Chapter 112
◎The Secret of Annihilation◎
When Zhan Xinyue struggled to wake up, the dormitory curtains were drawn tightly shut, and the dim room made it impossible to tell the time. She pulled out her phone and saw that she had slept for a long time; it was already past 3 PM, something she rarely did.
Zhan Xinyue slowly sat up in bed, still emotionally disoriented, her mind sluggish, unable to distinguish whether what she had just experienced was merely a dream or something else entirely.
The phone she was holding lit up, indicating a new message.
Zhan Xinyue immediately remembered that Shi Ziqian was coming back today. As if she had found her pillar of support, she finally calmed down from her daze and reached out to turn on the light.
The message was indeed from Shi Ziqian. She had messaged him before going to sleep at noon, asking what time he would arrive at school. Shi Ziqian had replied that he might not arrive until the evening.
His new message reads: I'm going to rush back early so I can make it to dinner with you.
Zhan Xinyue smiled and replied: Okay, I'll wait for you.
After replying to the message, she felt much more relaxed. Perhaps because no one was in the dorm, she had such a bizarre dream. She shook her head, about to put her phone down, when she suddenly noticed a text message from an unknown number, so she casually opened it.
I'm at the gate of University A, can we meet?
It is signed at the end: Xu Shen.
The dream she had just experienced intertwined with the name before her eyes, and Zhan Xinyue suddenly felt disoriented again.
If it weren't for this dream, she wouldn't have thought of that name for a long time.
She stared at the screen for a long time, making sure the text message was real and not that she was still in a dream, before replying: "There's no need for us to meet, is there?"
A new message came quickly: I'm going to military academy. This trip was just passing through Beijing; I probably won't have many more opportunities to come out. I just wanted to ask you one question. I'll leave immediately once I get the answer, otherwise I might never be able to move on from this.
In the period immediately following her rebirth, she often wondered what kind of life Xu Shen would lead in the world she had left behind. Perhaps he would feel a little guilty about what he had done at some point, or perhaps he had long forgotten about her, the dead person, and naturally started a new life.
But that dream revealed a possibility she had never considered: after her death, he had actually left with her.
Zhan Xinyue sat there holding her phone for a while, then replied with a single word: Okay.
She felt she should see him, not because of the information he provided, but because after that dream, she suddenly felt it was time to formally put an end to that past.
There were some tourists taking photos at the school gate. Zhan Xinyue couldn't spot Xu Shen at first glance until someone walked up to her and waved. Xu Shen had changed a lot; his hair was shorter and darker, and his whole demeanor was completely different from what she remembered.
"Long time no see." Xu Shen's pale eyes scrutinized her for a moment. "How have you been?"
Zhan Xinyue nodded: "I'm doing very well."
Xu Shen looked at her serene face, then glanced at the school gate behind her: "To be honest, hearing you say that makes me feel quite conflicted."
Zhan Xinyue said, "I am indeed doing very well now, and I'm sorry to have disappointed you."
Xu Shen shook his head: "It's not that I want you to have a bad year. How should I put it... I've had a very painful year. Seeing you doing so well, I can't help but feel a little unspeakable. I originally thought that even if you didn't suffer as much as I did, you would at least feel a little guilty and regretful when you think of me from time to time."
“That’s not how it is,” Zhan Xinyue said. “In fact, I’ve almost forgotten about you.”
Xu Shen was silent for a moment, then smiled and said, "That's fine too. I should have forgotten you a long time ago."
Zhan Xinyue paused for a moment, then asked, "How did you know I was studying here?"
“I ran into some people from Class 10 having a gathering a few days ago, and we chatted for a bit. They just happened to mention you. You know, I’m kind of a part of Class 10 myself,” Xu Shen said. “I was passing through Beijing before the start of the semester, and I thought I’d try contacting you, since we might not have many chances to see each other again.”
Zhan Xinyue remembered that Class 10 was having a reunion. She wasn't very interested in this coincidence, so she asked directly, "What do you want to ask? Just say it."
"Then I'll be frank." Xu Shen thought for a moment and slowly began to speak. "Actually, during the year I spent repeating my studies, I've been holding back a lot of resentment. Maybe it's because I'm unwilling to accept it. I don't understand why, when I liked someone for the first time and gave them my whole heart and passion, I was treated like trash and trampled on in every way. I'm not someone who can't accept defeat. I tried my best to pursue them, and even if I failed, I would accept it. But for more than a year, I still can't understand why you hate me so much. Are the things I did really that bad?"
Zhan Xinyue remained silent. Xu Shen continued, "I've thought about it over and over again, and I always feel like there's another reason, but I can't figure it out. It's almost become a demon in my heart. So I've gradually developed an obsession: I want to see you again and seek an answer from you face to face. Zhan Xinyue, why do you hate me so much?"
Zhan Xinyue gently twirled the hem of her clothes with her fingertips, looked into his stubborn eyes, and pondered for a moment: "Xu Shen, I had a dream that we were together and even got married. But later you cheated on me and had a child with someone else."
Xu Shen was stunned: "So you hate me because of this dream?"
The crescent moon nodded.
Xu Shen seemed to find it absurd, yet also relieved, and chuckled twice: "Well, although it seems unbelievable, I've finally found a reason to let it go."
Zhan Xinyue asked, "Do you believe this reason?"
Xu Shen: "Whether I believe it or not is no longer important. Originally, this was just an obsession in my heart. I was determined to find an answer. Now that I have obtained it, it seems that the answer itself is irrelevant."
After a few seconds of silence, he suddenly said, "The fact that you have a dream like this means that there was actually a possibility that we could have been together."
Zhan Xinyue's expression remained unchanged: "Perhaps."
Xu Shen lowered his head, seemingly lost in thought. After a long while, he looked up and asked, "What happened to us in your dream?"
“There was no later,” Zhan Xinyue said calmly. “You died in a car accident before I woke up.”
"That's good." Xu Shen nodded. The eyes that used to smile in his memory were no longer habitually curved, and he looked much more mature. "If I really did such a thing, then I really deserve to die."
Zhan Xinyue's eyes flickered, but she didn't reply.
She had been pondering a question: was today's dream just a dream, or was it a reality that occurred in a world that no longer belonged to her?
She may never get an answer, but she knows that, whether now or in that world, she will never have anything to do with Xu Shen again.
"This is my first time at A University, and it may be my last." Xu Shen looked at the A University emblem for a moment and said softly, "Looking back now, I was really crazy in high school. The phrase 'youthful and reckless' is really true. I can hardly believe that I did so many willful and reckless things."
His gaze shifted to Zhan Xinyue. Her eyes were calm, no longer the way they had been when she had spoken those hurtful words to him. As she had said, she did seem to be doing very well.
He still had something to say, but after gazing at her silently for a moment, the last vestige of his obsession vanished. Yes, youthful folly! No matter how much resentment one harbors during adolescence, it's time to move on. The past should have been completely let go long ago.
"Thank you, I have to go now." He smiled. "Zhan Xinyue, can I give you a hug before I leave? Consider it a farewell. I don't know when we'll meet again."
After thinking for a long time, Zhan Xinyue nodded: "Xu Shen, we will not meet again."
It was a brief embrace. Zhan Xinyue and Xu Shen had embraced countless times before, but none of them were like this one, where both felt only a sense of peace.
When Xu Shen gently embraced her, his expression was complex. Perhaps what he wanted to say goodbye to at this moment, besides her, was also that period of his youth. Just as his coming to see her this time might not have been just to seek an answer, but rather, like her, he wanted to put an end to that time.
"Then I'll be going." Xu Shen waved to her. "Goodbye, Zhan Xinyue. Best of luck."
Zhan Xinyue waved back at him, saying only, "Goodbye, Xu Shen."
Xu Shen nodded and turned to leave.
Zhan Xinyue stared at his retreating figure for a long time, until he completely disappeared at the end of the road.
She never imagined she would be so calm upon seeing Xu Shen again. She still hadn't forgiven him, but she no longer cared about him at all. She had long since moved on to a new life and a new lover; there would never be a place for him in her heart again.
With this separation and the passing of the two from their previous lives, a secret will never be known again.
In fact, the person who was infertile in her past life was not her, but Xu Shen.
That year, the two went for a physical examination together. When Xu Shen went to the restroom, their examination reports came out. Zhan Xinyue stood alone in front of the doctor, thought for only half a second, and then looked up and asked the doctor, "Can you just say that I'm the one with the problem?"
She didn't think that the inability to have children between them was a big problem; it was just that Xu Shen was always a strong-willed person, and she was afraid that he wouldn't be able to handle it, while she considered herself to be much more resilient than him.
This matter did not cause much of a stir in her heart. She never revealed a word of it to Xu Shen, nor to anyone else, and she had almost forgotten about it herself.
She never regretted this well-intentioned lie in her past life, but as it turns out, Xu Shen was not worth it.
Zhan Xinyue wasn't entirely sure whether his problem was congenital or acquired. She guessed that perhaps his overwork in business and frequent social engagements had damaged his health, and that recovery wasn't impossible. So, after seeing his child with Xie Wanzhi, she didn't think much of it, simply assuming his health had improved. But now, recalling Xu's father's attitude in her dream, she began to have other guesses. However, at this point, it was impossible to verify them.
She didn't know what would happen to him in this life, or whether he would meet someone who would treat him the way she did.
But none of that mattered to her at that moment.
After letting out a long breath, Zhan Xin took out his phone, blocked Xu Shen's number, and opened a WeChat chat window.
Looking at that familiar profile picture, the corners of her mouth gradually turned up, and she quickly sent a message: "It's 5:30, have you arrived in Beijing yet?"
Shi Ziqian did not reply.
She waited a while, patiently counting the squares on the ground, planning to go to the newly opened cafeteria near the school gate to eat the braised chicken. If Shi Ziqian arrived soon, she could meet him at the gate.
A little while later, at exactly six o'clock, the phone finally rang.
Shi Ziqian: Not yet, the flight is delayed. You go eat first, don't wait for me.
Zhan Xinyue: Hmm, how late will it be?
Shi Ziqian replied a few minutes later: It's not clear yet, we're waiting for notification, I'll let you know when it's confirmed.
Zhan Xinyue was a little disappointed and sent a sighing cat emoji: Then remember to eat something at the airport.
Being alone, she didn't really feel like eating the big plate chicken anymore, so she went to the cafeteria and grabbed a quick bite at a nearby stall. After finishing her meal, she wandered around aimlessly, deciding to feed Panpan. She wondered if Panpan would still have enough dog food if Shi Ziqian came back late.
It was already past eight o'clock when we arrived at Ziqian's house, and it was completely dark. As soon as we opened the door, Panpan excitedly rushed over.
Zhan Xinyue didn't rush to hug Panpan, because in the darkness, a room door was slightly ajar, and warm light was shining through the crack.
Unsure if he had forgotten to turn off the light before leaving, she approached with a puzzled look. Peeking through the crack in the door, she saw Shi Ziqian sitting alone under a lamp with his head down, his back to her, not having turned on the main light, and she wondered what he was doing.
She glanced at her phone again, subconsciously. The last message she had sent was still hanging at the bottom of the chat page, with no new messages replying.
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