My Youth (Part 1)
"Welcome Emperor Qingli Yingyuan of the Eastern Pole as he returns to the Heavenly Court after passing through seven lifetimes of tribulations."
"Zhixi, Lu Jing, and the Chief Secretary respectfully welcome the Emperor back to his residence." Zhixi's voice was like shattered jade, clear and melodious.
Fate played a cruel joke on us.
Yan Dan didn't know what expression to wear, so she could only respond indifferently: "Congratulations."
It's not easy to survive seven lifetimes of tribulations, but he will definitely be able to do it in the end, just like he did back then.
Yan Dan felt a buzzing in her ears and vaguely saw Yu Mo spread out a barrier, enveloping the entire Yelan Mountain Realm. She remembered what her master had once said: the three emperors of the Nine Heavens did not often gather because they were afraid that the different immortal energies would affect their respective divine artifacts, and even the Heavenly Court would be destroyed.
By doing this, Yu Mo was essentially courting death.
Yan Dan stood up. This situation was entirely her doing, and she couldn't leave Yu Mo to clean up the mess. She had always thought that women didn't have to be weak, but she later realized that wasn't the case at all. No matter how badly she suffered, she would always catch her breath and get back up. However, what truly evokes pity is probably the one who suffers injustice, silently enduring it, turning their back on the other person, leaving only a frail figure. But she, time and again, appeared before Ying Yuan, always with an indifferent and heartless demeanor.
Yan Dan took two steps back in alarm, then turned and ran towards Yu Mo. She had only run a few steps when suddenly a flash of light appeared before her eyes, and a solid barrier blocked her way. Yan Dan turned around stiffly and looked straight back, only to see Tang Zhou already standing not far from her, his sleeves fluttering, like the young immortal lord who stood by the misty Jade Pool in the past.
Even if her appearance changes, her elegance will remain. But she never imagined Tang Zhou and Ying Yuanjun together. She believed Ying Yuan was surely staying peacefully in the Heavenly Court, spared the suffering of seven lifetimes of reincarnation. Even if he wasn't hers in the end, she didn't want to slander him, especially since Ying Yuan was truly good to her.
“The Earth Stop has been taken out, and Yelan Mountain Realm is bound to be destroyed. Even if you go there, it will be of no use.” After a moment, Tang Zhou said in a deep voice.
Yan Dan felt her throat go dry, her heart brimming with words yet unable to find the words. She thought that with the passage of time, nothing was insurmountable, but now she realized that once memories were stirred, the past would come rushing back endlessly. She heard the other person's voice low and hoarse, softly calling, "Yan Dan." This sound jolted her awake.
Yan Dan suddenly stepped back, bumping into the barrier behind her. After calming herself down slightly, she said, "Release the barrier."
Tang Zhou watched her silently, but just stood there without moving.
Yan Dan clenched her fingers under her sleeve and shouted at him, "Release the barrier! I've never owed you anything in my life, and now that you've destroyed this place, why are you interfering in my affairs?!" But her shouting, which sounded like she was crying, was nothing but bluster and lacked any real power.
Tang Zhou flicked his sleeve, and the fierce wind that came his way swept in without restraint, roaring and extinguishing the last glimmer of light in his eyes. He closed his eyes slightly, thinking, if he couldn't even forgive himself for what he had done, then who could he expect to forgive him?
Among the Nine Emperors and Three Emperors, he was ranked last. From the very beginning, he knew that he was not the same as Emperor Zixu and Emperor Yuanshi Changsheng. Especially Emperor Zixu, whose current rank as an emperor was accumulated through his many merits for the Heavenly Court, while his rank as Emperor Qingli was predetermined from birth.
This ancient artifact was imbued with the heart and soul of the founding gods, and its divine energy perfectly matched that of the artifact, Di Zhi.
He only remembered that he had no free time since his youth, spending his days either reading or cultivating Taoism. He was strong-willed and did not want to fall behind his colleagues. As the saying goes, hard work pays off, and over the centuries he has made considerable progress.
Lu Jing was placed by the Jade Emperor's side in his early years. He was respectful and solemn, and in terms of the demeanor of a celestial lord, he was actually more dignified than Emperor Zixu. When Ying Yuan was young, he found Lu Jing to be somewhat boring and rigid, and couldn't help but want to find fault with him and replace him with a celestial attendant. Later, however, he discovered that Celestial Lord Lu Jing was truly a model among celestial lords, and it was difficult to find fault with him.
All of this continued until the battle between the Heavenly Court and the evil god.
His eyes were damaged by the fire poison, and every morning when he woke up, a thicker fog would appear before his eyes. He knew he would soon lose his sight. Those days were the most difficult he had ever endured; he knew the outcome, yet he was powerless to do anything. Linghua Yuanjun came by and mentioned that the heart of the four-leaf lotus could cure all ailments. He knew that the fairy maiden under his command was the embodiment of the four-leaf lotus, but to rip out her heart for this reason would be despicable and vile; he could not do such a thing.
Once, when the fire poison flared up, Immortal Lord Lu Jing was by his side. In his delirium, he injured the other party, causing him to lose half of his cultivation. Since this incident, the immortal servants below were all terrified and trembled in fear whenever they saw him. Ying Yuan was increasingly unable to control the immortal energy emanating from his body, so he had no choice but to confine himself to the southern edge of the Heavenly Court.
His periods of unconsciousness are lengthening, while his days of wakefulness are dwindling. He may soon be drained of his cultivation by the Kunlun Divine Tree and die. Before their primordial spirits perish, the Heavenly Dragons of Western India are bound to rot and become foul-smelling, rejected by the gods, and suffer all the hardships of the mortal world. He will suffer the same fate.
On the south side of the edge of the earth, he met Yan Dan.
That day, he was unusually lucid. Hearing her burst in, he helped her, but was slightly puzzled: Who was this fairy, trained by some celestial lord, wandering around so recklessly, not even sparing such a desolate place? As time went on, he realized that Yan Dan's flamboyant and unrestrained nature was hardly like that of a fairy. Later, she indeed ceased to be a fairy.
"The nine-finned fish that the Antarctic Immortal kept was huge and fierce, and it even had a beard..."
As far as he knew, the Nine-Finned were an ancient race on the verge of extinction due to their shallow desires, so they shouldn't be able to be fierce. However, he didn't want to refute her.
“I got scolded by my master again yesterday. He said that even if I live like this for another five hundred years, I will never be able to become an immortal. I don’t want to be like this either…”
He couldn't help but think that five hundred years was an understatement; he estimated that even after another thousand years, she still wouldn't become an immortal. However, he refrained from saying the truth.
Yan Dan loved agarwood and would always bring him freshly made pieces to smell. He lost his senses less and less each day and night, yet he never considered whether someone had become someone he took for granted. Since he was cultivating the Dao, he didn't need to be bound by emotions. Besides, nothing in this world is constant; just as he was once the Azure Emperor, he could now have nothing at all.
Ying Yuan groped his way slowly in the darkness, knocking over stools and bumping into doorframes. The faint fragrance of lotus flowers around him was like the last ray of light in the deep darkness, which allowed him to persevere and he never complained. He casually asked if it was the season for lotus blossoms, and Yan Dan always grumbled to him that the lotus flowers in the pond outside the window were snow-white instead of bright red, and that they were terribly ugly.
He never thought about unrealistic things. Since his eyesight was already damaged, he had to get used to living in darkness.
One morning, however, the first thing he saw upon waking was the light streaming through the carved wooden window, so bright it almost blinded him. The bright sunlight bathed the fairy Zhi Xi, who lowered her head slightly, her graceful neck and elegant bearing captivating. Ying Yuan closed his eyes, then opened them again, inexplicably remembering Linghua Yuanjun's words: only the heart of the four-leaf lotus could heal his eyes. So, what had he traded for his eyes now? Zhi Xi's heart, or something else entirely?
After moving back to his original celestial abode, everything seemed to return to normal. During his absence, a considerable amount of paperwork accumulated. In his spare time, he would pass by the Earthly Palace, only to enter once; the vast library was completely empty. From then on, he never set foot there again.
Everything is different now. Sometimes when I'm quiet, I feel restless, wanting to see someone or hear someone talking in my ear, whatever they say, even if it's just nonsense. Sometimes when I'm engrossed in my work, I feel like someone is watching me, but that feeling disappears when they look up.
Later, he happened to bump into her again. Zhixi was standing by the table, looking at him with a thoughtful expression. When their eyes met, she didn't look away hastily.
Ying Yuan had always had a good impression of Zhi Xi. She was a fairy in charge of sacrifices, while he was in charge of the prosperity of mortal dynasties; they were inherently connected. Bai Lian Ling Jun once joked that if they were in the mortal realm, they would definitely be a family, and if these two, who managed both internal and external affairs, lived peacefully, then this large family would not fall into ruin.
With this relationship in place, there's bound to be a sense of closeness.
If it was Zhixi who traded half her heart for his eyes, then he should treat her even better. Besides, he couldn't think of anyone else but Zhixi who would do such a thing.
"It's so late, you don't need to serve me with pen and ink. Go back and rest." Ying Yuan put down his pen, picked up the tweezers next to the oil lamp, and removed a wisp of the burnt-out wick.
Zhixi didn't say anything, bowed slightly, and then left.
The fairy holding the lantern stood outside, a teacup on a wooden tray in her hand, and she came face to face with Zhixi.
Time flies, and the grand gathering at Yaochi is just around the corner.
As the fairy lit the oil lamp on her desk, she bit her lip and asked cautiously, "Your Majesty, who will you bring to the Jade Pool Gathering this time?"
Ying Yuan gave a soft hum: "If you hadn't mentioned it, I almost wouldn't have remembered that this happened." He casually placed a document on his left and said indifferently: "Tell Zhixi not to forget."
The lamp-bearer couldn't help but ask, "Emperor's Throne, is it you and Fairy Zhi...?"
Ying Yuan sensed something was wrong and looked up at her: "What's wrong?"
After hesitating for a long time, Lantern said in a low voice, "But I have long harbored feelings for Your Majesty... Has Your Majesty never felt it? Why can Zhixi be like this, but I can't? In terms of time, she has only been here for a hundred years, but I have always been here..."
Ying Yuan picked up a new document from his right and opened it, his tone calm: "In the Heavenly Court, worldly emotions are forbidden. You've been with me for so long, don't you know that?"
"But……"
"If what you say is true, where were you during the days I spent at the ends of the earth?"
The lamp-bearer's face turned deathly pale.
At that time, Ying Yuan had no idea what consequences his words would have.
However, on the day of the Jade Pool Gathering, Zhixi had something to attend to and hurriedly left. Ying Yuan didn't ask any questions and just wandered around. When he turned to a corner, he saw a very familiar figure standing there, standing on tiptoe to grab a flower branch that was leaning out from the edge of the lotus pond.
Ying Yuan walked over, stood behind her, and reached out to grasp the lotus flower: "Why are you hiding here all by yourself? Do you think it's too noisy over there?"
The other person was looking at the lotus pond, and even their voice was dry: "It's not that it's noisy, I just don't like being here."
Ying Yuan was taken aback. The voice and tone seemed different from Zhi Xi's, but the appearance was almost identical. He hummed softly, "Then let's go back. This gathering at Yaochi will last for three to five days. No one will notice if one or two people are missing."
"You thought you were talking to Zhixi? But I'm not her." She took a step closer, her smile surprisingly radiant: "You said that when your eyes could see again, you would definitely recognize me... Turns out, it was just empty talk."
Ying Yuan was stunned for a moment, then blurted out, "Yan Dan?"
He would never forget her voice; when he could see nothing, she was the only one who kept him company and helped him pass the time. But she bore such a striking resemblance to the Fairy Zhi; anyone could see their connection at a glance. And so, this half-lotus heart…
"Now you finally remember? So how do you plan to repay me?"
Ying Yuan was taken aback again, and could only say, "Whatever you say goes... What do you want?" He would do anything, even gouge out his eyes and return them to her, or lose his cultivation to compensate her, as long as she asked, he would do it.
But Yan Dan said, "During those days... I think I developed some feelings for Emperor Yingyuan."
Ying Yuan recalled that the Lantern Fairy had said something similar the other day, but he didn't know how to feel when he heard her say it out loud: "You can't just make jokes like that."
"A joke is just something you say casually, why would you take it seriously?"
Ying Yuan originally thought he understood her very well, but now he realized that he couldn't figure out her thoughts at all. She used to speak softly and sometimes even act coquettishly, but now her words were sharp: "You weren't like this before."
Yan Dan hesitated for a moment with her head down, then quickly said, "Your Majesty, I'm leaving now." The moment she turned around, Ying Yuan couldn't help but raise his hand to stop her, as if he had a feeling that this step would be a farewell. Yan Dan stopped and looked up at him, her eyes as clear as glass, like a gentle little animal.
Ying Yuan shook his head: "Go ahead."
He didn't know what he was thinking; a jumble of thoughts rushed in, leaving him in a state of confusion. Finally, he turned back and saw that Zhangdeng had fallen halfway into the cycle of reincarnation, and Yan Dan had just pulled her hand away—Zhangdeng had been holding her wrist and struggling to support her.
Finally, Yan Dan resolutely jumped off the Seven Reincarnations Path.
Ying Yuan actually knew that the Lantern Fairy wasn't pushed by her. Yan Dan seemed mischievous, but she wouldn't do something so wicked. However, given the circumstances, even if he believed her, he was powerless to do anything. He just hadn't expected Yan Dan to dare to jump.
As he pulled the Lamp Fairy up, Zhixi stood not far away, her delicate brows slightly furrowed, her eyes clear and bright, staring straight at the Lamp Fairy. She walked up to the trembling Lamp Fairy, merely gave a cold laugh, and then turned away on her own.
That day, Ying Yuan returned to the edge of the earth, closed her eyes, and followed the route she knew by heart to a carved wooden window. Long, long ago, she had grumbled that most of the lotus flowers in the pond were snow-white and ugly, not as pretty as the pale pink ones.
He used to stand by this window, where the air was filled with the faint fragrance of lotus blossoms, and he would stand there for a whole day.
Ying Yuan pushed open the tightly closed window, but then froze.
Outside the window, bushes grow thickly and weeds grow in disarray.
He remembered how vividly she had described how beautifully the lotus flowers were blooming at this time of year, the faint smile that always accompanied her speech, and her drawn-out syllables and coquettish manner.
So that's how much he missed her.
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