In my youth (Part 2)
Even though I miss them, we can never meet again.
Ying Yuan sometimes spent days and nights reading documents, and when he couldn't resist falling asleep at his desk, he would be awakened by nightmares. In his dreams, Yan Dan jumped into the cycle of reincarnation, but he was never able to pull her back up. Later, even such dreams disappeared, though he vaguely seemed to see a pair of eyes looking at him sadly and gently, calling him "Ying Yuan." This name was rarely used, not even by Yan Dan herself; most people called him "Emperor's Throne."
Some companionship has become a habit, taken for granted, as if it has always existed, until one day it is suddenly lost, and then we realize that some traces can never be erased.
After a while, the Lantern Fairy broke the heavenly rules and was punished by being sent to the mortal world.
A few days later, Ying Yuanjun descended to the mortal realm to undergo tribulation, choosing seven reincarnations. In those six lifetimes in the mortal world, he never met her, until the seventh reincarnation.
The person he longed to find was actually already by his side, but he never knew it.
The most tragic thing in the world is to exhaust your mind and soul in pursuit of something, only to drift further and further away from it. You clearly want to get closer and closer, but you don't know where things went wrong, and you just drift further and further apart.
Lu Jing stepped forward, bowed deeply, and said in a low voice, "Your Majesty, it is not advisable to linger in the mortal realm. You should return to the Heavenly Court as soon as possible."
Tang Zhou hummed in response, but did not move an inch.
Lu Jing sensed something was amiss, looked up, and was immediately startled: "Your Majesty, your eyes..."
Tang Zhou raised his hand to press his throbbing temple, a trail of bright red blood slowly trickling down his cheek, from his chin to his clothes. He wiped his eye, glanced at his palm, and smiled gently: "Alright, let's go back now."
He glanced back one last time and saw Yan Dan kneeling down, carefully holding Yu Mo, her face slightly turned to the side, her eyelashes drooping and obscuring her eyes.
Yan Dan shifted her body as gently as possible, letting Yu Mo rest his head on her lap. Before she could settle down, Yu Mo suddenly sat up, supporting himself with one hand on the ground, and began to cough in a suppressed manner. With each cough, blood oozed from between his fingers covering his lips. He coughed for a while before finally stopping.
Before she could even breathe a sigh of relief, he suddenly vomited a large mouthful of blood, seemingly unstoppable, leaving a large pool of blood on the ground. Yan Dan panicked completely, placing one hand on his back, trying to use her magic to heal him, while simultaneously calling out, "Zilin, come quickly! You hit him so hard just now..."
She had originally intended to stop Yu Mo. He wanted to use his own strength to fight against the immortal power of the divine artifact, Di Zhi, but the best outcome would only be mutual destruction. Moreover, even if her master were to come, he would be helpless in the current situation. Before she could even float into the air, Zi Lin rushed over, grabbed her, and roared fiercely, "With your abilities, you can't stop Yu Mo at all! Going up there will only make things worse! Get out of my way!"
Yan Dan had never been scolded like this before, and was immediately stunned. In a flash, she saw Zi Lin soar into the air. Yu Mo had exhausted his demonic magic and was already at his last gasp, but when he saw Zi Lin rush to his side, he struck him squarely in the chest with a palm, dispersing all the demonic energy that the other party had gathered.
Yan Dan saw it clearly and froze in shock.
Zi Lin bent down, picked up Yu Mo, gently placed him on the ground, and tossed him toward her: "Keep an eye on him, I'll clean up the mess."
Yan Dan held Yu Mo in her arms and reached out to touch his chest. It was still beating, but his body was cold. She knew that Zi Lin hadn't meant to hurt him; at that moment, this was the only way to stop it. But Yu Mo was already injured by the divine artifact; how could he withstand such further harm?
Yu Mo pushed her hand away, his voice weak: "It has nothing to do with Zi Lin. Cough cough, don't waste your energy healing me... I can still manage."
His expression was indifferent, presumably because he was still angry that she had defended Tang Zhou earlier.
This wasn't the first time Yan Dan had angered Yu Mo, but this time, she simply couldn't think of a way to apologize and back down. She couldn't help but wonder, if she knew that Tang Zhou was Ying Yuan's reincarnation in the mortal realm, would she still have acted the same way before? The more she thought about it, the more anxious she became. Several times she opened her mouth to speak, but in the end, she couldn't utter a single word.
She's always been quick-witted and could make even a string of lies sound like the truth, but now she can't utter a single word.
After a moment, Yu Mo sighed almost inaudibly: "Yan Dan, you cried..."
Nonsense, why would she cry? She decided then and there that she would never shed a single tear again.
"Seeing you cry actually made me happy..."
Yan Dan was taken aback when she heard this, and looked up at him.
“But,” Yu Mo reached out and gently wiped her face, his expression weary and helpless, and whispered, “Why would you cry for me?”
Yelan Mountain was still destroyed.
The lake has dried up, the lush trees and flowers have been uprooted, and the mountains have collapsed; the scene is utterly desolate.
Dan Shu, sniffling, her ears drooping, and her eyes red, sat on a rock, looking at the peach tree with its broken trunk beside her. She choked out, "This is the one I planted, but it's broken..."
Yan Dan patted his head and sat down on the stone steps opposite him: "It's alright, we can plant new ones next spring." Yelan Mountain was originally a desolate place in the northern desert, and now that the immortal energy of the Earthly Gate is gone, it seems that it will never be able to restore its original scenery.
However, she couldn't let it go at all. If she hadn't insisted on searching for the ancient artifact with Tang Zhou, and if she hadn't stopped Yu Mo's sword at the last moment, Yelan Mountain Realm wouldn't have been destroyed.
Dan Shu stood up, struggling to drag the peach tree while smiling, "Then I'll go dig a hole and plant it now, so we'll have peaches to eat next year, hehehe..."
Yan Dan heard him chuckle a few times, then clumsily dragged the tree trunk away, slowly resting her forehead on her knees. She heard footsteps behind her, and Zi Lin's voice reached her ears: "You always call me 'Princess' so affectionately, but now you just sit here doing nothing?"
Yan Dan gave an "oh," remaining seated, and said softly, "But Yu Mo is still angry with me. Besides, I've done so many wrong things this time, how can I still..."
"Assassinating a Celestial Lord of the Heavenly Court is a grave crime. If you hadn't blocked that sword, Yu Mo would surely have lost his life. Or do you think that Yu Mo's life is less important than a mere Yelan Mountain Realm expert?" Zi Lin walked past her, glanced back, and said, "Let's all slowly come up with a solution. We can eventually restore this place to its original state, don't you think?"
Yan Dan raised her head and said sincerely, "Zilin, I've known you for so long, and I never realized you were a good person."
Zi Lin's face darkened with disgust: "I'm not Yu Mo, I don't buy this. Besides, I like Lin Lang, you don't need to flatter yourself."
Yan Dan sighed affectedly, shrugging slightly, "I don't like mountain turtles either, we're all in the same boat." As soon as she finished speaking, she jumped up the steps, ran to Yu Mo's room, and knocked on the door. She couldn't help but wonder, when exactly did she leave the Nine Heavens Court, yet find the world so beautiful? She could tease the little wolf demon Dan Shu, laugh at Zi Lin's true form, and hide behind Yu Mo when Zi Lin threatened to skin her alive. Life was smooth sailing, without sadness or tears…
After a moment, Bailing opened the door and said in a low voice, "The mountain lord has fallen asleep. You can go in now, but don't disturb him."
Yan Dan nodded and tiptoed to the bedside. She heard Bai Ling gently close the door behind her.
She sat down on the edge of the bed, pulled the blanket up a little tighter, and then carefully touched his closed eyes. She could feel his lower eyelashes trembling slightly in her palm. "What you said to me before... I didn't pretend I didn't hear it. But I don't know... I really don't know how to tell you..."
Yan Dan felt her throat go dry, and after a long while she continued, "Dan Shu just said that he planted a peach tree and wants to eat the peaches he grew next year. Everyone likes this place very much. Over the years, I have seen many demons settle here. It is so lively... This is also my home. Even if it is destroyed, I cannot stand by and watch it go."
“I fled from Heaven because… there was someone I couldn’t face, so I ran away. Back then, I thought daring to jump through the Seven Reincarnations Path was something amazing, but it was just weakness.” Yu Mo’s eyelashes trembled slightly. She knew the other person was awake. Perhaps he didn’t want to talk to her. That was fine too. At least she could say what she couldn’t say to his face now. “Yu Mo, I’m leaving.”
"I want to go to the Heavenly Court to settle this matter." If things take a turn for the better, there might be a way to rebuild Yelan Mountain. She promised Dan Shu that next year he could eat the peaches she grew herself, plump, big, and sweet peaches.
"It won't be long, I'll be back soon." This is her home. Even if she travels far, she will always return here.
Yan Dan stood up, softening her voice, "I'll be back soon."
They came empty-handed and left in haste.
Looking back, I realize that those twenty years were incredibly heavy. Every place bears the mark, every day and every moment is still perfectly etched in my heart. These memories are even deeper than the eight hundred long years spent in the River of Oblivion.
Yan Dan didn't pack anything; she didn't need to. She wouldn't stay in the Heavenly Court for long anyway, as it was already familiar territory.
During the twenty years she spent in Yelan Mountain, she actually relied on Yu Mo. If she lacked something, she didn't need to worry; it would naturally be provided. If she caused trouble, she could just stick out her tongue and get away with it, with Yu Mo silently cleaning up the mess for her. But who can't live without whom? And who would go to such lengths for someone they don't even know?
She is actually unusually sensitive to certain things, especially since the other party is Yu Mo.
Ying Yuan was her initial obsession, an incredibly profound one, while Yu Mo was different.
"You're leaving at this time? What... what do you mean?" Bai Ling's eyes widened suddenly, as if incredulous.
"I'm going to the Heavenly Court. I'll be back in two or three days at most."
Bai Ling was stunned for a moment, then hurriedly said, "But, but a day in heaven is a year on earth. These two or three days for you would be two or three years. What will happen to the mountain lord if you leave now?" She took a breath and said decisively, "Yan Dan, the mountain lord must like you to be with him right now. Can't you see at all that the mountain lord likes you very much?"
Yan Dan forced a smile: "I know."
She would never forget Yu Mo's expression at that time, the expression on his face when he said, "But why would you cry for me?" If she still couldn't understand his thoughts, she wouldn't even be as good as a fool.
"You know it, so why did you choose this time of year?!" Bai Ling's eyebrows furrowed, and anger slowly rose on her face.
"Enough, Bailing, let her go." A deep, gentle voice came from behind. Yu Mo, wearing a dark robe, was pale but his features were clear. He turned to Yan Dan and smiled slightly. "Although I don't know how long you'll be gone this time... if you still like that place in the end, then stay there. Of course, Yelan Mountain Realm will still be open for you. If you're unhappy, come back and stay for a few days, okay?"
Yan Dan froze for a moment, then stammered, "But...but..."
Yu Mo reached out and gently pinched the tip of her nose, smiling as he said, "I don't care as much as Bai Ling said. If you weren't here, I could have a lot of peace and quiet in the future."
His expression was no different from usual. Yan Dan stared at him intently, hoping to detect even the slightest difference, but unfortunately, she saw nothing.
"From now on, I'll finally have peace and quiet, and no one will be as mischievous and troublesome as you. I won't have to argue with Zilin over you anymore." But I'll definitely be lonely.
Yan Dan responded dejectedly and said softly, "Then I'm leaving." Although Yu Mo's words were all true, they still left a bad taste in her mouth.
Yu Mo watched Yan Dan's figure gradually disappear, then clutched his chest and coughed twice. Suddenly, Bai Ling spoke up, "Mountain Lord, you really, really like Yan Dan, don't you?"
Yu Mo glanced at her, smiled, and said, "Yes."
Because I've fallen in love with her, I don't want to hurt her, and I don't want to put her in a difficult position no matter what.
Love can give rise to desire, but desire cannot give rise to love. Violently forcing someone again and again is not love.
“Bailing, if you harbor such thoughts and end up forcing her, that would be coercion. I don’t want to force her.” Yu Mo sighed softly. “I know that Yan Dan has always been thinking about Emperor Ying Yuan, but it’s too late for me.”
If Yan Dan eventually chooses to turn back, then let him watch her live a happy and carefree life.
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