Chapter 43 You Don’t Recognize Me on New Year’s Eve
“…Awei.”
Xiao Wangqing tilted his head and pressed his cheek against her palm. His eyes were sticky, as if dripping with honey. He curved his eyes slightly and called her "Ah Wei" again. The smile was very light, but it softened his expression instantly.
A bit unlike him.
A strange familiarity crept over him, indescribable. Her eyelashes drooped, and she raised her arms to wrap around his neck, her fingertips tangled in his dark hair, and she kissed him.
The curtains were torn down, blocking out the deepening dusk outside the window.
When Shen Zhiwei woke up again, her waist was still sore. Her body had been cleaned up, and the sunlight from the window shone through the gauze, illuminating the hall with a soft glow.
The seat next to him was empty, the warmth still lingering, and the air was filled with the ambiguous atmosphere from last night's entanglement, mixed with the crisp fragrance of Xiao Wangqing.
She yawned, her fingertips brushing against a faint tooth mark on her collarbone. She gasped softly, and the chaotic memories of last night came flooding back like fragments. The man's low, raspy breathing when he was aroused, his scorching palm, and the repeated, hot, wet "Ah Wei" whispered in her ear.
Every time he called her like that, she felt an inexplicable emptiness in her chest, as if something had gently bumped her. It wasn't painful, but it carried with it an indescribable soreness. It felt strange yet familiar, as if in some distant place, someone had smiled at her like that, called her like that, only the voice was vague and elusive.
She shook her head, putting aside this inexplicable throbbing.
The maid came in quietly to help her wash and dress, and smiled knowingly and respectfully as she dressed her. Shen Zhiwei looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes wandering and her brows tired, and felt a little dazed.
In the past half month, their married life was as close as a real loving couple, which filled the confusion caused by the gaps in her memory, but also made her more puzzled.
He treated her very well, with great care, even to the point of being indulgent.
But there always seemed to be a layer between that good feeling, sometimes clumsy, sometimes passionate, but he rarely talked about the past with her, as if there was no other foundation between them except this sudden status of husband and wife and the lingering sex.
After breakfast, Xiao Wangqing arrived. He had changed into an ordinary blue cloth robe, and his black hair was tied up with a simple wooden hairpin. He had lost some of his princely demeanor and looked more like a handsome scholar.
"Are you still tired?" He walked to her side, took her hand, and gently massaged the inside of her wrist bone, which was a little red from his squeezing last night.
"It's okay. Didn't you say we were going to the West Market today?" Shen Zhiwei was helped by a maid to put on a thick cloak. The fur was very well-made and surrounded her rosy face.
She raised her eyes and saw that Xiao Wangqing's outfit today was indeed suitable for going out.
The carriage had already been prepared, low-key and simple, blending in unnoticeably among the street traffic. Xiao Wangqing helped her into the carriage, and then stepped in himself. The carriage was not spacious, so they sat side by side, their knees almost touching.
The curtains were drawn, blocking out the cold air. He held her hand, and her fingertips felt a little cold, so she wrapped her whole hand around his to warm it.
The carriage drove out of the quiet mansion and merged into the street. Noisy voices came through the carriage wall. Shen Zhiwei's heart moved, and he opened a corner of the curtain to look out.
As the Lunar New Year approaches, the streets are bustling with people, stalls are filled with a wide variety of goods, and colorful signs are waving in the wind. Children are running and laughing while holding candied haws. The air is filled with the aroma of food and the smell of sulfur from burning firecrackers.
It was very lively, completely different from the quiet mansion she had been living in for the past half month.
She was a little lost in thought, and only turned her head when she felt the gaze of the person next to her was on her face.
"What are you looking at?"
"Look at you," he answered frankly, smiling at her cheeks framed by the hood fluff, "Do you like it outside?"
“Yeah,” Shen Zhiwei nodded, “It’s more lively than the mansion.”
He was silent for a moment, then said, "Madam, if you like it, I will take you out often in the future."
The carriage stopped at Xishikou.
He got out of the car first, then turned around and held out his hand to her. Shen Zhiwei put her hand in his palm, used the force to jump out of the car, and landed on her feet.
He still held her hand, showing no intention of letting go, and led her into the crowd. The guards were scattered around, following at a distance.
The West Market was bustling with people, and the pre-New Year excitement was like a pot of boiling soup, with all kinds of sounds and smells mixed together and hitting him in the face. Shen Zhiwei was held by Xiao Wangqing's hand, wrapped in a thick cloak, with only a pair of eyes exposed to survey the surroundings.
Having lived in seclusion for so long, she found this vibrant atmosphere of the city refreshing. The stalls displaying New Year paintings were ablaze with red, and an elderly gentleman was writing Spring Festival couplets with his brush. The air was filled with the aroma of freshly baked pancakes and the sweet aroma of dried fruits and roasted nuts. A child, holding a pinwheel, ran past her, stirring up a cool breeze.
Xiao Wangqing always walked on her side, shielding her from the crowded crowd. His hand was steady, his palm dry and warm, completely enveloping her hand.
He smiled more often recently, and his behavior remained appropriate. He would follow her gaze, and when she took a second look at a clay figurine or lantern, he would whisper, "Do you like it?"
Shen Zhiwei mostly shook her head. She just thought it was lively and was happy to just watch. However, she stopped in front of a stall selling velvet flowers. The velvet flowers were intricately crafted, in the shapes of plum blossoms, crabapples, bunnies, and tigers. They were so furry that just looking at them made her feel warm.
The stall owner was a woman with a friendly smile. Seeing them stop, she quickly picked up a red plum-shaped ornament and handed it to them: "Madam, you have good taste. This plum blossom suits your complexion. Buy one and wear it for the New Year!"
The red plum velvet flower was delicately crafted, with layered petals dyed the perfect shade of crimson, set against dark green leaves.
Xiao Wangqing took the velvet flower, twisted the soft petals with his fingertips, and looked down at Shen Zhiwei. Under her hood, she looked at the velvet flowers hesitantly, without any expression, but her eyes were bright.
He paid the money without asking, then raised his hand and gently pinned the red plum blossom on her hair.
Xiao Wangqing's movements were a little awkward, and when he was putting the hairpin on, his fingertips accidentally brushed against her earlobe, causing both of them to pause. Shen Zhiwei felt a little hot in her ears, but was glad that she had the hood covering them.
He examined it for a moment, and as if he felt the position was wrong, he carefully adjusted it, brushing his fingertips through her hair, trying not to hurt her.
"Okay." He said in a low voice.
Shen Zhiwei raised her hand and touched the velvet flower. It felt soft. She looked up at him. There was a faint smile in his eyes, so gentle that it almost blinded her.
"Does it look good?" she asked.
"It looks good." He answered without hesitation.
"If it's good, look at it more."
They shopped for a while and Xiao Wangqing bought her a lot of things.
Seeing a vendor selling sugar paintings, he bought her a phoenix with its head held high and wings spread, the sugar shell sparkling; seeing a vendor selling sachets, he picked out one embroidered with lotus flowers, saying that the scent was elegant and suitable for her; seeing a vendor selling jade hairpins, he picked up a plain white jade hairpin, tried it on her bun, and felt that it was not as bright as the coral bead on her head, so he put it down.
Xiao Wangqing was a generous spender with excellent taste, but the things he picked out weren't necessarily expensive. He quickly ran out of room, so he asked the guards behind him to take it.
On the carriage back home, Shen Zhiwei felt a little tired and leaned against the wall, feeling drowsy.
Xiao Wangqing pulled her in, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. She didn't resist, finding a comfortable position. Her nose was filled with the refreshing, pleasant scent of his body, and she gradually closed her eyes. In her hazy sleep, she felt his hand gently patting her back, like coaxing a child.
This seemed to be a beginning. In the following days, Shen Zhiwei noticed that Xiao Wangqing treated her more and more intimately and naturally.
For example, meals.
The table was always filled with a few vibrant red dishes: diced chicken with spicy sauce, braised pork with dogwood, their glistening oils tantalizingly appetizing. Shen Zhiwei herself had a light palate, but whenever she saw these, she felt the person beside her would like them. Naturally, she would pick up a piece with her chopsticks and place it in his bowl.
He never refused, always eating without changing his expression, and even gave her a faint smile and said it was okay. But she gradually noticed that after eating, he would always drink a few more sips of tea, and occasionally beads of sweat would seep out of his forehead.
At first, she thought it was the cold weather and the heat inside the palace, but then she slowly began to discern a different flavor. Once, she deliberately scooped a spoonful of steamed fish belly in fermented black beans, smothered in chili peppers, into his bowl. He paused for a moment, then calmly placed the food in his mouth, chewing slowly, his Adam's apple rolling with what seemed like effort.
Shen Zhiwei lowered her eyes and scooped a spoonful of the light crab roe tofu. People always change. Perhaps his taste for spicy food is not as good as before, she told herself.
He seemed to be using a very gentle way to slowly instill his current preferences into her.
All of this happened naturally, like spring rain moistening everything. Shen Zhiwei didn't feel uncomfortable, but instead felt that her current life was leisurely and comfortable. She even began to enjoy the feeling of being meticulously cared for, especially when her husband, intentionally or unintentionally, showed off a little.
He was getting better and better at pluck her heartstrings.
He no longer wore the formal attire of a prince, but instead wore robes made of softer materials and more casual styles. His collar was always loose, occasionally revealing a beautifully sculpted collarbone as he moved, or when he bent down to pick up a scroll, a section of fair skin on the back of his neck would dip into the collar, making Shen Zhiwei's fingertips itch.
When he practiced calligraphy, he would roll up his sleeves, revealing a slender forearm. The knuckles of his fingers holding the pen were distinct, and his wrist bones moved slightly as he moved the brush. Shen Zhiwei would sometimes use the excuse of practicing to stand beside him, but her eyes would always involuntarily drift to that wrist or the profile of his face with thick eyelashes.
When he noticed, he would raise his head, look at her deeply, and not say a word, just looking at her until she gave in and looked away with her ears burning. Then, he would put down his pen, reach out and pull her into his arms, kissing her until she was dizzy.
In bed, he was no longer as restrained and awkward as he had been at the beginning, instead revealing a clinginess that was inconsistent with his appearance. Afterwards, he always liked to hug her from behind, his chin resting on the top of her head, his arms around her waist, holding her whole body in his arms.
Occasionally, when she woke up at night, she would find Xiao Wangqing looking at her. His eyes couldn't tell his emotions in the darkness, but when she moved the slightest, he would immediately close his eyes and pretend to sleep.
All of this was visible to Shen Zhiwei.
He called her Ah Wei more and more often. Whenever he was moved, or when he woke up in the morning and held her in his arms, the low and hoarse voice of Ah Wei always made her heart soften, as if something collapsed gently, slightly sour and bitter.
He seemed to know her preferences intimately. Meals were always to her liking, snacks and tea were the perfect temperature, and even the books she occasionally glanced at would be on her desk the next day. This meticulous care gradually made her accustomed to his presence, and she even began to enjoy the feeling of being cherished.
The past was still a blank, but the warmth and satisfaction in front of her were so real. Shen Zhiwei thought, if it could always be like this, it wouldn't be bad. She rarely even bothered to recall anything, only feeling that the present world was stable and the years were quiet and good.
That afternoon, the heaviest snowfall of the winter fell. Feather-like flakes drifted down, quickly coating the courtyard in a blanket of silver. Shen Zhiwei sat by the window, watching the snow fall, a travel journal at his side, his increasingly plump black cat crouching at his feet.
Xiao Wangqing entered the palace early in the morning and has not returned yet.
She looked at the snow for a while and felt a little stuffy, so she got up and walked to the door of the palace, trying to open it a little to get some fresh air.
As soon as she opened the door a crack, a biting cold wind blew in, carrying snow foam, making her shiver. Just as she was about to close it, she caught a glimpse of a person standing under the plum tree in the corner of the courtyard.
The man was tall, dressed in dark clothes. The wind and snow were so strong that his black hair flew and a thin layer of snow accumulated on his shoulders. He stood there quietly, looking across the falling snow in the direction of the temple where she was.
Shen Zhiwei’s heart skipped a beat.
As if noticing her gaze, the man turned his head.
I couldn't see his face clearly because of the wind and snow.
Shen Zhiwei subconsciously took a half step back and slammed the door shut. He leaned against the cold door panel, his heart beating wildly in his chest.
Who is it? Why is he appearing in this heavily guarded inner courtyard of the mansion?
She calmed herself down and told herself that it might be the guards in the mansion or Xiao Wangqing's subordinates who had something to report.
The palace was warm as spring, yet she felt strangely chilly. The black cat, startled by the sound of the door closing, looked up and meowed in confusion.
Shen Zhiwei walked to the window and looked out again through the gauze. There was nothing under the plum tree, only the wind and snow, as if the glimpse just now was just an illusion.
Maybe I saw it wrong.
As evening approached, the snow gradually subsided. Xiao Wangqing returned, shrouded in cold. He changed into his usual clothes before entering her palace. Seeing her sitting by the window, looking somewhat dazed, he walked over, hugged her from behind, resting his chin on the crook of her neck, and said wearily, "What are you staring at so intently?"
Shen Zhiwei leaned into his arms and relaxed, feeling the warmth coming from him, and the uneasiness she had just felt dissipated for the most part.
"Nothing, just watching the snow." She paused, but ultimately did not mention the figure she saw in the afternoon. She only said, "My husband came home a little late today."
"Well, there were a lot of things going on in the palace, so my father kept me here for a while." He nuzzled her cheek, tightening his arms around her. "I missed you."
These words were spoken naturally and intimately, and Shen Zhiwei's ears warmed slightly, and the doubts in her heart were completely thrown to the back of her mind. She turned around and raised her hand to brush away the scattered snowflakes in his hair: "Have you had dinner yet?"
"Not yet. I'll stay with you."
During the meal, he still took good care of her, picking up her favorite dishes and putting them in her bowl. Shen Zhiwei thought of the figure in the afternoon. If he was really a guard or a subordinate, why would he stand alone in the snow and look at her like that?
"My dear," she said casually, "I was in the yard today and I thought I saw a stranger, wearing black clothes, standing by the plum tree."
Xiao Wangqing paused for a moment, then resumed his normal movements, placing a piece of deboned fish onto her plate. "Perhaps one of the guards off duty was lazy, or perhaps you saw it wrong. This mansion is heavily guarded; no outsiders will be allowed in."
Hearing his calm tone, Shen Zhiwei nodded and didn't ask any further questions. Perhaps she was really overthinking it.
At bedtime, Xiao Wangqing seemed even more clingy than usual, holding her tightly and refusing to let go, his kisses rough and unrestrained. Shen Zhiwei was so disturbed by him that she quickly forgot all about the day's incident.
A few days later, it was New Year's Eve.
Xiao Wangqing got up before dawn.
Shen Zhiwei was a light sleeper, and when he felt a movement beside him, he woke up. The candles in the hall were not lit, and he could only vaguely see the outline of him getting up and dressing.
"Did I wake you?" He was tying his belt, his voice hoarse from just waking up. "There's a banquet in the palace today, so I have to go in early to prepare."
Shen Zhiwei turned over and watched him adjust his robes with his back to her. She had grown accustomed to his presence every day, and suddenly being separated for a whole day, especially during the New Year holidays, made her feel a little empty.
"Are you going to be gone long?" she asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.
Xiao Wangqing tied the last of his belt, turned around, and walked to the couch in the dim light and sat down. "Well, with the dinner and the New Year's Eve, I'm afraid I won't be back until midnight."
He paused, his fingertips brushing through her hair scattered on the pillow. "If you're alone... and feel bored, ask them to talk to you or read a book. I'll try to come back early."
His tone was apologetic and affectionate. Shen Zhiwei raised her hand and held his wrist, feeling his warm skin. She was not afraid of being bored, but she felt a little regretful that he could not be with her on this reunion day.
"It's okay, business is more important," she smiled, "I'll wait for you to come back to the temple to celebrate the New Year."
Xiao Wangqing lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, his breath warm: "Okay, wait for me."
He gave the maid a few more instructions before rising to leave. The palace door closed, blocking out the sound of his departing footsteps and taking away most of the heat from the palace.
Shen Zhiwei lay down again, but she was no longer sleepy. For the first time, she clearly felt that she was marrying a prince, a child of the royal family who had no choice.
She ate breakfast alone and read for a while. The charcoal fire in the hall was burning brightly, making it cozy and warm. The black cat curled up at her feet and dozed. It was peaceful, but a little too quiet. She walked to the window and looked out at the thick snow in the courtyard. Several young eunuchs were laboriously clearing a path.
After lunch, she took a short nap. When she awoke, the palace seemed even quieter than before; even the cat had disappeared. Just as she was about to call for more tea, she heard the palace door gently open.
Not the usual light footsteps of a maid.
She looked up and saw a man in military uniform walking in. He was tall and straight, with snowflakes still on his shoulders. His black hair was tied up high, and his face was stern. There was a lingering aura of solemnity between his brows, which was completely out of place in this warm and fragrant room.
It was the person she caught a glimpse of in the snow that day.
This time, the distance was close enough for her to see his face clearly.
It was a remarkably youthful face, no older than twenty. His features were deep and sharp, his brow bones were high, his nose was straight, and his lips were tightly pursed. His skin was the tan of years spent outdoors, a stark contrast to Xiao Wangqing's pampered fair complexion.
The most different thing about her was his eyes. When Xiao Wangqing looked at her, his eyes were always gentle, warm, even a little sticky. But the eyes before her were dark and calm, like a bottomless cold pond.
He just stood there, his posture as firm as a pine tree.
Shen Zhiwei subconsciously took half a step back.
"Who are you?" She heard her voice tremble a little, "Why do you appear here so many times?"
The man didn't answer immediately. His eyes scanned her face carefully, as if he was confirming something. After a while, he finally spoke. His voice was low and had a unique husky texture, completely different from Xiao Wangqing's clear voice.
"Miss Shen," he called, his tone more polite than she expected, "you don't recognize me."
Miss Shen?
"Should I recognize you?" She pursed her lips and began to recall what in the room could be used as a weapon.
The man frowned slightly, as if puzzled by her reaction. He took a step forward, closing the distance between them, and the breath of wind and snow hit him in the face.
"I am Xiao Wangqing." He looked into her eyes and spoke word by word.
Shen Zhiwei's breathing suddenly stopped.
Xiao Wangqing?
He said he was Xiao Wangqing?
Then... who is that person who holds her to sleep every night and calls her Awei?
A huge sense of absurdity instantly gripped her. She looked at the young, cold, and completely unfamiliar face in front of her, and her mind went blank.
"You..." She opened her mouth but couldn't utter a complete word.
The man who called himself Xiao Wangqing noticed her shock and confusion. He paused and added, "Second Miss Shen asked me to come. She said you were in danger and asked me to take you away from here."
Second Miss Shen, Shen Anyu, her younger sister.
Shen Zhiwei felt dizzy and she barely managed to steady herself by holding onto the cold corner of the table beside her. The amount of information was too overwhelming and shocking for her to digest.
Danger? Leave?
What about the past month? What about that gentle and considerate "husband" who was always so close to her?
"Miss Chen," Xiao Wangqing said, slowing down his voice when he saw her pale face and shaky face. "This is a long story, and we can't stay here for long. If you trust me, please follow me and I will tell you the details later."
Shen Zhiwei raised her head and looked at him again. The sunlight shone on his face, outlining clear, cold lines. His eyes were frank and direct, without flickering or pretense.
Completely different from her previous husband.
He is telling the truth.
The unpleasantness of being deceived reached its peak at this moment, like a piece of carefully disguised gorgeous silk being torn open, revealing the tattered and dirty cotton inside.
She really liked Xiao Wangqing. She enjoyed his company, his gentleness, and even his clumsy clinginess. She wasn't really that obsessed with the blank past, and felt that the present was fine.
But if even the identity is fake, then how much of that kindness, that tenderness, that seemingly genuine affection is real? How much is just acting?
A chill rose from the bottom of my heart.
She looked at the real Xiao Wangqing in front of her. He stood there like a sword drawn from its sheath, cold, sharp, and carrying the murderous aura from the battlefield, but also... real.
"I..." She heard her own dry voice, "I don't seem to remember anything."
This time it was Xiao Wangqing's turn to be stunned. A trace of surprise clearly flashed across his expressionless face. It was obvious that he had not expected this to happen.
"Amnesia?" he repeated, his brow furrowing even more. "Since when?"
"About a month ago," Shen Zhiwei said hoarsely, speeding up her speech. "When I woke up, I was in this mansion. They told me that I was the Third Prince's consort, Shen Zhiwei, and he was my husband, Xiao Wangqing."
Xiao Wangqing was silent for a moment.
"He's not," he finally said, "I am Xiao Wangqing. As for the one inside..."
"It's the current crown prince, my royal brother, Xiao Lingjun."
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