Chapter 94 Sober Now that she had a chance to get out, she really didn't dare miss it...
Qi Yunying was unaware that she had escaped a calamity because of Consort Jia's dying wish. After leaving the Imperial Study, she cursed inwardly the palace servants for their nonsense, which had caused her to lose face in front of her father today.
The thought that Qi Yunxiu had witnessed his humiliation filled him with even more shame and anger. He abruptly stopped and turned around, saying, "Who told you to meddle in other people's business?"
Qi Yunxiu had been following behind her, but she didn't expect her to stop suddenly. She almost bumped into her head-on. After taking two steps back to steady herself, she subconsciously apologized: "I...I'm sorry."
She hadn't expected the news to be false, and now she'd made such a fool of herself. And...and she'd even gone outside the palace today to plead with her seventh brother and sister-in-law; wouldn't this only make things more complicated?
Qi Yunying originally wanted to argue with her to vent her anger, but seeing how easily she apologized and gave in, it was as if she had punched cotton. She lost all interest in arguing and finally just said, "Don't think I'll be grateful to you," before turning around and continuing to stride forward.
Qi Yunxiu was still thinking about Shen Yan and Qi Jingxuan. She mumbled, "I didn't mean that," and followed after them, her mind full of worries.
The two sisters walked one after the other along the palace path, as usual, as if nothing had happened.
…………
What do you mean by "pretending nothing happened"?
At the Prince of Jin's residence, Qi Jingxuan stared blankly at Shen Yan, his expression a mixture of confusion and fear.
"Aci, what...what are you saying?"
Shen Yan lowered her eyes, her hands twisting together on her knees: "My marriage to the Prince was due to fate, not mutual affection. Now..."
"How could I not admire you?" Qi Jingxuan interrupted. "I admire you! I've always admired you, Aci! I've said it so many times, don't you remember?"
"Then I can say it again, I can say it many, many times! Aci, I like you, I really like you!"
“Initially, I did get to know you because of the incident at the Marquis of Cheng’an’s residence. At first, I was indeed… I was indeed not good to you. But that was because I misunderstood you. I thought you were like those other people, either flattering me or intentionally framing me. Later, I realized that I had misunderstood you and that you were not that kind of person. I regretted it very much and regretted that I shouldn’t have treated you that way before.”
He seemed to realize something at this point: "You're still angry with me, aren't you...? Then hit me, yell at me, whatever, as long as you feel better, but... please don't say things like that."
His voice trailed off as he spoke, and he almost pleaded as he held Shen Yan's hand.
Shen Yan never looked up at him, but her hand, which was being held, was slowly pulling back.
"I'm not angry, nor am I saying these things on impulse. What happened at the Cheng'an Marquis's residence wasn't our fault, and I don't blame the Prince for it. It's just... we were married because of a misunderstanding, and now that the misunderstanding has been cleared up, why continue this marriage? Let's pretend nothing happened, and we can divorce each other in the future..."
"But it clearly happened," Qi Jingxuan interrupted again. "Those things, they really happened! We met, we got married, we got to know each other and overcame difficulties together—all of that really happened!"
"If that misunderstanding hadn't happened, would the prince have proposed to me?"
After a moment of contemplation, Shen Yan suddenly asked this question.
Qi Jingxuan was taken aback and couldn't respond for a moment.
Shen Yan smiled faintly and calmly stated the facts: "No, that's not true. The prince initially proposed to me in order to break the deadlock, and I agreed in order to break the deadlock as well. We both know this."
"Our marriage was a mistake from the start, and now that we're divorced, it's like setting things right."
Qi Jingxuan felt a lump in his throat, his lips moving but he couldn't find a way to refute it.
He didn't know what was wrong with Shen Yan today. Why did she suddenly say she wanted a divorce? Clearly... clearly the hardest time was over, why did she have to say goodbye now?
He knew Shen Yan wasn't the type to joke about such things, so from the moment he heard her mention those two words, his heart sank, hoping to persuade her to give up the idea. But how could he possibly win an argument with her? He had never been good at reasoning.
"Is it Li Jiu, or Gao Zheng? They're the ones talking nonsense in front of you, aren't they? I'm going to find them!"
Qi Jingxuan suddenly stood up and rushed out, looking like he was looking for a fight.
Shen Yan quickly grabbed him, but his momentum pulled her away from the chair, and she visibly lurched forward.
Qi Jingxuan quickly turned around and helped her to her feet. Shen Yan straightened up by supporting herself on his arm. When she looked up, she met his red-rimmed eyes, and the words she was about to say stopped in her throat.
She dared not look at him any longer, turned her head away and remained silent for a long time before saying, "This is my own decision, it has nothing to do with them."
Qi Jingxuan knew, of course, that this had nothing to do with them; Shen Yan was never the type to make such a decision based on a few words from others. He simply couldn't face Shen Yan at this moment and wanted to find an excuse to leave. Perhaps if the two of them separated and calmed down, she would reconsider and not be so insistent.
But now even this reason has been directly rejected by Shen Yan.
Qi Jingxuan raised his hand and wiped his eyes haphazardly with his sleeve, trying to remain calm as he said, "When I first proposed to you... it was indeed to resolve the matter of the Marquis of Cheng'an's mansion, but... but that doesn't mean my sincerity now is fake."
He then took Shen Yan's hand and placed it on his heart: "Aci, can't you feel at all that I truly love you and truly want to be with you? If I could meet you in a different way, I would be willing to die again. But I've died so many times, and every time I start over, it always begins at the Cheng'an Marquis's residence. I don't know how to change that. If you know, please tell me, please tell me... Let's start over, okay?"
Hearing his slightly choked voice, Shen Yan felt a pang of pity.
But she didn't make this decision on impulse; it was a well-thought-out one.
She pulled Qi Jingxuan aside to sit down, suppressed the surging emotions in her heart, and spoke again in a very calm and composed tone.
"Actually, I've been thinking about this for the past few days. I've also considered... perhaps this isn't so bad. Your Highness, you're a very good person, not as unruly as others say, and you've treated me very well..."
She paused here, and then fell silent for a short while.
Qi Jingxuan's kindness to her is hard to summarize in a single word or sentence. In the past ten years of her life, apart from her parents and family, no one has ever treated her like this.
He was so frank and sincere, never hiding his feelings. When he liked someone, he wanted to give her the best of everything. He was never stingy with his praise and compliments, always expressing his appreciation, recognition, and even admiration for her directly. He would look her in the eyes and say very seriously that she was the best and smartest person in the world.
People at that time mostly expressed their emotions in a restrained and subtle way, including Shen Yan herself. Therefore, she once greatly envied Qi Jingxuan's way of daring to express himself.
But then she thought about it carefully, and realized that if she had no feelings for him, she would probably only feel offended and resistant to this arrangement. So at that moment she realized... this forced marriage wasn't as repulsive as she had imagined, and perhaps... she was even somewhat infatuated with it.
But……
"But we're not a good match."
Shen Yan spoke these words, which she had repeated countless times in her heart, in a calm tone.
Qi Jingxuan looked at her in confusion: "What's wrong with us? We haven't known each other for very long, but it's been half a year, and we've been married for two or three months. We've been getting along really well all this time. Why are you suddenly saying we're not compatible? I haven't even counted the previous eight or nine times. If you include all of that, we've known each other for several years."
He illogically included his previous lives in order to increase his persuasiveness.
Shen Yan shook her head: "What I mean by incompatibility is not this. It's like... like how I've known Brother Gao for many years, but we're not compatible."
"That's definitely not appropriate."
Qi Jingxuan blurted it out.
Shen Yan was amused and asked in return, "Then tell me, what's wrong with us?"
Qi Jingxuan had no idea and muttered, "Anyway, it's just not suitable."
If Gao Zheng is suitable, then what about him? He's the most suitable one!
He knew that what he said was pointless, and as he was thinking about how to say a few more bad things about Gao Zheng, a sudden idea flashed into his mind, and he said, "You don't like him."
After saying that, he added, "I don't like him the way I like you."
After spending this time together, he had come to understand some things. Gao Zheng undoubtedly liked Shen Yan very much, and had probably even considered proposing to her, but Shen Yan only regarded him as a compatible friend, or perhaps an older brother from a relative's family; in short, there were no romantic feelings between them.
Shen Yan viewed Gao Zheng no differently than she viewed Xu Jinyu and the others. At most, she was a little closer to them because they were familiar with each other, but there was absolutely no romantic feeling between them.
If such a person were to like Aci, then she should... should like how she likes Aci, thinking that everything about her is good, wanting to be with her all the time, always having her eyes on her whenever they meet, and being very concerned about her every move.
He and Aci saw each other every day, yet Aci only saw Gao Zheng once every few days, and she didn't seem to treat him any differently.
Shen Yan was speechless for a moment, and for once she couldn't refute Qi Jingxuan's words.
She finally nodded and said, "I do not have romantic feelings for Brother Gao, but what I meant by 'inappropriate' is not that. What I meant... was social standing, family traditions, our respective families, and all things that are unrelated to feelings between two people but constantly affect our relationship. Simply put... it's about being too good for each other."
This was her response when Gao Zheng confessed his feelings to her.
Marriage is not simply a matter between two people, but also between two families and two clans. The Shen family was small in number, and Shen Mingshan and Madam Su doted on their daughter, so she was allowed to make all the decisions herself. However, this was not the case in every family.
How could a family of Gao's social standing possibly look favorably upon a daughter of the Shen family? If she were to marry into that family, even if Gao Zheng treated her well, there was no guarantee she wouldn't be mistreated by her elders. As time went on, if that affection also faded, she would have nothing left to rely on.
Shen Yan saw everything clearly, so in her eyes, the Gao family and the royal family were essentially the same. Both were places where she had no control over her own destiny, both were enormous cages. Whether she could live well in this cage was entirely not up to her, but depended on the intentions of others. If others treated her well, she could live well; if they treated her badly, she would be trapped within it for life, unable to escape.
She had been forced into this prison because of the Cheng'an Marquis's affair. Now that she had the chance to get out... she dared not miss it.
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Author's Note: I originally wanted to finish writing the entire storyline between the male and female leads before posting it, but after many revisions, I'm still not satisfied. So, I'll post this chapter first, and I'll slowly work on the rest. I'll post as much as I can without trying to create a complete story.
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