Chapter 102
◎It seems I've liked him for a while now.◎
In the evening, Zhan Xinyue stood in front of the door at the address provided by Wu Chuni and rang the doorbell.
As the bell rang, a dog barked, but no one answered.
After persistently pressing the doorbell again and again, she finally heard footsteps approaching after ten minutes, followed by a familiar male voice coming through the door: "What is it now?"
Zhan Xinyue coughed lightly and cleared her throat: "Shi Ziqian, it's me, Zhan Xinyue."
The moment the words left his mouth, the door clicked open.
Behind the door, Shi Ziqian's bangs were slightly messy, and he was wearing pajamas and trousers, barefoot on the carpet, staring at her as if he couldn't believe his ears.
Behind him, Panpan had already pounced on him, happily spinning around at his legs.
Perhaps his body reacted faster than his brain. After staring at her for a while, Shi Ziqian belatedly withdrew his hand from the doorknob and put on his slippers.
"How did you know I lived here?" Shi Ziqian thought for a moment and immediately understood. "Did Wu Chuni tell you?"
Zhan Xinyue nodded honestly: "Yes."
"What else did she say to you?" Shi Ziqian's face stiffened for a moment, but he quickly smiled as if relieved. "You know everything, otherwise you wouldn't have come. You're still the same as before. Only you would act like this."
Zhan Xinyue seemed to understand but not quite, and Shi Ziqian said again, "Come in, sit down for a while, I'll go change my clothes."
Shi Ziqian went back inside, leaving Panpan jumping around her, its tail wagging incessantly. Shi Ziqian had taken good care of it; its fur was glossy black, and its ears were erect. Even after so long, it still recognized her.
Zhan Xinyue played with it for a while, then stood up and looked around.
Shi Ziqian's current apartment is much larger than the one he lived in during high school, but just like before, it doesn't have many personal belongings. It's as tidy as a showroom, with only Panpan's toys scattered in the corner adding a touch of life.
Next to the living room, as Wu Chuni had said, Zhan Xinyue saw the dining table.
The floating dining table made of walnut wood is both classic and elegant.
She remembers that when Zhanwei opened his new store that year, she went to help out and bumped into Shi Ziqian.
She led Shi Ziqian around the store, awkwardly introducing the dining table to him, and eventually got herself lost in it, with the two of them discussing its mechanical principles for a long time.
Crescent Moon had actually forgotten these things, but standing in front of this dining table now, everything suddenly became clear again.
She didn't know when Shi Ziqian bought the dining table, or why he brought it to Beijing.
Zhan Xinyue reached out and placed her hand on the table, gently pushing it, but it didn't budge.
Most Chinese solid wood furniture is heavy, and this dining table, with its added counterweight, is even heavier.
When Shi Ziqian came out, Zhan Xinyue's hand was still on the table, her eyes filled with complex emotions.
Shi Ziqian stared at her without saying a word.
Perhaps sensing the faint footsteps, Zhan Xinyue turned his head to look. He had changed into a loose sweater, and his hair had been styled again. He looked much more energetic than before, having shed his previous listless appearance.
“You bought them,” Zhan Xinyue said.
"Hmm." Shi Ziqian picked up Panpan, who had been circling around Zhan Xinyue, and walked towards the balcony. "The one you recommended to me is definitely worth buying."
“Actually, that was the first time I introduced a product to someone.” Zhan Xinyue smiled. “You’re making me think I’d be a good salesperson.”
"Of course you can." Shi Ziqian closed Panpan's door on the balcony, and when he turned back, his tone was calm and confident, as if he were saying something that was most natural. "You can do anything well."
Looking into his eyes, Zhan Xinyue suddenly recalled a scene from long ago. It was not long after her rebirth; one evening, while chatting with Shi Ziqian, she unconsciously brought up her newly made resolution. She said she wanted to go into business and become a successful entrepreneur.
At that time, even she herself wasn't entirely sure if this path was feasible, but Shi Ziqian was the same, confidently telling her, "I think it can be achieved."
She didn't know why he trusted her so much, but she always seemed to gain some courage from his words.
"I'm sorry about what happened that night," Shi Ziqian said. "I don't know what was wrong with me. Maybe I drank too much, or maybe I wasn't thinking clearly. Please don't take it to heart."
“I didn’t take it to heart,” Zhan Xinyue said.
"That's good." Shi Ziqian smiled slightly. "Sit down for a while."
Zhan Xinyue nodded and walked towards the sofa. She was a little absent-minded as she walked, and accidentally knocked over a small box on the side of the cabinet, causing its contents to spill onto the floor.
"Excuse me." Zhan Xinyue quickly bent down to pick it up.
The box was full of odds and ends, and the more Zhan Xinyue picked them up, the stranger they seemed. The items all looked vaguely familiar. She saw several faded aquarium tickets, a deflated dolphin-shaped balloon folded neatly, and even an old school brochure with a familiar face in the group photo…
A slight thought struck her, and she suddenly noticed another strange note.
It was a somewhat old piece of paper with glue marks on it, but it was well-preserved and floated out slightly as the box fell.
Zhan Xinyue reached out to pick it up and saw printed black characters on the slip of paper. At the beginning was a number, followed by three words.
A new moon appears.
She paused, staring at it for a few more moments.
One hand picked it up first.
Shi Ziqian half-squatted down and carefully examined the note. The loose sweater had been very flattering, and she hadn't yet noticed how thin he had become. But from her angle, she could see his collarbones, which were now deeply protruding beneath his collar.
In my memory, he was always thin, but not like this. He was so thin that even his oversized clothes couldn't hide his obvious sickness.
Zhan Xinyue glanced at it, her eyes stung, and she quickly looked away, asking softly, "What is this?"
Shi Ziqian put the note back in the box and continued picking up the things on the ground one by one: "You may not remember, but once during a monthly exam you were in Class 10 and happened to be sitting at my desk."
Is that true? Zhan Xinyue had no recollection of it.
"This is your name tag. It was originally stuck on the corner of my desk, but I put it away after the exam."
Shi Ziqian finally put everything back into the box and placed it back on the table before looking at Zhan Xinyue. Seeing her staring intently at him, he said awkwardly, "Were you scared? I know it's strange, I'm sorry."
“I’m a very nostalgic person, so I always unconsciously collect a lot of things related to the past. You were right the other day, it seems like I’ve been trapped in the past and can’t get out. You’re already moving forward, but I’m the only one still stuck in the same place.”
“Actually, there are very few things worth remembering from the past for me.” Shi Ziqian leaned his head against the cabinet next to him. “So it seems like I’m always trying to preserve the memories I want to keep in some form, but it doesn’t seem to be of any use.”
Long, long ago, when she was just beginning to experience love, Zhan Xinyue used a similar clumsy method when she had a crush on Shi Ziqian. She carefully collected all the notes they had exchanged and pasted them into a notebook.
She probably never imagined that there was another person in the world just as foolish as her.
Zhan Xinyue spoke in a hoarse voice, "Shi Ziqian, am I worthy of your affection?"
“Of course you deserve it, you’re very, very good,” Shi Ziqian said.
"But I haven't been good to you at all, I'm really sorry."
“You’ve been very good to me. There are many things you may have forgotten, but I still remember them.” Shi Ziqian slowly shook his head. “Don’t say sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just don’t like me. It’s not your fault.”
Zhan Xinyue couldn't speak, she could only keep shaking her head.
Shi Ziqian looked at her and smiled softly. He seemed very tired, and gradually closed his eyes, his voice low: "It's okay. It seems that in this life, I have never been chosen by anyone I care about. The people I wanted to keep have all left in the end."
Zhan Xinyue said, "You're not even 19 yet, what are you talking about for a lifetime?"
"Not even 19 years old?" Shi Ziqian smiled with his eyes closed. "I feel like I've lived for far too long, so long that I'm a little tired. Zhan Xinyue, life seems really meaningless."
"How could it be boring? University life has just begun. Everyone says that university is the best time of one's life..."
"Is that so?" Shi Ziqian finally opened his eyes and leaned against her, gazing at her. He had been smiling the whole time, a smile of relief that she had never seen him smile like before.
"Then you must live well," Shi Ziqian said. "Zhan Xinyue, I hope you will always be happy."
The overhead light shone on his hair, making his skin appear translucently pale.
Shi Ziqian's smile must be very handsome; she had seen it before, and at that time, she was so amazed that she couldn't take her eyes off him. But seeing him smile like this now, Zhan Xinyue felt her eyes uncontrollably sting.
This feeling had occurred many times before, before they parted ways in high school, when he appeared in front of her after drinking.
Only this time did she seem to suddenly understand where this emotion came from.
Some say that if you start to feel sorry for someone, it might mean you've fallen for them.
But it seems she discovered it too late.
Zhan Xinyue glanced away, secretly wiping the corner of her eye, before looking at him again: "Shi Ziqian, since I came to Beijing, I've spent most of my time near the school and haven't gone to the suburbs yet. Have you heard that many people like to go to the suburbs for spring outings? Spring in Beijing is beautiful, and I really want to go and see it."
"Then let's go take a look." Shi Ziqian was still smiling, his eyes gentle and smiling, with sparkling light in his pupils. "Go do what you want to do. You have plenty of time, don't waste it."
He straightened up: "Zhan Xinyue, I'm very happy that you came to see me today. Now you should go and live your own life."
“But I don’t want to go alone.” Zhan Xinyue didn’t reply, but just stared at him intently, continuing the previous topic, “So, if you eat well every day, let’s go together when it gets warm in the spring.”
Shi Ziqian's smile finally changed slightly. He stared blankly at her, as if he couldn't understand.
"Why aren't you saying anything?" Zhan Xinyue pursed her lips. "I don't know if saying this is a bit... Since you said life is meaningless, then... what if you were with me?"
Zhan Xinyue carefully considered her words before speaking again solemnly: "Shi Ziqian, would you like to come with me? I think since life is so boring, maybe the two of us can find some interesting things to do together."
After a long, long silence, Zhan Xinyue didn't speak again, but just stared at him with unwavering determination.
Shi Ziqian finally spoke, his voice hoarse: "What does it mean to eat properly?"
"I don't know either." Zhan Xinyue thought for a moment, "How about we eat together from now on? I'll know just by looking at you every day."
After returning to her dormitory, Zhan Xinyue made a phone call to Pang Yun.
The dormitory was empty, the lights were off, and it was quiet. Zhan Xinyue leaned against the table and asked Pang Yun, "Mom, if I were to date in the future, what kind of boyfriend would you want me to find?"
Pang Yun laughed on the other end of the line: "What, our Yueyue has grown up and has a boy she likes?"
Zhan Xinyue lowered her head, her toes shuffling on the ground. "I just wanted to ask first."
“Okay, it’s fine to ask first.” Pang Yun smiled openly. “I think any kind of boy is fine. He doesn’t have to be too handsome or from a wealthy family. As long as he is hardworking, good to you, and you like him, that’s enough.”
"What does this mean?" Zhan Xinyue continued grinding her hands. "If a guy is very good-looking and comes from a wealthy family, much better off than ours, does that mean I'm not good enough for him?"
Pang Yun said, "So that's how it is. It seems that Yueyue has fallen for a boy who is excellent in every way."
Zhan Xinyue quickly replied, "I meant if."
"What do you mean by 'good enough' or 'not good enough'? If you ask me, no guy is good enough for Yueyue!" Zhan Wei's raised voice suddenly rang out.
"Mom!" Zhan Xinyue exclaimed, "Why is Dad here too?"
“I had it on speakerphone, and he happened to be right next to me,” Pang Yun said cheerfully. “I’m not letting him hear it now; I’ll go to the balcony and talk to you.”
After a series of footsteps, Pang Yun's voice rang out again: "Yueyue, your parents' expectations for you have never changed. We just hope that you can live a simple and happy life. What Mom said at the beginning was not because she thought you didn't deserve better, but because she felt that as long as you can choose someone, your parents will not be critical of you. We will like him no matter what."
“Yes, Mom,” Zhan Xinyue said softly.
"Just like your dad said, in our hearts you're good enough for any guy. If you like someone, be bold and don't underestimate yourself."
"Exactly! Who could be unworthy of you? If you ask me, even someone with your looks and family background from high school would be a good match for you, let alone any other guy!"
Zhan Xinyue's hand trembled, and she almost dropped her phone.
Two seconds later, Zhan Xinyue called out again, "Mom! Didn't you go to the balcony? Why is Dad still here?"
After hurriedly hanging up the phone, Zhan Xinyue's entire face burned.
Zhan Wei hadn't seen many of her other classmates, so he probably didn't mean anything by saying that, but she couldn't help feeling guilty when she heard it.
After a while, there was a sudden "whoosh" sound in the dormitory.
A head slowly peeked out from behind the curtain of the upper bunk bed.
"Zhan Xinyue." Yi Qing's face was shocked, and his eyes were filled with murderous intent. "You'd better tell me honestly what's going on."
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