Chapter 150 Didn’t she already get what she wanted?
When the edge of the Heart Demon Mirror lights up, it will take effect.
Xie Yanyu returned to his residence holding the utensils and looked at the light on the edge of the mirror.
As long as she reaches out and touches it, her memories of her past life will be restored.
So she held out her hand.
It's very quiet around.
My mind is also very quiet.
The moment before she touched the mirror, she suddenly asked the system in her mind: Won't you stop me?
But she was just asking.
She didn't wait for the system to answer, and picked up the mirror directly after asking this question.
The moment her fingertips touched the mirror, images flashed across its surface rapidly. The white light around the mirror gradually gathered together, like a rope, running along her skin and into her body, drawing out all the memories and emotions that were suppressed deep in her soul.
Nothing special actually.
It's pretty much the same as what was written in the original plot.
The most critical moments in her life and the things she should know were already known when she saw the original plot.
So the system thought about it and ultimately did not stop her.
Because it felt that whether she recovered her memory or not was no longer of much significance.
In the past, it was afraid that she would recover her memory because it was afraid that she would know that there is such a thing as rebirth in this world, which would make her even more difficult to control. She has a sharp personality, does not like to follow the rules, and will do anything to get what she wants. If she knew more, she would most likely choose not to follow the plot line.
However, ever since it discovered in the Tianyun Secret Realm that she was excluded from this world line, it no longer cared so much about whether she recovered her memory.
Because she had to follow the plot.
As for the reason why I had to follow the plot...
The system cut off the view and looked at her quietly.
It planned to wait until she recovered all her memories before explaining more to her.
The images in the mirror are still switching.
But because the light from the edge of the mirror had penetrated into her body like a cotton thread, evoking her memories, even if she closed her eyes and didn't look at the mirror, she could still see the complete memories of her previous life in her mind.
Same as written in the original plot.
She wanted to live a good life, so she gave Helan Wei a love poison, but she suffered the consequences and was teased like a plaything; then she got engaged to Li Xun, but the engagement was broken off and she was taken back to the Xie family and placed under house arrest. During her house arrest, Li Xun came to her again and said that he wanted to get married and let bygones be bygones.
But the difference is,
When she watched the original plot, her emotions were very dull, but now, her emotions at that time also emerged along with her memories.
All emotions.
Angry and disappointed.
A wide range of emotions.
The strongest feeling is unwillingness to give in.
After being placed under house arrest, she was very unwilling.
Why?
She was merely born into a humble family, her foundation weaker than usual, yet she had come so far, done so much, endured so much, all she had ever done was to live a better life. Why could a few words from someone else shatter all her efforts? Why could someone else, with a single move of their fingers, take away everything she had painstakingly worked for? And then they locked her up, leaving her in a state of half-humanity.
Therefore, when Li Xun came to her again and mentioned marriage, she refused.
At that time, she often wondered why.
Later, she was filled with indignation, but came up with an answer.
Because she has no power.
So what if she married Li Xun? She had nothing in her hands. If he said something to her casually in the future, would she still be treated like this?
so.
What she wants is not only a good life, she should also want one more thing -
The power that can be grasped in your own hands.
Don't be like a rootless duckweed, which can be dealt with at will by others.
So she thought about it for a long time.
Finally, she cut out the root bone.
She doesn't want this useless body anymore.
With such roots, if she were placed in the human race, where there are many cultivators and aristocratic families, she would not be able to practice and would be nothing.
The root bones were cut open and the love poison was released at the same time.
The thing that had been in her body for a long time turned back into the appearance of the magic weapon.
She wanted to destroy it, but before leaving, she thought of the man who saved her when she was young. She was so busy that she had rarely thought of him in recent years. It was only after entering the Xie Mansion that she thought of him more often.
Because Xie Chengjin's outline is somewhat similar to that person.
However, in her memory, the man's appearance was very vague. To say that he looked similar was actually more of a feeling.
She finally left the magic weapon to Xie Chengjin.
She is not a powerful person. She can't even take care of herself, so how can she take care of others?
I wonder if Xie Chengjin will help her find the other person and take care of him.
But at least doing this makes her feel better and keeps her in remembrance.
Then she went to the demon world.
Only in the demon world can she truly gain power.
The Demon Lord is very suspicious.
At first, things were not pleasant between her and him, and he doubted everything she said.
In the end, she found the most absurd and irrefutable reason for joining the demon tribe: she fell in love with him at first sight. So, she was willing to betray her own race to join him and serve the demon tribe. He didn't believe her, so she pretended to be in love with him. He suspected she was a human spy, constantly observing and watching her.
However, after much entanglement, he still believed it.
When the two tribes were at war, she offered advice and became useful. She betrayed her own tribe in exchange for power. Others who wanted to touch her had to think twice before doing so.
It feels good.
But it’s not enough.
She had power but no status. She was not satisfied, and there still seemed to be a hole in her heart. The hole was getting bigger and bigger, as if it could never be filled.
She asked herself how she could ever be satisfied. Was it because she had power but not yet achieved a higher status, because she was not a demon and could not truly integrate into this race, that the demons always lacked respect for her?
Then she began to desire status again.
It happened that the Demon Lord wanted to choose a wife, so she told the Demon Lord that she wanted to marry him.
The Demon Lord tilted his head and said to her, "I cultivate the Way of Mercilessness, and I simply need a wife. Although this woman is dignified, we will not be married. I may need to exchange something for her in the future. Are you willing to do so?"
She nodded.
To be fair.
Aside from the initial period when they met, when Chen Lang was suspicious of her and constantly testing and monitoring her, he had been very kind to her the rest of the time. After they got married, she and he were not actually husband and wife, but they treated each other with respect.
She gained power and status, and no one dared to show disdain in her presence or say anything they shouldn't say in front of her. She was well-dressed and well-fed, and had countless spiritual treasures, but she casually threw them away like garbage. She was surrounded by a swarm of servants, and even if her expression changed, people around her would take turns asking if she was unhappy or if she needed anything.
She lived the good life she had always dreamed of.
It was a pretty good day.
Xie Yanyu had also seen this passage in the original storyline; it was vague, but enough for her to imagine what life was like. This part of her memory was more detailed, more nuanced. She could now recall the taste of every bite of food she ate and the feel of every piece of clothing she wore.
But before recovering the memory.
She looked at this period in the original plot and thought that she had lived such a good life in her previous life and should have been happy.
But now.
Her memories and emotions returned, and what she felt was—
disturbed.
She was never happy during that period.
She just felt uneasy.
It wasn't to the point of being unable to sleep or eat, just a slight uneasiness. But this feeling was like a leech, following her, clinging to her, like a knife hanging over her head, never leaving. But why was it like this? Hadn't she already got what she wanted? Why was she still not satisfied?
The hole in her heart grew bigger and could not be filled.
But the funniest thing is that she has already got everything she wanted, and she herself doesn't know what else she needs to do to make this uneasy feeling go away.
She was so confused.
Until this day——
She was stabbed through the heart by Shen Lang's sword.
*
That’s all I recall.
The image in the mirror disappeared.
Xie Yanyu was still holding the mirror, her brows lowered, looking at the mirror silently.
The system said: [Have you finished reading?]
It said in a light tone: "Look, your memory isn't anything special, right? It's exactly the same as the original plot, just filled in with some details and your personal feelings. So do you understand why I didn't stop you? Why would I stop you?"
It already knows everything it needs to know, so it thinks these memories are meaningless.
It goes on to say:
"I hid my rebirth from you before because I was afraid you wouldn't want to follow the storyline if you knew too much. I wanted to try to break the rules. But do you still remember what happened in the Tianyun Secret Realm?"
When you went to the secret realm of Shangqing Immortal Palace, my computer suddenly crashed. I don't know what happened there. When I was in the Tianyun Secret Realm, I realized that once you enter a secret realm like that, you will be wiped out and encounter all kinds of fatal accidents.
Do you know why?
【Because the time of this world has gone back.】
In your previous life, the plot progressed to the point where you were pierced through the heart by a sword and died. But after your death, the plot pretty much collapsed. Helan Wei went mad, Li Xun committed suicide, Chen Lang became something between a demon and a ghost, and Xie Chengjin was eventually tortured to death by the residual poison.
The plot line has completely deviated, and the world should have collapsed, but time has suddenly rewound. If you can't complete the plot and make the events of this life coincide with those of the previous life, then the plot line will also be considered completely deviated, the world will still collapse, and you will die.
In your previous life, you were pierced through the heart by a sword four years from now. Therefore, if you fail to complete the storyline within four years, the world will continue to collapse. It's not time to complete the storyline yet. The reason you were wiped out in the secret realm is that the secret realm is not governed by the rules of the world. There exists a force outside of this world, which I call the Lord God. For four years, it cannot interfere with the rules of the world. However, when you enter the secret realm, it will sense that your storyline is deviating from the script and will wipe you out.
[As long as you don't complete the storyline, you can't go to the secret realm. 】
The system explains the words in great detail.
It's a bit confusing.
But Xie Yanyu understood.
If this world is compared to the world in the book, then the system is just a tool to correct the world line. It is similar to a pen and is also dominated and controlled by another force, which is called the Lord God.
The system continued: [So you have to follow the plot. No matter how rebellious you are, isn't it to survive? If you don't follow the plot, you will die. If you follow the plot, we will all be happy. I will use my own power to help you become an immortal. The male protagonists won't go crazy and commit suicide because of your death. The whole world can continue to operate. Isn't that good?]
Isn't it good?
Isn’t that good?
That's good.
but.
but--
She thought of her previous life.
So she suddenly asked the system: Do you know what I was thinking when I was pierced through the heart by a sword in my previous life?
System: [Do you hate Chen Lang?]
Xie Yanyu was quiet for a while.
When she watched the original plot, she thought she should hate it, or have some more negative and intense emotions.
But in reality, she didn't.
It was winter when the sword pierced his heart, and it was snowing. Chen Lang was going through the tribulation of the ruthless way and was almost going crazy.
So he killed her.
The sword came from behind. At the moment of being stabbed, she actually didn't feel any pain. Her body was numbed by such intense pain. She just felt something cold piercing her heart, so she turned her head.
Then she saw Shen Lang.
He usually wore a mask, so she rarely saw his face.
This is a very beautiful face, and the expression at this moment is hard to describe. It is a bit indifferent, but it seems that she is holding back, afraid that she will regret it the next second.
Chen Lang even looked away, not looking at the sword stuck in her chest. He thought, this is what should be done.
When they got married, he had told her that he didn't want to be married to her, and that he would give her all the honors, but she would have to pay a price. He had said that, but even now, he still didn't dare look at her. He felt that he would see some hatred on her face, or even a twisted expression of anger.
But she was very quiet.
He finally raised his eyes and saw that she was smiling——
It was at this moment that Xie Yanyu finally felt relieved.
The hole that had torn at her heart seemed to finally be filled, and she figured it out.
Why is she unhappy?
Because from the beginning to the end, she knew very well in her heart that these things were obtained by relying on others.
When she was in the Xie family, her identity was bought with her blood, which was an equal exchange. In the Tianjian Sect, her title was the fiancée of the Sword Master. With just one word, she could lose everything.
In fact, she should have understood it by then.
Dependence on others is the most dangerous and foolish thing.
But she didn't want to admit it.
She had once gloated in her heart, thinking that she could trade what she had for a better life with others. It was a shortcut, easier and faster. If she hadn't sacrificed her blood in exchange for the identity of a young lady from the Xie family, she might still be living on the streets, fighting with casual cultivators for a single spirit stone. Her roots were too weak, and even if she tried to cultivate for dozens or hundreds of years, she might not achieve any results.
Wouldn't it be possible for her to achieve her goal faster if she exchanged with others on an equal basis?
Why, why did she have to take a detour with no end in sight?
When leaving the Xie family.
She still didn't want to admit it.
She felt that she lacked some power.
So she made a few more exchanges with the Demon Lord.
Dealing with one's own people is an equal exchange for power.
And what did she pay for this noble status? She never knew the price behind this high and mighty status. For so long, every day, every minute, every second was like a blunt knife hanging over her head, making her wonder, what would she have to pay this time?
Until this moment.
She understood that price was her life.
She exchanged her life for a period of time that she thought was perfect.
She relied on equal exchange, and everything she obtained from others, without exception, would be taken back after its value was exhausted. She never truly grasped power. She thought she had taken a shortcut, she thought she had chosen an easy path, exchanging power and identity from others, but in the end, she grasped nothing, because these things could never be transformed into her own, could not truly be integrated into her bones and blood, and could not be grasped by her.
But how many people are willing to admit that they are wrong?
She didn't want to either.
Compared to cultivating immortality with that tattered bone, she got what she wanted more easily. Why should she admit that she made the wrong choice? It would make some of her previous behavior seem like a joke.
But is it really power and status that she wants?
She felt no pain when a sword pierced her heart.
After her body became exhausted, she fell to the ground, and the pain slowly, slowly surfaced.
She closed her eyes and finally realized what she really wanted.
Not authority and status.
From beginning to end.
She just doesn't want to be oppressed or controlled by anyone.
She wanted to have complete control over her life.
That's all.
No wonder.
After being reborn, even though she had no memories, she still felt that strength was important.
So when the system mentioned becoming an immortal, she instinctively didn't refuse. She quickly agreed without even needing to be threatened. A voice within her soul was already telling her how important becoming an immortal was, how crucial it was to master power. The system's proposal was like a beggar spotting hundreds of thousands of taels of silver on the ground. With such a huge profit before her, did she even need to be threatened to pick it up?
But her emotions were incomplete.
So she is still repeating her past behavior and taking shortcuts.
It's just that this time, the object of her dependence has changed from the male protagonists to the system.
No wonder.
After looking at the mirror of the past, some of her memories and emotions were brought back. The closer she got to recovering her memories, the less she wanted to follow the plot.
Because at the end of her previous life, she had realized that there was nothing wrong with equal exchange, but she was working in the wrong direction. She shouldn't be dependent on anyone in any form. This is called missing the forest for the trees.
Even if you get something from others, you should get something practical, something that can be used for yourself, something that can make you truly strong and powerful, something that you can't take back once the other party gives it.
Rather than those more ethereal things, such as cultivation that is always restrained by others, power and status that are restrained by others, because these things can be taken back by others at any time.
Xie Yanyu lowered his eyelashes.
It took her a long time to answer the system: It’s not hatred, it’s equal exchange, so it’s not hatred.
System: [How do you feel about him?]
Xie Yanyu said nothing more.
The system said: [Forget it. You don't want to die anyway, so continue with the storyline.]
She doesn't want to die.
Xie Yanyu wants to live and live a good life.
But she also wanted to take control of her own life.
Is it really meaningless to restore past memories?
some.
Because this time.
She wanted to try another path.
She stopped relying on the system and stopped following the plot. Would she really die if she did that? Would she definitely die?
Then just die.
She insisted on giving it a try.
Even if I die!
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