Chapter 80
Do you hate me that much?
Everyone seemed startled, whether by Zhan Xinyue or by Old Fang downstairs, no one knew. Xin Wenhua, who had been making the most noise earlier, had somehow retreated to his seat when he realized the situation was turning against him.
Among the crowd, Xu Shen's expression was the most composed; apart from being a little pale, he showed no other expression.
Zhan Xinyue did not answer, but stared at him for a while. Suddenly, the face of the person in front of her overlapped with a memory from her past life.
In my memory, Xu Shen rarely showed such an expression when he was with her, except for one time.
At that time, she and Xu Shen had been married for four or five years but had no children. Later, the two went to the hospital for a check-up, and the doctor, holding the report, said to them regretfully, "This lady may have a hard time having children."
Hearing the sound, Zhan Xinyue turned to look at Xu Shen. She had expected him to show shock or pain, but he did not. He simply stared at the doctor for a moment and calmly said, "It seems I have no chance of having children in this life." Then he gently took her hand and said, "Let's go."
Xu Shen was like this: he never concealed his joy or anger on ordinary days, and all his emotions were openly written on his face, but when faced with a major event, he would not show it at all.
Much later, Xu Shen told her that he was actually very, very scared at that moment, afraid that she would leave him.
"With your personality, you'll definitely feel like you owe me something, don't want to hold me back, and then think about pushing me away."
"My mind went blank at that moment. I didn't dare to look at you, afraid that you would say something that would hurt me."
“I’ve never cared about having children, but I’m afraid you’ll think I do.”
At that moment, his love burned her heart with a bitter taste.
Even now, recalling that scene still fills her with a bittersweet feeling. They were so deeply in love. Xu Shen, in all those days and nights after your betrayal, did you ever think back to those moments when you were truly in love?
Zhan Xinyue snapped out of her daze, looked at the young man before her, and said, "Because there's no need. Xu Shen, my patience with you has reached its limit."
After a long silence, Xu Shen forced a smile and asked, "Do you hate me that much?"
"Yes, I hate it." Zhan Xinyue said, enunciating each word clearly. "I beg you to leave me alone. Stop clinging to me like a piece of chewing gum that you can't shake off. Can't you find someone else you like?"
Her voice wasn't quiet; it was just loud enough for everyone standing around to hear clearly. Everyone's expression turned awkward.
Xu Shen managed a forced smile amidst the sympathetic and mixed gazes of the crowd.
"knew."
More people entered the classroom, looking puzzled at the group standing motionless. After a moment, Xu Shen pushed aside the two people beside him and walked out of the classroom alone.
"Where are you going?" someone asked worriedly.
"I'm going to turn myself in to Lao Fang." Xu Shen's voice was as usual, still carrying his usual humor, only his tone was a couple of decibels lower. "Let's see if we can get some leniency."
After he left, Zhan Xinyue also turned and left, going straight back to her seat.
The remaining people looked at each other for a while, and still no one spoke. The crowd dispersed in silence.
After Zhan Xinyue sat down, she lowered her head and started rummaging through the bottom cabinet for the books she needed for her morning reading. As she reached out, she inexplicably touched a square box in the bottom cabinet.
Just then, Dai Yun, who was in the front row, hesitated and turned around. She looked at Zhan Xinyue, who was expressionless, and hesitated for a long time before cautiously saying, "Xinyue, don't be angry. Today's incident is actually all the fault of those boys in our class. It's not entirely Xu Shen's fault."
Dai Yun was also in the classroom, but she didn't come over to make a fuss; she just sat in her seat.
"When I arrived this morning, I saw everyone surrounding Xu Shen and making a fuss about him, insisting that he had secretly slipped you a love letter. Later, I overheard them saying that he had arrived at the classroom alone this morning and secretly slipped something into your locker, but he was caught by a few people who came in after him."
"Xu Shen explained that it was a birthday present for you, but everyone wouldn't let him go and insisted that he take it out to see. You know, Xu Shen is very close to all the boys in our class, and none of them know their place. They just grabbed it from him. After they found out it was indeed a present, they started arguing about opening it to see what was inside. Xu Shen wouldn't let them see, and the group of them pulled and tugged at it for a long time. In the end, a letter actually fell out... and then, you came."
Zhan Xinyue pulled out the box she had touched. It was a colorful cardboard box, carefully bound with cable ties, but it had been torn to pieces.
Each side of the cardboard box had colorful pictures. At first, she thought they were included with the packaging, but upon closer inspection, Zhan Xinyue discovered that each picture was drawn stroke by stroke with colored pens.
“I wonder what Xu Shen wrote in that letter. If it really is a love letter as they say… then he’s definitely doomed,” Dai Yun said.
Zhan Xinyue didn't respond; her eyes were downcast, and it was unclear whether she was even listening.
"Um, aren't you going to open it and take a look?" Dai Yun asked.
"I'm not looking anymore." Zhan Xinyue's hand, which had been resting on the cardboard box, remained still, and she pushed the box back into the cabinet.
"Actually, I think..." Seeing her actions, Dai Yun hesitated for a long time, unable to utter a complete sentence, and could only shake her head, "Sigh, never mind, I'll go to the office to hand in my worksheet."
There was still a stack of math worksheets on her desk, collected after last night's class, which she hadn't yet handed in to the office.
Zhan Xinyue, who had been keeping her head down and silent, suddenly raised her head at this moment: "I'll go and pay it for you."
Dai Yun was taken aback. "Huh?"
"Give it to me." Zhan Xinyue had already stood up, picked up the study materials from her desk, and walked outside.
There were hardly any people in the hallway outside. Knowing Lao Fang's style, Zhan Xinyue had expected to hear his shouts from a distance, but there were none. The office was completely silent.
As she approached, she found the office door ajar. Zhan Xinyue pushed it open and entered, still hearing no sound. Just as she was about to assume that Lao Fang and Xu Shen weren't there, she spotted them in the corner.
Old Fang wasn't tall, and his shape was almost square, making him look rather comical standing opposite Xu Shen. However, given the atmosphere in the office, few people who saw this scene would likely find it funny.
Normally, when Lao Fang reprimands students, he is always as impassioned and loud as someone with hyperthyroidism, but today he is unusually silent, exuding a calm that seems to be brewing a storm.
Zhan Xinyue silently walked to the seat next to math teacher Chen Rui. He wasn't there. After putting down her worksheet, Zhan Xinyue lowered her head and slowly began to count the worksheets.
She counted the stack of worksheets once, and it seemed like she was missing two, so she started counting backwards a second time. Halfway through this count, she heard Old Fang finally speak, and his first words were: "Xu Shen, to be honest, I've always thought you were a very excellent student."
His voice wasn't loud, but he didn't try to hide it from people. At this time, besides Zhan Xinyue, there were a few other students in the office. Although no one dared to openly look in that direction, their eyes were glancing in that direction intentionally or unintentionally.
Upon hearing Lao Fang's words, some people showed confused expressions, clearly not understanding what he meant. However, Lao Fang quickly continued.
"Not only me, but many teachers in the grade have a very high opinion of you. My educational philosophy has always been to respect individuality and differences. For students like you, I have never thought about smoothing out your edges and sharpness. On the contrary, I hope to provide you with a suitable environment for growth and allow you to have different developments at school."
“You insisted on transferring classes. There has never been such a precedent in the high school. Once this door is opened, who knows how many people will follow your example? So at the time, almost everyone was against it,” Lao Fang said. “I was the one who made the decision under pressure and agreed! Of course, your Class 1 homeroom teacher also made a guarantee. He said that although you have an outgoing personality, you are not a person who acts arbitrarily. Since you want to transfer classes, you must have your reasons.”
“You said you weren’t used to the teaching style of Class 1, and we were afraid that the school’s lack of openness and tolerance would hold you back. As for the broadcast incident, your explanation was full of loopholes, but in the end the school didn’t investigate further. Because we chose to believe in you, we believed you were a good student, we believed you were sensible, and we believed you could take responsibility for your choices and your life.”
"Including the outrageous things you did before, the school's punishments for you were all bark and no bite. Do you see the teachers protecting you from that?"
At this point, Lao Fang paused for a few seconds. Zhan Xinyue's hand, which was resting on the study table, also paused for a few seconds. After a brief silence, a "snap" was suddenly heard.
Zhan Xinyue's brow twitched, and she looked up.
The other students were also startled by the sudden noise and were all staring in that direction.
Old Fang, who had been calm all along, finally lost his temper and slammed the rolled-up paper tube into Xu Shen's face. "And this is how you repay us! Tell me, who have you ever been fair to?"
It was just a rolled-up paper tube, so hitting someone in the face might not have much force, but the sound of the air being compressed when it was swung around was exceptionally loud, making everyone's heart tremble.
Xu Shen stood still, letting the paper slide off his face and onto the ground without picking it up.
"Xu Shen, I'm so disappointed in you." Old Fang's forehead veins bulged, as if he still had a lot to say, but in the end he just waved his hand fiercely, "I have nothing more to say to you, go back."
Old Fang left directly, and the wind that slammed the door as he walked out carried the light, fluttering piece of paper, which eventually landed not far in front of Zhan Xinyue.
This handwritten letter from Xu Shen must have gone through some kind of scramble when it reached the ground floor; it's now crumpled and tattered. It had already been discarded once, and now, for the second time today, it's been thrown away like trash.
Zhan Xinyue stared at it for a few seconds, and seeing that no one around was paying attention, she took a few steps forward, bent down, and picked it up.
At this moment, she finally saw the contents of Xu Shen's so-called "love letter" for the first time.
new moon:
I opened the letter and felt relieved.
As I write this letter, I'm standing alone on my dorm balcony. Looking out, the campus is utterly peaceful, and a full moon hangs high in the sky, its gentle light illuminating the world. It seems so far away, yet also so close, making me want to look up and gaze at it. On this tranquil night, I think of you.
You asked me why I like you, and I've actually thought about that question for a long time. If you ask me the same question again now, I will still answer you: liking someone doesn't need a reason; it's disliking someone that does.
At first, I just thought teasing you was funny, but I don't know when it started, I began to look forward to seeing your smile. Because you always had a cold face when you saw me, that smile was very precious to me. You only smiled at me a few times, and you may have forgotten, but I remember every single one of them. I couldn't help but want to be the one who could make you happy, and I did a lot of silly things for that.
This was the first time I liked a girl, and I wanted to do every romantic thing I could think of for her, without considering whether my actions were what you wanted. For this, I want to say sorry again. I don't expect your forgiveness, but I hope you'll give me a chance to make amends.
I started planning your birthday surprise a long time ago, probably thinking of dozens of ideas. Back then, every time I imagined your surprised and delighted expression, I couldn't help but feel secretly happy. But now that your birthday is almost here, I'm at a loss for what to prepare. My previous presumptuous actions have already caused you too much trouble, and I'm afraid of making things worse again. So this time, I've finally decided to stick to the most conventional approach, hoping it won't bother you again.
I've prepared a birthday gift for you, just like every time before. I don't mean anything by it; I just want you to be happy. Please accept it without feeling guilty.
Whether it was transferring classes or the broadcast that day, everything I've done has always had a simple purpose: to see you more, to see your smile, not to get your acceptance. Although it turns out that those thoughtless thoughts only led to mistakes, my wish has never changed.
I should go to sleep now that I've written this far. There's already a soft snoring in my dorm room, and the streetlights on campus have long been off. Luckily, there's moonlight to keep me company as I write this letter.
A full moon is good, and so is a new moon.
Happy Birthday, New Moon!
Xu Shen.
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