As day turned to night, she drifted through another night without realizing it. The sky was beginning to lighten, and it seemed the sun was about to rise.
"Maybe there really is no Xiaobao in this world... I never married Huo Jingsha. Now I was kindly taken in, and I even fell in love with her husband. I foolishly thought that having a child with him would make me such a promiscuous and shameless person..." Her voice was ethereal as she talked to herself. Her mind was in a daze, and she could no longer remember the past or even what she was doing.
She must have been exhausted. She searched frantically for her child for three days without sleep or rest, without a single moment of restful sleep in bed. The sun will soon rise again and shine its brilliant light as usual.
She thought that before her ugly side was fully exposed to the world, she should close her eyes and rest for a while. If she really collapsed, what would happen to Xiaobao? She couldn't live without Xiaobao, and Xiaobao couldn't live without her... On the side of the corridor, she sat quietly in a corner, her head resting against a pillar, her eyes slowly closing, and she fell into a deep sleep.
A tall figure emerged from the morning mist, his steps light yet heavy, and he walked silently to Shu Yao's side.
Huo Jingsha clenched his fists tightly, gazing silently at the girl whose face was filled with sorrow even in her sleep. In the past... when he could love her without any reservations, how much his heart ached to see her like this!
Back then, a single tear from her could break his heart, and he would stop at nothing to bring a smile back to her face. But now, he can do nothing for her anymore. Not only that, the person who wants to destroy all her happiness is himself.
Regardless of the final outcome, his goal was to keep her alive. Her memory was frozen on that night of passionate lovemaking with him; all the hurt, deception, and painful memories of the past had been forgotten. That old man truly wanted them both to suffer a fate worse than death!
His dark eyes stared intently at Shu Yao, equally heartbroken. His person, his heart, and his life were all shrouded in gloom and in complete disarray! Without Shu Yao, he didn't know what meaning there was in his life.
But compared to the suffering they both endured, he would rather she continued to live, to walk, to move, to cry, and to laugh.
He simply couldn't bear the thought of her becoming a cold corpse, slowly rotting and decaying until only a pile of desolate white bones remained. He didn't want... he didn't want his Yao'er to become like that. Although he had made her sad and tearful now, at least he could still see her and feel her vitality. If he were just a little more ruthless and decisive, making her completely forget him, she could start a new life and live happily ever after.
He truly had no power to resist. If he softened even slightly and allowed Shu Yao to still harbor feelings for him, her life would be in danger again. Heaven knows, when he slapped her across the face that day, his heart was bleeding. He even bit his tongue until it bled, his mouth filled with the taste of blood, yet he felt no pain at all, because he was numb, and he had to force himself to be numb.
Every time he heard her say she was leaving, that she wouldn't pester him or cling to him, his heart ached. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't using sweet talk, that every word he said about loving her was true, but who could really believe that?
On one hand, he hoped she would leave to reduce the torment for both of them; on the other hand, he feared that if she really left, they would be separated forever, severing all contact. The thought of this made him feel like he was dying, and he could only follow her like a ghost every day, trying to increase his chances of seeing her.
He hated it! Why couldn't he bear all of this himself? Why did he have to watch the people he loved suffer? This feeling was worse than death. The old Taoist was right; this was truly the most painful price he had ever paid in his life.
One last glance at the only woman he had ever loved, his only wife, a deep, bitter taste rose in Huo Jingsha's throat, causing her eyes to tighten and well up with tears. A desolate smile played on her lips as her palm lingered on her pale face, reluctant to stop, truly reluctant… But she was alive, a gift he had forced. Even with the pain, even with the heartbreak, he could only endure it, until she gave up, until she completely forgot him…
*** ***
In March, early spring had arrived in the north. Rain mixed with snow pattered down. In a secluded patch of grass in the backyard, Shu Yao held a muddy cloth net, soaked by the rain. It was a cradle she had made for Xiao Bao. On sunny days, she would have Chunlu and the others tie the net to a large tree and place Xiao Bao on it to sway and sunbathe. She had embroidered the character "Bao" (meaning "treasure") on it. She remembered clearly that once, because of a threatening downpour, they had rushed off and forgotten to take the net down. When Chunlu came looking for it, it was gone. Perhaps it had been blown away by the wind, which was why she had found it here today!
This is enough to prove that... Xiao Bao really exists, and everything that happened before was real. She is not mentally unstable as they say! The rain from the sky is getting heavier and heavier, pelting down on her, but Shu Yao is fearless and stands there unmoved.
When you're at your lowest point, you can always find a way out, no matter which way you go.
Her heart was pounding like a drum, roaring against the wind as dark clouds gathered.
That man, the man she wanted to be buried with even in death... how could he treat her like this?
Shu Yao's pale lips were pressed tightly together. Since he could disregard their past relationship, she had nothing left to hold onto. If he liked her, then let him and Yue Fang be together forever. As for the truth behind the matter, she was too lazy to investigate; it was meaningless to her now. From now on... her only purpose in life was to find Xiao Bao. She and her son could not be separated. If she lost her son, she would not die in peace!
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