Later, my parents seemed to have given up the idea of having another son.
In rural areas, families without sons will be gossiped about, especially in Song Jin's family. Her father's generation had five sons, and all her uncles had sons, except for Song's father, who had two daughters.
Logically speaking, the relatives should love the only two girls in the entire family, but they didn't, or rather, this love did not fall on Song Jin.
Because she looked nothing like anyone in her family, she realized when she grew up that she was not her biological child.
She looks like her biological parents, who are relatives and can be seen every year. There are also people who know the inside story. When they talk about it at home, they don't hide it from others. It was told to Song Jin by the children in the family.
Even her biological mother would tell her when she came back to visit her every year during the New Year that she had a hard time and that she was forced to do so.
Song Jin didn't think it was a big deal at first, because this so-called aunt would secretly give her a few cents every year, and what child doesn't love money?
Her parents have always been very busy. Her father has to go out to work to earn money, and her mother has to farm. Usually, only she and her sister are left at home.
She was six years old and took care of her one-year-old sister. When she grew up, she always told her sister, "You grew up on my back."
Because she couldn't carry her younger sister, her younger sister was naughty and always wanted to go out to play. She had to take care of her younger sister at home, and she could only carry her younger sister on her back every time, otherwise her younger sister would cry.
In her memory, when she was a child, she either played house on the pile of dirt by herself, or carried her younger sister around.
After her younger sister was born, she received less attention and began to be beaten.
She was quiet and often got beaten for reasons like not taking good care of her younger sister, her younger sister crying, her younger sister wetting her pants, or not doing her housework well.
So the appearance of this aunt told her that she was not actually her biological daughter, and seemed to have found a reason for her mediocre status in this family.
Although she never called her aunt "Mom", many times she still wanted to see her.
Especially when she was beaten, when she felt wronged, when she saw her parents and sister being close and happy, she always felt as if there was a layer of separation between her and this family.
But later Song Jin heard from others that she was complaining about her to others, saying that Song Jin was pestering her like a ghost, just because he wanted her money because of her good conditions.
She was so impressed by that sentence that she still remembers it vividly. It was when she was in junior high school. Her older sister had returned from working away from home and had a new phone. Song Jin asked her if she could use her old phone.
In fact, if she said no, she would have given up if she had Song Jin, but her aunt said yes and would bring it to her when she came next time.
Song Jin kept waiting, but there was no news.
Later she called to ask, and her aunt said that her phone was a bit slow and she wanted to keep it for use.
Song Jin could only say okay disappointedly.
Later I found out that my aunt told others that Song Jin was pestering her for a cell phone like a ghost.
From that time on, she completely gave up on the people in that family. She had never asked anyone for anything before. The reason she asked was just because she thought they were her relatives and she just wanted to ask.
But she didn't expect that the so-called mother who said in front of her how helpless she was and how much she loved her, would say such things about her behind her back.
At one point, she felt so pitiful, as if no one loved her and no one was willing to give her warmth.
She still remembers that the only intimate and warm moment her mother gave her was during one New Year's Day when her parents went out to party with friends and she and her sister were watching TV at home.
In the middle of the night, the drunk mother came back first. Song Jin helped her mother to bed, helped her take off her coat, and poured her some water to drink. After she got into bed, she quickly found a basin to get some water and placed it on the bedside. Her mother asked her drunkenly why she took the basin.
She said, I'm afraid you'll feel like vomiting at night, and then you can vomit in here.
At that time, her mother held her in her arms and said to her with her face close to hers, "My little Jin is so well-behaved."
She must have been about ten years old at that time.
That was the only time she could recall being close to her mother from the age of five until she grew up.
Although when she woke up the next day, her mother had forgotten that brief moment and asked them who put the basin of water next to the bed, she didn't say anything after she said it was her.
Later, Song Jin went to school and lived with her grandparents. Over the years, if there was one person in this family who was truly kind to her, it was her grandfather.
He always looked at Song Jin with a kind smile, and he was also the person Song Jin admired the most.
It is said that my grandfather's family was not originally from their place, but came from another place to live with relatives.
My grandfather’s family was originally a small landlord. He had an older brother and a younger brother.
My grandfather was born in 1934. His family was quite wealthy at that time and he never had to worry about food and clothing since he was a child.
But when he was 14 years old, his brother became addicted to opium and secretly took money from home. Later, due to gambling, he even stole the house deeds and land deeds of the family.
From then on, there was no news of this great-grandfather.
When the great-grandfather and his wife found out, they were so angry that they died at home. Grandpa Song begged his neighbors to help bury the great-grandfather and his wife, and the reward was to herd cattle for the neighbors for a year.
A year later, my grandfather and my younger brother traveled thousands of miles to Song Jin's hometown, where they lived with a distant aunt. However, the aunt's family was very poor and could not afford to support two people.
In the end, my grandfather left the only money he had managed to earn to my aunt's family, asking them to take care of my younger brother, and he signed up to join the army.
My grandfather was a very determined man. He made great contributions in the third year of his service in the army and was awarded a golden pen (only the nib was gold) by General Peng himself. The pen was carefully preserved by my family, who vowed to keep it as a family heirloom.
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