Chapter 38: Rejection The cage is made of gold and jade, and the breeder devotes all his heart...
"If the officials from the Ministry of War and the Ministry of Revenue knew that Your Highness had abandoned them for a plate of fragrant cakes, they would probably beat their chests and stamp their feet, calling me a beauty who brings disaster."
Xiao Lingjun paused, his hand on the teacup still. The light from the charcoal fire flickered in his eyes.
"They wouldn't dare," he smiled. "Besides, how do you know I wasn't just looking for an excuse to leave the rest of the matter to that kid from the Xie family and get out of here myself?"
Shen Zhiwei also laughed: "Then the prince is afraid that he will come to me to complain again."
"Let him complain," Xiao Lingjun pushed the plate of pastries toward her, his smile fading before it even reached his eyes. "The Northern Frontier Army has reported to the capital that the Third Brother has suffered new injuries."
He looked at her, and the subject changed abruptly.
Shen Zhiwei's hand stroking the cat's back didn't stop, his expression calm. "Third Prince is brave, and getting injured is not uncommon. Your Highness, are you worried about the situation in the northern border?"
Xiao Lingjun stared at her for a moment, as if confirming something. He slowly leaned back in his chair, his posture seeming to relax a little.
"The situation is stable, but people are uneasy." The Crown Prince half-recline in the armchair, leaning towards Miss Shen and blinking at her. "The Emperor intends to have him patrol the camp after the New Year."
Shen Zhiwei raised his brows slightly, picked up the cat with both hands, and held it in his arms by its buttocks: "This is the trust of your majesty."
"Trustworthy?" Xiao Lingjun chuckled, "Maybe."
He stopped talking about Xiao Wangqing and returned his gaze to the plate of fragrant cakes. "The kitchen has tried the cooking temperature several times, but they still feel it's a little off. If you don't like it, I'll have them tweak the recipe."
"No need to trouble you," Shen Zhiwei shook her head, "It's already very good, thank you for your concern."
Xiao Lingjun looked at her fingertips twisting half a fragrant cake, looked at her eyelashes trembling slightly when she lowered her eyes, and looked at the black cat in her arms, which had relaxed its vigilance at some point and curled up again.
The charcoal fire crackled and the room was warm. She sat there, like a carefully collected old painting, quiet and gentle.
The anxiety accumulated in the Ministry of War and the Ministry of Revenue, and the uneasiness caused by the report from Merlin's secret guards, were all smoothed out by the scene at this moment.
"Awei." He spoke, his voice hoarse than he had imagined.
Shen Zhiwei raised his eyes when he heard the voice, his eyes full of inquiry.
The words on Xiao Lingjun's lips suddenly changed direction. He leaned over, picked up the jade pot that had been warming on the small stove, and refilled her empty cup with hot tea.
The sound of water gurgles and the white mist is thick.
"During the New Year, the palace will be quite lively." He put down the jade pot.
"Well, I heard that this year they are going to hold a celebration for the Empress Dowager's birthday. It must be very grand." Shen Zhiwei continued his words.
"Mother has been calling An Yu into the palace to talk recently," Xiao Lingjun looked at her. "The little girl is lively and very much in her favor."
Shen Zhi smiled and said sincerely: "Your Majesty's kindness is An Yu's blessing."
She heard it, but didn't want to think about it too much.
"Ah Wei," his heart sank, and his voice lost its gentleness, "The East Palace has always been vacant."
The leisurely look on Shen Zhiwei's face also disappeared.
What was supposed to come finally came. She had known this day would come, but she had never thought it would be brought up in such a snowy night and in such an ordinary way.
The black cat in his arms seemed to sense the slight change in the atmosphere. Its ears moved, it raised its head to look at the two of them, then lazily lay back down.
She remained silent and did not look up at him immediately. After a long time, she sighed very lightly.
"Your Highness, the affairs of the Eastern Palace concern the foundation of the country, and are beyond the reach of a humble servant."
Xiao Lingjun was silent for a few breaths, as if he had made a great decision, or as if he was driven by some emotion and had to speak.
"Is it that you can't have a say, or that you don't want to have a say?"
"Your Highness," Shen Zhiwei's breath hitched, and he slowed down his voice. "The position of the Crown Prince is related to the foundation of the country and has far-reaching implications. Who to appoint as a consort must be considered based on family background, virtue, and the balance of power. It cannot be decided by the will of Your Highness or this minister alone."
She avoided the issue of unwillingness and only talked about inability. Her reasoning was sound and impeccable.
Xiao Lingjun's fingertips caressed the cup's rim, his gaze still fixed on her, "If I say so, you don't have to consider any of this. Family background, moral character, and the political situation—I'll handle it perfectly, and I won't let you worry a bit. All you have to do is... nod."
His tone was almost coaxing, and his attitude was extremely humble.
"Awei, stay by my side. If you agree, the Eastern Palace will be your most solid defense. No one will dare to look down on you or plot against you anymore. I will protect the people you want to protect along with you. I can give you the peaceful life you desire in the Eastern Palace."
This was the most straightforward promise he could think of. Strip away all the calculations and trade-offs, leaving only the most core demands.
Keep her.
Shen Zhiwei curled his fingertips tightly, took a deep breath slowly, and lowered his voice.
"Your Highness, you know, it's not that I don't want to be by your side. It's just that the position of the mistress of the East Palace is too heavy."
She paused for a moment, trying to curl the corners of her lips, but only managed a faint bitter smile.
"I'm such a laid-back person, I can't stand being constrained like that. The daily morning and evening visits, the visits to clan members, the palace ceremonies... just thinking about it gives me a headache." She lowered her eyes, stroking the black cat's warm back with her fingertips. "Nowadays, just occasionally being able to talk with His Highness and drink tea is wonderful for me."
"Can't stand the restraint?" His voice was so calm that no emotion could be heard. "Or...can't stand me?"
Shen Zhiwei felt a slight prick in his heart: "Your Highness, why do you say that? If I couldn't stand you, how could I be sitting across from you drinking tea right now?"
"So you're only willing to drink tea with me, but not spend the morning and evening with me?" He put down the teacup and stood up, leaning over the edge of the bed, his breathing ragged. "Ah Wei, tell me, what am I to you? An old friend with whom you can chat and drink tea?"
The room was extremely quiet for a moment.
Shen Zhiwei opened her mouth, but the word "yes" was stuck in her throat and she couldn't spit it out. Facing his clear eyes, she couldn't say it.
"Ah Wei, just at this moment, do you have any feelings for me...between a man and a woman?"
Shen Zhiwei’s heart skipped a beat.
The feelings between men and women?
some.
How could there not be?
He was Xiao Lingjun. He was the one who had given her shelter and poison in her most desperate moments, the one who had tormented her for a full decade, the one who had become part of her very being. Reborn, she saw how cautious he was, how he worried about gain and loss, how he still held her at the top of his heart... and yet she wasn't heartless.
But that feeling was too faint, like a spark in the snow, which flickered for a moment and was quickly covered by a greater sense of fatigue and calmness.
Seeing that she remained silent, Xiao Lingjun's eyes darkened slightly and he took out an object from his arms.
It was a small rosewood box with a smooth body and a warm luster that only came from years of rubbing.
He opened the lid of the box and found a crystal-white jade pendant inside.
The style of the jade pendant is very peculiar. It is not an auspicious dragon and phoenix, nor is it the common flowers, birds and beasts. Instead, it is the outline of a pair of mandarin ducks. The lines are extremely simple and smooth. The jade is warm and flawless, and it emits a soft halo under the candlelight.
“This is…” Shen Zhiwei was stunned.
"One of my mother's dowry," Xiao Lingjun bit her lip. "It's said to nourish one's spirit. I think this color... suits you very well."
He picked up the jade pendant, which had a thin silver tassel at the bottom and swung it silently.
"I know you dislike luxury and are tired of being constrained. The rules of the Eastern Palace won't constrain you. If you find those phoenix crowns and bridal robes burdensome, you can also reduce them." He handed the jade pendant to her. "Awei, I don't want a perfect clay puppet to sit in that position."
"I want you. Only you."
"You can continue reading your notes, raising your cat, and if you get bored, kick Xie Mingxu out. You can even... occasionally go see whoever you want to see," he said, his tone unchanged as he said the last sentence, as if it were just a casual remark. "All I want is for you to nod, to allow me to legitimately protect you and accompany you."
"Promise me, at least... give it some more thought."
The jade pendant hung in front of her eyes, and the warm white light almost burned her eyes.
The conditions he offered were astonishingly generous, nearly overturning everything she knew about the Crown Princess. It was as if he had exhausted all his energy, building a cage for her, inlaid with gold and jade, yet incredibly loose, just hoping she would be willing to step inside.
Shen Zhiwei looked at the jade pendant, then at Xiao Lingjun. His face was expressionless, but his eyes revealed too much emotion.
He was afraid that she would refuse.
She knew that if she nodded and accepted the jade pendant, the many regrets, mistakes, and entanglements of past and present lives might be resolved in a seemingly perfect way. He would hold her in his palm and give her supreme honor and indulgence.
But it doesn't work.
Shen Zhiwei couldn't explain the reason for her refusal. It wasn't out of disgust, fear, or a desire for someone else. It was simply... unwillingness.
Just like a bird does not want to be locked in a gorgeous cage, even if the cage is made of gold and jade and the breeder is sincere.
"Your Highness," she didn't take the jade pendant, but hugged the warm cat even tighter, "What you give me is always the best."
Xiao Lingjun didn't move, even holding his breath, only his eyes were fixed on her, so bright that it was scorching.
"Priceless as gold and jade, admired by the people, that is a blessing that so many women in the world could only dream of," she said slowly, word by word, "I understand your feelings for me. To say I'm not moved in the slightest would be a lie to Your Highness and a disgrace to myself."
"But this blessing is too heavy for me." She sighed, her tone cruel and frank.
"It's too heavy for me to catch, and I don't want to catch it."
Xiao Lingjun's hand holding the jade pendant trembled.
"Your Highness," she called him, her voice a little tired, yet incredibly soft, "You hold me at the top of your heart, giving me whatever I ask for. I know that if I nod, you will shield me from all storms and create a world for me to do whatever I want."
"But that is ultimately the Eastern Palace. It is your world, your rules. No matter how undisciplined I may be, I must wear the crown of a Crown Princess and follow the rites of a Crown Princess. The cage you built with your own hands, even if it is made of gold, covered with brocade, and hung with pearls, is still a cage."
She shook her head slightly, her hair brushing against her pale cheeks.
"I am very tired, Your Highness. For ten years in my previous life, I toiled heart and soul, strained my nerves, battled with men, fought against my own fate, and never truly rested for a single day. Now, having survived by chance, I simply want to enjoy a few days that are truly mine. Read a book, play with a cat, and go for a walk when the weather is nice. I don't have to worry about whether my words and actions are appropriate, whether my behavior is in accordance with the law, or whether it will affect the court and your reputation."
"I can't live like this in the East Palace. Even if you give it to me, I can't live like this. I will never feel at ease if I keep the title of Crown Princess in my heart."
Xiao Lingjun's face turned paler and paler, even paler than the snow outside the window.
"So," his voice was so dry that his throat hurt with every word he spoke, "in the end, all you feel for me is just old friendship? Only exhaustion, and... pity?"
Shen Zhiwei was silent. She sighed softly, a sigh as light as a feather, but it hit Xiao Lingjun's heart hard.
"Your Highness, the word 'love' is too complicated." She tilted her head slightly, gazing out the window at the thick snow. "You and I are different. This difference contains the familiarity of ten years of companionship, the trust we hold in our lives, and... perhaps a bond I haven't even fully understood."
"But I don't know if this bond is enough to make me willingly enter that palace again and wear that phoenix crown."
"Maybe it's not enough. Maybe I'm just... scared."
"I'm afraid of repeating the same mistakes. I'm afraid that one day I'll let you down."
Xiao Lingjun suddenly took half a step back, and the jade pendant in his hand fell down weakly.
He understood.
It wasn't that she didn't like him, or that she hated him, it was just that she didn't love him enough. Not enough for her to risk her life for him again, like a moth to a flame.
She felt for him, but not enough to give up the freedom she cherished. She pitied him, but would not compromise. She was even afraid of disappointing him, and this very fear was the most clear rejection.
All the reasons were laid out, naked, with nowhere to hide. There were no misunderstandings, no obstacles, just her unwillingness.
It is easy to build a tower worth thousands of gold, but it is hard to find someone who is willing to do it.
He gave her everything he could, but he couldn't give her the freedom she wanted most. And she didn't want to be trapped by him.
"I understand." Xiao Lingjun said softly after a long moment. His voice was eerily calm, as if all the intense emotions had been drained away in an instant, leaving only a dead silence.
He slowly closed his fingers, tightly grasping the white jade pendant in his palm. The hard edges hurt his palm, but the sharp pain actually cleared his chaotic mind a little.
"So... I've been forcing it." He twitched the corners of his mouth, trying to force a smile, but failed. The curve looked unusually stiff, even a little pitiful.
Shen Zhiwei's heart ached, and she almost blurted out something. But in the end, she just pursed her lips and swallowed all the words. At this moment, any comfort would only be a deeper humiliation.
She watched him slowly stand up and put the jade pendant into his arms.
He no longer looked at her, his voice drifting: "I will remember what you said today."
"Awei," he suddenly called her again, his voice so low that it was almost inaudible, "If this is what you want... that's fine."
He turned and walked towards the door, his steps somewhat unsteady. He placed his hand on the door but did not push it open immediately.
"The snow is blowing hard, there's no need to send me off."
After he finished speaking, he opened the door and walked into the falling snow without looking back.
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