Chapter 153: Soothing My Favorite. (It's all about emotion, no technique...)
Two tears fell, then were abruptly stopped, leaving only fragmented tear glints in her eyes. They seemed to be something precious, like pearls rather than raindrops, not as continuous as the latter, yet still held within her eyes when emotions were overwhelming.
Having practiced swordsmanship and cultivated for over a decade, her body had become much stronger, yet when Shen Lixia embraced her, he felt only lightness. It wasn't just on the surface, but the weight of her soul, which was being consumed by deathly energy due to intense pain, feeling as if it were about to shatter piece by piece.
It was very cold. The embrace that encircled her with his arms could hardly be called an embrace; it was too cautious, like catching a snowflake—drifting, icy, light, and melancholic.
So she had to hold on tighter. Shen Lixia lowered her eyes, suppressing the trembling in her hands, and hugged Qiao Yanshen tightly. She held him very tightly, and his emotions poured over her like a tidal wave, but Shen Lixia refused to shed any more tears. Perhaps she had no right to cry, because if she felt pain without having experienced these things, then how long had Qiao Yanshen hesitated?
I just want to be closer, through skin, through bone and blood. I want to give her all my body heat, to carry her into warmth.
At this moment, before hearing Qiao Yanshen say anything, she smelled a salty, cold scent tinged with a sticky, bloody odor. Startled, Shen Lixia probed with her divine sense and discovered a wound on Qiao Yanshen's abdomen, not yet fully healed, still oozing specks of bright red blood. For some reason, even his perfectly intact white robes seemed to carry a chilling aura of blood.
She frowned slightly, took the distraught young man's hand, and, ignoring his lack of response and unanswered hug, hurried towards the courtyard. After taking a few steps, Qiao Yanshen seemed still not quite back to his senses, his steps slow and unsteady.
Shen Lixia simply picked her up and whispered comfortingly, "Let's go home." Then she quickly walked into the house.
Once inside the room, as he was gently placed on the soft bedding, Qiao Yanshen bit his lower lip and let out a muffled groan of discomfort. His wounds began to reopen under the chaotic spiritual energy, and bloodstains soaked through the fabric, staining his abdomen a shocking red.
"Excuse me," Shen Lixia said softly, reaching out to untie Qiao Yanshen's waist seal. She was still not very good at dealing with such complicated things, and it took her a while to untie it, her fingertips trembling involuntarily.
Suffering a minor injury is nothing, Shen Lixia knew she was overreacting. Normally, her senior sister would definitely laugh at her.
Yet, she couldn't help but feel afraid. Qiao Yanshen's reaction just now was so worrying; it was as if she would slip away from his embrace like water, a wandering soul she couldn't hold onto. She had already tasted the bitterness of losing someone important in her past life through fragmented memories, and now she refused to let her lover leave again. Even if it meant going to the River Styx, she would chase after him, even if it meant relentless pursuit, she would stand with her senior sister through thick and thin, either living or dying together.
She first channeled her warm spiritual energy continuously to him, along with the scorching heat of divine fire, gradually easing the restless spiritual energy within Qiao Yanshen's meridians. The wounds slowly healed, and a tingling warmth replaced the pain. After removing his outer garment, Qiao Yanshen suddenly felt something placed in his hand. Looking at it, he saw it was a porcelain bottle.
Shen Lixia explained, "It's something Senior Sister Tang taught me to do before; it can remove scars. I thought Senior Sister might need it."
It wasn't that she found the scars ugly, but each one seemed to evoke painful memories. She didn't want Qiao Yanshen to think about those things, but not thinking about them wasn't an option either; hiding them in her heart didn't mean the pain would stop.
Unscrewing the bottle, she unbuttoned her inner garment and poured out the ointment. Qiao Yanshen looked down at the wound on her abdomen, which had stopped bleeding, and slowly applied it with her fingertips. Her pressure was somewhat unsteady, but when she pressed too hard, Shen Lixia would remind her. Although she kept her eyes closed out of respect, she did not relax her senses and remained closely watching. The scorching heat surrounding her prevented her from harming herself, just as when a person is in despair but remembers that there are still people in the world who love them, they cannot resolutely take their own life.
There's always this person in front of me reminding me that she still has close connections with others, and isn't always burdened by the hatred that others trace back to another soul. There are also my teachers and friends.
After pulling his robes back up, Qiao Yanshen said softly, "It's done." The medicine didn't smell pungent; it seemed to have been specially prepared, carrying a gentle fragrance of water lilies.
After a moment, Shen Lixia seemed to finally remember something. She raised her hand and cast a cleansing spell, changed her clothes, kicked off her boots, and moved closer to Qiao Yanshen. Qiao Yanshen closed his eyes, only to hear a series of noises and the bed sinking down beside him. He wondered what Shen Lixia was about to do.
However, she usually tacitly approved of whatever she wanted to do. As she thought this, her body felt lighter, and she heard the rustling sound of feathers fluttering, as if warm feather dust was falling, like a distant meteor shower.
But she didn't make a wish.
But Shen Lixia was always like this. Even though Qiao Yanshen had no wishes, she knew what he wanted. Even though her senior sister had no other desires, she could still come up with something to make her happy.
A soft, warm spot on the back of her head enveloped her, its familiar scent enveloping her. Strands of hair fell, gently caressing the young man's face. She opened her eyes slightly, and there he was, amber-gold eyes gazing intently at her, mead-like eyes, slightly intoxicating, seemingly flowing into her own eyes through her gaze, then into her heart, and instantly dispelling all her sorrows.
I don't drink alcohol, but I understand the feeling of getting drunk to relieve all my sorrows—it turns out that you can do it just by looking into your lover's eyes.
Qiao Yanshen rested her head on Shen Lixia's lap, her gaze falling on the crimson wings that tightly enveloped them both. Within the thick feathers, there seemed to be shimmering golden fragments of light—was it feather dust or something else? The sun had been absent lately; it was hidden here, concealed within the soft wings.
Shen Lixia reached out and gently cupped Qiao Yanshen's face, bending down to press her lips to her forehead. The boy's breath was warm, his hair was warm, and everything about him felt warm. Spiritual energy was still slowly flowing into her; Qiao Yanshen had once helped her regulate her breathing, and now Shen Lixia had learned how to alleviate his pain. She learned what Qiao Yanshen taught her carefully, guiding him with extreme gentleness, unlike her usual flamboyant style.
Fine, fleeting kisses fell like rain, causing Qiao Yan to close his eyes again and deeply, feeling the soft touch caressing her brows, nose, and lips. Each touch was fleeting, melting away like warm snowflakes drifting down. The boy didn't like drinking water much, and his lips were slightly dry, making the kisses feel even more special.
He didn't need to speak, nor did he want to. Shen Lixia knew very well that what Qiao Yanshen needed at this moment was not words, but a moment to catch his breath.
Like someone who has just emerged from the water, they only need to catch their breath and have no time to respond to other people's greetings.
After a long silence, the emotional turmoil finally subsided, and the chaotic spiritual energy calmed down. The soothing touch of fingertips tracing her cheeks continued unabated. Qiao Yanshen took Shen Lixia's hand and gently stroked her fingertips. Wings tightly enveloped them, creating a small, private space where only a sliver of light could penetrate.
She looked at the bloodstain on the boy's face that was just beginning to heal and whispered, "I'm sorry." A flash of blue light erased the wound and relieved the burning pain.
Shen Lixia shook her head, then narrowed her eyes and asked with a smile, "Would you like to touch the tail feathers?"
Qiao Yanshen was silent for a moment, then answered seriously, "Yes." As soon as he finished speaking, he felt a tuft of fluffy feathers placed in his other hand, the smooth texture spreading through his palm. Qiao Yanshen pinched the exceptionally long and beautiful tuft of feathers, stroking and kneading them in his hand. Birds cherish their feathers most of all, but Shen Lixia didn't mind at all, letting him ruffle and then gather the tail feathers back together, slowly combing them back into place.
The base of the crimson feathers is the soft warmth of a small animal, brimming with vitality.
I love it.
After she touched it a few times, until all the feather powder was gone, Shen Lixia finally spoke again, saying, "Senior Sister, would you like to say something?"
Qiao Yanshen has a gentle and unassuming nature, giving people a feeling of tenderness and serenity. However, water is distant and unfathomable; to understand it, one must step into it. Only by merging with it can one draw out its overflowing power.
But if she retreats even a little along the way, she takes a part of it with her, and it's hard to restore it to its original state. She never easily speaks her mind, hiding all her emotions in the gentle ripples of water, as if in this way she wouldn't be hurt, wouldn't feel the pain of being torn apart.
When Shen Lixia realized this, she also wondered about her family. How could someone who didn't understand love yet loved her give her a personality like hers?
But her senior sister's honest words were always valuable, and she was willing to guide Qiao Yanshen to slowly speak them out.
Their eyes met for a moment, then Qiao Yanshen sighed, turned his face slightly, and buried his face in the boy's lower abdomen, his nose pressed against the soft belly through the fabric. A ticklish sensation arose, and Shen Lixia couldn't help but chuckle, stroking the young man's hair.
Qiao Yanshen said in a deep voice, "Junior Sister should have already sensed that I am not far from truly falling into demonic possession."
The hand stroking her hair paused slightly.
"The magical artifacts Master gave me are useless. Although Luo Chuan's demonic energy may be different from others, I am not Luo Yang after all, and I don't know if I can control it. My injury just now seemed to be due to my inability to control myself after falling into demonic possession..."
"Strange." Shen Lixia frowned. "I can sense that Senior Sister's demonic energy is different from any other demon, but it was just tainted with a different aura. By the way, where did Senior Sister go before?"
"Bai Lu Peak," Qiao Yanshen said frankly, "there is demonic energy there, and I suspect that spies are still lurking within the sect."
"What a coincidence, I've also sensed the divine fire's unease lately, indeed due to the interference of evil spirits. But the culprit is very well hidden; apart from the fluctuations I just felt, it's been completely dormant." Shen Lixia's expression turned serious. "If that's the case, perhaps we can only sense it when she uses demonic energy, so—"
As always, Qiao Yanshen picked up where Shen Lixia left off, saying, "She took action against someone."
For some unknown reason, he lost consciousness in this place where demonic energy was surging, and when he woke up, he only saw wounds on his body.
“Perhaps it wasn’t that Senior Sister lost control.” Shen Lixia remained silent for a moment, feeling a surge of anger rising in her heart.
She managed to suppress her emotions and said, "I believe that Senior Sister will not lose control."
The young man took a deep breath and spoke softer when he spoke again: "Whether I'm out of control or not, I feel like I'm being pushed along, step by step... becoming more and more like her."
She closed her eyes and turned her head away.
"But what if I don't actually want to be her?"
She had been wavering all along. At that moment, the malice that had just been whispered returned, murmuring in her mind, each word causing a pang of pain:
"This world has wronged you. If you do not master the power of Luochuan soon, you will be a helpless prey in the clutches of others. Only you can bear all of this and then... take revenge on those people."
He pushed her, step by step, into the abyss.
But Shen Lixia's voice pulled her back.
The boy gazed at her eyes and brows without any other intention, as if he were tracing her face with his eyes, never tiring of it even a thousand or ten thousand times.
Then, she lowered her eyes and smiled, "Senior sister, actually... I've already told Master about my past life."
Did you say that?
Qiao Yanshen's eyes widened slightly, and he gripped the boy's hand tightly in disbelief.
Memories of her recent encounters with Yan Xueya flashed through her mind, and she tried to recall them repeatedly, but she couldn't find anything unusual about them.
The way the woman had viewed her in the past was how she had viewed her recently. Her gaze held both the sternness of a teacher and the tenderness of a mother, showing constant concern and revealing all her love without words.
Her smile was as usual, without any other meaning, nor was it intended to push her to gain more honors.
Seeing the expression on Qiao Yanshen's face, Shen Lixia's smile deepened.
She said, "So, what kind of person you become has nothing to do with other people, right?"
Yan Xueya didn't care about this matter, and neither did the others. To her, Qiao Yanshen was just like Shen Lixia—a student from beginning to end.
They were children who had no blood relation but whom she cherished dearly.
As long as the big tree is there, no matter how tall the sapling grows, it can always receive the protection of the tree's shade.
Shen Lixia took a deep breath and said seriously, "We'll decide for ourselves."
"Even if I grow wings and feathers, will I become Hua Ying in your eyes, Senior Sister? I remember Senior Sister saying a long time ago that I have never changed. What about you, Senior Sister? Do you think you have changed?"
Has it changed?
People always grow, but trying to change to resemble another person is like breaking bones, twisting them in another direction, and stretching upwards in a crooked and difficult way.
At least for now, she still considers herself Qiao Yanshen, possessing everything completely different from Luo Yang. Whether it's her mother, her more than twenty years of modern life, or her teacher, friends…
And then there are lovers. They broke down the barriers of so-called "best friends," and even though they shed tears, they touched each other's hearts.
Shen Lixia continued:
"Yes, nothing has changed, right? Even if you follow Luo Yang's example, you will always be yourself, Senior Sister... I can still feel that you are more special and irreplaceable than anyone else."
"To others, there is only one Luo Yang in the world. But that is never a reason for anyone to ask you, hurt you, or force you to become someone else. Even if you possess the same power, your life is still your own, isn't it?"
"Moreover, for me, there is only one senior sister in the world."
The boy spoke slowly, his voice gentle.
After saying that, her eyes brightened as she looked at Qiao Yanshen and asked, "So, what does Senior Sister think?"
What do you think...?
Qiao Yanshen pursed his lips and pondered for a moment, then said softly, "If Junior Sister likes it..."
Before she could finish speaking, she was interrupted by Shen Lixia's voice, which was half dissatisfaction and half tenderness.
"No, no! It's not about what I like, it's about what you like. If you like being Luo Yang, then be her; if you don't want to, then don't. No one can force you to do it. If you're not happy, then don't do it! You need to be honest with yourself, Senior Sister."
She spoke quickly and forcefully, leaving Qiao Yanshen no time to respond, yet he heard every single word clearly.
Since no one is speaking, one can only silently ponder what the other person is saying.
Qiao Yan thought for a while before continuing, "I don't want to. Besides, I don't think I'll lose my mind from being possessed by a demon. But ultimately, this is just my judgment. Why would you, like Master, ignore a potential threat like me? Do you... believe me?"
Shen Lixia smiled. Her radiant smile bloomed, as bright as summer flowers.
She nodded and said, "Yes, because I trust Senior Sister. It's definitely not a childish judgment. Senior Sister is worthy. Both I and Master were prepared to bear all the uncertainties of the future when we chose to trust you."
As she spoke, she withdrew her hand and began to grope inside her underwear.
The boy paused for a moment, and after finding what he needed, he said, "So, Senior Sister, you sometimes rely on me too..."
She is also growing and working hard, wanting to stand shoulder to shoulder with this person who always seems so far away.
—If you want to be a perch, then I should spread my wings to shelter you from the wind and rain, in return for your protection.
Qiao Yanshen sighed deeply, raised his hand to cover his face, and felt tears welling up again, no longer cold, but slightly warm.
She opened her lips, but found nothing to say, so she closed them again; however, her mind was filled with countless thoughts, making her want to say something.
So, after much back and forth, he only managed to utter one sentence:
"I really... really, I can't do anything with you."
Why won't they let her go? They always catch up with her just when she's about to give up, even though she was just thinking about saying goodbye to everything in front of her.
The saying goes, "declutter, declutter," but when it comes to everything related to Shen Lixia, she just can't let go. It's as if there's an invisible red thread binding her, and although she could risk excruciating pain to tear it off, Qiao Yanshen simply refuses to let it break.
She didn't want to cry in front of others, but because she was too at ease and too vulnerable, she couldn't help but pour out her grievances. As her wounds healed, a few warm drops would seep out. She had just felt sad, but now her chest was filled with warmth that made her feel slightly numb, so tears soaked her palms and overflowed from between her fingers.
Then it slid silently down and soaked into the boy's knees.
Shen Lixia waited quietly for her breathing to gradually calm down, then folded her wings even tighter, bent down completely, pressed her cheek against Qiao Yanshen, and let her bury herself completely in her arms.
"Yes, I won't let go of my senior sister's hand. My senior sister has always been the most important, the one I miss the most, and the one I love the most."
Qiao Yanshen's muffled voice reached my ears: "...Didn't you say there wasn't a 'favorite'?"
Is this the key point? My senior is so cute.
Shen Lixia thought for a moment, then gently stroked her hair. "Because I love every moment the most, even after a second, a day, a week, a month... no matter how long it goes on, I love it the most."
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Author's note: It's all about emotion, no technique whatsoever; it's just endless, cloying affection until it gets tiresome.
I can tell that my senior sister is a bit avoidant, but Xia manages to get her to talk about it...^_^ Even idiots have their own ways...
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