"To be precise, it's because you're afraid of something that you force yourself to become someone else, putting on a mask, like a protective shield. After putting on the mask, you'll do things you wouldn't normally do, or things you wouldn't want to do. It's just a pity that it's just a mask, not the real you," Yu Jingchen continued.
"Yun'er is still afraid of me, still worried about me, right?" Yu Jingchen asked her.
Nan Zhiyun remained silent for a long while before finally nodding.
"Why? Is it because Yun'er thinks I'll be angry? Because of what happened before, does Yun'er think I'm fierce, terrifying, and cold? Or is Yun'er afraid this is all a pipe dream, afraid I'll revert to my old self? Or even worse, is Yun'er afraid of the methods I used on you before?" Yu Jingchen spoke very directly, because if he didn't say these things, Nan Zhiyun would be terrified for the rest of her life; some shadows, once cast, can never be erased.
Even when the sun came out later, it didn't work, because the shadow had taken root there, and a tree grew in the corner. Even with the sun, there was still a shadow under the tree.
After hearing Yu Jingchen's words, Nan Zhiyun remained silent for a long time.
"Is it right? Tell me, okay?" Yu Jingchen coaxed.
“…Mmm,” Nan Zhiyun agreed. She was afraid of him, afraid of his indifference, afraid of his punishment, afraid that this was a dream she would eventually wake up from, afraid that he would remain the same as before…
"So Yun'er thinks that I'm different now than I was before, right?" Yu Jingchen asked her.
Nan Zhiyun shook her head: "His Majesty is different now..."
"Which one does Yun'er think is more real?" Yu Jingchen asked again.
“I don’t know…” Nan Zhiyun replied.
"Yun'er, do you know under what circumstances this kind of mask is produced?" Yu Jingchen smiled gently.
Nan Zhiyun was puzzled.
"Actually, the mask changes when facing different people, just like when Yun'er faces me and when you face the Empress Dowager and your father. Another example is when Yun'er faces the palace servants and other concubines."
"Furthermore, the masks will be different depending on your identity. Think about it, among those people, do you have a sense of identity to them?" Yu Jingchen gave a simple example.
"So, Yun'er, I'm the same as you. I am the emperor, and the emperor's majesty is the majesty of the nation. Didn't you tell a story before? The one about the stars and the moon, the flowers and the green leaves. At that time, I said that if you feel sad for the people in the book, you should think about how to prevent these things from happening to you. There are so many people in the world, and protecting what you care about is not an easy thing."
(Refer to chapters 65 and 66)
"Back then, you asked me if I could do it. I said no. Because many things are beyond our control, and no one can guarantee that they can have complete control over everything. But there's a prerequisite before 'cannot,' which is that you only have the right to do so if you have all the power in your own hands."
“Like me, I used to only think about holding all the power in my own hands, so I wouldn’t tolerate anyone who stood in my way. Later, I gained power… but now my feelings for you are no longer under my control.” Yu Jingchen spoke slowly, and before Nan Zhi could process what he said, Yu Jingchen continued, “So, Nan Zhiyun, do you understand what I mean?”
“Nan Zhiyun, in the past, because of our positions and our suspicions, I viewed the Nan family and you as a threat and an enemy. Now… that identity no longer exists, so it’s time to take off this mask.”
“The me after I take off my hat is the me I’ve been with you all this time, except there’s something between us, and that’s your fear.” Yu Jingchen took Nan Zhiyun’s hand.
"Does Yun'er like herself this way?" Yu Jingchen asked her.
Nan Zhiyun shook her head; she didn't like herself as she was now.
"Has Yun'er ever thought about going back to how she used to be?" Yu Jingchen asked again.
"But... I can't go back. I've lost that version of myself." Nan Zhiyun seemed to have unknowingly entered Yu Jingchen's thoughts and was slowly being guided by him.
"Why can't she go back to normal? Today's Yun'er is exactly the same as before. She can be coquettish, shy, greedy, and express her needs. Especially today's Yun'er after drinking alcohol, isn't she the same as before?"
"You can't find her because you hid her, or maybe she hid herself because she was scared. Shall we find her?" Yu Jingchen coaxed her.
Nan Zhiyun looked somewhat bewildered.
"Because you're afraid of the old Yu Jingchen, you're hiding. Then let's get rid of the old Yu Jingchen. Yun'er, help me drive away the old Yu Jingchen who scares you and makes you hide, make him disappear completely, okay?" Yu Jingchen pulled Nan Zhiyun's hand and placed it on his mask.
Nan Zhiyun was a little confused and didn't know what she should do.
"Take it off, take it off and he'll be gone. He'll never appear in front of Yun'er again, okay? Take it off." Yu Jingchen continued to coax.
Whether it was Yu Jingchen's voice or some other kind of magic, Nan Zhiyun actually slowly removed the mask from Yu Jingchen's face.
Yu Jingchen's face reappeared before Nan Zhiyun's eyes, his smile gentle and warm... just like that young man from before, standing in the light, reaching out his hand to her...
“The Yu Jingchen who used to scare you is no longer here, so you won’t be scared, right?” Yu Jingchen reached out his hand, and Nan Zhiyun, in a daze, gave her hand to Yu Jingchen.
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