Past grievances after the breakup
Yu Songlin paused for a moment, then said, "No, I just want you to have fun."
Ding Xuefei raised an eyebrow, neither confirming nor denying.
He stood up, and seeing that Yu Songlin didn't get up, he reached out to pull Yu Songlin up again: "Let's go."
Yu Songlin was surprised to see Ding Xuefei take the initiative to touch him, and of course he quickly followed suit.
Unfortunately, Ding Xuefei's hand parted as soon as it touched him, and the warm touch slipped away from Yu Songlin's wrist in an instant. He subconsciously reached out to grab it, but quickly stopped himself.
Ding Xuefei also had a great time in the second half of the trip. They bought iced drinks in the rest area, went to see the water circus, and finally arrived at the beluga whale pavilion.
The beluga whale exhibit is very tall, and the water shimmers with a deep blue light. Ding Xuefei stood in front of the glass, looking up at the huge creature on the other side, and suddenly felt a sense of peace in her heart.
If you have anything to say, this is the perfect place to say it.
They kissed when they last visited the beluga whale exhibit.
Ding Xuefei turned his head and looked back, and sure enough, Yu Songlin was looking at him.
Five years ago, Ding Xuefei saw a beluga whale for the first time. He stood in front of the glass, staring blankly upwards, when suddenly the beluga swam over and opened its mouth at him. Ding Xuefei was amused and turned around to grab Yu Songlin's hand, excitedly saying, "Look how big it is! Did you see it open its mouth at me just now? Isn't that interesting!"
Yu Songlin just stared at Ding Xuefei without saying a word.
Ding Xuefei suddenly realized what was happening after she finished speaking: "Why are you staring at me?"
Before he could finish speaking, Yu Songlin's kiss landed on his lips.
A very light and quick touch, a kiss on Ding Xuefei's lips, so fast that he didn't even feel it before it was over.
The beluga whale swam behind them, and as the water rippled, Ding Xuefei felt as if she could hear its blessing amidst the noisy crowd.
At that moment, Ding Xuefei's mind went blank. He always felt that dating Yu Songlin was somewhat unreal. It wasn't until that moment that he felt surrounded by happiness.
He didn't know if it could be called a kiss, but if it could, it was their first kiss.
Ding Xuefei pulled himself out of his memories; now, here, he could face things calmly.
He had a pretty good idea of what Yu Songlin wanted to say; it was nothing more than some things from the past.
He was conflicted about these things. At one moment, he hoped that he would never mention them again, and at the other moment, he hoped that Yu Songlin could explain his thoughts at the time to him.
What if, what if Yu Songlin really had some compelling reason for breaking up with him back then—Ding Xuefei had fantasized about this countless times, but he was also worried that the outcome wouldn't be what he wanted.
Thinking about it was pointless, so Ding Xuefei simply stopped thinking about it.
Since we're already here...
Ding Xuefei stood still, a few steps away from Yu Songlin, gazing at each other. The beluga whale swam slowly in the pool beside them, and the shifting light and shadows made it seem as if they had returned to five years ago.
Ding Xuefei: "If you have nothing to say, I'd like to say something."
The two of them turned off their microphones at the same time, as if by unspoken agreement.
Yu Songlin: "I'm sorry."
Hearing this once is fine, but hearing it too many times is annoying. Ding Xuefei didn't understand why Yu Songlin kept apologizing to him, as if he owed him a lot when they broke up back then? Was it really necessary?
Ding Xuefei's expression suddenly turned cold, but she patiently refrained from losing her temper and simply asked, "Why this time?"
There were no other tourists in the beluga whale exhibit, which made Yu Songlin, who was standing still, seem particularly awkward. He usually had a good posture, like a pine tree, but at this moment he was a little stiff.
"You called me on Christmas Eve the year we broke up."
Ding Xuefei's eyes flickered.
He did call, but the call didn't go through. Yu Songlin didn't call him back either.
But why is he saying this now?
Ding Xuefei chuckled lightly: "So you knew it was me who hit you."
“Yes,” Yu Songlin admitted frankly. He paused for a moment before continuing, “I’m sorry I wasn’t by your side at that time.”
When he said that, Ding Xuefei understood everything.
It turns out that Yu Songlin knew about what happened back then.
It's nothing now. That winter, Ding Xuefei's parents drove to visit him at school and were involved in a car accident on the highway. His father died on the spot, and his mother was seriously injured and hospitalized, where she is still receiving treatment.
This wasn't the most despairing part. After her father passed away, Ding Xuefei learned that he had accumulated a lot of debt from his business dealings, and these debts fell on her shoulders after his death.
He grew up in a wealthy family. His parents never talked to him about the difficulties in business, and they never skimped on his and his sister's food, clothing, or daily necessities. Now, overnight, Ding Xuefei has become the pillar of his family, not only having to take care of his seriously ill mother and young sister, but also having to repay debts.
That Christmas, Ding Xuefei was alone in his rented room, unable to even turn on the heating. He had just finished dealing with his father's funeral, and the hospital bills were due. His sister was temporarily staying at their aunt's house and called to say she wasn't used to it. Meanwhile, debt collectors had called him several times...
Thinking back to this time a year ago, he and Yu Songlin were in this little house together. Yu Songlin made roast chicken, which was delicious. They shared it and then lay on the bed together watching a movie.
If Yu Songlin were still here, he would at least have offered him some words of comfort, telling him that everything would be alright and that he just needed to hang in there a little longer.
When Yu Songlin said these words, his eyes and brows would be very gentle. He would gently pat Ding Xuefei's head and then place a kiss on his forehead.
Thinking of these images, Ding Xuefei suddenly realized that he no longer had anyone who loved him, understood him, or could share his joy and pain.
He was left all alone.
He suddenly missed Yu Songlin terribly, and before he could even react, he had already dialed that familiar number.
He listened to the busy tone on the other end of the phone and sobbed uncontrollably.
Then, the moment the call connected, she hung up, turned off her phone, buried herself in the blankets, and cried herself to sleep.
The next day, Ding Xuefei woke up, turned on her phone, and dialed another number she had saved for a long time.
Then, he joined Yaoxing Entertainment and debuted as part of a group.
Now, when Ding Xuefei recalls this memory, she no longer feels pain; she's gotten used to it.
Besides, what do these things have to do with Yu Songlin?
Ding Xuefei said, "Isn't that what happened? We had already broken up back then."
When the incident happened, Yu Songlin had broken up with him for two months and hadn't been in contact with him for a long time, so there was no need for him to apologize.
Besides, at that time, Yu Songlin's famous work had just been released, and he was busy with promotion. A huge amount of traffic was pouring into him, so how could he spare time for his ex-boyfriend?
Yu Songlin said, "I'm sorry, I knew it was you at the time, but I didn't have the courage to call back. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself..."
Ding Xuefei chuckled: "Then what exactly are you holding back?"
If what Yu Songlin said is true, and she had always liked him, why didn't she continue to be with him back then?
He couldn't understand it.
"Yu Songlin," Ding Xuefei said in a deep voice, "why did you break up with me back then?"
He finally asked the question.
This problem has been troubling him for far too long, from the time of the breakup until today.
Over the past five years, Ding Xuefei has changed a lot, but a part of him seems to remain forever on that day, carrying sadness, grievances, and misunderstandings, stuck in the same place.
The same goes for Yu Songlin; if this issue isn't clarified, they can't be together without any reservations.
When asked the question, Yu Songlin seemed to have his throat choked. He stood two steps away from Ding Xuefei, looking somewhat helpless.
Ding Xuefei received no answer and continued to ask, "If you really still have feelings for me, why did you suddenly break up with me?"
Yu Songlin sighed softly, his speech slowing down, his voice dry, "The reasons are multifaceted..."
Ding Xuefei got angry at such perfunctory words and shouted, "I don't want to hear this! I want the truth! What's the reason?!"
He was curious to know what the enormous reason was that had kept him pondering for so long without understanding, causing him to doubt himself countless times, yet Yu Songlin suddenly broke up with him abruptly and disappeared for five years, and now said that he had always liked him.
She's always liked him? It's a joke. If Yu Songlin hadn't said that, Ding Xuefei might have been able to understand a little, but now, he just found it absurd.
Yu Songlin's usually calm eyes showed a slight ripple. He frowned slightly, as if somewhat helpless, and spoke in a very soft voice.
"There were some unavoidable reasons..."
Ding Xuefei didn't want to hear another word of nonsense: "What is it? I'm asking you what it is?"
Yu Songlin turned his gaze to the side, clenched his fist, closed his eyes briefly, and then spoke: "Back then, someone wanted to expose our relationship."
silence.
In the high ceiling of the Beluga Whale Pavilion, only soothing background music flowed slowly, yet it could not conceal the undercurrents between the two.
Ding Xuefei finally got the answer. She couldn't say she was happy or sad; she only felt a numb sense of "I knew it."
It was not far from what he had expected.
Less than six months after their breakup, Yu Songlin went from being an unknown to becoming a highly anticipated newcomer in the film industry.
After he became famous, his private life inevitably attracted more attention, and his having a same-sex lover was, at the time, a ticking time bomb.
Actually, it's still the same now. For both of them.
Yu Songlin rarely speaks incoherently. He couldn't utter a word, and as soon as he raised his hand, Ding Xuefei took a half step back.
"At the time, I felt that breaking up was the best way to protect you..."
Yu Songlin was speaking, but then he couldn't continue, because Ding Xuefei had already burst out laughing, and her eyes were fixed on Yu Songlin, making him feel heartbroken.
Anger, sadness, wariness, but mostly disappointment.
This was an expression that Yu Songlin had almost never seen in Ding Xuefei's eyes before.
Since his reunion with Ding Xuefei, talking about this matter has been like a nightmare that he can't shake off, constantly haunting him.
He could withstand Ding Xuefei's anger, frustration, and even physical abuse.
But he didn't know how to deal with Ding Xuefei's disappointment.
"Do you think this is a TV drama?" Ding Xuefei chuckled, not believing Yu Songlin's words. "If you're going to coax me, at least make up a better reason. Do you think you'd believe this?"
Yu Songlin remained silent.
The blue and white light of the aquarium shone on his handsome face, and Ding Xuefei realized that he was more angular than before, and his eyes were no longer full of smiles, but rather carried a hint of sadness.
After a long silence, Yu Songlin sighed quietly and said, "You're right, the real reason is actually me."
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