Chapter 15
It's just talk.
I must find the clues about the previous "Qinghe".
After saying goodbye to Gu Xinglian after dinner—I must admit, the restaurant he chose was indeed to my liking—I walked through a winding, chaotic, and pitch-black alley, completely ignoring the eerie atmosphere behind me, and even comforted two children, one who wasn't sick and the other who had a relapse. Then I sat down at the sparsely furnished table and started writing and drawing.
I really don't know why this nostalgic Gu Xinglian suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He's like the car loan and mortgage on my way to a better life. I was hoping that they would match my income, but when I checked the records, I found that the full amount paid was one million for the car and ten million for the house, while my monthly income was only three thousand yuan.
I've been sitting at the table for an hour now, and I can't find any information about "Qinghe".
I also vaguely sensed that once I overthink things, my brain automatically and self-deprecatingly suggests, "Aren't you just like Qinghe?" I can't understand why my academically sharp mind would choose to give up on this issue.
Frustrated, I threw the pen forward, and it rolled to the wall. I stared at it blankly; it remained there quietly, and neither of us moved.
Since we're already sitting here, let's make a list.
I scribbled and drew on paper, marking out all the people I've met so far.
Every weekend I would run into the landlady, the neighbor sisters diagonally across the street, and the dog that always appeared in a small alley and his mysterious convenience store owner.
The twins I took in: Gu Xinglian, who claims to be Qinghe's childhood friend; the young lady Tachibana Miki; and senior Xavier, who looks a lot like a broken man.
Shop assistants, orphans from a welfare home, an unknown strange person who has taken over Tachibana Miki's body, strange creatures in daily life, counselors, and other classmates.
My social circle includes quite a few people. In this past month...
And more will be added later.
I paused for a moment, then continued listing. There were still some doubts: the black mist, that voice, and my memories.
I have accepted all the strange things in this world, but I cannot give up on my own existence and the first half of my life.
I circled "that voice" and then crossed it out.
There was no other reason; I just felt angry whenever I saw it. Combining feelings of disappointment and pity, it became, in my mind, a child who didn't know how to cherish or persevere.
Actually, I investigated "Qinghe's" identity when I first arrived. I thought that even if I spent all my money, I had to find out who this person was, otherwise it would be too painful for him to take over his identity.
What did I do back then...?
It was such a short time, but why does it feel like a lifetime has passed when I think back on it?
He walked impatiently to work. This was a job he didn't know existed. He was suddenly woken up by his alarm clock this morning, and because of the perfect attendance bonus, he had to hurriedly get up.
He thought once again that even the most caring person wouldn't be overjoyed in this situation.
He didn't know how he woke up. He simply appeared, lived, lost all his memories, and thus became an outsider to the world.
He always felt that he didn't belong to this world.
So what? Are there other worlds out there?
No one told him this, but that's the only way he could feel. He had finally found peace amidst his fear of the world, so how could he possibly dwell on things that hadn't even happened yet?
Looking back on the day he woke up, he felt it was a strange experience. He accepted the rest of his life in a calm bewilderment, and it took him a whole week to come to his senses. But when he did come to his senses, he could no longer admit that he didn't need this world.
Is it the body or mind that is trying to save itself?
Why didn't anyone ask him what he wanted to do when he was sober?
He wouldn't die. Facing this world, he felt an indescribable vastness and loss. A subtle pain swept through his nerve endings, yet because it was at the edge of his body, he completely ignored it. He stood outside the reeds looking at the riverbank, where countless heads were crammed together. He remembered how thick the black fog that had enveloped him had been.
He completed his studies while working, and sought out the previous life trajectory of this body outside of his studies.
Even more inexplicable than his appearance, it seems there's no going back in life.
No one knows him, no one remembers him, even the landlord's memory only goes back to the moment when Qinghe appeared, the rental agreement was signed at that time, there is no time before that.
Who exactly is "Qinghe"?
Who am I, really?
He almost thought it was some kind of reality show parody, trying to imitate Truman.
Night fell, and he took a nap.
After waking up, he forgot about it, as if nothing had ever happened. He was Qinghe, and Qinghe was him. As long as he didn't deliberately recall it, he lived a normal life, just like any other native local. No one in this world had their soul possessed by another.
...
I put down my pen.
A familiar throbbing pain shot through my head. Thinking about what happened a month ago is still difficult for me; I've managed to get through it all. Perhaps my brain was hit, perhaps not. Even now, I'm starting to wonder why it was only after Gu Xinglian found me that I realized I was in someone else's body again.
When I was with Gu Xinglian, why did I decide to continue, contrary to my immediate consciousness?
I have to try to solve it.
Before that, there was one more thing.
I called out, "Is that you?"
It was an intuition, and also a feeling of emotional unease. I guessed it was it; it was right beside me. If it wasn't, it didn't matter.
"It wasn't me!" it cried out, hastily trying to clear its name. "I didn't do it!"
I was taken aback. What did he mean by not being able to contact it? I was just feeling down, so I guessed it was because it was next to me.
"What evidence do you have?" I asked, taking the opportunity to follow up.
"I, I..." it stammered for a moment, then a thought struck it. "What would I get out of making you do this? Right? You see, doing this will only cause you pain, and what about that other person..."
It seemed reluctant to mention its "childhood friend's" name, almost gritting its teeth: 'This kind of person, who doesn't care about anyone else's feelings, just came running over on their own, like a dog you can't shake off... a scumbag!'
It started screaming: "Slut, slut, slut, slut, slut!"
It was making my head ache: "What the hell are you doing? I'm not even angry, why are you jumping up and down like that?"
"That's just the kind of person he is!" It was still angry, but its tone had softened considerably. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to feel bad, but he's just so awful, he's absolutely disgusting..."
"By the way," I thought, "what species are you? Are you also unique to this world?"
"I guess so?" Its attention was indeed diverted, and it pondered seriously. "I'm a unique species in this world, you can't find me in any other world. Why are you suddenly curious about this? Do you want to know about my past? If you do, ask me, and I'll tell you everything!"
Its tone was more like that of a fawning lapdog. I said, "I just want to know your name and your identity. You claim to know everything, so why don't you tell the country's leaders or other influential people? Why tell me? What's the logic behind that?"
"I can't tell the people of this world," it lamented. "I can only tell outsiders like you, or those who are harming this world. I can't tell anyone about this impending doom until more than 7% of people realize the danger."
"I don't have a name either. You can call me World, but it might sound a bit strange in your native language, right? Or you can call me Ward, just treat that as my name."
"So no one can see you?"
"Once your connection with the world deepens, you'll be able to see me!" Ward exclaimed excitedly. "Do you have a preferred appearance? I can transform into various forms. If you have a preferred appearance, you'll like me even more after seeing me in those forms, right?"
I didn't want to get involved in this weird topic. I continued with other questions: "When I asked you last time if you were there, you clearly said you'd be there whenever I called you, so why weren't you there then?"
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