Chapter 52
I've always envied him.
Xu Shen smiled and said, "What a coincidence, that's what I was thinking too."
The crescent moon remained silent, which could be considered an admission.
The two said goodbye to her and walked onto the sidewalk. Xu Shen suggested, "We're so full from eating, let's walk for a bit before we call a taxi?"
Zhan Xinyue lowered her eyes and said, "Okay."
Where do you live?
"It's right on Liyuan North Road."
"That's quite close, it should only take about half an hour to walk there, right?"
"About that," Zhan Xinyue said. "About twenty minutes."
The two walked slowly side by side down the empty street. It was past ten o'clock, the night was quiet, and there were few people on the road. The gentle night breeze blew her skirt, and there was a slight chill in the air.
Xu Shen walked beside her, so close that Zhan Xinyue could almost feel his body temperature and breath beside her.
Xu Shen had been talking nonstop at the karaoke bar, but now that it was just the two of them, he quieted down.
Zhan Xinyue walked with her head down, and some yellow leaves fell on the road, making a rustling sound when she stepped on them.
"Are you cold?" Xu Shen asked her.
"It's not cold."
"oh……"
Zhan Xinyue glanced at him and saw that his fingertips were constantly rubbing the hem of his clothes, unable to hide his restraint.
She lowered her head again, feeling an overwhelming sense of desolation.
She cherished and repeatedly recalled many memories of her past life with Xu Shen, which made each moment exceptionally clear.
That same night, Xu Shen walked her home for the first time. At that time, they were both young, reserved and awkward.
This same street seemed so long in her memory. The two walked very close, yet neither spoke first. After a while, she glanced sideways at the boy beside her. His eyes were fixed straight ahead, and his hand, which was closest to hers, seemed unsure of what to do, constantly rolling up and down the other sleeve.
She looked away from him, but she kept feeling his gaze fall on her and then quickly move on. When she looked over to investigate, he had already looked away, his hand behind his head, as if nothing had happened, and he just smiled with his lips pursed.
After repeating it several times, Zhan Xinyue's brows furrowed with annoyance at his laughter, and she couldn't help but ask him, "Why do you keep staring at me?"
Xu Shen blushed slightly when she asked him that question.
A few seconds later, his clear voice rang in her ear, his tone a mix of roguishness and candor: "I'll watch."
Before Zhan Xinyue could respond, he lowered his voice slightly and added softly, with a hint of unusual unease: "She looks good in a dress."
A night breeze brushed against the hem of her skirt, causing it to ripple like flower petals. She reached out and pressed it down, taking a long time before looking at him again.
After he finished speaking, he immediately looked away, not daring to look at her, unsure where to place his gaze. His eyes were curved, shining as if they held starlight.
Her gaze fell into his bright eyes, and as if burned, she hastily looked away. She looked down at her toes, suddenly feeling that even walking had become a strange and unfamiliar thing.
...
"I came here suddenly today, do you think it's a bit inappropriate?" Xu Shen spoke gently to her from the side. Zhan Xinyue came back to her senses: "The birthday person invited you, why should I think it's inappropriate or not?"
Xu Shen's eyes relaxed a bit: "That's good. I was worried you'd be unhappy."
Zhan Xinyue turned her head and saw him smiling with his head down and lips pursed.
The boy standing beside her was still the same as she remembered, his face revealing the undisguised thoughts of a young man. But she was no longer the naive, joyful girl she once was.
People say that sometimes the ignorant are the happiest. Zhan Xinyue couldn't help but wonder if she would be much happier now if she had been reborn just a second before she discovered Xu Shen's shameful secret.
She might then regard her rebirth as a reward from heaven, and gratefully and joyfully relive every moment of her acquaintance and love with Xu Shen.
However, the reality was that at this moment, her mind was uncontrollably filled with images of him and Xie Wanzhi leading the child out together. It was just a very short moment in her long life, but it had already become a nightmare she could not escape.
The child looked to be about two or three years old, and how many lies and deceptions must have been committed over the years.
After more than a decade of love and companionship, there may be moments of conflict and weariness. She can tolerate his momentary wavering, but she cannot accept his complete betrayal. After all, attraction may be instinctive, but fidelity is a choice.
This relationship had long since rotted away, or rather, meeting Xu Shen was a mistake from the very beginning.
She didn't hear a word Xu Shen said on the way, until she saw the gate of the residential area in the distance and stopped: "I'm here. Thank you for bringing me. You should go home soon too."
"Okay, how come we're here so fast?" Xu Shen scratched his head. "Well then, see you on Sunday."
Zhan Xinyue nodded. Xu Shen looked at her, his eyes filled with deep reluctance. He seemed to want to say something, but after hesitating for a long time, he simply waved his hand and said, "Go on in, I'm leaving."
Zhan Xinyue gave him a few deep looks, then turned and left, a thought suddenly flashing through her mind.
She still doesn't understand why Xu Shen fell in love with her. In her past life, she was gentle, but in this life, she often showed Xu Shen a cold shoulder, yet he still seemed to like her. In her past life, he said it was love at first sight, but can love truly blossom between two people who meet for the first time?
She used to believe it; novels often depict this: the instant you see someone, you know they've found the one. She always thought Xu Shen and she were destined for each other, but now she suddenly has some doubts.
Xu Shen is so likable that he appeals to all ages. He can even make Lao Fang smile. In his previous life, Zhan Wei and Pang Yun also liked him very much, otherwise they would not have entrusted their business to him in the end.
She was an only child, and her family was quite well-off; everyone in her class who knew her even slightly knew this. Especially after Zhan Wei overcame this difficult time, her family's assets increased dramatically. She and Xu Shen met around this time.
What if Xu Shen's approach to Xu Shen was originally for ulterior motives?
If that's the case, Xu Shen, you're truly a terrible person.
"Xu Shen—" She had already walked quite far when she suddenly turned back, ran a few steps, and called out.
Xu Shen remained standing, watching her. When she turned around, he raised his hand and waved to her. The wind billowed his T-shirt, making him look like a poplar tree stretching in the wind.
She gazed at him for a long time, her brows relaxed, and a smile slowly appeared on her face.
"See you the day after tomorrow, Xu Shen."
Xu Shen met her bright, smiling eyes, paused for a moment, then smiled back, his face beaming with undisguised joy: "Xinyue, do you know, this is the first time you've ever smiled at me on your own initiative."
After leaving the karaoke bar, Shi Ziqian didn't leave immediately. Instead, he stood alone at the entrance, tilting his head back slightly, lost in thought for a while. Finally, he crossed the street and sat down on the stone steps behind the bus stop across the street. Hidden by the bus stop sign, it was a corner that would hardly attract anyone's attention.
He took out a cigarette case from his pocket, put a cigarette in his mouth, and lit it.
Through the wisps of smoke, a few cars sped past on the road ahead, and occasionally a pedestrian hurried across, their faces blurred with worry. Across the street, the neon lights of a karaoke bar flickered under the shadows of tree branches. Further away lay a residential area, its lights just coming on, the smoke rising from countless homes. Everything seemed distant and cold, utterly irrelevant to him.
He sat there for what seemed like an eternity when he heard clear voices from across the street. The students from the private room had come out together and were standing on the side of the road, waving goodbye to each other.
As the crowd gradually dispersed, he saw Zhan Xinyue and Xu Shen exchange a glance and leave side by side.
He lit another cigarette.
After the two walked away, he got up and followed them from a distance across the road.
He didn't know what he was doing. Perhaps he had already foreseen the outcome, but he was still unwilling to give up and wanted to see it with his own eyes.
At the entrance of her residential compound, he saw Zhan Xinyue, who had almost entered the compound, turn back after their parting, run back to Xu Shen, and say goodbye to him with a smile.
He had never seen her so emotionally expressive.
So, when she truly cares about someone, it's so intense, direct, and obvious. Not ambiguous, not something that requires him to search for traces in the smallest details.
As the smoke dissipated, he bit his cigarette, gently tugged at the corner of his mouth, and smiled.
Shi Ziqian's fantasy of being loved is also a form of mental illness.
When Shi Ziqian returned home, Zhu Qing was sitting on the sofa watching TV with their two children in her arms. Hearing the door open, Shi Qiao tilted her head to look at him and called out in a childish voice, "Brother."
Zhu Qing turned around as well, and her smile seemed a little awkward when she saw him: "Oh, Ziqian is back. Is it because of the opening ceremony with your dad tomorrow?"
Shi Ziqian had indeed intended to upset Zhu Qingshu by agreeing to Shi Yuesheng's request that day, but he wasn't in the mood to pay attention to her now. He went straight in and went around to the garden from the other side.
As soon as he entered the garden, he took out another cigarette and lit it.
"Didn't you say you were quitting smoking? Are you just lying to a child like this?" A voice drifted down from upstairs. Shi Qiyue was leaning on the balcony railing, glancing at him sideways. "Are you so upset about having to entertain Dad tomorrow?"
Shi Ziqian didn't look up, nor did he put out his cigarette; he remained silent.
Shi Qiyue smiled maliciously: "Go ahead and smoke. I've always said why quit smoking at such a young age? We should enjoy life while we can. At worst, we'll just live two years less."
Shi Ziqian ignored her nonsense, turned around, walked deeper into the garden, and found a bench to sit down.
From this angle, he could still see Shi Qiyue in the distance. She was still on the balcony, no longer looking this way, her face propped up lazily, her hair sticking up unruly.
He thought that he probably looked like this on a normal day—cold, hard, and sharp, the kind of person who would hurt others if you got too close. Because he had never been properly loved, and he didn't know how to get along with others.
Unlike those children who grow up being loved from a young age, forever like colorful candies—warm, whole, and irresistibly inviting—like Zhan Xinyue, or… Xu Shen.
He was unwilling to admit that he had always envied Xu Shen.
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