It's good to be like this all the time



It's good to be like this all the time

When Cheng Xiaorui returned home, there was no one at home. Cheng Zhixu should still be in the store. It was already half past seven. He had not eaten and his stomach was rumbling. Fortunately, there were some leftover instant noodles he had bought before. Cheng Xiaorui was thankful. After a simple meal, he cleaned the house and went to help in the store again.

Cheng Zhixu put down what he was holding as soon as he saw him coming, but smiled as he walked over. "Is it vacation time? Why don't you take a good rest first? There's no rush here. We won't be back until very late today. You——"

"Mom," Cheng Xiaorui suddenly hugged Cheng Zhixu and said in a low voice, "It's okay... I want to go back with you." As he said that, tears welled up in his eyes. It was not because he didn't eat enough or because he had to help in the store, but because when he returned home just now... he saw that the large and small medicine boxes on the table had piled up like a mountain. Some had been opened, and some were still intact, as if they had just been bought.

"Cheng Cheng? What's wrong with you?! Don't cry, Mommy promised you, okay?" She hurriedly wiped away Cheng Xiaorui's tears, "I... wait a moment." After Cheng Zhixu finished speaking, she turned around and took out an exquisite packaging box from the counter drawer, and she came back quickly.

"Cheng Cheng, this is your favorite food. Mom is sorry for you. You haven't eaten it for a long time... I haven't had the chance to buy it for you..." Cheng Zhixu stuffed the Swiss roll into Cheng Xiaorui's hand and motioned him to sit down and rest. Cheng Xiaorui didn't even see it himself, but Cheng Zhixu had already noticed that his face was not good.

"Mom...thank you..." Cheng Xiaorui stared at the Swiss roll in his hand. It was still the flavor he liked. This familiar scene and memories suddenly flooded his mind. He knew it was expensive, but his mother was still willing to buy it for him.

Cheng Xiaorui opened the package and nibbled at the Swiss roll. The cream slightly overflowed the edge, sweet but not greasy. The soft cake melted on his tongue, and the sweetness seeped into his heart. Perhaps because he hadn't eaten it in so long, he felt that the taste had improved a lot. When he looked up, he saw Cheng Zhixu busy at the shelf across from him.

"Eat slowly, don't choke." Cheng Zhixu looked back at him with a gentle smile in the corners of his eyes, but the fatigue between his brows could not be hidden.

Cheng Xiaorui stared at her back, his throat suddenly tightening. Thirty-five should be the most vibrant age, but her shoulders were already slightly hunched, like branches bent by the weight of life.

"Mom..." He called her in a low voice, so soft that it was almost inaudible. Cheng Zhixu turned around and looked at him in confusion: "What's wrong? Is it not enough? Do you want to buy another one?"

Cheng Xiaorui shook his head and clenched the box in his hand. He wanted to say something, but the words were on the tip of his tongue and he swallowed them back. He wanted to say something, what to say... He didn't know what to say, his mind was in a mess.

But in the end, he just lowered his head and took another bite of the Swiss roll. The sweetness spread in his mouth, but there was an inexplicable bitterness.

The night was beautiful, with pedestrians coming and going on the street, and the faint sound of laughter could be heard. But they, mother and son, seemed trapped in a transparent cage, clearly within reach, yet unable to truly integrate into this ordinary bustle.

The world is always so hurried, like a never-ending river, pushing us forward without a break. The rich worry about loss, the poor struggle to make ends meet, each with their own difficulties. He seeks neither great wealth nor meteoric success, merely the peace and tranquility of the present moment. Days don't need to be spectacular, just stable; life doesn't need to be splendid, just plain and simple. Watching the spring blossoms and autumn moon, the summer breeze and winter snow, the seasons rotate, the myriad things shift, and he simply wants to stop at this moment, to let time pass more slowly.

Cheng Xiaorui thought, if only it could continue like this. But the world doesn't always allow people to get what they want. At some point, fate will suddenly change, catching people off guard. Even so, he still wanted to find a little stability in this impermanence, not too much, not too little, just enough for them to breathe.

But he knew that the world would never let anyone off easily.

After eating, Cheng Xiaorui thought the packaging box was very nice and he was reluctant to throw it away, but Cheng Zhixu smiled and said it was okay and she would buy it again. When she turned her head away, Cheng Xiaorui quietly put away the packaging box.

It was eleven o'clock in the evening and there were still a lot of people around. He became busy. A familiar voice passed by his ears. Cheng Xiaorui turned his head to look outside the door. Lin Wanqing was holding Lu Ziyi's hand. They came in. Lin Wanqing glanced over here and seemed not to recognize them.

Due to work reasons, Cheng Xiaorui wore a mask. During this evening, many students from his school came in to buy things. Because he was wearing a mask, he at least would not be so panicked.

At eleven o'clock at night, the convenience store was as bright as day. The hum of the air conditioner couldn't dispel the sweltering summer heat. As Cheng Xiaorui wiped the cash register for the third time, the glass door slid open again, and the wind chimes hanging on the doorframe made a crisp clanging sound. He subconsciously looked up, and his movements suddenly stopped.

Lin Wanqing was walking in with Lu Ziyi. "Want some oden?" Lu Ziyi asked with a smile, his fingers gently brushing the hair behind Lin Wanqing's ear. This movement made Cheng Xiaorui's Adam's apple roll. He quickly lowered his head to tidy up the already neatly arranged shelves, the plastic packaging making a soft crunching sound in his palms.

Lin Wanqing's eyes swept across the beverage section at the back of the shelves, pausing briefly as she passed the checkout counter. Cheng Xiaorui could clearly see her eyelashes, but the unfamiliarity in those eyes pierced him like an icicle. He was thankful for the mask covering his face, and even more thankful that under the pale light of the convenience store, no one would notice his stiff knuckles.

"Hello, your oden." He heard his own mechanical voice, muffled and blurry through the mask. Lu Ziyi looked up and met his eyes. Cheng Xiaorui hurriedly took a half step into the shadow of the employee rest area. The cold air from the freezer climbed up his trouser legs, forming a stark contrast with the sweat seeping from his back.

Lin Wanqing, standing at the cashier counter, suddenly chuckled. Lu Ziyi was wiping the sweat off her forehead with a tissue. Cheng Xiaorui turned to tidy up the cigarette cabinet. The unique aroma of coffee from the night shift mixed with the greasy smell of grilled sausages, forming a murky vortex in the cold air from the air conditioner.

It was already dark, and the streetlights cast a dim glow on the deserted streets. The last bus slowly approached, its tires making a dull sound as they rolled over the wet road.

Cheng Zhixu patted Cheng Xiaorui's shoulder gently, his voice filled with tired tenderness: "Let's go, the car is here."

Cheng Xiaorui nodded and followed her onto the train. The carriage was empty, save for a few latecomers, who sat in silence, their energy drained. He habitually chose a window seat in the back row. Cheng Zhixu sat down beside him, sighed softly, and his shoulders relaxed slightly.

The car window was half-open, and the night breeze blew in, bringing with it a cool breeze that dispelled the day's oppressive heat. Cheng Xiaorui tilted his head to look out the window. The city's neon lights blurred into a patchwork of colorful light and shadow, like an illusory dream.

"Cheng Cheng? Are you tired?" Cheng Zhixu asked in a low voice, gently rubbing his temples with his fingers.

Cheng Xiaorui shook his head, but after a moment of silence he whispered, "...a little bit."

Cheng Zhixu smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair, moving very gently, as if he was afraid of breaking anything. "Go to sleep for a while. I'll call you when we get home."

He murmured, "Hmm," but didn't close his eyes. He just continued to stare out the window at the passing scenery. The bus occasionally jolted, the engine noise particularly clear in the silent night.

At this moment, it seemed as if the only thing left in the world was this slowly moving bus, carrying them through the night, heading towards the small but temporary home where they could stay.

Cheng Xiaorui wondered what would happen if this car could keep driving and never reach the station.

The bus slowly pulled up in the night, and Cheng Xiaorui followed Cheng Zhixu off. The deserted streets were left with only the silent streetlights. Their old apartment complex lacked an elevator, and the sensor lights in the hallway worked intermittently. Cheng Zhixu fished out his keys, the clanging of metal clashing distinctly in the silence.

The door opened, and Cheng Zhixu reached out to turn on the light in the entrance hall. A warm yellow glow instantly filled the small space. Cheng Xiaorui bent down to change his shoes.

"Go take a shower first, I'll heat up a bowl of porridge for you." Cheng Zhixu hung his bag behind the door, and the cuffs of his coat were still stained with a little dust from the shelf.

Cheng Xiaorui shook his head and walked straight to the kitchen: "I'll heat it up."

The flames on the stove puffed, blue flames licking the bottom of the pot. Cheng Xiaorui slowly stirred the porridge with a wooden spoon, the heat blurring his glasses. Behind him, he could hear the rustle of Cheng Zhixu packing up, the crisp sound of carefully folded plastic shopping bags, and the soft humming of an old song she'd used to sing to lull him to sleep when he was a child.

The porridge was ready, and Cheng Xiaorui brought two bowls to the table. Cheng Zhixu had changed into simple home clothes and was wiping her wet hair with a towel.

"You need to dry your hair." Cheng Xiaorui handed over the hair dryer.

Cheng Zhixu took it with a smile, but suddenly reached out and wiped the corner of his eyes: "Why are you still the same as when you were a child?" Her thumb was warm and rough, with thin calluses left by years of moving goods.

Cheng Xiaorui was stunned, realizing his emotions had been seen through. He lowered his head and took a mouthful of porridge. The rice grains were cooked soft, mixed with a few pieces of preserved egg that his mother had secretly added. Suddenly, the sound of wild cats fighting could be heard outside the window, which only made the room even quieter.

The old fan hummed as Cheng Zhixu turned the hair dryer to low, letting the hot air blast through the ends of Cheng Xiaorui's hair. He remembered how his mother had done the same thing when he had a fever as a child: one hand rubbing alcohol on his body to cool it down, the other holding the hair dryer to dry his sweat-soaked pajamas.

"Cheng Cheng, I'll make you something delicious tomorrow..." Cheng Zhixu suddenly said, then paused, "I'll make you something delicious tomorrow."

Cheng Xiaorui looked at the supermarket promotional flyer under the table. The price of the spare ribs was circled in red. He swallowed the last mouthful of porridge and nodded, "Okay."

The tranquility at this moment was like a fragile piece of glass, and they tacitly agreed not to touch the shadows. But at least on this night, the light under the eaves was real, the temperature of the porridge was real, and the touch of his mother's fingers brushing his hair was real.

As Cheng Xiaorui placed the empty bowl in the sink, he heard Cheng Zhixu collecting clothes on the balcony. The clothesline creaked, and her silhouette, standing on tiptoe to reach the hanger, was cast on the curtains like a stubbornly growing plant.

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