"I want to cherish it, I want to...but, all this is not what I want...Qin Ye, you don't know how I have been through these years...I feel like I am in hell, dying and living again, living and dying again, over and over again, living a life worse than death..."

He leaned against the wall with his head drooped, and the words coming out of his mouth were indistinct.

He was burdened with the reputation of being the son of a palace maid and suffered humiliation.

The emperor's indifference, his brothers' prejudice, the palace servants' bullying... he had really had enough.

"I really want to prove myself. The only thing I want is to be able to clear my biological mother's name one day..."

He didn't want his biological mother to die and be criticized and bear the stigma.

He doesn't want to swallow his anger all his life, and he doesn't want his children to be influenced by him and suffer from him in the future.

However, Mrs. Wei hoped that he would not fight or compete, live in peace and do nothing, and live an ordinary life.

He was caught in the middle, in a dilemma.

He is in so much pain.

"No one understands me... Qin Ye, really no one can understand me... They only tell me what to do, but never ask about my wishes, respect my ideas, or encourage my choices..."

He grabbed the flagon and took another gulp of the spicy wine.

For more than 20 years, nothing has been satisfactory.

God never favored him.

Qin Ye pursed his lips. He felt like he was in hell. Wasn't she the same all these years? When had the Qin family ever treated her well? Hard times would eventually pass.

Life can be a spring.

When suppressed to a certain extent, it will bounce back with force.

No one will stay in the abyss forever.

"Don't drink anymore," he reached out and grabbed the wine jug, "Escaping from reality won't solve the problem. Life is not always smooth sailing. There will always be a time to ride the wind and waves."

Ups and downs are the norm in life.

"If it can't be solved, then let's not solve it..." He lowered his head and spoke very softly.

Since Madam Wei hopes that he will not fight or compete, then he will not fight or compete. He might as well reunite with his mother in the underworld and then kneel down to apologize.

He is incompetent and can't even protect his biological mother's reputation after her death.

He is a useless person...

He can't do anything well, and he can't do anything. His hands and feet are bound, like a puppet. He can't even have his own thoughts. What's the point of living like this?

family?

He only felt depressed and never had any happiness.

Let him return to that gloomy palace again, and he would feel like going to a grave. Rather than suffering like this, it would be better to end it all once and for all.

Suddenly, he raised his hand and smashed the wine jar, grabbed a sharp piece of it and cut himself with it.

"What are you doing!"

Qin Ye's pupils shrank slightly, and he quickly grabbed it with his hands.

Severe pain!

As soon as she felt the pain, the man hugged her. The strong smell of alcohol filled her nostrils, almost making her faint.

"Zong Zhengli..."

"Qin Ye, I don't want to live anymore. Please hug me. I feel so cold and depressed. My chest feels stuffy and I can't breathe... Am I going to die..."

He staggered against her and hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go of his long arms. He breathed in the scent of her hair and the warmth of her body, hoping that this was a dream that he would never wake up from.

or……

Let's end it like this.

He, her, and the child. Although they were not his children, he liked them as long as they were hers.

Let them be together, away from the palace, away from all the disputes and conspiracies, leave everything behind, and don't care about anything.

Be selfish for once!

Zong Zhengli hugged her tightly, and took out a dagger from his sleeve with the hand behind her back. He slowly pressed the sharp tip of the knife against her back...