Chapter 86 Shared Depravity Love is pain, yet uncontrollable; the desire to kiss...
Before going to sleep, Shen Lixia placed the little sparrow on the table, next to Qiao Yanshen's usual writing brush and ink.
Perhaps as a table decoration, it will be pleasing to the eye for Qiao Yanshen when she writes. If so, her senior sister won't feel too burdened.
From the moment she realized her feelings for Qiao Yanshen, Shen Lixia only hoped to stay by her side forever, like a little bird that would give her its feathers and place shiny things in her palm.
She didn't want anything in return; Qiao Yanshen, as her senior sister, had already taken such good care of her for so long.
That's enough.
We fell asleep in each other's arms, the warmth filling my embrace, as if this moment was meant to be. Our bodies pressed together, the soft touch and the rise and fall of her breath like waves, lifting my consciousness and gently carrying me into a peaceful dream. Outside the window, fireflies danced, casting flickering shadows.
-
In the woods, someone moved with the lightness of a flying cloud. Willow leaves rustled down, and an arrow pierced through the air, striking one of the leaves squarely.
Springtime was perfect, the warm sun shining brightly. The arrow fell to the ground and was quickly picked up. The young girl was dressed in red, more vibrant than the blooming spring flowers, its color like blood, fluttering in the wind. Her eyebrows and eyes were beautiful, a touch of vermilion shining brightly; though she was still young, one could already see her future unparalleled beauty.
Shen Lixia doesn't remember why she's here. The dream came suddenly, giving her an unexpected beginning, making her forget her original identity.
In this dream, all she remembered was that she was Suzaku.
It is one of the four constellations, drawing upon the essence of heaven and earth, favored by the heavenly way and born, and upon birth it is the incarnation of a supreme god.
Now, it is the second year since she was banished to the turbid realm by her elder sister, the Supervising Soldier God, under the guise of training. Initially, she lived in a daze, having exhausted too much energy in her battle with her elder sister. She curled up on this mountain and slept for a long time, absorbing the spiritual energy of heaven and earth like a celestial embryo. When she awoke again, spring had turned to autumn, and a year had passed in the mortal realm. All around her were spiritual plants and beasts that had benefited from the spiritual energy gathered during her healing.
The intelligent beast explained the state of the turbid realm to her and generously offered its nest to the exquisitely handsome young man. After carefully examining the site, Shen Lixia chose a tall, gnarled tree. The tree was actually formed by two trees embracing each other, with an empty space in the center—a perfect place to build a nest.
Her divine power was sealed, but that did not prevent her from manifesting her true form with wings. The Vermilion Bird flapped its wings and climbed a tree, where it frolicked and played with the wild beasts of the forest, never descending the mountain.
Such days were pleasant, but after a while, they became somewhat monotonous for the young man. Wild beasts all bowed to her, just as in the upper realms, where there was still an elder sister to rebel; here, only peace remained.
"It's time to go down the mountain and take a look." She crushed the willow leaves in her hand, drew the arrow, and put it into her quiver. It had rained recently, and there were still puddles on the ground. Her figure was reflected in the water, her eyes upturned, extremely arrogant. Xingxiu was born with all the knowledge of Tai Zhaotian, had no childhood, and was treated as a god from the beginning.
Otherwise, she would actually be only eleven or twelve years old, in the prime of her youth.
Finding a way down the mountain, her steps were unhurried, the wind whistling. The young woman skillfully channeled her inner energy, finally spreading her arms wide on a cliff face before leaping off. Her hair was tousled by the wind, which whistled into her mouth. Mid-air, a pair of wings suddenly unfurled from her back, their bright red feathers rustling.
At the foot of the mountain lay an old village, but the villagers had all moved away, leaving only a few old houses and field ridges. The spirit beast told her that those people left because they were afraid of the water ghosts in the river.
Soon, Shen Lixia landed gracefully and stopped beside a river. She folded her wings, hesitated for a moment, and then raised her hand to touch her back.
It's strange. In my memory, she was a Vermilion Bird soaring through the nine heavens, and should have been used to her wings long ago. But now, I feel a sense of unease, as if her wings haven't been used for a long time.
The strangeness was quickly dispelled. Shen Lixia walked to the riverbank, dipped her hand in, and was about to scoop up a handful of water. Suddenly, a shadow slowly approached from underwater. At first, she thought it was a fish, but as the shadow grew larger, she was so startled that she tried to pull her hand away. Unexpectedly, something cold grabbed her wrist, rendering her unable to move.
The girl was on high alert, momentarily forgetting to spread her wings, desperately resisting the force of the water. Her heels sank deep into the mud, and she struggled backward. The current was fierce, and the cold thing gripped her wrist tightly. After a long struggle, with a splash, she was pulled directly ashore.
After realizing what was holding him, the boy's eyes widened, and he stood there stunned.
This was actually a living, breathing person.
She appeared to be about the same age as her, with black hair and a white dress, both soaked through. Her figure was slender, her face hidden in her hair, only a sliver of her fair, jade-like skin visible. Shen Lixia looked up and saw that what was gripping her wrist was none other than a young man's hands emerging from his sleeves. She belatedly realized she wanted to pry his hands off, but to no avail. He wasn't particularly strong, but his grip on her was incredibly tight.
The pale boy had no warmth at all, but instead exuded a chilling aura.
"Let go!" Shen Lixia forced herself to stay upright and whispered through gritted teeth. The other person ignored her, simply holding her in silence. The boy had no choice but to drag her a few steps away from the riverbank. As he dragged her, she channeled her spiritual energy, the flames flowing and transferring to the man, attempting to dry his clothes and long hair first.
At that time, when she heard the spirit beast say that, she did not believe it and proudly laughed, saying that no ghost or monster in the world was worth fearing.
Now, however, his heart was pounding with fear, and he muttered, trying to bolster his courage, "A water ghost?!"
As soon as she finished speaking, the strength in her hand suddenly loosened. She didn't react in time and was pulled backward by inertia, falling hard and feeling a sharp pain in her leg.
She almost cried out, clutching her bleeding wound and frantically searching her body for ointment. It was more of a concoction of various herbs she had made herself and applied to her injury. A mortal's body was extremely inconvenient, but her elder sister was determined to toughen her up from scratch, thus sealing off all her divine powers.
The culprit before her was finally awakened by the scream and slowly rose from the ground. The white-clad youth brushed aside his disheveled long hair, revealing a pair of clear eyes.
Sunlight streamed in, making the already pale blue shimmer and almost transparent. She stared blankly at the boy in front of her, who was grimacing as he treated his wounds, her raised hand frozen in mid-air, forgetting to brush off the mud and water stains covering her.
After a moment, she took a step forward, her steps unsteady, as if she had not set foot on land for a long time, like a princess who had been taken away by a sea monster and had been sleeping underwater for a thousand years.
She knelt down beside the boy and asked softly, "Are you... alright?"
Shen Lixia looked up and met those pale eyes. The words of complaint she was about to say caught in her throat, her lips parted slightly, and she couldn't utter a sound for a long time.
A thousand threads of emotion surged forth. It was the first time she had seen this person, yet she felt a mixture of sorrow and joy, a longing intertwined with an even stronger tenderness, instantly silencing her and leaving her only able to look at him. The gentle voice was the same, leaving only one thought in her mind, fleetingly passing through her thoughts.
I miss you so much.
Seeing her silence, the gentle-faced young man pursed his lips, revealing a smile that Shen Lixia knew all too well—a smile tinged with helplessness. He gently placed his cool fingertips on her bruised knee. A sliver of silvery-blue light seeped in, and the coolness soothed the burning pain. In the blink of an eye, the bleeding had stopped.
"It will be healed in half a day. It won't leave a scar, so you can rest assured." She looked down at the wound, then suddenly leaned closer and blew a soft breath. "It doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't hurt anymore."
Shen Lixia belatedly realized—she had been treated like a child. The other person wasn't much older than her, yet from the beginning, he gave her a sense of security. Just like at some point, she had been gazed upon by those eyes filled with tender affection.
Proud as Zhuque was, she would not allow herself to be treated like this by others. She immediately took a step back, blushing, and exclaimed, "Why do I have to wait half a day? Are you deliberately teasing me and not fully curing me?"
The boy blinked, his tone apologetic, "My cultivation is still shallow, and I haven't used spiritual power in a long time, so I'm quite rusty. You are a mortal; if you try rashly, I'm afraid you might accidentally..."
"I am not a mortal!" Even the fiercest spirit beasts on this mountain would kneel down and offer her food upon seeing her. When had anyone ever spoken to her like that before?
Shen Lixia was even angrier and shouted, "I'm going down the mountain today! It's all your fault. You grabbed me without saying a word and made me fall. Now look what happened, I have to wait until tomorrow!"
In truth, a day was nothing to her. But since she had made the decision to descend the mountain, it would be best to achieve her goal as soon as possible. In just a short while, she had already gone from thinking about descending the mountain to experiencing all sorts of exciting trials, and finally returning to Tai Zhao Tian to make her elder sister, who always scolded her, look at her with new eyes.
Unexpectedly, I stumbled at the very first step.
Are you going down the mountain?
The boy didn't seem to mind her rude attitude and asked a question in return. Seeing him nod dejectedly, she thought for a moment and then had an idea. Still squatting, she smiled and said, "Then you come up, and I'll carry you down, how about that?"
Shen Lixia sized her up, her brows furrowing. "You're too thin. Even if you have some strength, you won't make it down the mountain. Could it be that you're holding a grudge and planning to throw me off the cliff once I've calmed down and come back up?"
A soft chuckle reached his ears. The young man shook his head and said gently, "If you're still worried, I swear to the heavens that I will never harm you from this day forward. Can you rest assured now?"
Heaven's will? Mother is very busy and doesn't have time to receive so many vows, let alone something so boring.
Besides, she was merely an incarnation of a star; once she died, she was gone. As long as the star didn't perish, creating another one wouldn't be difficult. Shen Lixia stuck out her tongue, walked over, and climbed onto the boy's back, resting her head on his neck. She said in a muffled voice, "I don't need you to swear. Just tell me if you can't carry me anymore. I don't want to bully you."
The boy smiled and agreed, then got up, carried her steadily on his back, and slowly walked down the mountain.
On the way, she chatted with the boy and learned that his name was Luo Yang. She called out to him repeatedly, finding the two characters sounded quite nice together. Luo Yang didn't get annoyed by her calling him, occasionally responding softly. After all, he was just a young child, and his anger soon subsided. He became curious about all sorts of things about this first person she had met since arriving in the Turbid Realm.
Luo Yang patiently responded to her, saying that she couldn't remember her age, so she would just say she was twelve. When asked why she was called that, Luo Yang said it was a name given by a river goddess, someone like her mother.
The descent was quite long, and the sky was gradually darkening. But Luo Yang, just as she had said, showed no signs of fatigue, her steps steady and firm.
"Why did you come out of the water? Are you really a water ghost?"
Upon hearing this question, Luo Yang did not respond immediately. After a moment of silence, she asked, "Do you want to hear the truth, or a lie?"
"Of course it's the truth! Why do you ask that? If I choose the latter, will you really lie to me?" Shen Lixia muttered, leaning on her shoulder. "Then you're too wicked... We've only known each other for a short time, and you're already going to lie to me."
Luo Yang laughed, "Because it will scare you."
"I'm not afraid." She was actually nervous when she heard Luo Yang say that, but she still kept her mouth shut.
“Actually, I drowned in this river before,” Luo Yang said quietly. “Back then, I was the only daughter of a family in the capital. One day, I happened to be playing on this mountain and accidentally fell into the river.”
The boy on her back struggled slightly. A smile played on her lips, and her voice returned to its gentle tone, "Alright, alright... I'm not a ghost anymore. Please let me finish."
After everyone had calmed down, Luo Yang continued, "The River Goddess saw that I had drowned at such a young age and couldn't bear it. She left my soul behind and used water to shape my body, leaving me between life and death, so that I could finally be reborn. But during this time, countless years have passed in the human world. Now, my family is long gone."
At this point, Luo Yang felt a pang of melancholy. The young man sensed her underlying sorrow and silently pulled her closer.
The heavens created her, and she thus recognized them as her mother. However, in her memory, the only ones who truly fit the concept of "family" are perhaps her fellow goddesses. Yet, her two eldest sisters are extremely estranged, and one has been busy with various affairs since her birth.
After arriving in the Turbid Realm, she was completely alone. Now, it seems she has met someone just like her.
I remember an older sister saying, "Although you can't choose the people you're born with blood to, you can choose your true 'family' later in life."
Driven by something unknown, she buried her face in Luo Yang's hair and whispered, "Then, do you want to be my 'family'? I can be yours too."
Luo Yang was taken aback by her sudden words and stopped in her tracks. "Are you confusing the meanings of friends and family?"
Generally speaking, don't they all start as friends? Is there something wrong with the books she's been reading?
"Besides, you must have something important to do if you're in such a hurry to go down the mountain. We might part ways once we get there. If we want to build a relationship, long-term companionship is essential."
The boy hesitated for a moment, his voice still clear and melodious, but tinged with a hint of guilt: "I...I'm not in such a hurry. If you want...if you don't mind, I can travel with you. Wherever you go, I'll go with you."
Luo Yang understood the implication in her words, sighed, and said helplessly, "Alright. But let's start as friends. First, what's your name?"
Shen Lixia remained silent for a long time, but ultimately did not respond. In this dream, she had no name, only the title of a goddess. The title was Lingguang, the Vermilion Bird, and many other things, but none of them were her name. Although she did not understand the meaning of a name, she knew it was important and had to sound beautiful—like "Luoyang," meaning vast and boundless water, with the given name Mi, signifying tranquility.
"You...don't have a name?" Luo Yang realized. "That's right, the River Goddess said a long time ago that there's no one left on this mountain. You shouldn't be a child from the village..."
She didn't ask where the other person came from, but said with some affection, "Then why don't you give yourself a name? When a person comes into this world, they must have a name to be considered to have lived."
Shen Lixia thought for a moment and asked, "What word is the best?"
Luo Yang was taken aback by her question and replied, "There are many good words in this world, such as Yuan, Jiao, and Rao, which are used to describe beautiful women; of course, there are also Gang, Qiang, and Yi. As long as you like them, they can all be used as names. There is no distinction between them, and they should not be stolen. If you are asking me which word is the best in my heart, perhaps it is Hua."
A single word contains all the beautiful things in the world.
“Then this word,” the boy paused, then pointed to the group of tiny, swaying insects beside him, “What are these?”
Luo Yang looked in the direction she was pointing and said, "It's a firefly."
“Then let’s call her… Hua Ying.” She awkwardly uttered the two characters, then felt that it wasn’t quite right, and repeated them several times.
Luo Yang laughed and said, "How about pronouncing it the same as 'flower'?"
Shen Lixia nodded in affirmation, "It sounds nice."
Hua Ying. From then on, that was her name. It was also the name of Zhuque.
She was no longer just Ling Guang, but a person with her own name. Shen Lixia felt happy and proudly told Luo Yang that she was Zhuque, a god who had come down from heaven to undergo trials.
"If I successfully return in the future, I will make you a god so that you can stay with me forever."
Luo Yang listened and nodded with a smile. She dismissed it as childish ramblings and didn't take it to heart, but a slight unease lingered over the name she had chosen. This unease swirled in her heart, finally leaving only a voice like a prayer, a wish:
"May you be carefree, lucky, and live a peaceful and prosperous life."
Rather than a self-fulfilling prophecy, like a firefly that shines briefly before disappearing without a trace.
A chance encounter became the beginning of a lifetime of companionship. Hua Ying accompanied Luo Yang through the bustling capital city, wiping away her tears as she stood before the now-unremarkable courtyard. Afterwards, they left the capital to travel the mortal realm.
The past flowed past like smoke, no longer clear as if she were there, yet Shen Lixia could remember every single moment. It turned out that the divine fire wasn't originally divine fire; it was merely a small flame in the hands of a high god banished to the mortal realm. It was everything she and Luo Yang had walked and experienced together that gradually shaped it into the true fire of purification.
Just like all the fleeting pleasures of the mortal world, and with Luo Yang by her side, Zhuque gradually became Hua Ying, rather than Ling Guang Shenjun.
That period was filled with indescribable joy. With her divine power sealed, she resolved to cultivate step by step with Luo Yang along the ordinary path.
Midway through, it revealed its wings and tail feathers, intending to reveal its identity, but Luo Yang held and played with them for a long time. By then, Hua Ying was no longer a little boy, and naturally understood that gods were untouchable to mortals.
But it's fine if Luo Yang doesn't believe it; that way, she will always just be Hua Ying. There are also crimson birds in the world, but she will always be the one with the most beautiful plumage.
They vanquished evil spirits and exorcised demons, made friends and companions, and were separated for various reasons. In the end, at the end of their journey, they were still together.
These days could have lasted forever. At least, Hua Ying once hoped that.
But things didn't go as planned. War broke out. By then, Hua Ying had reached the pinnacle of her cultivation and could have returned to Tai Zhao Heaven, but she lingered in the mortal realm and didn't want to go back. Her homeland wasn't Tai Zhao Heaven, but Luo Yang, and being by Luo Yang's side. Wherever Luo Yang was, that was her home. She had no other desires.
War swept in, leaving no room for resistance. Heaven summoned her back, and Luo Yang, also called by the River Goddess, returned to the river, only to discover that it was the river that governed life and death. Along with the return of the Divine Lord Ling Guang to Tai Zhao Heaven, came the news of the young Lord of Luo Chuan's reappearance in the mortal world.
Upon meeting again, Luo Yang saw the same person in red, with the same features, and the wings unfurled behind her. She finally understood that the words spoken in the past were not the boy's joke. From the moment they met, the boy had already revealed his destiny.
Whether it was because she didn't believe it, or because she kept running away, she persuaded herself that the gods wouldn't easily descend to the human world, as if doing so would give her more courage to confess her feelings for the little bird.
There was no turning back now. She suddenly regretted it, gazing at the star incarnation before her, and realized that she would henceforth belong to all living beings, and could no longer remain just her dishonest and childish companion.
Why wasn't this said sooner?
From then on, this affection could only end without fruition.
As Hua Ying, or even Shen Lixia now, she naturally couldn't understand Luo Yang's feelings at that time. For her, although war was imminent, at least she had seen Luo Yang again and could stand shoulder to shoulder with him once more, and that was enough. As two high gods, they didn't need to worry about life and death separations as long as they were careful.
After the war, they would have nothing to worry about. Perhaps they would no longer be able to roam the mortal realm, but at least they could stay close together as before, never to be separated again.
At this point in her dream, Shen Lixia felt a little more at ease. The next moment, darkness suddenly enveloped her, and she awoke from her shackles, finally hearing a sigh coming from somewhere unknown.
She suddenly remembered that it was all over. There were gaps in her memory, but the ending was still vivid in her mind. After the war, Hua Ying was sent to the judgment seat, scarred and battered, while the immortals fervently called upon the Heavenly Dao. The cultivation she had gained during her time with Luo Yang in the mortal realm gradually dissipated and was devoured by the Heavenly Dao.
When Hua Ying returned to Tai Zhao Tian, her elder sister was not pleased to hear her mention her name, but instead reprimanded her as usual. She said that she was Ling Guang, and could only be Ling Guang. This was the title bestowed upon her by the Heavenly Dao. She was the original incarnation of the Star Constellation, and one day when she returned to the Star Constellation, this title and memories would belong to the next Vermilion Bird, not to her alone.
There can be no selfish motives involved.
Thus, throughout the entire Tai Zhao Heaven, no one acknowledged her name. She transformed once again from Hua Ying back into Ling Guang, the Ling Guang Divine Lord who was held high on the altar.
Only Luo Yang, upon first seeing her, still called her "A-Ying". Only Luo Yang, when she said that even if she died, someone would take her place, held her and softly said again and again, "You are very important, you are my one and only A-Ying".
Even knowing that she was Lord Lingguang, this statement never changed. She would always be Luo Yang's most precious and irreplaceable Aying.
The memories that had haunted her dreams were laid bare before her once more. On the judgment platform, the cries of the crowd were suddenly silenced by a chilling coldness. "No, no, don't come! Let her have her cultivation stripped away and her soul taken by the Heavenly Dao, don't come to save her!" Shen Lixia cried out anxiously, as if that could stop everything that was destined to happen, just like Hua Ying had done.
But Luo Yang still came. The sword severed the chains, and along with the chains fell the boy's scalding tears.
From then on, no more sweet dreams remained.
-
Consciousness plunged into darkness, again and again, just like when falling from the ninth heaven, with layers of clouds flowing past before my eyes.
At this moment, the divine fire's shackles were broken once more. She resonated with her past self, finally understanding the source of that regret.
No matter what name it is given, this fervent sentiment transcends time and death, never changing, flowing from the same source, and returning once again to Shen Lixia's heart today.
It's liking, it's love. Or maybe, it doesn't matter what it is anymore.
The dream wasn't over yet, as if it were trapping her in this watery darkness, forcing her to taste the regret that had been delayed for millennia. Not only Luo Yang had fallen in love then, but Hua Ying had too. And she herself was the same. Unaware of her own deep entanglement in love, when she finally came to her senses, everything had ignited and then destroyed, choking her, making it hard to breathe, tears streaming down her face, yet she laughed from the bottom of her heart.
I long to embrace my senior sister and plunge into the fire together, to be entwined in a passionate embrace until death. Yet, I also wish that she may escape the flames unharmed.
Seeing Qiao Yanshen shed tears, Shen Lixia felt as if her heart was being torn apart. Her fingers were too rough; if she could peel open her heart and take out the softest part inside to wipe away those tears, she would do it without hesitation.
It turns out that love inevitably brings pain. How can one love without shedding tears?
Even though she was in a hazy dream, she could feel the cold tears soaking her clothes. She thought, I can't say it now.
Because if her senior sister knew, she would definitely run away. For Qiao Yanshen, love was too intense and too sharp; once spoken, it would inevitably become a tidal wave, overwhelming him whether he wanted to or not.
The past was like a curse to them, and the love she felt from the bottom of her heart was exactly the same as that past. By the time she realized it, it was already too late; she had already lost everything.
Why you of all people, Senior Sister?
As I asked that question, the darkness dissipated, and the sun shone brightly once more.
The dream became a lucid dream.
Springtime was in full bloom, and wildflowers covered the mountains. Shen Lixia stepped onto the soft grass and saw a familiar figure leaning against a flowering tree, fiddling with something in his hands that looked like a kite.
That wasn't Luo Yang, but Qiao Yanshen. Or at least, it looked like Qiao Yanshen. She walked forward slowly, and all around was silent except for the gentle breeze.
Dreams are made up of Hua Ying's memories, but the person in front of her is the one she has been longing for day and night.
Hearing the approaching footsteps, Qiao Yanshen smiled slightly and moved aside to make room for Shen Lixia.
She carefully finished assembling the kite's frame, and as the boy knelt beside her, she suddenly spoke, "Little bird, sing a song?"
Shen Lixia blinked. The dream didn't give her the right to refuse, or perhaps, she simply wouldn't refuse. Gradually, she began to hum a familiar tune, one she'd never heard before, yet it was etched into her very being, the language of birds, melodious and clear, harmonizing with the sound of the wind. After only a few notes, faint bird calls echoed around her, as if awakened by her, joining her in offering this ancient and lingering song to Qiao Yanshen.
The mountain has trees, and the trees have branches; I love you, but you do not know.
That was the song Hua Ying sang for Luo Yang, and it's the song she's singing for Qiao Yanshen now.
Qiao Yanshen, seemingly oblivious to the affection hidden in the song's words, put down the kite, his eyes smiling as he gazed at her tenderly. Perhaps because she was too relaxed, she soon closed her eyes.
As the woman's breathing seemed to gradually become steady, her singing softened, growing fainter and fainter until finally, it was completely swallowed by the wind. The birds fell silent, and the shadows of the trees fell on Qiao Yanshen, trembling gently.
She slept peacefully, unaware of the burning gaze of the person kneeling before her.
At this moment, Shen Lixia seemed to break free from the shackles of the dream, her body now under her own control. She carefully moved in front of Qiao Yanshen, gazing at his exceptionally peaceful sleeping face, feeling that the distance was not enough to see his eyelashes trembling like butterfly wings; she needed to get closer.
So she moved closer, closing the distance between them. The boy gazed intently at her, his eyes moving down from her beautiful brows to her lips. Her familiar scent was warm and gentle, like water, embracing her tightly. It wasn't a strong fragrance, yet it stirred his heart, making him lose himself in it.
Their figures intertwined, and with it came the warmth that seeped through her thin clothes. She felt very hot, but she couldn't tell where this heat came from. Was it because her cheeks and ears were burning hot, or because Qiao Yanshen's body was too warm and too soft, making her feel overly at ease, almost melting into a puddle of water?
Is it the warmth of their tight embrace outside of a dream?
Or perhaps, it was desire. The inseparable part of love pushed the young man step by step toward Qiao Yanshen, wanting him to melt into the arms of the person before him, to merge intimately with him.
Shen Lixia reached out to stroke Qiao Yanshen's cheek, extremely carefully, afraid that even the slightest touch would wake her. This seemed to be the first time she had touched Qiao Yanshen so slowly and delicately. Her palm had barely touched him when she felt as if it had been burned, and she withdrew it. Her fingertips trembled, and after a moment's hesitation, she slowly slid down to caress his soft, thin lips.
If it's just a dream, maybe it doesn't count?
Her gaze was intense, her golden eyes filled with a heat she herself was unaware of.
After hesitating for a long time, until the sound of the wind had disappeared and it seemed as if only the two of them were left in the world, nestled under the flowering tree, Shen Lixia leaned forward, turned slightly to the side, and kissed Qiao Yanshen's lips.
The kiss was too light, like a dragonfly skimming the water, landing hesitantly and fleetingly before departing. Shen Lixia felt a tightness in her heart, each contraction like a violent wave crashing against her, bringing waves of burning pain and bliss.
She was about to get up and leave, to end this absurdity, when suddenly a pair of hands cupped her face—
Their lips, which had just parted, met again.
Qiao Yanshen carefully captured the lips of the person in front of him, gently biting them. His breathing gradually subsided, escaping between their lips after the tentative kiss ended.
She narrowed her eyes slightly, as if asking Shen Lixia when she would finally open her tightly closed lips.
The boy's face was flushed, his hands resting on Qiao Yanshen's shoulders, his eyes glistening with tears. She gently bit her lower lip, the moisture from their kiss still lingering.
It was a good dream.
Immediately, Shen Lixia no longer hesitated and kissed him again, almost recklessly. This time, it wasn't just a fleeting kiss; their tongues touched, the softness and heat melting like honey in the soft sound of water.
Qiao Yanshen's hand moved from her cheek to behind her ear, kneading her burning earlobe. This ambiguous caress was like lighting a fire, making Shen Lixia's heart flutter and her waist go weak. So flustered by his teasing, she unwillingly returned the favor with a deeper kiss, licking the softness inside, stealing all warmth and breath.
Their breaths mingled, and their budding affection matured, exuding an overly sweet scent. In the throes of passion, they reached behind each other's heads to protect one another, and then pulled each other down onto the sun-warmed grass.
The petals stopped falling, time stood still for people, and only the two of them remained, embracing and kissing, as if they wanted to be entwined with their lives and never be separated again.
Qiao Yanshen probably never expected her kiss to be so intense, carrying the awkwardness and naivety of youth, yet wanting to convey all his feelings through his lips and tongue. Blood seeped out as their sharp teeth cut the tip of their tongues during the kiss, bringing with it a slightly fishy, sweet taste that only comes with the bond of marriage.
She had been so confident before, but now she was the one struggling to breathe. Her usually calm eyes were misty with tears, blurring her vision. She let out a soft moan, shyly pushing against the boy's shoulder, her mind torn apart by the delicate kisses, her whole body immersed in tenderness, losing all her strength.
If you wish to swallow her whole, drink her dry.
Finally, just as Qiao Yanshen was about to lose her breath, Shen Lixia released her, and the two separated once again. Breathing rapidly, before she could even speak, something warm fell, like raindrops, wetting her cheeks and lips.
She dared not look at her, yet knowing it wasn't rain, she slowly opened her eyes. Before her stood the boy's flamboyant features, his golden eyes no longer sharp, now fragmented by the water's shimmer, trembling as tears streamed down his face.
Shen Lixia gazed at the dazed person beneath her. Her consciousness was fading, and in her hazy state, she thought this was reality, calling out repeatedly, her voice almost escaping her lips.
Qiao Yanshen watched her quietly, and just as she was about to call out "Senior Sister," he suddenly opened his lips and whispered before she could:
“Ah Ying…”
After a moment of pleasure, the depravity was exposed, and Shen Lixia was slightly stunned. The haze faded, and her consciousness became completely clear.
It was all a dream. The dream was false, the flowers and trees were false, even the kiss was false. It was a delusion she had conjured up for herself, a dream she had longed for but could not have in her past and present lives.
Only feelings remain true; love is no longer pure, its facade of contentment torn away, revealing its greedy nature. Her emotions surged, she took a deep breath, but tears flowed even more freely, blurring the face of the person beneath her, and everything else dissipated like white sand.
The person before her was the embodiment of her infatuation, anger, greed, resentment, separation from loved ones, and unfulfilled desires.
-
The faint sobs, the slight chill of reality, completely roused Shen Lixia. She nestled in a warm embrace, as if the person before her was her mother, whom she had never met, wiping away her tears, gently patting her trembling back, and sighing softly.
It was all a dream, and when she awoke, it felt like a lifetime had passed. Memories from before she fell asleep flooded back, and Shen Lixia instantly realized who was holding her. She bit her lower lip, stopping her rapid breathing and sobs, and made the other person stop comforting her, lowering their head slightly.
"Junior sister, you're awake?"
The voice still held a softness that suggested drowsiness and waking up, and when it entered the ear, it brought a tingling sensation.
Shen Lixia gently pulled away from Qiao Yanshen's embrace and responded in a muffled voice, "Mmm."
His calloused fingers touched the corner of her eye, wiping away the moisture. The rough sensation was slightly itchy and a little stinging. Qiao Yanshen asked softly, "Junior Sister, why are you crying?"
Shen Lixia paused for a moment, then forced a smile. "I had a nightmare."
"What kind of nightmare was it?" After asking, Qiao Yanshen immediately changed his mind, "If it was very unpleasant, then don't talk about it or recall it."
"I forgot." Her voice, still nasal from crying, sounded extremely sullen, like a little bird with a hoarse throat, making her seem particularly pitiful.
Qiao Yanshen pulled her closer, the lingering, cool herbal scent emanating from him intensifying and filling Shen Lixia's nostrils. In that moment, the young man understood her past feelings. If only time could stand still, frozen in every perfect moment…
However, she was still not satisfied. Shen Lixia nestled in Qiao Yanshen's embrace, her consciousness gradually fading. The cool morning air always brought on drowsiness quickly.
The eldest sister smells so good.
I long to bury my face in her lower abdomen...
Once she relaxed, her mind was filled with mixed thoughts. Qiao Yanshen gently stroked her hair and said softly, "Go to sleep."
As if granted permission, the boy closed his eyes again. She vaguely thought that even if it was a dream, perhaps being able to kiss her senior sister wouldn't be so painful.
What should I do, Senior Sister... I really, really like you.
After the person in his arms had fallen into a deep sleep with steady breathing, Qiao Yanshen lowered his head slightly and gently kissed her forehead.
She was fully awake. The slumber brought on by the inner demons had lasted too long, and even though it was probably only the hour of Yin (3-5 AM), she had no desire to sleep anymore. A sense of loss filled her heart. She saw the boy's intact lips, lowered her eyes slightly, and finally let out a long sigh.
He held Shen Lixia in his arms, lost in thought for a long, long time, until the sky outside gradually brightened and a new day began. Only then did Qiao Yanshen carefully let go of her.
The boy initially held her tightly, as if trying to merge their bones and blood, to sink together into the heat of passion. Now, he finally loosened his grip slightly, as if relieved to know she wouldn't leave.
What sad dream did he have that made him sob and hug her so tightly?
Qiao Yanshen slowly got out of bed. After getting out of bed, she tucked the blankets in. As if lingering on the warmth left by the young man, she didn't rush to change her clothes, but instead took a leisurely stroll around. The morning mist was heavy and the temperature was cool, making it the most comfortable time of day.
Her gaze fell on the little sparrow as she walked to the desk. She picked it up and stroked it carefully; the surface was smooth and the patterns were delicate, clearly the result of considerable effort.
Qiao Yanshen held the little sparrow in his hands, a smile playing on his lips. Suddenly, an idea struck him, so he put it back next to his brush and ink.
Before leaving the quiet room, she looked back at Shen Lixia one last time, as if remembering something, and raised her hand to touch her lips.
...If only one day I could truly be as intimate with her as I was in that beautiful dream. She knew that it was Luo Yang's memory, or a beautiful dream to make up for her regrets. Even though the face in front of her was indeed her junior sister's, it wasn't really her.
Otherwise, could it be that the two of them had a shared and connected dream? She didn't believe it, so at the end of the illusory dream, she personally ended this absurdity.
But it was indeed a dream that had been far too long. Many past events have finally surfaced.
It turns out that Junior Sister was a crybaby in her past life.
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Author's Note: This is now a paid chapter!!! It was so hard to get started!!! Anyway, thank you all for your continued support!!!
This chapter explains the past life, leaving only the cause of death as the biggest mystery. It also includes the kiss I've always wanted to see—a kiss between two people who missed each other but were perfectly in sync. Hope you enjoy reading!
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