When I said those words, I was surprised myself.
Miscarriage and wrist-cutting are pains I've kept buried deep in my heart, never uttering a word about them.
In the past, whenever I thought about it, I would fall into a state of depression and self-attack.
Now, I can actually say it to him without thinking...
Fu Yanshen hugged me tightly from behind, his warm palms pressed against my cold lower abdomen. I shivered and shrank my neck.
The anxiety and unease during pregnancy, the despair and helplessness on cold, stormy nights, the darkness after miscarriage, the self-loathing when I cut my wrists... I still remember all the pain clearly.
"It's all my fault..." Fu Yanshen's voice trembled as he kept stroking my lower abdomen.
"You used to not want me to get pregnant, and you even said—" If I got pregnant, I would have an abortion.
I couldn't bring myself to say what came next.
Fu Yanshen rubbed his chin against the top of my head. "That night, I taught Aren a lesson for your sake. I was angry at myself for caring about you. When you said you were pregnant, I took it as you hating me and not wanting to have a child with me. I was even more hurt and said that bastard thing without thinking."
Hearing his words, I clenched my fists. He didn't know that my aversion to having children stemmed from a past life...
"Later, I got a tubal ligation. Besides the instability of our marriage, I also felt that I wouldn't be a good father. I had never experienced fatherly love, and I lacked confidence in being a competent father. I didn't want my child to end up like me... I never expected..."
His voice grew increasingly hoarse, until he could no longer speak, and he just held me tightly.
He felt he wouldn't be a good father, which is why he didn't want children, and as a result, we miscarried...
He was also in pain, felt guilty, and felt sorry for the child.
“That night, when you called me, I had just arrived at the airport. Shi Jin suddenly had an asthma attack, and I didn’t hear what you said after that… Before takeoff, I asked A Ren to look for you, and he later said that he couldn’t find you that night.”
After a long silence, Fu Yanshen spoke again, his tone bitter.
My heart ached even more, and suddenly I didn't know who to blame. He had a vasectomy, and he didn't expect me to get pregnant. After I was reborn, I fell in love with him again, but as it turns out, Fu Yanshen wasn't heartless towards me.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I rolled over, snuggling into his arms and hugging him tightly.
Fu Yanshen was stunned for a moment, then hugged me tightly.
We embraced tightly, two people in pain, licking and comforting each other's wounds.
...
I woke up in his arms, and when I opened my eyes, I was met with a very long, gruesome scar on his chest.
Does your stomach still hurt?
Fu Yanshen woke up at this moment and asked with concern.
"It doesn't hurt."
He rubbed my abdomen and said, "After we get back to Beijing, I'll find an old Chinese medicine doctor to take a look at you and give you some proper treatment."
"You were previously hospitalized at Kangci Hospital? I couldn't find your medical records."
Hearing this, I looked up at him and said, "It was Kang Ci. Bei Chen took me to the hospital that night. I haven't seen him since I woke up. I didn't go through any formalities when I was discharged. He must have taken care of them for me."
Fu Yanshen seemed to be deep in thought and remained silent for a while.
"Aren't you going to tell me what's wrong with your heart?" I asked seriously.
He was visibly taken aback.
I raised an eyebrow and stared at him.
Fu Yanshen lowered his head, his gentle gaze fixed on me. "Is it because of some past affection, or have you changed your mind?"
If I show him some concern, he'll follow up and try to gauge my feelings for him.
Real dog.
I turned away and ignored him.
Actually, I know that my feelings for him are not just a past affection.
Since he came back, I have been using reason to restrain my feelings for him. Whenever I realize that I am showing any emotion towards him, I immediately pretend to be indifferent and deliberately pour cold water on him to cover myself up.
Fu Yanshen wrapped his arms around my waist and tightened them around my waist. "It was done by my old enemies. I couldn't escape it. My heart was severely injured and ruined. I had a heart transplant and was in a coma for two years before I woke up."
He explained it to me.
Listening to his words, I suddenly remembered what Shi Jin said to me before she died. She seemed to have said, "Do you know where his heart went?"
It seems Shi Jin is trying to sow discord again.
He really had a very hard time surviving...
"Qiao Qiao?" Seeing that I was lost in thought, Fu Yanshen pinched my nose.
"That's all in the past... I'm very healthy now, and I'll definitely be able to stay with you until we grow old."
With a smile in his eyes and a slightly frivolous air, he smoothly uttered sweet nothings.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Who wants to grow old with you?"
I never thought about getting back together with him.
Instead of getting angry, Fu Yanshen laughed. Then, he lowered his handsome face and kissed me, teasing me.
"It itches... You haven't shaved..."
The man's new stubble scratched against my cheeks and the delicate, sensitive skin of my neck, tickling me and making me tilt my head back and push him away in resistance.
He pulled me close, buried his face in my neck, and started nibbling and kissing me, deliberately scratching me with his stubble.
"Fu Yanshen, I'm really getting angry!"
He finally released me, his dark eyes burning into me, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Stop fooling around... Miss, give me a chance to pursue you again? Hmm?"
I thought he would just want to get back together with me, but I didn't expect him to be so sincere in saying he wanted to pursue me...
That scoundrel of a man has changed so much.
A sweet feeling welled up inside me.
"Again? You make it sound like you used to chase after me." I said sullenly, broke free from him, and got out of bed.
"If you want to pursue me, you'd better get in line!"
After saying that, I tossed my hair and went into the bathroom.
...
I had just finished brushing my teeth when Fu Yanshen came up behind me, put one arm around me, and said, "Miss, would you like me to shave?"
He nuzzled against me, his tone...was it a little coquettish?
“Shave it yourself.” I glanced at him through the mirror.
The man in the white bathrobe rested his chin on my shoulder, looking very clingy.
"The wound is swollen, and I can't lift my arm."
I frowned, about to turn around and look at his injury, when I suddenly remembered how strong he was when he was holding me in bed just now.
Can't you lift it now?
That scoundrel, he's just pretending.
However, I still picked up the razor and shaving foam from the sink, turned around, faced him, and started shaving him.
Before, when we were still husband and wife, I was always the one who offered to shave him.
In my opinion, this is a very intimate and sweet thing between husband and wife.
Fu Yanshen kept his arms around my waist, sometimes looking in the mirror, sometimes looking down at me, with a satisfied smile on his lips.
After shaving, his fair and handsome face was flawless and absolutely stunning.
I squeezed some astringent onto a cotton pad and gently patted it around the corners of his mouth. "Shouldn't we head back to Beijing today?"
"The scenery and air here are beautiful. Why don't you stay for a vacation before you leave?" he asked.
I turned around and tidied the table. "I have a lot of work to do, I don't have time for a vacation."
This sudden and dangerous incident has thrown my work rhythm into disarray again.
Fu Yanshen hugged me tightly. "Workaholic...you used to always advise me to balance work and rest."
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