Chapter 113
He seems to be losing control.
The door clicked softly because of her movement, and Shi Ziqian turned around to look.
Zhan Xinyue pushed the door open completely and went inside: "When did you come back? Why didn't you say anything?"
"New Moon, you're here." Shi Ziqian stood up, picked up his phone and glanced at it. "I just arrived a little while ago. Didn't I tell you? I probably forgot. I sent you a message and then it was time to board."
"Okay, I was thinking you might arrive late, so I came over to feed Panpan, but it seems I won't need to."
Panpan ran in with her, and when she heard her call her name, she barked twice and then ran around in circles at their feet.
Shi Ziqian rubbed his temples and said softly, "Oh, Panpan, I'll go feed it."
Zhan Xinyue glanced at his desk, a little confused. "What are you doing?"
On the table were several carving knives and some scattered pieces of wood, carved haphazardly, making it impossible to discern what they were.
"I was trying to carve something, but I ruined it all." Shi Ziqian casually swept the sawdust and the few pieces of wood on the table into the trash can, then walked over and put his arm around her waist. "I'm sorry, Xinyue, I stood you up tonight. Did you have dinner properly?"
"I've eaten." Zhan Xinyue carefully observed his expression. The room wasn't brightly lit, and in the dim light, he looked a little tired. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him and said, "How come you're so exhausted after just two days?"
"It's not that I'm tired, it's just that I'm not used to sleeping in the same bed at night and didn't sleep very well."
Zhan Xinyue reached out and patted him on the back. He smelled of sandalwood, which was very pleasant. "Then you should get some rest tonight. I'll go home early too."
Shi Ziqian didn't let go, and tightened his grip on her waist slightly. "Xinyue, stay tonight."
Zhan Xinyue stayed, but Shi Ziqian was acting strangely tonight. Like her shadow, he followed her wherever she went.
After they showered, Zhan Xinyue was blow-drying her hair in front of the mirror when Shi Ziqian leaned against the doorframe, tilting his head to look at her. Panpan squatted at his feet, her round eyes also fixed on her.
Zhan Xinyue found the scene both heartwarming and amusing, and couldn't help but laugh, "Why are you two staring at me like that? Are you afraid I'll run away?"
Shi Ziqian walked in, closed the door behind him, and locked Panpan outside, which made Panpan scratch at the door a few times in dissatisfaction. "Hmm, I was afraid you would run away."
He put his arm around her waist from behind and looked at her through the mirror.
The bathroom was still very steamy after the shower, and the mirror was fogged up, vaguely reflecting the two figures. In the mirror, she was surrounded by him, appearing somewhat petite next to his tall frame.
"You're holding me too tight, I can't blow on it anymore."
Shi Ziqian didn't move. Zhan Xinyue couldn't see his expression through the mirror, so she turned her head to look at him. Shi Ziqian kissed her on the lips and then took the hair dryer from her hand.
"I'll blow it."
He bent down and carefully dried her hair. Zhan Xinyue tilted her head in annoyance: "That's the downside of having long hair; it always takes a long time to dry it."
"It's okay, leave everything to me from now on." Shi Ziqian held her waist, gesturing for her to turn around, then lifted her up with one hand and placed her on the sink. "Long hair looks good."
He lowered his eyes slightly in front of her, reached out and grasped her long hair that hung down to her chest, and gently brushed it with a hairdryer.
She followed his gaze downwards. The silk nightgown, made of soft material, became even thinner and lighter, clinging to her skin, after being soaked by her wet hair. Zhan Xinyue shifted her arm uncomfortably, trying to cover herself, but Shi Ziqian held her waist and pressed it down.
"Don't move, or you'll get burned by the hot air."
"Oh..." Zhan Xinyue dared not move, shifting her gaze away and pretending not to notice the ambiguous atmosphere, instead staring at him.
Shi Ziqian's hair was still damp, with strands hanging down, making his eyebrows and eyes appear even darker.
Her gaze slowly shifted to his hand holding the hairdryer, a hand as white as jade, with distinct knuckles and clearly visible blue veins taut at his wrist.
"What are you looking at?" Shi Ziqian asked.
The warm air from the hairdryer blew across her hair as he moved, brushing against her thin nightgown and making her feel a slight itch.
Because the door was closed, the temperature in the air seemed to rise higher and higher with the two people's hot breathing and the continuous hot air from the hairdryer.
"Look at you." Zhan Xinyue looked up and smiled, her eyes crinkling, while reaching out to poke his waist.
Shi Ziqian pressed her hand down, and the sound of the wind stopped without her noticing.
Zhan Xinyue raised her head and met Shi Ziqian's dark eyes.
Before she could say anything, his kiss landed heavily on her lips.
Perhaps her actions were a bit too much; Shi Ziqian's kiss tonight was very forceful, sucking and biting her lips hard, his movements almost fierce. Feeling the undeniable pain on her lips, Zhan Xinyue pushed him slightly, but instead of moving him, he pressed even closer.
As their lips entangled, she helplessly braced her hands on the table behind her, and when she opened her eyes, she saw that Shi Ziqian's eyes were red at the corners.
She vaguely sensed that Shi Ziqian seemed to be losing control.
He pulled her back by the waist, and as her back pressed against the cold mirror, she finally regained some of her senses and managed to mumble a few words: "Not here, go to the bed..."
As he carried her out, she dazedly turned back and saw that the bathroom mirror was completely fogged up from the heat of their kiss, making it impossible to see anything.
As her body sank into the soft mattress, her breath was filled with Shi Ziqian's omnipresent scent.
The longing I felt after not seeing each other for two days was finally relieved for a moment, but it still doesn't seem to be enough.
Zhan Xinyue took a breath and said softly, "Ziqian, I miss you a lot when you're not around."
Because of those words, Shi Ziqian landed an even more intense kiss on her lips.
Zhan Xinyue was so stunned by the kiss that she barely managed to reach out and turn off the bedside lamp. Instinctively, she hugged his lean waist tightly and responded to him.
The two kissed for an unknown amount of time, until she was panting heavily. Usually, they would stop at this point, but today Shi Ziqian's kisses gradually moved to her ear, traveling down from her ear.
The straps of her nightgown had slipped down at some point, and her mind went completely blank.
The two had never been so close before, so close that the only things left in the world were their breaths, heartbeats, and the touch of their skin.
Just as the string in her mind snapped completely, Zhan Xinyue seemed to hear Shi Ziqian's voice ringing in her ears: "Xinyue, if I don't stop, will you blame me...?"
Zhan Xinyue was still in a daze and blankly took his arm.
Shi Ziqian's voice was hoarse as he called out again, "New Moon..."
Zhan Xinyue finally realized what was happening and, blushing, whispered in the darkness, "No."
Shi Ziqian stopped.
He buried his face in her long hair for a while, then turned over, pulled the thin blanket over her, and said, "Go to sleep, I'm going to take a shower."
Only when the sound of running water came from the bathroom did Zhan Xinyue slowly shrink into the covers, thinking: Didn't I just take a shower...?
After taking a shower, Shi Ziqian did not return to bed. Instead, he came over and turned up the air conditioning temperature for her: "You can sleep here. I'll sleep next door."
Zhan Xinyue pulled the blanket up a little and whispered, "Actually, you can sleep here too."
Shi Ziqian bent down and kissed her hair: "Then neither of us will be able to sleep tonight."
Perhaps because she slept too long at noon, Zhan Xinyue woke up once in the middle of the night.
She glanced at her phone; it was past 1 a.m. Just as she was about to close her eyes again, she suddenly heard a very faint sound outside. She initially thought it was Panpan making the noise, but then she heard something fall to the ground, as if Shi Ziqian had gone out.
Zhan Xinyue got up and gently opened the door, where she saw Shi Ziqian. He was standing by the water feature, bending down to pick something up from the ground.
She watched for a while, then reached out and turned on the light.
Shi Ziqian instinctively closed his eyes when the light suddenly came on, and Zhan Xinyue was also startled. She shielded her eyes with her hand and asked, "Why aren't you asleep yet?"
"I'm a little thirsty, I'll get up and get some water," Shi Ziqian said.
After her eyes adjusted to the light, she saw that he was holding a bottle in his hand; it seemed to be the thing that had fallen to the ground earlier. She took two steps closer and saw the words on the bottle, a sense of panic rising within her: "Why is he taking sleeping pills?"
Shi Ziqian casually put the bottle down and walked over. "Why are you awake? I just couldn't sleep tonight, and I thought I had some medicine at home, so I took one. It's nothing."
"Why didn't you wake me up if you couldn't sleep?" Zhan Xinyue carefully observed the expression on his face but found nothing unusual. "Sleeping pills are addictive, and taking too many will harm your health."
"Yes, I know." Shi Ziqian held her hand and said gently, "It's okay to eat one occasionally."
Zhan Xinyue hesitated: "Eating it once in a while is fine, but I heard that you..."
"I don't know what you heard Wu Chuni say," Shi Ziqian said, "but some things are just her wild guesses, don't take them too seriously. I haven't taken these medications since I've been with you. I bought them a long time ago, and I searched for them for a long time today."
Zhan Xinyue felt a little more at ease. "Next time you can't sleep, just tell me. Don't secretly take medicine by yourself anymore."
Shi Ziqian laughed: "Okay, I'll wake you up next time I can't sleep."
Zhan Xinyue smiled and said, "Okay."
Shi Ziqian lowered his head and kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep. I'll have some water."
He turned around, and Zhan Xinyue stood behind him watching him as he bent over to pour water. With his slightly hunched back, his clear spine stood out against the soft fabric.
Shi Ziqian still seems very thin, much thinner than I remember him looking in high school.
As Zhan Xinyue pondered the question for the second time, a thought suddenly struck her, and she picked up the medicine bottle beside her.
The bottle felt light and flimsy; there wasn't much medicine left inside.
She turned the bottle around to reveal the production date printed on it.
Two months ago.
By then, she had already been with Shi Ziqian for quite some time.
Wu Chuni's words from before flashed into her mind. She had said that Shi Ziqian had a severe sleep disorder and often had to take large doses of sleeping pills. Zhan Xinyue had always kept this in mind. After they got together, she asked Shi Ziqian many times how his sleep was now, and he always said it was fine, so she believed him.
She recalled that she had wondered before why Shi Ziqian was still so thin even though he ate with her every day.
She remembered waking up in the middle of the night when she was sick and seeing the deep, tired bluish tinge under Shi Ziqian's eyes.
She recalled many details, and although so many details subtly indicated that Shi Ziqian's condition was not as good as it seemed, she took it for granted that insomnia was a psychological problem, and since the two of them were living happily now, he should have recovered long ago.
Shi Ziqian didn't know what she was staring at in the bottle, but suddenly realized something, reached out and took the bottle, placing it on the string of numbers.
After a moment, he apologized in a low voice: "I'm sorry, Crescent Moon, I didn't mean to lie to you. I just didn't want you to worry."
Seeing that Zhan Xinyue's complexion wasn't very good, he hurriedly continued to explain, "Actually, it's not a big problem. I've never been a good sleeper. I used to sleep in the classroom a lot in high school because of this. I could never fall asleep when I was alone at night, and the noise in the classroom during the day would actually make me sleepy. But I'm much better now."
“But you don’t need to take medication in high school.” Zhan Xinyue looked directly at him. “Shi Ziqian, you said you don’t like being lied to, and so do I. So, I want you to tell me the truth: is your sleep disorder still very serious?”
Shi Ziqian stared at her for a long time, then let out a soft breath.
“I admit that I was still taking medication during the early stages of our relationship. Because…” His eyes glazed over for a moment, “Back then, we had just started dating, and I was probably not used to this sudden feeling of happiness. I started to feel a bit insecure, so my insomnia was even worse than before.”
Zhan Xinyue's heart sank little by little. She had always thought she would bring Shi Ziqian happiness, just as he had brought her. But it turned out that, in ways she didn't know, his worries were even heavier than before, and she was completely unaware of it.
She quickly lowered her head, fighting back the tears welling in her eyes: "Why didn't you ever tell me? Why didn't I notice at all? I'm such a terrible girlfriend..."
"No, it's not like that. It's my problem. I always overthink things." Shi Ziqian hugged her tightly and gently patted her back. "Besides, it only happened when we first got together. I don't think like that anymore. I haven't taken any medication since summer vacation. I feel great every day now, and I sleep very well. Today was just an accident. You can believe me."
"Really?" Zhan Xinyue asked him again anxiously, "Are you really better?"
“Really,” Shi Ziqian said firmly, “I swear.”
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