Chapter 105: Do you truly mean what you say?
The emperor was stunned for a moment, then flew into a rage, grabbed a cup and threw it. But before the cup left his hand, he remembered that it was Qi Jingxuan and slightly shifted his grip.
The teacup shattered beside Qi Jingxuan. He turned his head and closed his eyes, his mind blank.
How many people can a person truly give their heart to? If a heart can be divided into several pieces, then why demand that the other person give them their whole heart and remain devoted to them for life?
My mother has been forced to stay in the palace for over ten years. Her health was already poor, and she doesn't have much time left. Why can't she be allowed to leave the palace and live the life she wants?
The emperor looked at his most beloved son, filled with resentment. He was angry at his impulsiveness, angry at his ignorance, and even more angry at his attempt to forcibly take Consort Shu away from him.
Just now, when the palace attendant announced Prince Jin's request to see him, he knew what he wanted to say. To calm him down and prevent him from saying anything impulsive, he interrupted him twice, subtly reminding him to be mindful of his words. But this boy is truly spoiled; he completely lacks the ability to discern the Emperor's intentions and didn't understand what he was saying at all, ultimately blurting out those words anyway!
Why should they take Consort Shu away when they were clearly engaged and should have been husband and wife?
He didn't know that the marriage would be null and void after he was made crown prince. Before entering the capital, he had happily told her that he would make her empress when he became emperor.
He thought the crown prince was second only to the emperor, but once he became emperor, even that position would disappear. At that time, he would be the ruler of the country and could do whatever he wanted.
But when he arrived in the capital, he realized... it wasn't like that at all.
Once you enter the capital, the imperial city, you'll find yourself with many things beyond your control. What time you get up, eat, and sleep each day is all planned out; what you learn and do is also planned out; who you marry… that too is planned out.
He had asked about the marriage he had arranged earlier, but Grand Tutor He and the others just smiled faintly and ignored him.
They vied for the positions of Empress, Imperial Concubine, and even arranged for the ranks of Consort and Concubine, but no one ever asked for his opinion.
At one point, even which concubine he slept with each day was arranged for him. He could only watch different women come and go in his bed, unable to distinguish one from another. He even couldn't tell at one point whether it was the concubines serving him or him, the emperor, serving him.
Fortunately, the late emperor had foreseen all of this and, in order to prevent the imperial power from falling into the wrong hands, left enough contingency plans to help him overcome the difficulties. He endured humiliation and hardship, and finally gradually gained power, no longer having to be like a stud pig, having to listen to others even about who he slept with.
He could finally bring A-Ning into the palace, make her a concubine, and spend his life with her...
But now, his child with Aning, his most beloved child, is going to take Aning away from him.
"In my entire life, only your mother has ever been the woman I truly wanted to marry. You are her son, and even if others may not know how much I love her, you should know it too. Ah Xuan, how could you bear to say such things? How could you bear to take her away from me?"
The emperor looked at Qi Jingxuan, his voice sorrowful and his words earnest.
Qi Jingxuan was still puzzled: "But Father, if you truly love someone, shouldn't you think what she thinks, worry about what she worries about, and make her happy? This palace life is not suitable for Mother at all, she..."
And what about you?
The emperor suddenly interrupted sharply: "You speak so eloquently, but have you done the same for Shen? If you are so understanding of her, why did you tear up her divorce papers?"
"Don't think I don't know. On the third day after Prince Ning's rebellion, she wanted a divorce from you. You tore up her divorce papers and begged her to stay!"
"Shen never intended to marry into the Prince's household; she was forced into this marriage. Now you're keeping her by your side, haven't you considered whether she's willing, or worried about whether she can adapt to life in the Prince's household?"
As he spoke, he stood up, picked up a wooden box from the antique shelf next to him, took out a piece of paper from it, and threw it in front of Qi Jingxuan.
"The original divorce agreement was in duplicate, and I have another copy here. If you are true to your word, give this copy to Lady Shen and see if she still wishes to stay by your side."
"If she doesn't want to, are you really willing to let her go?"
The emperor leaned down, pinched Qi Jingxuan's chin, and lifted his face: "Ah Xuan, you and I are the same. The only difference is that I can keep your mother, while you... can only weep and beg Shen not to abandon you!"
Qi Jingxuan's face was lifted up and then slammed back down. He stared blankly at the thin piece of paper on the ground, his ears ringing as the emperor's words echoed repeatedly.
Have you ever done this for the Shen family?
Have you ever considered whether she would be willing?
Do you... truly mean what you say?
Am I... true to my word?
Qi Jingxuan took the paper and walked out of the Imperial Study, out of the palace gate, and onto the Imperial Street.
He forgot that he had come by carriage, and he couldn't hear He Yuan and the coachman's calls and dissuasion. He just clutched the paper tightly and cried all the way back to the palace.
When Shen Yan saw Qi Jingxuan with swollen eyes from crying, she was startled and went up to ask what happened.
Qi Jingxuan had only been shedding tears, but upon seeing Shen Yan and hearing her voice, the sorrow in his heart poured out, and he couldn't help but cry out again.
He hugged Shen Yan tightly, but couldn't say a word, only kept shedding tears.
Shen Yan was confused and could only let him hold her, gently patting his shoulders and back to comfort him.
Everyone else in the room left. The two of them hugged like that for an unknown amount of time before Shen Yan finally coaxed Qi Jingxuan to sit down on the daybed. She took out a handkerchief to wipe his tears and asked him again what had happened in the palace.
Wasn't he supposed to go to the palace to inquire about today's imperial edict? How come he's come back like this? Could there be some other meaning behind that imperial edict?
Qi Jingxuan shook his head stiffly, still not saying a word. Shen Yan noticed that he was holding a piece of paper in his hand and tentatively tried to take it out to look at it. However, Qi Jingxuan seemed to be pricked and suddenly shuddered, instinctively pulling his hand back.
Seeing his strong reaction, Shen Yan was afraid of upsetting him, so she withdrew her hand and said, "If it's something important, put it away first. You'll break it if you keep holding it like that."
Qi Jingxuan looked down at the crumpled piece of paper in his hand and remained silent.
The tears he had just wiped away rolled down again. He covered his face with one hand and wept, while still clutching the piece of paper tightly in the other.
Shen Yan didn't know what had happened and had no way to comfort him, so she could only sit silently with him.
It's unclear how much time passed before Qi Jingxuan finally stopped crying.
He hastily wiped away his tears with his sleeve, forced a smile, and handed over the piece of paper in his hand: "Aci..."
His voice was hoarse when he opened his mouth, like someone sawing wood.
He choked up twice, almost bursting into tears, but forced them back and continued, "This is...this is the divorce agreement, you...keep it safe."
Shen Yan was taken aback. She took the document and glanced at it. Sure enough, it was a divorce agreement, exactly the same as the one that Qi Jingxuan had torn up before. The Emperor and Consort Shu had both affixed their seals, and Shen's father had also signed it. Only the date section was blank.
Divorce papers should ideally be made in duplicate, in case either party reneges on the agreement. Although Shen Yan had only seen one copy, she knew that her father had signed another copy in the palace, so this must be the one.
The emperor originally did not want Shen Yan to be Qi Jingxuan's legal wife, so Shen Yan always thought that the divorce agreement was kept by the emperor as a backup, so that he could justifiably drive her, his unsatisfactory daughter-in-law, out of the palace at any time in the future. But now, this divorce agreement has appeared in Qi Jingxuan's hands.
What exactly happened in the palace today?
Shen Yan asked again, but Qi Jingxuan still shook his head, saying only, "It's nothing. I'll be leaving the capital next year, and you might not be used to living in your fiefdom. Your parents-in-law... and Lord Shen are all in the capital, so you must be worried. Therefore... a divorce is actually... quite good. Last time was my fault. I shouldn't have... shouldn't have torn up your divorce papers, shouldn't have... only thought of myself."
He suddenly stood up and said, "I have something else to do, I'll go out for a bit."
After saying that, he ran out without looking back, his back view looking very disheveled.
Before Shen Yan could say anything, he fled like a gust of wind. She sat blankly in the room, staring at the divorce papers in her hand, lost in thought for a long time.
…………
Qi Jingxuan did not return to the main courtyard that day; he simply found a guest house to stay in.
He dared not watch Shen Yan leave, afraid that he would regret it and want to keep her. Whether it was crying and begging, throwing a tantrum, or tearing up her divorce papers again... he could not do such a thing again.
But he couldn't help but ask the servants what Shen Yan was doing and whether she was still in the manor.
There was no movement from the main courtyard until evening. Qi Jingxuan knew that Shen Yan would not leave today, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He hoped that tomorrow would never come, but he also knew how ridiculous his thoughts were.
He kept his eyes open, waiting until dawn, but the continuous weeping during the day had exhausted him so much that he fell asleep without realizing it.
When he woke up, it was already broad daylight.
He subconsciously looked for Shen Yan's figure, and only after glancing at the unfamiliar furnishings in the room did he remember what happened yesterday. He sat up abruptly from the bed.
Aci
Has Aci already left?
He had been thinking yesterday that he shouldn't see Shen Yan before she left, but only half a day later he regretted it. What if Aci had already left, and he would never see her again?
The capital city is so big; if one person is determined to avoid another, it's possible they'll never see each other again. He should at least... at least see her one more time, even just once.
Qi Jingxuan hurriedly slipped on his shoes and ran outside. He ran all the way to the main courtyard, only to find the rooms empty, with only a few maids sweeping the yard.
He stared blankly at the empty room, the neatly arranged teacups, and the untouched books.
Everything in the room was so tidy, even the bed was made so neatly that it looked like no one had ever slept there, all of which indicated that the person who stayed here had left long ago...
So early? Don't you even want to see him?
Yes, why wait for him? He clearly ran away yesterday; he didn't want to come back.
Qi Jingxuan stumbled to the bedside and lay down on the bed that Shen Yan had slept on for several months.
He hugged the blanket, buried his face in it, and smelled the familiar scent, his shoulders gradually trembling.
The sobs were muffled by the covers, tears soaking the pillow. She cried like this for an unknown amount of time when a familiar voice suddenly came from behind her: "Your Highness, isn't it inappropriate to get into my bed wearing shoes?"
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