Chapter 29 (End) I'm the little one you can't get rid of...
The high-speed train bound for Licheng sped through the rain, raindrops pattering against the glass windows, leaving winding horizontal streaks.
Two train attendants stood beside a man who had fainted. The train's public address system repeatedly requested medical personnel to come to carriage number 3. Passengers in the same carriage peered around, also paying close attention to what was happening.
Several minutes passed, and still no one appeared. The patient's family anxiously looked around, pleading with the train conductor to search for medical personnel in each carriage.
As Chen Zhui emerged from the restroom, washed his hands, and prepared to return to the carriage, a slender figure brushed past his shoulder. Her hair was casually tied back, she wore a dark gray fitted knit sweater and matching trousers, and her silhouette was light and capable. A short-haired girl followed closely behind, calling her name softly, "Guo'er! Hey Cheng Guo, don't go! You'll be held responsible if something goes wrong!"
“Life is more important than accountability,” said the girl named Cheng Guo.
The short-haired girl looked conflicted, then quickly ran a few steps and grabbed her hand, saying, "Then we have a deal: if you can watch, watch; if you can't, don't cause trouble."
The two stopped in the middle of the aisle, blocking Chen Zhui from returning to carriage number 3. Cheng Guo, who was being pulled back by the short-haired girl, smiled shyly at him.
She nodded in agreement to the short-haired girl, then immediately turned around and continued walking, the stray hairs at her temples fluttering in the wind as she walked, brushing against her ears.
She was taller than the average girl, with slender eyebrows, gentle eyes, and a clear, determined gaze.
Chen Zhui's Adam's apple bobbed slightly. For some reason, he had a feeling that she was just comforting the short-haired girl.
When the patient's family saw someone coming, they thanked them excitedly and held up their phone to the girl, asking, "May I ask which department you are a doctor in?"
Faced with the sudden camera, Cheng Guo was clearly taken aback. Ignoring the short-haired girl tugging at her clothes from behind, she calmly replied, "I am a student at the Medical School of B University."
"Not a doctor? Then you don't have a medical license, right?"
The patient's family members didn't seem very satisfied, but having no other options, they still politely asked for help.
Shen Zhui's seat was blocked, so he didn't go over and just watched from across the crowd without moving.
Cheng Guo made the people surrounding the patient disperse, and squatted down. Shen Zhui could no longer see her figure. He was too far away to hear the conversation inside, so he looked out the window.
The rain continued unabated, and the water streaks on the windows couldn't stay on; they splashed onto the car windows and quickly disappeared.
After an unknown amount of time, the crowd stirred again. Cheng Guo had stood up, her back to him. Whether it was from the heat or nervousness, her neck was sweaty, and a few strands of hair clung to her fair skin. The family members were putting away their phones to express their gratitude.
Cheng Guo nodded and left. As the two passed by Chen Zhui, the short-haired girl next to her complained, "Look, that camera is practically shoved in your face. Family members are filming, flight attendants are filming too. If nothing happens, it's fine, but if something does happen—"
"Student." The flight attendant caught up with him, holding a pen and paper.
After leaving her contact information and school, the short-haired girl rolled her eyes. "See? It's fine if nothing happens, but if something does, it's all your fault!"
Cheng Guo smiled and said, "I studied clinical medicine precisely to save lives, didn't I?"
“There are many ways to save lives,” the short-haired girl changed the subject, and the two walked further and further apart. “Guo’er, are you really going to pursue a master’s degree? Why not go into research like Uncle Cheng?”
The onlookers in carriage number 3 had dispersed, leaving the area around Chen Zhui's seat empty. For some reason, he didn't go back, but turned around and followed the two men.
“I’m not suited for scientific research,” Cheng Guo said. “Moreover, I’d rather use my hands to save lives and provide emergency care than stay in the lab.”
"Is it because of Auntie's fainting spell?" Ruan Ning asked, linking her arm with hers.
“Part of it,” 20-year-old Cheng Guo paused for a moment, “I’ve been arranged for myself all my life, I’ve never had any ideals—”
"With limited options, clinical work is what I most want to do," 26-year-old Cheng Guo murmured softly.
She lowered her eyelashes, examined her past, and remembered more.
With her parents divorced and her father remarried, she was forced to embark on a race against others and against herself. Yu Muying and Cheng Fuyan never mistreated her materially, but they never gave her basic care, let alone a life of luxury.
Gradually, her perception of life diminished, and her needs dwindled.
If the fish in the aquarium die, simply add a hardy aquatic plant to bring some color to the empty tank.
There are no requirements for three meals a day, as long as you fill your stomach.
No need to worry about the furnishings in your home; just make sure they're functional.
She was like a sleeping clock, every step of her life planned out. All her edges had been worn down prematurely, and in the endless days of blindly moving forward, she forgot the reason for her first independent choice.
Actually, someone tried to approach her and wake her up.
Nineteen-year-old Shen Zhui was more energetic than he is now. He had talents and dreams that she didn't have, as well as persistence and drive that she didn't have. He was open about his feelings for her without any pretense, and she kissed him when she fell in love with him.
"Do you still blame me for what happened last time we parted ways?" Cheng Guo asked Shen Zhui, looking up at him.
“Strange,” Shen Zhui answered honestly.
At that time, his acting career had just begun. In Cheng Guo's view, he continued to act in order to pay off his family's debts. For him, it was because he was aware of the difference in their social status, and he needed to have a job and to be in contact with society in order to keep up with her.
But she left before he even got started.
"Still strange?" Cheng Guo asked him with a smile, "How can I stop finding it strange?"
Shen Zhui carefully observed her expression and saw that she seemed relieved, no longer troubled by the choice, but soon brought it up again.
Their problems haven't been completely resolved yet.
“You can’t break up with me,” Shen Zhui stated, “and you must tell me the reason for our last breakup.”
"You never asked, so I thought you didn't care."
“I care about everything related to you,” Shen Zhui was always honest about his feelings. He was never afraid of Cheng Guo laughing at him or knowing how much he liked her. “I just don’t dare to ask.”
Cheng Guo was surprised, but upon reflection, Shen Zhui was indeed like that.
He is both bold and timid, repeatedly testing her limits and taking root in every corner of her life. He is also willing to wait outside the areas she doesn't want others to spy on, waiting for her to take the initiative to welcome him in.
“My mom is right today. I gave you up for my own sake back then.”
“I’m actually a very selfish person,” Cheng Guo said slowly. “I made my own decision to choose a professional master’s degree and then left my teacher to apply for a job at the Third Hospital. My mother completely ignored me at that time. From childhood to adulthood, she and I depended on each other for survival. She has never treated me like this before.”
“Back then,” Cheng Guo chuckled, “I was very panicked.”
Time, like a completed exam paper, with yellowed pages and curled edges, lay out before her once more.
"Later she suggested I take the doctoral entrance exam and go on blind dates. I hesitated. I wanted to continue my clinical work. I didn't want to go on blind dates or get married. But I also wanted to repair my relationship with her. She was my only family, and I was her only family. What should I do? I could only leave you and temporarily ease the tension in our relationship."
"I'm sorry, Shenzhui, I placed you third back then."
Cheng Guo's voice was slightly choked.
The hot pot broth was almost gone, so Chen Zhui turned off the stove and took Cheng Guo's hand across the table. He felt sorry for her and really wanted to hug her.
Cheng Guo continued slowly, "I am still selfish now. I only got together with you because I felt I had the ability to stand on my own and the conditions to be with you. As for my mother, I will slowly tell her over two years that she can no longer make decisions for me."
“I probably will never change this in my life,” Cheng Guo sighed, feeling somewhat guilty. “I always love myself first, and then you all.”
As his fingers were gripped tightly, Cheng Guo looked up at Shen Zhui, who was smiling at him.
“It’s an honor to be ranked second in your heart,” Shen Zhui thought for a moment, “or perhaps tied for second place.”
"Congratulations on feeling safe now," he smiled.
Cheng Guo was amused by his choice of words, but felt a little sad when she thought about what she was going to say.
"If this makes you feel secure, then I can keep giving it to you. But I can't guarantee that I'll treat you better than I treat my mother. My mother and I depended on each other for survival. I bore most of her responsibilities and all her expectations. Her love life was unsuccessful, and her family relationships in the first twenty years of her life were also unsuccessful. She gave me all the 'good' she didn't receive, hoping that I could stand on her shoulders and that I wouldn't take the wrong path. So even though I'm troubled by the 'good' she arranged, I still hope for her understanding. So, Chenzhui, if you're unwilling—"
"I do!"
Shen Zhui interrupted her, walked around the dining table, picked her up, and placed her on the sofa. "Dr. Cheng, do you know why I was able to win you over?"
"Because I like you too?"
"Yes and no, because I am the little dog you can't chase away. If a little dog doesn't bark or say 'I love you,' Dr. Cheng won't know. Similarly, if Dr. Cheng doesn't open up to his mother, she won't know either."
He took her phone and put it in her hand, saying, "Call your mother."
Cheng Guo was taken aback by his arrangement, her fingertips tightening around her phone screen. "Now?"
Shen Zhui nodded. "Now."
Seeing her obediently dial Yu Muying's number, Chen Zhui asked curiously, "Dr. Cheng, do you like forced love?"
"Hmm?" The topic changed abruptly, and Cheng Guo didn't quite understand what he meant, but she could hear the eagerness in his tone. She followed up, saying, "We can try it another day. Please bring my computer over today."
She was unaware of the consequences of her words.
Her words sparked a flurry of thoughts in Shen Zhui's mind. He didn't say anything because of her change in how she communicated with Yu Muying. He took her computer, intending to give her some private space, but was stopped.
“Sit next to me,” Cheng Guo said. “I need you here.”
Dr. Cheng in his family is so outstanding in "learning," able to apply what she learns to other situations without being coy. Shen Zhui couldn't imagine how wonderful his future would be. At this moment, he sat beside her without saying a word.
A blank email was opened, and after a long while, the first line of text appeared.
Mom, the last time I wrote you a letter was in fourth grade when my teacher taught us how to write a letter. That was the first letter I ever wrote, and it was also the first letter I ever wrote to you. I still remember writing in that letter that I was very proud to be your daughter, and I hoped that you would also be proud to have me as your daughter in the future.
However, I am destined to disappoint you.
I don't know how to accurately express this shift in expectations, and the thoughts behind it. Fortunately, I once read a poem that allows me to use someone else's "pen" to express what I have to say.
Mom, if you catch my tears
You will be surprised to realize that I have already said goodbye.
I've told you this a million times in secret.
If you criticize me
Responding to your tenderness with cruelty
I will apologize to you, even though you rarely do this.
We have similar ears, but we
We rarely hear each other because we
Neither of them wanted to be the first to admit their mistake.
I inherited everything from you, Mom.
Your gender, your body, your fluctuating joy
But your fate, Mom—
Your Rome is not my Rome
Your path is not my path.
I reached out and touched the intricate threads of your life's journey.
The little paradise you described can only be accessed by you alone.
……①
Unlike this poem, Mom, I have built my own house. I look forward to your visit and hope you will stay longer. I don't want to wave goodbye to you. I want you to be relieved of your burdens and freed. I want you to watch me move forward with ease. I want you to put yourself first.
Mom, I love myself, and I love you.
Cheng Guo typed her name with a sense of loss, entered the school email address that Yu Muying checked every day, and sent it.
Staring at the empty outbox, her fingertips curled up above the keyboard, trembling anxiously.
"Do you think Mom will understand me?" she asked Shen Zhui.
“Yes,” Shen Zhui said, taking her fingertips to soothe her anxiety, “but she may need time.”
“I have a gift for you from two years ago,” he said, trying to divert her attention. “Would you like to see it?”
Cheng Guo nodded, remembering that she had also prepared a gift for him before he joined the crew.
When the two sat down together again, they were both stunned to see the square box in each other's hands.
"You didn't prepare a ring too, did you?" Cheng Guo asked first.
"..."
This was the first time Shen Zhui had met someone who could unveil the mystery between them with just one sentence. He thought that perhaps one day he should discuss the topic of romance with her, and so he said, "The ring I prepared is different."
Cheng Guo glanced at the plain ring on his middle finger, but didn't say anything, as if to say, "Isn't this a couple's ring?"
Chen Zhui was completely at a loss. He obediently opened the box, took out the same plain ring, took Cheng Guo's right hand, and pushed the ring to the base of her finger. "This is actually the third pumpkin carriage."
Seeing Cheng Guo looking over, he coughed and explained, "Since freshman year, I've prepared a birthday gift for you every year, but you didn't celebrate your birthday back then. This year, I changed the bracelet I prepared in the previous two years into a double bracelet and gave it to you together. I didn't dare to give you a ring."
“Also, I didn’t have time to say this earlier, Cheng Guo,” he suddenly called her name, and saw her straighten her back a little as if she had been called out, and smiled, “Thank you for having the ability to love yourself, for having the ability to love yourself at that time. You don’t need to apologize for putting me second or third. I hope you will always put yourself first.”
His smile was radiant and bright, but his words struck Cheng Guo's heart directly. Cheng Guo's eyelids burned, her eyelashes fluttered, and tears welled up in her eyes. Chen Zhui continued, "You don't need to feel guilty for only being with me because you had the conditions to be with me. If love requires impulsiveness, then I'll be the only one impulsive. If both of us are impulsive—"
He stopped there and didn't say anything more. Cheng Guo asked, puzzled, "What will happen?"
Shen Zhui thought for a moment, and before he could speak, the corners of his lips curled up. "Then let's rush to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get our marriage certificate now."
Cheng Guo chuckled softly, her eyes sparkling, but then she said something that made his lips fall back to their original position: "You're 21 this year, not old enough to get a marriage certificate yet."
"Ugh," Shen Zhui scratched his head in exasperation, "Our Dr. Cheng's lips really need a kiss."
After saying that, he pretended to kiss her.
Cheng Guo was taken aback when she first heard him speak like that, then smiled and nudged him, "Then go brush your teeth first."
He must be tasting chrysanthemum greens right now.
The boy, who had gotten a bargain, immediately went to wash up, his figure as excited as the Border Collie next door who had also gotten a good deal.
Cheng Guo raised her right hand, and the ring size was just right. She looked at it several times, turning it over and over her hand, and really liked it. She touched it again and finally stared at the small box in her hand.
After the gurgling sound of rinsing her mouth, Chen Zhui walked over and was about to kiss her when she was pushed away with a laugh.
Cheng Guo sat up straighter again, opened the box, and a pair of couple rings appeared in front of Shen Zhui.
"Chen Zhui, my mom asked me what else you can bring me besides novelty. I think it's vitality. You've shown me that there are many ways to live, and that sometimes being lazy and just being together can be very happy. You've always been the one expressing love; compared to that, I've done so little. I'm not good at sweet talk, so I'll just borrow a phrase from the internet: 'You've always been 1 centimeter inside the intersection of my left clavicle midline and my fifth rib.'"②
Seeing the rare look of bewilderment on Shen Zhui's face, Cheng Guo placed his hand on the corresponding spot and explained with a smile, "It's the spot where your heart is beating the strongest."
The young man in front of him raised an eyebrow, clearly very satisfied, and then pressed his advantage, saying, "Say something more direct."
"Which one?"
"That sentence in Auntie's letter."
Cheng Guo gave an "Oh," glanced at him slyly, but didn't say anything. She didn't seem inclined to take out the ring on her hand. Shen Zhui simply took the box, put the men's ring on his left ring finger, and the women's ring on Cheng Guo's left ring finger. He tossed the box aside and pressed his lips against hers to kiss her.
"Dr. Cheng, I love you."
"Yes, me too."
The summer afternoon sun was just right, and through a layer of white gauze, it peeked through a few gaps onto the floor.
The computer screen on the carpet lit up, and an email appeared silently in the inbox.
Cheng Guo thought that her summer was finally over.
The End.
-----------------------
The author says: "I love myself, and I love you."
I hope that when girls face choices, they can put themselves first. If you have a lover who loves you, I believe he won't blame you.
It's only been two months, and we've already transitioned from the tail end of summer to the tail end of autumn, and this novella is already finished! Thank you to all the readers who have been with us throughout the serialization! *bows*
Finally, it's almost the end of the month, so please give us a dose of nutrient solution, hehe [Let me see][Let me see]
My next book is "Winter's Preface," a story about reconciliation and parenting. If you're interested, please add it to your favorites!
Note: ① This is from Jiao Yelu's "I Should, I Want, I'm Willing"
②Source: Internet
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
