rental house first and packed up his things in the utility room.
There were very few things, most of which were useless, so he simply cleaned them out all at once, picked up only a few necessities and put them in his bag, then said goodbye to everyone else and headed for the train station.
Qingming Festival is coming soon. Every year at this time, Yael will go back to his hometown to stay for a day or two, to pay homage to his grandmother and mother who are buried there, and then come back after the holiday.
Anyway, I have already said goodbye to the necessary people, so I might as well stay a little longer this time.
…
I bought a seat ticket for the train.
The train clanged along the track, leaving behind a city forest of steel and iron, passing through countless backward views, and entering another world of sudden openness.
The moment he was enveloped by the sunlight, Yael's eyes widened slightly.
The vast plain is endless, with no end in sight.
Birds are flying high and the weather is clear.
Countless cloud-like lambs are scattered on the vast plateau, some standing quietly, some running around lively. The soft white and the verdant green collide with each other, creating the most harmonious scenery in this world.
...It's a little lamb.
It was still a little unclear at a distance, but Yael could already imagine how it would feel when touched, soft and warm, as if it could embrace the vibrant pulse of life.
He smiled unconsciously, suddenly full of anticipation.
Then a voice suddenly rang in my ears, with a deep smile, as if it was engraved into my soul and was particularly obvious amid the clanging noise.
[You see, this is the planet I mentioned before, the one that is rich in fluffy lambs. There was a large-scale chaos here before, and the army I am in was sent to evacuate and suppress it.]
[…When you travel there with the Lord in the future, you will know for yourself by feeling it out.]
Yael shook his head slowly, frowning.
This voice troubled him for a long time. It only took him two or three days for it to go from being vague at first to gradually becoming clearer, and for him to go from not being able to understand the meaning of the words.
But I could never remember the face of the person who spoke, and my mind was blank, with basically no memory of that person. But when I thought about it, my heart swelled and ached.
Probably a very important person.
Yael held his chin with his left hand and looked at the scenery outside casually, with a trace of regret in his eyes.
...Sometimes I really don't know what's wrong with this brain. I can remember all those boring data, but I always miss important people and things. It's really putting the cart before the horse.
"Baby, our seats are here."
While he was lost in thought, a mother and daughter sat down on the seat opposite him. The young mother put her backpack on the ground and held her two or three-year-old daughter in her arms.
"Are you hungry? Do you want some bread?"
"No - I'm hungry -" the lovely little girl stretched out the words and said stubbornly, "I want to see the lamb!"
"Not yet. This time we came back to visit grandpa and grandma. We have to complete the worship process before we can do anything else. When the time comes, I will take you to touch the lamb."
The young mother softly educated the little girl, took out the little girl's toys from her backpack and placed them on the small table. "Okay, either sleep for a while or play for a while, your choice."
Yael withdrew his hand to make room for the little girl to drive the car. He inadvertently caught a glimpse of the diamond ring on the young mother's left hand and was stunned for a moment.
ring.
He stretched out his hand and pinched the ring finger of his left hand, bending the slender and clean joints, and always felt as if he had forgotten something.
Ring...Proposal...Mecha?
It was like the TV signal reception was poor. Some fragmented images flashed through my mind, but I couldn't see them clearly or grasp them, which made me very frustrated.
Yael held his throbbing temple and took a few deep breaths in silence.
When he finally came to his senses, he heard the worried voice of the young mother on the other side, "Are you okay? Do you want me to call the flight attendant for you?"
He waved his hands weakly and stuffed a candy into his mouth. After a while, the dizziness finally subsided.
I didn’t have breakfast this morning, so I might have low blood sugar. Even my heart rate was revolving.
The train finally arrived at the station. Yael picked up his backpack and got off the train. He asked for directions while thinking about it, and finally arrived at his hometown village at noon.
Only three years had passed, but the scenery here had changed completely. He walked through the bustling streets, turned into several alleys, and entered a somewhat desolate area.
It was a prosperous place in the past, but it gradually declined after he went out to attend primary school. Now only a few elderly people stay in the old houses and spend the rest of their lives guarding their memories.
"A-zai is back?"
Yael was lost in thought when he heard an old voice behind him. He turned around and saw an old lady with a kind face, "Grandma Li."
The old lady with a cane and gray hair nodded with a smile and continued to chatter.
"It seems like you haven't been home for a long time. Your grandma and your mom must miss you very much. Don't forget to come home often even if you are working hard outside."
He was stunned for a moment, then he narrowed his eyes and said with a sigh, "Yes, I really missed home, so I hurried back."
Only when he stood on this familiar land, saw the scenes in his memory, and breathed the unique scent of the earth did he suddenly feel at ease.
After bidding farewell to Granny Li, Yael turned a few dozen meters forward, and the view in front of him suddenly opened up.
The yard in front of me is deserted, but I can easily see the vast sky above my head, which makes the houses in this area have good lighting and are not so easily damp.
Grandma's old house is very old. In the past, he was the only one who would come back to live there at this time every year and clean the house. But since he has been in a coma and has not returned for three years, it is definitely no longer habitable.
Squeak——
He pushed open the wooden door, and the rusty door hinges immediately made a protesting sound. The long-awaited sunlight finally poured in, illuminating the inner room filled with cobwebs and dust.
"Grandma, I'm back."
Yael spoke loudly, as if greeting the spirits in the house, and then he was allowed to move in safely.
"There's so much dust. It may take a whole day to clean it up..."
There was basically not much clean space in the room, not even a place to put his backpack, but fortunately there was still water in the faucet, so he wiped the bed first to make sure there was a place to rest.
It was a long time ago that I had done a thorough cleaning of this room. There was little holiday time and it was already very tight to go back and forth for worship, so I just wiped the dust off each time.
Now we have plenty of time, so we can do a thorough cleaning.
Blah--
A whole piece of plastic sheet was lifted off, and dust immediately flew all over the sky.
Yael took a few steps back, holding the mask in his hand. He fanned the dust away for a long time before he could slowly recognize what was underneath.
An old locker.
"I remember there was a big hole in this cabinet and rats got in. How could you not throw it away at that time..."
He whispered, bent down and opened the cupboard door, ready to run away at any time if he saw a mouse, but fortunately there was no rustling movement inside, only a rotten and stale smell of dust.
The house blocked the light from outside, so Yael could only turn on the flashlight, rummaged around inside, and took out a tin box.
"This box looks familiar. What's in it?"
He wiped off the thick dust, opened the box carefully, and was stunned when he saw what was inside.
An amulet, a small wooden turtle sculpture, half a kite, a few puppet figures, and the rest of the odds and ends were unidentifiable—the only toys he had from his childhood.
The yellow embroidery thread on the amulet had spread out, and most of it had turned grayish white. Yael vaguely remembered that this was something his grandmother had brought him to the temple to get after he had just lost his parents.
The nimble old lady stood with her hands on her hips, looking at him who was out of breath with a ferocious expression.
"Hurry up! At your snail-like speed, how long will it take to reach the top of the mountain?!"
At that time, he had short arms and legs, and he really crawled on the ground like a snail, and was soon covered in dust. His grandmother sighed while carrying him on her back.
"Oh, your mother is such a fool. She only cared about giving birth to the child but not raising him. Why don't you just take the child with you? Then he won't have to suffer here and not even have a bite to eat."
At that time, he thought his grandmother didn't like him, but when he asked for the amulet, he heard the prayer "Please keep my grandson safe and healthy."
“…”
Yael suddenly lowered his eyes, stroked the amulet for a long time, and finally put it back.
They lived together for only four years, from the age of eight to twelve.
Even if those memories faded with a high fever, the longing from the bottom of his heart would tell him that these were also the most stable and happiest four years of his life.
At that time, he finally came out of the hospital, retaliated very promptly, and then regained his freedom. He was not mentally normal and was quite annoying at many times.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you crying all day long?"
The spoon with porridge on it hit the child on the head, stunning the child who was sobbing with his hands covering his face for a moment, and then he heard the grandmother's angry voice.
He was sobbing and talking about what he had just been thinking, and he felt that he was the worst child in the world.
What is family?
Why doesn't he have a caring and loving father and mother, but is instead hungry and beaten all day long? Now he can't even go to school.
“Family is like a rope. No matter where you go, it will hold your heart and keep you from drifting away. No matter how far away you are, you can always find the way home.”
The capable old lady's kindness lasted only a second before she waved her hand in disgust.
"Of course, some of our "family members" are not very human, and are even worse than pigs and dogs. The thread can be cut cleanly and there is nothing to regret."
"Anyway, as a man, you should have a clear conscience. If you hesitate and linger, you are not a man at all! Wipe your tears and stop crying!"
她啧了一聲，心焦着廚房裏的菜，但又覺得把小孩晾在這裏不太好，只好把他抱到門檻上坐着，敷衍地哄了一下。
“坐着別動，乖的話明天帶你去摸小羊。”
但是後來外婆也沒有帶他去看小羊，因為要操心他上學的問題，一邊到處借錢，一邊拿空餘時間縫縫補補，非常忙碌。
關于那些日子的記憶在腦海中沉浮，讓耶爾的神色柔和下來，又拿起了那只烏龜木雕。
小烏龜探着一只頭，樣子憨态可掬，和家裏的鎮宅神獸莫名相似。
當時外婆難得有空，他被帶到鎮子上，恰好碰見擺攤的木雕師傅，一眼看到了那只威風凜凜的雪豹。
但雪豹沒拿到手，反而被塞了一只醜不拉幾的烏龜，他當時嘴一撇就要哭，然後就被揪着耳朵訓了幾句。
“烏龜怎麽了？搖頭晃腦的多可愛啊！那什麽大老虎大獅子都雕得太醜了，而且烏龜的寓意好啊，龜就是歸，永遠有家可歸的意思。”
烏龜，烏龜。
可是他已經沒有家可以歸了。
耶爾深吸了一口氣，眨了眨眼壓下眼眶的熱意，将那個盒子合上，決定還是先搞衛生。
要是今晚都弄不完，他就沒地方住了。
……
天氣漸漸暗下去，屋子裏的動靜也小了。
等大片如火的雲霞散去，榕樹投下一片黑糊糊的陰影，屋內閃爍了一下，亮起一盞昏暗的小燈。
耶爾打了水燒熱，勉強洗了個澡，就拿着手機躺在了床上，刷了一會後就準備抱着被子入睡。
做了一天的衛生渾身酸痛，而且明天還要出發去鎮上的墓地，倒不如提早睡覺，一切等明天再打算。
但不知道是那些玩具的原因，還是許久沒回家積攢的想念，讓耶爾迷迷糊糊間做起無數紛雜的夢來。
“……”
“你這小孫子天生命薄，掃把星一個，天生不親近相信別人，以後很可能要落得孤寡一輩子的！”
夢中看不清說話人的面容，但能清楚分辨到裏面的幸災樂禍，耶爾想了一想，應該是某個多嘴多舌的村裏人。
“呸！你才掃把星一個呢！也不撒泡尿照照你那樣*%￥&……”
後面是一連串罵人的土話，而抓握着他的手幹瘦有力，帶着莫名的安心感。
他那時不知道什麽叫掃把星，但後來想想，真的覺得挺貼切的，畢竟沾上他的基本都沒有什麽好下場——
就連外婆也是。
她在六十五歲的年紀，也就是在收養耶爾的第三年，患上了肝癌，晚期，沒有治療的意義。
最後一年有關于外婆的回憶，基本都是黑白的，縣城醫院的慘白，沒有燈的黑夜……還有那一雙黑白分明的眼睛。
似乎是生怕掃把星的詛咒應驗，在彌留之際，她總是拉着耶爾的手，開始絮絮叨叨地說着叮囑的話。
“不管是這裏的家，爸媽的家，還是以後你自己成的家，記住了，主要你的心安定下來了，有思念和牽挂的人了，那就是你的歸宿。”
“我死後你應該會被福利院收養，偶爾回來看看就行，也不用做些什麽，打掃打掃灰塵，祭拜一下就好了。”
“不回來也行，這屋子什麽都沒有，回來的路也難走，什麽時候有空再說吧。”
“……”
無數回憶蜂擁而至，讓耶爾始終睡不安穩。
終于在一次驚醒後，他坐起身，在一室安靜中呆坐了一會。
而後他掀開被子下了床，打開老屋的門，坐在了兒時經常坐着的高高的門檻上。
夜涼如水，繁星閃爍。
耶爾微眯起眼睛，漫不經心地看着頭頂閃爍的星星，将它們随便連在一起組成奇怪的形狀。
不知道是寒露太涼，還是穿得太單薄，他沒坐多久就感覺到了針砭般的寒意，露在外面的耳朵都凍紅了。
“呼……”
耶爾呼出一口寒氣，臉上流露出一絲厭倦。
三年說長不長，說短不短，卻像是一道深淵，生生斷裂了他的二十二歲。
曾經他有一間出租房和一只狗狗，有許多人和他同行，原本終于可以擺脫貧困，走上一個十足優秀的工作崗位……但這些都消失在了那三年。
往後是無可追溯的模糊回憶，往前是迷霧未清的漫長年月。
而且最最重要的是，他已經沒有可以去的地方了，重新出發并不難，難的是真正接受背後空無一人的現實。
就像這身後的這間屋子一樣，再怎麽努力清洗幹淨，曾經居住的人不在就是不在了。
他已經……沒有家了。
【別這麽說！你的人生還長呢，以後會遇到各種各樣的人，一定會和誰王八綠豆看對眼，然後順利成家立業的。】
外婆的話倏地響起，一如既往帶着奇怪的幽默感，讓耶爾忍不住勾了勾唇，臉上的表情放松了些。
【主要你的心安定下來了，有思念和牽挂的人了，那就是你的歸宿。】
莫名的，他想起了蘇醒後就時不時聽到的聲音。
那聲調和內容總是讓他産生錯覺，仿佛自己和這道聲音的主人有過一段非常深刻的情感，誇張點來說甚至愛得要死要活。
他不知道【雄主】是什麽東西，但是總能聽明白關于【喜歡】和【愛】、日常生活瑣事甚至直白求歡的內容。
耶爾啧了一聲，覺得這件事有點難辦。
他昏迷期間身體肯定是不能動的，但或許靈魂出竅了一段時間，不知道跑到哪裏去談了一段戀愛，甚至可能已經結婚了。
靈魂出竅這個說法非常匪夷所思，換成鬼魂可能還好理解一點，畢竟這裏有着一整套完整的關于陰曹地府的傳說。
所以他很有可能遇到的是陰桃花，結了一次陰婚，有了一個……鬼老婆？！
——但聽那低沉的聲調，更像是鬼老公。
想到這裏，耶爾倒吸一口涼氣，連忙扼殺了腦子裏天馬行空的幻想。
冷靜，這個世界上是沒有鬼的。
與其相信這個說法，還不如相信他的精神又出問題了，而且已經嚴重到開始出現幻聽和幻視，需要吃藥治療。
“！”
他正胡思亂想間，一瞬流光倏地從頭頂天空中劃過，幾乎像是黑夜中燒灼的星火，閃爍着轉瞬即逝又驚心動魄的美。
耶爾微微睜大了眼睛。
就看到無數流星破開輕盈夜色，像是噼裏啪啦落下的星雨，在空中劃出了道道繁盛又流暢的軌跡，然後在盡頭迸發出璀璨的光。
他正驚嘆着，倏地察覺到一絲不對勁，伸手遮擋了一下眼睛，才發現天地中居然籠罩着一層淺淡的紅光。
“？月光為什麽是紅色的，而且現在好像也沒有月亮啊……”
耶爾困惑了一瞬。
他突然想起來什麽，起身從背包裏翻出一個小望遠鏡，這是大學時候參加天文社買的，清舊物的時候沒舍得仍，便一路帶了過來。
快速調了一下參數，他出到院子裏，透過這一方圓孔去看遙遠的天宇——
一開始還是正常的景象，但不知道什麽時候，那片濃郁到了極致的猩紅開始占據視野。
像是潑灑的血又像是玫瑰的瓣葉，似乎還在有節奏地律動，和胸腔中的心跳莫名契合了節拍。
【這就是維拉之心。】
砰。
砰……砰……砰……
耶爾瞳孔微縮，視線倏地扭曲變換一瞬，而後猛地閃現出幾個鮮明的畫面。
狹窄又昏暗的艙室內，那個身影俯身抱住他，吻去他臉上濕漉漉的淚水，在耳邊呢喃着溫柔愛語。
【我現在将這顆心送給您。】
【如果以後您感覺到孤單，或感覺到沒有安全感，就用觀星儀看看這顆心，只要它還跳動一日，裏面蘊含的愛就不會消失……直至永恒盡頭。】
一片模糊的昏暗中，只有那雙熔金的眼眸熠熠生輝。
那望遠鏡“啪”一聲掉落在地，骨碌滾了一圈沾上灰塵，耶爾卻根本顧不上去撿，渾身顫抖地捂住了頭。
【……雄主……】
【滋滋我會保護好……滋啦離開那裏……不……！】
【我愛您。】
【滋滋……那邊的世界……我給您生個蛋吧。】
無數回憶好似洶湧海潮，堪稱兇猛地拍打着大腦，沖擊的速度趕不上吸收的速度，引起一陣陣的劇痛。
“呃……！”
耶爾瞳孔驟縮，下意識抗拒地搖了搖頭，卻被一道厲聲猛地震住——
【耶爾！！！】
他渾身一震，那張始終隐藏在迷霧裏的臉，終于在這一刻清晰起來。
白色的發，金色的眼，看着他時笑意柔和。
耶爾清晰地記得他的輪廓，每一個生動的表情，開心的憤怒的兇戾的……每一幕都如此鮮活，如在眼前。
伴随着那些回憶而來的，被壓抑至深的熱烈愛意和思念，像是掉落心上的一顆灼燙火星，輕易燎原。
怎麽會忘記？
他為什麽會忘記——
在遙遠宇宙的另一邊，有着他的第二個家，也有一直在苦苦等待他回家的愛人。
A thread travels through the distant universe, pierces through the heart and ties an unsolvable knot. From then on, the kite floating in the wind has a new home.
Yael's eyelashes trembled, and a drop of water suddenly fell and seeped into the ground beneath his feet.
He moved his lips almost silently and murmured.
"...Xize."
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