His eyes, bloodshot and crimson, stared at the letter in his hand hundreds of times!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! ... His clenched fist suddenly loosened, and the letter floated back onto the table like a lost ghost. Huo Jingsha hung his head, his shoulders slumped, looking as颓废 (颓废 is a difficult word to translate directly, but it implies a state of listlessness, apathy, and apathy) as an old man, seemingly even shorter. He was utterly drained of all his strength. He knew that it wasn't Yao'er who was dying, it was him...it was him!
She made it so obvious—rejection, rejection, and alienation. She had clearly given up on him, but he chose to ignore it and insisted on forcing her to accept reality.
How could he ignore her stubbornness? How could he think she had changed her attitude so easily? How could he not have noticed that she was outwardly convinced but inwardly not? He was too confident and underestimated her determination. It turned out that she had never compromised or yielded in the slightest. All she had shown him was to lower his guard.
So he drove her away, and lost her...
He hadn't slept for several days and nights, neither eating nor feeling hungry, nor sleeping nor feeling tired, relying entirely on his last breath to keep going. He dispatched a large number of imperial guards to search the entire city for Shu Yao's whereabouts, but unfortunately, there was no news at all for several days. Even the Emperor was alarmed and sent people to inquire about the situation. In the end, the Dowager Consort, who was very close to Shu Yao, summoned him to the palace and scolded him.
“Commander Huo, how can you force a cow to drink water if it doesn’t want to? This is your family matter, and I, an old woman, shouldn’t interfere. But Shu Yao and I are good friends despite our age difference. Since something happened to her, I have to criticize you a bit. Even if you want to take a concubine, shouldn’t you have informed her in advance so she can be mentally prepared? How could you just bring someone back like this without any warning? No one can stand that, right? As husband and wife, you should consider each other more.”
The Dowager Empress pounded her cane with anger, finally sighing with disappointment, "Alas, don't be fooled by Shu Yao's gentle and unassuming appearance. She's actually incredibly stubborn and never backs down easily. Yet you were relentless, pushing her to the brink. She even abandoned her son, whom she'd only acknowledged for a few months, to leave you. Are you happy, smug, and satisfied now? Are you planning to elevate that concubine to the status of wife someday? I always thought you were someone who wasn't easily swayed by beauty, even sending such a celestial beauty to the Emperor. I thought highly of you. I never imagined you'd be so foolish as to favor a concubine over your wife."
Huo Jingsha didn't utter a single word in rebuttal. He just knelt there listening, his face ashen, completely devoid of his former radiance and domineering presence.
But he was not happy, not proud, and not satisfied. On the contrary, he was sad, grieving, and in pain, and even felt that his soul was empty.
After leaving the palace, he rode his horse and searched the capital city day and night. He tirelessly ran back and forth to every place they had ever been to—theaters, silk shops, jewelry shops, pastry shops, academies…any place that had even the slightest connection to her.
He even went so far as to send a letter by carrier pigeon to Qi Fei, asking if Shu Yao had gone to seek refuge with him. But five days passed, and the letter seemed to have sunk into the sea without any response.
Then... he galloped wildly on horseback like a madman, and on the way to their assassin headquarters, he ran his horse to death. He fell off the horse, but still limped on and on. He thought that Yao'er might go back to being an assassin in a fit of anger.
Heh... Even then, he was still deceiving himself. She was trying to escape that place, why would she walk right into a trap and go back? She wouldn't go back, she wouldn't go back to any place he could find. She had chosen not to have him, not to have Xiao Bao. She left just as she had come, without warning, and in a hurry.
Huo Jingsha slumped behind a large tree, slapping himself repeatedly and pounding his chest until blood trickled from the corner of his mouth, yet he still wouldn't stop. He hated himself; why couldn't he be as heartless and ruthless as before? If he could have let go of his old friends and hadn't insisted on bringing Luo Wenpei into the manor, would none of this have happened?
Shu Yao won't leave, and he won't be caught in the middle. Xiao Bao... Xiao Bao won't be without a mother...
Thinking of this, his nose and eyes suddenly stung, and then a tear uncontrollably streamed down his cheek, landing with a "plop" on the back of his hand.
This seemed to be the first time he had shed tears since he was old enough to understand things.
Looking up at the sky, he saw dark, heavy clouds, as if a violent storm was about to strike. The sky was very similar to the scene when he went to pay respects to his ancestors on Qingming Festival, which suddenly reminded him of what she had said to him in the carriage on the way back...
She said, "You are my husband now, the one who is with me day and night. I think, if one day you are not here, how can I sleep?"
She said, "My husband has a bright future ahead of him and will surely rise to a higher position. I hope that when you are at the peak of your career, you will still remember what I said today and not forget who I am while embracing other women."
She said, “I know you are a man of your word, and I… am always fair. The more you love me, the more I will love you; the more loyal you are to me, the more devoted I will be to you. If you cherish me for the rest of your life, I will also consider you my dearest husband. If you do not change your heart, I will not change my heart either.”
And how did he answer? Yes! He solemnly assured him, "I will not change my mind, I will not change my mind. I am not the kind of person who is fickle, how could I possibly change my mind? I swear to heaven, if I ever abandon Yao'er after taking advantage of her, may I be struck by lightning..."
As it turned out, a series of rumbled thunderclaps did indeed sound in the sky. Looking back now, it's as if the heavens knew he would eventually betray his vow and were warning him not to make rash oaths, or he would not escape divine retribution.
Back then, she had already made it so clear, so why would he insist on going his own way? She didn't want to compete for favor with other women in the marriage; she wanted him to love only her, to never leave her, to be with her through thick and thin. She mistakenly thought that she had lost her place in his heart, that he loved Luo Wenpei more than her... This was the biggest problem! But heaven knows, he had never felt even the slightest romantic affection for Luo Wenpei.
He roared wildly at the boundless grassland, driven mad by her misunderstanding. Wiping away his tears, he ran like a madman along the official road. He wanted to find her and tell her, "You Shuyao, you're wrong. I love you, and it's always been only you. I truly and genuinely love you. No one has interfered between us. You don't need to compete with anyone for me, because I belong entirely to you!"
Yue Ping couldn't stand it anymore, so he boldly pressed his pressure point to put him to sleep and took him back to the Huo residence.
But his dreams were filled with Yao'er: Yao'er smiling, Yao'er angry, Yao'er pouting and refusing to listen... Countless Yao'ers wove a net that bound him tightly.
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