Chapter 88: Suicide Note

Yes, Qi Ji didn't understand, how could he bear to leave? He loved him so much, and often thought of staying for him.

However, he couldn't control himself. When pain, self-blame, and self-loathing came, he would forget everything else and just wanted to leave this world as soon as possible.

Turning his head, Qi Ji looked at Yuan Zhuo, trying to force a faint smile, but failed.

"I'm sorry Yuan Zhuo, I scared you."

Yes, he was really scared. He had never been so scared since he was a child.

Not wanting to recall the scene when he found him in the cemetery, Yuan Zhuo buried his eyes in Qi Ji's hands and choked.

"Wife, can you stay for me?"

Yuan Zhuo's tears flowed in Qi Ji's palms, like magma, burning not only his hands, but also his already scarred heart.

Qi Ji's tears also slid from the corners of his eyes, wetting the clean white pillowcase.

"I think about it, Yuan Zhuo, but I can't control myself."

But as long as he still thinks about it, Yuan Zhuo is grateful and wants to cry out. He is afraid that he doesn't want to, doesn't have a trace of attachment, and is determined to leave this world.

Raising his head from Qi Ji's palms, Yuan Zhuo took a deep breath, sorted out his emotions, and smiled at Qi Ji with red eyes.

"It's okay, my wife. You're just sick. Let's treat it together. I'll stay with you. Okay? Just give me and yourself a chance. Give it a try, okay?"

At the end, Yuan Zhuo's voice couldn't help shaking again.

Seeing him like this, Qi Ji felt heartbroken.

But is it really possible? Will mom and dad forgive him?

With a hoarse voice, Qi Ji cried and shook his head.

"But Yuan Zhuo, mom and dad will not forgive me."

They died because of him, and he really couldn't live in this world with peace of mind.

Yuan Zhuo, who only wanted Qi Ji to survive, quickly got up and hugged him in his arms.

"No, your uncle and aunt love you so much, how could they blame you? It's not your fault, it's all an accident."

Thinking of how Qi Ji has been silently enduring all this pain and torture since his parents passed away, Yuan Zhuo was so hurt that he wished someone would kill him right now.

When that incident first happened, Qi Ji was also telling himself that it was not his fault, it was all an accident.

But he really couldn't get over it. Not only his parents died that night, but also his soul.

Qi Ji shook his head and cried silently.

"No, it's all my fault. If it weren't for rushing home to watch my game, my parents wouldn't have had a car accident. Everything is because of me, all because of me..."

Yuan Zhuo had never seen Qi Ji so fragile and painful. His already broken heart seemed to be ripped off again, thrown on the ground, and trampled to pieces.

He also deeply realized that it would be much more difficult to be cured than he had imagined.

But so what?

He loves him, he wants him to live, he wants him to be cured, and he wants him to be happy for the rest of his life.

Holding Qi Ji tightly, Yuan Zhuo's eyes became more determined.

In view of Qi Ji's body not yet recovered, and not daring to stimulate him too much, Yuan Zhuo did not talk to him about these things, but coaxed him with other words until he fell asleep again due to fatigue.

Yuan Zhuo, who had not slept for two days and one night, still stayed by his side motionlessly until the results of other examinations came out, and then he changed shifts with the nurse and walked out of the bedroom.

At this moment, all the Yuan family members had arrived, but everyone was not in a hurry to communicate, but listened to the doctor's consultation results first.

Facing the richest man's family, even the experienced doctor could not help but feel some pressure, but fortunately the examination results were not bad.

"The overall results are not bad. The patient's brain and kidneys did not show obvious damage, only the liver was partially damaged."

Although the doctor said so, when he heard that the liver was damaged, Yuan Zhuo was still nervous and asked.

"What kind of damage is it, how to treat it later?"

In the doctor's view, after taking so many sleeping pills, it is a blessing to be able to save his life. The irreversible damage to liver metabolism is really not a big deal.

Of course, he would not say it directly, but only told the subsequent treatment plan and precautions.

"Take the medicine for now, and then you must pay attention to rest. Don't stay up late, drink, get angry, or have too much emotional fluctuation."

Listening to the doctor's instructions, Yuan Zhuo recorded it on his mobile phone and nodded seriously.

After a few more instructions, the doctor went out, leaving the space for the Yuan family, and everyone focused their attention on Yu Yuan Zhuo.

In order not to wake up Qi Ji, Yuan Zhuo spoke of his decision in a very small voice.

"Mom and Dad, I want to retire and accompany Qi Ji for treatment."

As parents, Yuan's father and mother thought they were particularly open-minded.

But the younger son had dropped out of school to play e-sports for Qi Ji before, which was his own choice. Now he doesn't play e-sports anymore, and he doesn't go to school anymore, just to accompany Qi Ji for treatment.

Of course, they are not saying that they won't treat Qi Ji. They are also very sad about what happened to him. No matter what, they will not let their son abandon him at this time.

But emotionally, seeing their child spend all his efforts on another person, which may even affect his own life, as parents, they can't help but have some thoughts in their hearts.

Especially seeing that their son has become like this in just one day, can he really bear it for a long time?

He is only 19 years old, which is the age when he should be learning and growing. Even if he doesn't join the group in the future, they all hope that he will have his own beautiful life, but now...

Hua Qi took a deep breath and spoke first.

"You definitely need treatment. Your family will give you all the support you need, but Xiao Zhuo, what are you going to do with your life? You need a plan."

Plan? Originally, there was one.

Yuan Zhuo's original plan was to play until he was 20 years old, then retire and continue his studies.

Of course, it would be best if he and Qi Ji studied together, but he would still respect his choice.

But no matter what, he will not separate from him, nor will he have a long-distance relationship. He will find a way to balance everything.

He will try his best to complete his studies in the shortest time and join the group to assist his eldest brother.

He also hopes that before he turns 25, he and Qi Ji can officially get married and hold a wedding.

The rest of the time, they will be together forever, each doing what they like, and live a happy life.

But now, all plans have been disrupted.

But it doesn't matter, his plan is Qi Ji, only when Qi Ji is well, his life can be good.

He will definitely accompany him for treatment. If one year doesn't work, then two years. If two years don't work, then a lifetime. No matter what, he will not let him leave him.

Thinking of this, his eyes became more determined, and the tone of his voice was more mature than before.

"I want to accompany him for treatment first, and we can talk about the rest after he recovers."

Hearing this, Yuan Shengyuan couldn't help getting angry, and he suppressed his voice and scolded him.

"Nonsense! I don't object to you accompanying Qi Ji for treatment, you should, but you can't waste your life because of this, you must make a good plan."

Yuan Zhuo understood his parents' concerns, but...

thinking about his eyes that were almost unable to shed tears, he felt so dry that they hurt, and he knelt down and fell on his mother's knees, suppressing his tears.

"But mom, I can't live without Qi Ji. When I think about how he quietly left me yesterday and almost died in the cemetery, I wish I could die with him. If he leaves, what should I do? I don't even know how I should live, mom."

The pain and despair of the little son also hurt Hua Qi's motherly heart. Yuan Yuan and Yuan Ling couldn't help but persuade him.

"Mom and Dad, Xiao Zhuo must be very confused now. Let's not rush to force him to do these. I believe that when Qi Ji gets better, Xiao Zhuo will definitely plan their lives."

Of course, as a brother, it's not impossible for him to raise him for the rest of his life, but he also understands what his parents mean. They are just worried that he will never recover from this and lose his own life.

Yuan Ling was also very distressed and followed him to persuade.

"Yes, I heard that as long as depression cooperates with treatment, it may be cured in one or two years, and the situation may not be as bad as we think."

Of course, Yuan Ling also knew that this was under the ideal situation of active cooperation, and even if it was cured, we must be careful not to relapse in the future. As a family member, this may be a lifelong burden.

But now my brother really can't give up Qi Ji, and he may never be able to give up in his lifetime. Instead of forcing him to make some painful decisions, it is better to support him first and make him less sad.

Seeing that their younger son is in such a bad mood now, Yuan's father and mother also understood that there is no point in saying more, so they had to put it aside for the time being.

Gently stroking the younger son's head, Hua Qi sighed.

"Xiao Zhuo, mommy hopes you will be happy forever."

Yuan Zhuo cried and nodded. He would. As long as Qi Ji could get better, they would definitely do that.

...

In the following days, Yuan's father and mother did not say or do anything else. Yuan Zhuo began to arrange his and Qi Ji's future life.

He first told the club that he was going to retire. Although everyone was very shocked and reluctant, when they learned that Qi Ji was sick (Yuan Zhuo did not say what disease he had), everyone expressed understanding.

So after MG issued a statement, it began to look for a new soul thorn without stopping.

This incident also caused a huge uproar in the e-sports circle. Qi Ji's illness could not be concealed after all. MG also encountered many setbacks and hardships in the future because of this sudden change.

But Yuan Zhuo couldn't care less. Now he just wanted Qi Ji to be fine.

After arranging MG, Yuan Zhuo began to prepare for Qi Ji's treatment.

Today, Qi Ji was officially diagnosed with severe depression. Although he had been mentally prepared, Yuan Zhuo was still sad and distressed by the result.

Fortunately, although the treatment of severe depression is not simple, not only does the patient have to endure unimaginable pain and torture, but it also consumes a lot of the family's spirit, health, and money. But as long as there is hope for a cure, Yuan Zhuo doesn't think the situation is that bad.

But after seeing too many patients and families suffering during the treatment process, the psychiatrist reminded Yuan Zhuo again.

"Mr. Xiao Yuan, you need to be mentally prepared."

Taking a deep breath, Yuan Zhuo nodded. As long as Qi Ji can get better, he is willing to give everything.

If not... then they...

Not wanting to think about it anymore, Yuan Zhuo got up and returned to Qi Ji's ward. Sitting at the door, the nurse who had been staring at Qi Ji could leave and rest for the time being.

Qi Ji had been living in the hospital these days. After making sure that there were no problems with his body functions except his hands, Yuan Zhuo decided not to delay any longer. He took out an apple and discussed with Qi Ji while peeling it.

"Wife, shall we go to Country M for treatment?"

The reason for choosing to go to Country M was not because of the differences in medical technology and equipment between the two sides. In fact, with the development of economy and technology, many medical levels in the country have now caught up, and even some subjects have surpassed those of developed countries.

However, in the area of ​​mental health, foreign countries are indeed more advanced at present.

In addition, he was also worried that the media or fans would dig up Qi Ji's illness, which might cause his condition to worsen, so he planned to find a quiet place abroad to accompany Qi Ji for treatment and recuperation.

Qi Ji did not react much to Yuan Zhuo's suggestion.

He couldn't explain how he felt now. Sometimes he wanted to live, but sometimes he wanted to die immediately.

This endless alternation of mental torture made him exhausted, and his whole spirit was also very bad. Most of the time, he didn't want to do anything, including thinking.

Yuan Zhuo was used to this situation, and even a little fortunate. At least he didn't want to commit suicide or resist violently, right?

While handing a small apple to Qi Ji's mouth, Yuan Zhuo coaxed him gently.

"If you don't say anything, I'll take it as your agreement. Come and have an apple, wife."

Qi Ji shook his head. He had a poor appetite and didn't want to eat anything.

"It can't be cured, Yuan Zhuo."

The more confident he was in the arena, the less confident he was in curing the disease.

Most importantly, he still couldn't get over himself. He was the murderer who killed his parents. He didn't deserve to live, nor did he deserve Yuan Zhuo's love.

There was a sudden pain in his heart, but Yuan Zhuo did not argue with Qi Ji. He just hugged him and coaxed him with a forced smile.

"How could that be? Just think of us as going to treat your hand. Didn't we say before that we would go to treat your hand injury after the game?"

Qi Ji felt very tired. He had no mood and energy to argue or answer, so he just followed Yuan Zhuo.

Perhaps when he found out that he really couldn't be cured, he would probably give up completely.

"It's up to you."

Yuan Zhuo, who had never been treated so coldly by Qi Ji, felt very uncomfortable in his heart, but he felt more sorry for Qi Ji than for himself. Qi Ji

must be enduring pain and torture in his heart that others didn't know about, so he treated him like this. He didn't blame him, he just wanted him to be fine.

So, with Qi Ji's "consent", Yuan Zhuo began to arrange everything.

One month later, when everything was ready, they were ready to board the plane to Country M. Before

leaving, Hua Qi and Yuan Yuan, who were still in Haicheng, came to visit Qi Ji in advance.

Not wanting Qi Ji to force himself to greet her, she did not stay for long. Before leaving, she just held his hand lovingly and said the last words earnestly.

"Qi Ji, as a mother, I want to tell you that you have to believe that parents who truly love their children will never blame their children. Please treat them well, so that your parents can really feel relieved." He

stared blankly . Looking at Hua Qi, Qi Ji covered his face with trembling hands, tears streaming down his fingers, but at the moment she left, everyone saw Qi Ji nodded slightly, Yuan Zhuo was ecstatic, and it took a lot of effort to prevent himself from crying.

After flying to country M, they stayed in a seaside holiday villa.

The scenery here is beautiful, sparsely populated, and the transportation is convenient. It is very convenient for medical treatment and self-cultivation.

In addition to them, the villa is also equipped with a complete life team and medical team.

It's just that Qi Ji's condition was somewhat fluctuating. Sometimes he would actively cooperate, and at this time his condition would be better, and he would even occasionally joke with Yuan Zhuo.

But sometimes he would want to die immediately because he couldn't bear the pain when he was sick, and when facing Yuan Zhuo who tried to stop him, he couldn't control his verbal abuse. The most serious time was when he found a fork and prepared to commit suicide, but was discovered by Yuan Zhuo and snatched away, and he hurt him.

And although Qi Ji took every dose of medicine under Yuan Zhuo's surveillance, he still inevitably developed symptoms of anorexia, insomnia, tinnitus, lack of energy, and even hallucinations.

But no matter what Qi Ji did, Yuan Zhuo accompanied him without regrets.

But after several months of treatment, Qi Ji's condition did not improve significantly. He was like a withered snow lotus. He was so thin that he was unrecognizable and gradually lost his vitality, as if he could leave at any time and anywhere.

Sometimes, he could even sit still for a whole day, not talking, not eating, and not sleeping. He would just sit there all night until dawn.

At the same time, Yuan Zhuo suffered no less torture and pain than Qi Ji. When Qi Ji couldn't eat, he couldn't eat either;

when Qi Ji couldn't sleep, he couldn't sleep all night;

every time Qi Ji's tears of pain would still repeatedly burn his heart into holes.

In the past few months, he has tasted despair and has become extremely haggard. His once strong body has become much thinner.

But he didn't want to give up. Even if Qi Ji cried and begged him to let him go, he would not let go even if he cried.

He believed that as long as they could survive this course of treatment, they would definitely see the light.

That night, after forcing Qi Ji to drink a small bowl of chicken soup and coaxing him to sleep, the insomniac Yuan Zhuo leaned over the table in the bedroom and wrote something.

But Qi Ji was not actually asleep. Insomnia had long become a common occurrence for him.

Under the dim light, he opened his eyes and looked at Yuan Zhuo's back, which was much thinner than before. His heart, which had long been numbed by the torture of the treatment, could not help but feel a stabbing pain.

He got off the bed quietly and came behind Yuan Zhuo. When he saw the two words Yuan Zhuo wrote on the paper, his pupils shrank sharply.

And these two words were exactly, suicide note.