Chapter 49
Ward chattered on and on. He seemed very excited, sharing with me what had happened to him during this time: the people he had met, the relationships he had built, and the likes he had gained.
"Because the savior is taking shape, because your heart is drawing closer to this world, I am able to have the ability to touch humanity."
It was certain that I wouldn't get angry over something like this judgment.
I frowned and thought for a while, then asked it abruptly, "Do I still have the chance to see what you look like now?"
It seemed a little bewildered, but noticeably more relaxed than when I refused to look at its appearance. There was no magical incantation involved in transforming into human form. It had shoulder-length hair that was a bit grayer than pure white, and its eyes were a darker shade of gold than pure gold. It wasn't tall, shorter than Yayoi and Kaga, and could probably stand in a row with her.
I vaguely felt that its appearance was familiar: "Is this what you usually look like?"
"It's the face of someone I've always admired." Its tone was high-spirited, full of a child's expectation of praise. "I've been watching him, so I hope I can look a lot like him. When he sees me, will he think I look like him? If I learn from him, can I one day replace him? We can become the most similar twins in the world, and I will always be his shadow—" It, he—I could no longer see him as anything other than human. Its dark golden eyes were fixed on mine. "What do you think? What do you think of my appearance?"
“It’s quite beautiful,” I said, ignoring the vague familiarity and pretending that I had seen it a thousand times and was therefore not surprised at all. “Perhaps this is what you were meant to look like.”
He burst into laughter, the sound echoing between the buildings. Tears streamed down his face as he laughed, wiping them away: "You know what I look like, but do you want to know my real name? It's the name no one has ever called me, and he's never really listened to me say it, always interrupted by some coincidence..."
“Tell me again when we have to meet next time.” I didn’t refuse. “There won’t be any more situations that prevent this message from being delivered.”
I should have understood the consequences of this promise. I should have understood how different approaches would lead to vastly different results, and I don't know if I should blame that overflowing sympathy. Was this sympathy? I pondered this question, trying to dissect it and crumble it into the folds of my brain. If I had a smooth, flat brain, I wouldn't have to worry about whether tomorrow concerns me.
“You don’t look happy at all.” Ward, who had no wings but could fly, hovered around me. “Why? Did you see what I look like? Did you know that this world can make children take responsibility?”
"Wasn't it said that those who deserved punishment had all vanished? Those who remained appeared in the form of souls. So why does he say he's doing this to 'take responsibility for the past'? What reason does he have for that?" I asked.
Are you asking about a wisp of consciousness in an *omniscient* world, or about *omniscient* me?
"Would it be harder for a certain consciousness to answer this question? Would it be impossible to act out of personal bias, impossible to influence possible outcomes? Would it be harder for you to answer this question? Would it be easier to conceal the truth, or easier to satisfy your own selfish desires?"
Perhaps my questioning was too long, because he started to drift off halfway through. I gazed at his profile; his still-chubby cheeks only made him look more adorable against his youthful frame. He truly was adorable.
People who are too cute are often awful.
"He's just a stepping stone, always has been. Of course, he could also become some NPC whose fate is unknown, a supporting character with a fixed happy ending—it all depends on the protagonist's whim. Before that, he was deceived; those who are too naive and easily trusting cannot survive in this world. Afterward, he will no longer be deceived, because he must merge with the *monster's* soul, with no chance of escape. The *monster* resides in his body, and he must forever struggle against a terrifying future with his shallow consciousness, until the one who can save him finally understands." Ward suddenly said, "The protagonist is the *savior*. We live around him, so we only praise his name."
"Those things can live inside a person's body?" I asked in surprise. "The book doesn't mention that."
"Because I am *omniscient*. Their inhabitants bury all their chaotic, hazy memories accumulated over millennia into the brain of the inhabitant, some even taking memories of the underworld. Then, when the inhabitant can no longer distinguish their memories, they invade the body, driving the inhabitant's soul into a corner of the body. Some with the ability can even seal away the original owner's soul."
I was terrified after hearing that. If such a thing got close to humans, the level of horror would increase many times over. After talking with Ward, I had to tell Mo Huaizhen; now there was another question: "Have you seen the previous savior?"
"No. I'm not one to casually look at humans; it's only because the situation is more serious than ever before. But I know that the saviors of the past either maintained their original intentions despite the hardships of their youth, or found their true meaning after years of confusion and uncertainty, or were found by those who needed their help in their prime, thus beginning their own legend. Their lives began with blood and ended with blood. The first drop of blood was the blood of their mother who died to raise them; the first drop of blood was the blood of their parents who were killed to protect them; the first drop of blood was the blood of their friend who blocked an arrow in front of them; the first drop of blood was the blood of innocent civilians being killed and injured. The last drop of blood was the blood of the last important comrade who died in front of them; the last drop of blood was the blood of their parents who thought they could enjoy their old age but died at the hands of bandits; the last drop of blood was the blood of the last lover who had clearly told them she loved them; the last drop of blood was the blood of innocent civilians being killed and injured." Ward's tone was businesslike.
"Is there no happy ending?" I asked, bewildered.
Even a savior cannot be happy?
He saw the lights of a village rebuilt from ruins at night; he saw someone sweeping away the weeds that had long been neglected from the tombstones; he saw a family of three walking happily along a path bathed in the setting sun, talking about the older brother who was away studying, and how tomorrow they would have an unspoiled future.
"Your description sounds like something out of a Western fantasy novel," I laughed. "Could an omniscient person have their brain invaded by novels?"
It remained silent for a moment.
“Because the lives of saviors are always the same,” Ward said. He used his abilities to fly higher than me, reached out and touched my head. “The lives of saviors are always sorrowful. Occasionally, a savior appears who doesn’t need sorrow, but that’s because his sorrow has been deceived.”
His face almost betrayed a mix of emotions: shame, apology, despair, dissatisfaction, and unease. I couldn't explain why he felt this way, nor could I say, "I want to expose him."
“It’s also possible that he did it voluntarily,” I comforted him. “There are people who do everything voluntarily, just like Yayoi, who clearly doesn’t believe in reincarnation, but still agreed to the heavy responsibility that the world entrusted to her frail shoulders.”
He didn't speak, just stared at me. Feeling awkward under his gaze, I asked another question: "Have you ever heard of a savior who isn't so Western fantasy?"
It didn't speak. I let my thoughts wander: "For example, the modern savior, who wiped out all the dark forces with just a gun... Or the future savior, who won the entire galaxy with a laser cannon while piloting a spaceship..."
"It's just a set routine," he interrupted me. "You and I have both heard it countless times."
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