Let me go
The door to the suburban apartment locked behind him with a crisp click. The sound was crisp, yet it struck Cheng Xiaorui's heart with a heavy thud. He looked around in a daze. The apartment was cozy, with warm-toned walls, a soft sofa, and even a few potted plants on the windowsill. It was indeed much better than the hotel he had stayed in before.
"Do you like it?" Chen Zihan's voice came from behind, with obvious pleasure, "It's quiet here, and the air is good, it's perfect for you to recuperate." He naturally took the coat that Cheng Xiaorui took off and hung it in the empty closet in the entrance. His movements were so skillful as if he had lived here for a long time.
Cheng Xiaorui nodded, trying to force a grateful smile, but it felt weak. He walked to the window and looked out at the unfamiliar scenery—several similar apartment buildings, empty streets, and in the distance, fields shrouded in a gray sky. An inexplicable sense of isolation crept over him.
For the first few days, Cheng Xiaorui was so absorbed in the novelty of his new environment and the confusion brought on by the medication that he didn't notice much. Chen Zihan took meticulous care of him: three delicious meals, medication and water were always delivered on time, he watched movies with him, read novels with him, and even massaged his tight temples.
Cheng Xiaorui would occasionally mention that he wanted to go out for a walk or check the news on his phone, but Chen Zihan would gently but firmly reject his suggestions with reasons like "the doctor recommends absolute rest", "it's too windy outside and you're just feeling better", and "all that noise will only make you upset".
A week later, Cheng Xiaorui's cough had mostly subsided, and he seemed more alert. One afternoon, he suggested again, "Zi Han, I want to take a walk in the small garden downstairs. It'll only take ten minutes."
Chen Zihan paused as he peeled an apple, the sharp blade of his fruit knife leaving a deep nick in the flesh. He looked up, a gentle smile still on his face. "Not today. The property management just sent a notice saying they're spraying pesticides in the garden, which is bad for breathing. Let's do it tomorrow. I'll go with you tomorrow, okay?"
Cheng Xiaorui looked out the window at the bright yet quiet sunlight, a trace of doubt flashing through his mind—he didn't see any signs of spraying, nor did he smell any odor. But he chose to trust Chen Zihan.
A few days later, Cheng Xiaorui woke up in the middle of the night thirsty and wanted to go out to get some water, but found that the bedroom door was locked from the outside. His heart tightened and he tried to turn the doorknob. The sound of metal friction was particularly harsh in the silent night.
"Xiao Rui?" Chen Zihan's voice came immediately from outside the door, with a hoarse voice from being awakened, but without any sense of surprise, "What's wrong? I can get it for you if you need anything." He seemed to be sleeping on the sofa in the living room, or rather, he had been waiting outside.
"I... want to drink some water." Cheng Xiaorui's voice was a little dry.
There was silence outside for a moment, then the sound of a key being inserted into the lock. The door opened, and Chen Zihan stood at the door, holding a cup of water. His figure seemed a bit taller under the backlight of the corridor, blocking most of the light. He handed the cup to Cheng Xiaorui, his eyes lingering on his face for a moment, and said softly, "Don't run around at night. You don't sleep well and you're prone to bumps and bruises. Wake me up if you need anything."
At that moment, Cheng Xiaorui looked at Chen Zihan's face, which was a little blurry in the backlight, and a chill suddenly ran up his spine from the soles of his feet. He finally realized clearly that this was not care, but guarding.
The real conflict erupted that morning when Cheng Xiaorui insisted on contacting the school to inquire about taking a leave of absence. He was adamant, and after Chen Zihan tried to stall with various excuses, the gentleness on her face finally faded.
"Give me the phone, Zi Han!" Cheng Xiaorui stretched out his hand, his tone unusually firm.
Chen Zihan looked at him quietly, something in his eyes cooling and solidifying. He didn't answer, but suddenly reached out and grabbed Cheng Xiaorui's wrist with such force that it almost crushed his bones.
"Why don't you understand?!" Chen Zihan's voice suddenly rose. It was no longer the gentle, gentle tone he usually had, but instead carried the sharp, hostile tone of someone who had been forced into a desperate situation. "What's so good about being out there?! Have you forgotten what those people at school said about you? Lu Ziyi and him..."
He suddenly stopped, as if the name had burned his tongue, and his eyes became even more sinister. He dragged Cheng Xiaorui, ignoring his struggles and cries, and forcibly pulled him back to the bedroom, then slammed him down on the bed.
Cheng Xiaorui was dizzy from the fall. Before he could react, he heard a loud "bang" and the bedroom door was slammed shut, followed by the sound of a key turning twice quickly in the keyhole.
"Are you crazy! Chen Zihan! Let me out!" Cheng Xiaorui rushed to the door and slammed the solid wooden door hard.
Outside the door, Chen Zihan leaned against the door panel and slowly slid down to sit on the ground. He listened to the desperate cries and thrashing coming from inside the door, panting violently, his eyes intertwined with madness, pain and a twisted satisfaction.
After an unknown amount of time, the sounds from inside the door gradually faded away, leaving only suppressed sobs.
Chen Zihan rested his forehead against the cold door. His voice was hoarse from losing control just now, but he once again put on that layer of gentleness. However, this gentleness now sounded like the spitting of a venomous snake:
"Xiao Rui, don't be afraid... I'm here."
"You'll understand, everything I do...is because I love you."
"The world will hurt you, but I won't."
"You can never leave me...ever."
Inside, Cheng Xiaorui curled up on the cold floor, tears streaming silently. He stared at the tightly closed door, which felt like the entrance to a prison, and finally understood everything—the lost key, the phone being "managed on my behalf," the endless excuses of "it's all for your own good"—none of it was an accident.
What he lost was not the key to his house, but the key to the free world. And the person who took it away was none other than Chen Zihan, the person he once trusted and relied on the most.
Snow blanketed the city, and also the silent tragedy unfolding in this suburban apartment. The warm decor became a most ironic backdrop. This place was no longer a haven for rest, but an impenetrable, perfect cage constructed of love and paranoia. The imprisonment had only just begun, and the hope of escape seemed even slimmer than the snowflakes falling outside the window.
The next day, Chen Zihan opened the door and saw Cheng Xiaorui lying motionless, not even his eyelashes trembling, as if he had turned into a lifeless sculpture.
Chen Zihan placed the porridge on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn't continue to persuade or force-feed Cheng Xiaorui as usual. He just watched Cheng Xiaorui's resistance in silence. The air in the room seemed to freeze, with only the occasional sound of wind coming from outside the window.
After a long time, Chen Zihan suddenly laughed softly.
There was no joy in his voice, but instead a trance of memories.
"Xiao Rui, do you still remember me when I was in the first year of high school?"
Cheng Xiaorui's body stiffened imperceptibly. Chen Zihan didn't need his answer and continued speaking, his voice low and slow, as if he was afraid to disturb the dust of his memory:
"Back then, I wore thick black-framed glasses, my hair was always a mess, blocking my eyes. I didn't dare look at people, and my voice was like a mosquito's buzz. The boys in my class always liked to hide my textbooks or secretly pull out my chair when I sat down... Back then, I was like a rat in a gutter. Life felt... so boring."
His words were like a key, trying to pry open Cheng Xiaorui's
Closed heart door.
"Only you are different." Chen Zihan's voice was filled with
"You pushed them away, pulled me up, and cleaned my glasses for me. You said, 'Don't be afraid of them, they're just a bunch of cowards.' It was so natural, like it was just a trivial thing."
"Later, every time they gave me trouble, you always seemed to
You just happened to appear. You protected me behind you, and your back... to me at that time, it seemed to glow."
Chen Zihan paused, his eyes fixed on Cheng Xiaorui.
Slightly trembling shoulders.
"I remember asking you what the meaning of life is. What was your answer? You said, 'Life itself may not have any meaning, but living allows you to encounter people and things that make you feel meaningful, such as delicious food, fun things, or... like what we are doing now, fighting against annoying people together, isn't that interesting?'"
"You also said, 'Chen Zihan, you are actually very
Look good, don't always keep your head down.'"
Chen Zihan's voice had a barely perceptible tremor.
Trembling, it is the hatred for the humble self of the past, and also the extreme desire for the light of salvation at that moment.
“It was from that time that I had an idea
"I want you. Only by possessing you completely can my dark life be illuminated by your light."
"So then I 'disappeared'. I tried my best
I studied, took off my glasses, changed my hairstyle, and learned to look at people with my back straight... I broke myself into pieces and reshaped myself into someone worthy of you.
All of this is just for the day when I can stand beside you, rightfully, like I am now, possess you, and protect you... just like you protected that unbearable me back then."
He paused in his narration, leaning forward slightly towards the figure who still had his back to him. His tone became softer, yet more paranoid: "Xiao Rui, you see, we are destined to be together. I pulled you out of the quagmire, and you were once the only light in my dark world. Now, your world has become 'dangerous' again. It doesn't matter. It's my turn to protect you and hide you properly so that you won't be
Anyone and anything can hurt you."
“So, don’t punish yourself by not eating, and don’t
You want to leave me this way. I will be sad if you don’t eat. "
His words are like the most lingering love words, but also like
The coldest chains. Cheng Xiaorui still did not look back, but a tear silently slid down, hitting the dark sheets, leaving a small wet mark. The seeds of kindness he had accidentally sown
In Chen Zihan's twisted heart, the seed grew into a vine that tightly wrapped around him until it suffocated him.
This cozy apartment, this bowl of steaming porridge, and the person beside him who spoke the most terrifying words in the gentlest tone... together they formed a nightmare he couldn't escape. And the source of the nightmare could be traced back to that sunny afternoon many years ago when he instinctively extended a helping hand.
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