Ning Wan had lost count of how many times this had happened.
But she still didn't blame Shen Fu.
She simply called a caregiver to clean the house and left alone.
Shen Fu sat quietly on the bed, lost in thought.
He doesn't allow anyone to get close to him.
Ning Wan returned to the bedroom half an hour later.
She also took out a small bread roll from her hand.
Ning Wan sat on the edge of the bed, handed the bread to Shen Fu, and patiently coaxed, "Aman hasn't eaten for many days. Have some bread to fill your stomach, okay?"
"If you don't like those dishes, I'll make them again... Please don't get angry, and please don't ignore me, okay?"
Shen Fu looked down at the small bread roll, then looked up at Ning Wan, his eyes filled with reluctance and sorrow.
Finally, he burst into tears: "Wanwan, I'm so sorry..."
He hugged Ning Wan very tightly.
The dirt on her body soaked Ning Wan's clothes, and her emaciated body made Ning Wan feel pain.
But Ning Wan remained silent.
She simply hugged Shen Fu, constantly comforting him: "It's okay, it's okay..."
...
While Shen Fu was still conscious, Ning Wan took him to the bathroom to take a shower.
After taking off her clothes, Chen Fu was terribly thin.
His chest was no longer as broad and powerful as it had been in his youth; it was now pitted and full of protruding ribs.
His skin became as rough as tree bark.
The blood vessels were winding and twisted, like an ugly earthworm.
Ning Wan, her eyes red, silently rubbed his back.
Shen Fu stared intently ahead, then suddenly spoke up: "Wanwan, why don't you take me to the sanatorium..."
Ning Wan paused for two seconds, then continued, "What's the point of going there? Home is better than a sanatorium."
"But Wanwan, I don't want you to work so hard..."
Ning Wan interrupted him: "I'll only truly feel the hardship if you leave."
Her tone was urgent and angry, with a hint of impending tears.
Shen Fu pursed his lips and remained silent...
...
At night, the two lay in bed, embracing each other.
Shen Fu gently stroked the white hair on Ning Wan's forehead and asked, "Wanwan, have you ever regretted it?"
“Aman, I’m already 62 years old,” Ning Wan said. “I’m not some naive young girl. Looking back on the past, I can’t be sure I didn’t make any mistakes… but I don’t regret them.”
"I don't regret being with you, and I don't regret having Xiaoshu. I won't regret taking care of you or feeling tired either. Because when I was sick, Aman took care of me in the same way."
"But Wanwan, I'm scared..."
In the darkness, Shen Fu's voice, choked with sobs, rang out.
Ning Wan tilted her head slightly to look at him: "What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of leaving you, afraid of dying... I'm afraid that if I leave one day, what will happen to you and Xiaoshu?"
Ning Wan didn't say anything, but felt a lump in her throat.
She buried her head deeply in Chen Fu's neck, hugging him tightly, unwilling to let go.
This inopportune topic plunged the bedroom into a deathly silence...
...
"But I also feel fortunate, fortunate that I went before you..."
A cool liquid fell onto Ning Wan's face.
One after another, they just wouldn't stop.
“Wanwan, I can’t bear to see you leave… so I’m sorry, this time I’ll selfishly leave first…”
Shen Fu lowered his head and placed a light kiss on her forehead.
However, even such a simple action had exhausted all his strength.
Ning Wan's eyes were filled with tears.
Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, and she asked in a choked voice, "Are you very tired?"
"A little bit..."
"Can you still hold on?"
Shen Fu did not answer.
He could only breathe with difficulty...
...
Tears slid down her cheeks, but quickly disappeared into her hair.
Ning Wan smiled with relief and said, "Then go to sleep. I'll stay by your side."
“But Ah Man, you need to walk slower, much slower… I’m afraid if you walk too fast, I won’t be able to keep up with you…”
...
Ning Wan's soft whispers reached his ears.
Shen Fu longed to open his eyes again and take one last good look at her.
But after struggling desperately for a long time, he only felt his eyelids getting heavier and heavier.
He resignedly closed his eyes slowly.
She still worriedly reminded him, "If you leave too, Xiaoshu will cry... and your sister will be sad too..."
The sound grew softer and softer, and the breathing became shallower and shallower.
Realizing that Shen Fu's life was slipping away little by little, Ning Wan could no longer hold back her tears.
She was clearly crying, yet a warm smile lingered in the corners of her eyes: "I know. But this is my life, and I want to make my own choices..."
Everything grows with time, except sadness.
"Perhaps in ten or twenty years, I, who am left behind, will slowly emerge from the grief of your departure."
Perhaps one day, I will forget many, many things, just as I forgot Aman.
But this world is so lively.
I'm so lonely being left all alone..."
...
She had tasted the dishes her lover cooked for her and seen the lights on all night when she came home late.
She was the one whom Shen Fu had cherished and loved for so many years.
But suddenly one day, the person who loved her was gone, vanished from this world.
How could Ning Wan possibly bear it...?
...
"Xiaoshu has her own life, and your sister has people she needs to take care of and be with. Everyone has their own social circle, and eventually, just like they've forgotten you, they'll slowly forget me. So it's okay, it's alright..."
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