5 Chapter 5
◎So you like these kinds of candies◎
As familiar, soothing music began to play, everyone in the classroom stood up and stretched, then called out to their friends and headed out of the classroom. Soon, the classroom was mostly empty.
The last evening class is over, school's out.
Zhan Xinyue sat there blankly for a while, then suddenly remembered: Oh, home, she should go home.
The moment the thought crossed her mind, she felt as if she had finally found her anchor, and she almost couldn't wait to stand up, supporting herself on the table.
She was one of the few day students in her class. The school originally strictly enforced a boarding system, but when she entered high school for the first time, she was not used to being away from home and couldn't help but cry every night when she called her parents.
So before the week was even over, her parents came to the school and applied for her to be a day student. Her homeroom teacher at the time was very unhappy about this and advised them, "Many of these students are living at school for the first time; how can they not cry? They'll get used to it after a while." However, she eventually relented after her parents' persistent insistence.
At first, she was a little embarrassed and asked her parents, "Don't you think I'm not independent enough? I'm so old and I still can't leave my parents. I even cry because I miss home."
My parents said, "Does not missing home mean you're independent?"
"Children don't get to spend many years with their parents anyway, so let's try to extend their time as much as possible."
"Besides, how do you know that your parents arranged for you to be a day student not because we can't live without you?"
Since then, Zhan Xinyue has been staying at home every night.
Right now, her parents should be waiting for her at the school gate.
The pain that had haunted her seemed to finally find an outlet; she had never longed to see her parents so intensely.
Perhaps because she had been crying all night and was already a little short of breath, when she suddenly stood up, she felt a wave of dizziness and had to lean on the table to catch her breath.
After a long while, she finally opened her eyes again.
Shi Ziqian, who was sitting next to her, was still there, fiddling with a small, colorful package in her hand. Her eyes were still blurry, and she seemed to be staring at the package unconsciously for a while.
"Do you want it?" Shi Ziqian's cold and indifferent voice suddenly rang out.
It took Zhan Xinyue a moment to realize that he was asking her a question. Her unconscious gaze was probably misinterpreted as curiosity by him, so she handed him what she was holding.
The bag had a gaudy little monster printed on it, which looked out of place lying in his fair palm.
Zhan Xinyue asked, "What is this?"
Shi Ziqian seemed stumped by the question, pausing for a few seconds before saying, "It's candy, popping candy."
Zhan Xinyue's questioning gaze lingered on his face for a second before she indifferently looked away. Popping candy? She hadn't seen these childhood toys in many years. It was unbelievable that someone as aloof as Shi Ziqian would like them.
She didn't care about any of that. She didn't take it, but politely thanked him, saying, "No need, thank you."
Then, he left directly.
There weren't many day students at the school; most of them headed towards their dormitories, but she walked against the flow of traffic after leaving the classroom. She practically ran the whole way, but as she approached the school gate, her pace gradually slowed down.
As she approached home, she felt a mix of trepidation and longing. At this moment, she most wanted to see her parents, yet they were also the people she least dared to face.
Outside the gate, two familiar figures stood side by side, wearing similar black short-sleeved shirts, looking into the campus. They were her father, Zhan Wei, and her mother, Pang Yun.
She remembered the short-sleeved shirts they were wearing; she had one herself. She'd originally bought two of the same style in different colors because she didn't know which color to choose. Later, Pang Yun took one and jokingly called it their mother-daughter outfit. Zhan Wei, wanting to join in, dragged her to buy a men's version, thus creating a matching family outfit for the three of them.
"Yueyue, over here!" Pang Yun saw her almost immediately and waved to her.
"They're here!" She looked away, her eyes suddenly reddening again.
Before she even stepped out the door, Pang Yun had already come to greet her. Seeing that she looked upset, he quickly put his arm around her and asked, "Oh dear, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Zhan Xinyue rubbed her eyes, tilted her head back, and tried to force a smile: "No."
But the wetness in my eyes couldn't be wiped away, and new tears kept welling up.
"What's wrong?" Pang Yun was startled by her appearance and cupped her face in her hands: "Who bullied you?"
Guilt, regret, and the overwhelming sense of grievance that finally found an outlet all surged up at the same time. She hugged Pang Yun tightly, buried her face in her arms, and cried out loud.
"Why are you crying like this?" Pang Yun put his arm around her, patting her back while looking at Zhan Wei with concern.
Zhan Wei exchanged a worried look with her, reached out and stroked her head, and said gently, "What happened? Tell Dad, Dad's here."
Zhan Xinyue buried her head even deeper, tears streaming down her face.
Dad, Mom, I'm sorry.
She was an unfilial daughter.
When she witnessed Xu Shen's betrayal, she felt as if the sky had fallen, leaving her completely disoriented and lost. So, when she unconsciously walked onto the road and saw a car coming towards her in time to brake, she had a chance to dodge, but in that instant, she suddenly lost the will to live. She felt as if there was nothing left in this world worth cherishing, and so she simply closed her eyes in despair…
She couldn't bear to think about the agony her parents, who had to bury her, must be experiencing in the world where she had died in the car accident. She was an only child, and they were already old; she could no longer fulfill her filial duties in that world. How would they spend the rest of their lives...?
At this moment, she hated her own cowardice even more than Xu Shen's betrayal.
Overwhelmed with guilt and pain, she could not utter any other words, only repeatedly and indistinctly crying out, "I'm sorry, Mom and Dad."
Pang Yun had never seen her like this before, and her eyes welled up with tears of heartache. She didn't know what had happened, so all she could do was hold her and repeat to her over and over again, "It's okay, it's okay."
Seeing her crying incessantly, Zhan Wei disregarded everything else, took out his phone, searched for Zhan Xinyue's homeroom teacher's name in the contact list, and was about to press the button when Pang Yun stopped him with a look. He helplessly held back and could only repeat along with Pang Yun, "Mom and Dad are here, it's okay."
After a long while, Zhan Xinyue finally raised her red and swollen eyes and said in a hoarse voice, "You all don't know what I did, yet you say it's okay."
Pang Yun wiped away her tears and said earnestly, "Whatever it is, it doesn't matter."
Because you are my daughter, it doesn't matter what.
Zhan Wei carefully considered all the possibilities and asked her, "Did you do something wrong and get criticized by the teacher? Don't be afraid, no matter what you did wrong, your parents will support you."
“No. You don’t understand…” Zhan Xinyue turned her head away, unsure how to express her emotions, and finally said in a muffled voice, “I want to go home.”
The two exchanged a glance. "Okay, let's go home first."
On the way back, everyone tacitly avoided mentioning what had just happened and instead brought up other topics.
As Zhan Wei drove, he glanced at her in the rearview mirror and said, "Yueyue, Dad's new store is opening soon. It's decorated so beautifully. Do you want me to take you to see it sometime?"
Zhan Xinyue leaned against Pang Yun's chest, and although she wasn't in the mood, she still forced a smile and said, "Okay."
After parking the car, the family of three walked through the residential area towards home. Several junior high school students were still playing in the neighborhood at this hour, speeding past them on skateboards, creating a cool breeze. Zhan Xinyue couldn't help but glance at their retreating figures.
During his sophomore year, Xu Shen became obsessed with skateboarding. He would often come to her dorm at night on his skateboard. He would always appear like the wind from afar, then brake suddenly and stop smoothly in front of her. His hand, hidden behind his back, would magically produce a bouquet of flowers—sometimes a small toy, a string of candied hawthorns… He always had a variety of little tricks to amuse her. She would always cover her mouth and laugh happily. Xu Shen always thought she really liked the little trinkets he gave her, so he continued to do it even more enthusiastically.
Actually, what she liked most was the way he looked on his skateboard. Summer night, campus, evening breeze, he sped in from the night wind, the wind billowing his shirt jacket like wings spreading behind him, forming her most direct and profound memory of youth.
That evening, Zhan Xinyue stayed close to Pang Yun at home, following her everywhere. When Pang Yun washed her face in the bathroom, she leaned against the door and watched her. Pang Yun jokingly teased her, "Our Yueyue is getting smaller and smaller, turning back into a little baby."
Zhan Xinyue smiled too. The yellowish light from the bathroom shone on Pang Yun's hair, and everything around her looked familiar. Just looking at her made her feel at ease.
Having been tense for too long, she quickly began to feel drowsy in the familiar surroundings. Lying in bed, half-asleep, she could feel her parents quietly pushing open the door, their worried gazes falling on her. She pretended not to notice, quietly closing her eyes, which grew increasingly heavy. Before her consciousness was completely swallowed by sleep, a pair of eyes suddenly appeared in her mind.
In the last memory of her rebirth, she saw a pair of anxious, dark eyes staring at her. Now, the shape of those eyes in her mind gradually merged with the pair she had met when she was first reborn…
The last person she saw before she died and the first person she saw after her rebirth were both Shi Ziqian—what an incredible coincidence! Fate is truly wondrous. She hadn't seen Shi Ziqian since graduation; she'd heard he'd settled abroad. And yet, by sheer coincidence, the car she last crashed into... had him in it...
I'm sorry, Shi Ziqian.
I bumped into someone who was contemplating suicide without warning, and after getting off the bus, I realized that the person was actually my classmate... It must have been really unlucky. Although he probably wouldn't have recognized me at that moment.
As she pondered this, she finally drifted into a deep sleep.
Zhan Xinyue woke up to the aroma of steaming hot food.
She felt like she had slept for a very long time, but when she checked the time, it was only 6:30.
She reached out from under the covers and pushed the bedroom door open a crack. Her parents' hushed voices drifted in from outside, calm and peaceful. She couldn't help but close her eyes again, not wanting to break the warmth of the moment.
"Time to get up, Yueyue," Pang Yun called out, poking her head in. "Breakfast is ready."
Zhan Xinyue slowly opened her eyes and said, "I'll only get up if Mom pulls me up." Perhaps because her body had returned to its teenage form, she felt as if her mind had unconsciously returned to the past.
"You!" Pang Yun reached out and pulled her up, looking at her closely. "Why are your eyes so swollen?" She then went to get a peeled egg. "Rolling your eyes with this egg will help reduce the swelling."
Zhan Xinyue took the book, casually rolled it around her eyes a few times, and was about to put it down when she suddenly caught a glimpse of Pang Yun's eyes out of the corner of her eye. Her gaze held a deep worry that she couldn't hide in time.
Zhan Xinyue paused, then suddenly opened her mouth and took a bite of the egg, mumbling, "So hungry, the smell of this makes me so hungry..."
"Hey, why are you still eating? You've rolled it all over your face, and there are still so many boiled eggs on the table." Pang Yun was startled by her.
"It's my own face that's being rolled around, it's not dirty." Zhan Xinyue laughed, tilting her head back.
Pang Yun tapped her head. "Have you washed your face?"
Zhan Xinyue froze, then opened her mouth, "Ah, I forgot..."
Pang Yun laughed, "You've already eaten, so it's okay. It's good that you're hungry; it means you're in a good mood."
Zhan Xinyue nodded and slowly swallowed the egg.
Pang Yun looked at her and said, "I remember you were so greedy when you were little. You were only up to my knees back then, and you would wobble as you walked on the street, staring at the food that passersby were holding, and constantly asking me, 'Mom, what are they eating?'... But now that you're older, your appetite isn't as good as it was when you were little, and you only eat a little bit each time. You should eat more rice."
After Pang Yun left, Zhan Xinyue's smile slowly faded. She leaned back against the headboard, still holding half an egg in her hand. She wanted to put it in her mouth again, but the egg hovered in front of her for a long time before she finally covered her mouth and gagged.
They say the stomach is an organ of emotions, and it's certainly true. She just lied; she wasn't hungry at all, and her stomach was churning with acid.
She just didn't want Pang Yun to worry.
After leaning against the bed for a while, she finally regained some strength, used the bedside table to get out of bed, and went into the bathroom. In the bathroom mirror, the girl's eyes were still swollen, and her waist-length hair was not tied up, hanging down in front of her. Although she looked a bit haggard, her face was still full of the youthful spirit unique to her age.
She stared at that familiar yet unfamiliar figure for a long time before finally letting out a long breath.
Although she had wasted her life and made a grave mistake, thankfully, she returned. At this time, she was still so young, as if all her mistakes could still be undone, as if she could start her life anew.
Zhan Wei's voice came from outside, urging her: "Yueyue, the porridge is getting cold."
Zhan Xinyue responded loudly, "Coming!"
If she could live it all over again, even if it was just for these truly precious people, she would definitely live it to the fullest.
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