Chapter 59: Solo 40 If we don’t meet, don’t miss me…
In the pavilion, the palace maid had prepared hot tea.
After the Queen sat down, she pointed to the empty seat beside her and said to Shen Ying, "You sit down too. I just wanted to get some fresh air today, so I found a pretext for this. You don't have to be so polite."
Chen Ying glanced at the two rows of officials standing at the foot of the mountain, said nothing, and did not dare to sit down.
Until the Crown Prince once again ordered: "Doctor Shen, please sit down. My mother has already taken several doses of the prescription you prescribed. It is a good opportunity to trouble you to take her pulse again today."
Chen Ying sat down, and Xuan Che personally took the Queen's pulse.
She placed her fingertips on the Queen's wrist, closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment, her mind in turmoil.
Chen Jinshi was looking at her.
That kind of gaze penetrated through layers of obstacles and made her scalp tingle.
She didn't know how to describe the feeling.
Perhaps, in such an occasion, she didn't want to get to know him.
She withdrew her hand, lowered her eyes, and said, "Your Majesty's pulse is much smoother than before. I think you've been resting well lately."
The Queen chuckled at the words and raised her hand to gather her sleeves. "Thank you very much. The recipe you gave me earlier has worked very well for me."
Xuan Che nodded and handed the freshly warmed teacup to Chen Ying. "Since your pulse is normal, I'd appreciate it if Doctor Chen could come to the palace more often."
Chen Ying took the teacup with both hands, her brows slightly furrowed. "Your Highness, I am just a traveling doctor. The Empress is a noble woman. I'm afraid this is inappropriate."
The Queen glanced at her calmly and then gave a direct order: "From now on, you will come to the palace twice a month. I find your calm demeanor much more pleasing than those imperial physicians who only talk by the rules."
Chen Ying's heart tightened, and she quickly lowered her eyes, but she could only agree: "Yes."
"Now that we have rested enough, let's go to the front hall and burn incense."
The Queen stood up after she finished speaking. Yang Zhiwei was about to step forward to support her and wait on her. The Queen specifically pointed to Chen Ying and said, "You come."
Chen Ying was slightly startled and stepped forward to hold the queen's arm.
Xuan Che raised the corners of his lips slightly, and suddenly said: "The incense in this Xiangguo Temple is the most effective. Doctor Shen might as well pay his respects there later."
The front hall was filled with incense, and the thick smoke wrapped in the scent of sandalwood filled the air. The sounds of wooden fish and chanting were intertwined, revealing a sense of solemnity.
Chen Ying stopped in her tracks and said, "Your Majesty, please forgive me, I cannot enter."
The Queen paused and turned her head to look at her: "Why?"
Chen Ying lowered her eyes and knelt, her tone respectful but firm: "I have believed in Changshengtian since I was young, following the elders of my clan. I am afraid that if I rashly enter the temple to burn incense, I will offend the Bodhisattva."
After these words came out, Xuan Che seemed to be thinking about something, his eyes fell on Shen Ying's tightly pursed lips. As he passed by her, he said to her softly: "I'm sorry, I didn't know your faith before."
The Queen was silent for a moment, then walked into the palace. "I am indeed inconsiderate. Since it is inconvenient for you to come in, please wait under the ginkgo tree outside the palace."
Chen Ying breathed a sigh of relief and quickly thanked her: "Thank you for your consideration, Madam."
Everyone filed into the hall. Chen Ying stood under the ginkgo tree outside the hall, looking up at the leafy crown. The sunlight shone through the gaps between the leaves, casting mottled shadows on the ground.
She had just breathed a sigh of relief when she heard familiar footsteps behind her.
Chen Jinshi stood not far away, his crimson official robe standing out against the shadows of the trees.
"Why didn't you go in?" Although she was confused, her face showed warning.
She expected him to do what he had to do when he had to do it.
"There are so many people in the temple, no one noticed me." Chen Jinshi's eyes fell on her face, "No wonder, I've never seen you enter the temple in all these years."
He had never known she had such faith.
Chen Ying gathered her cloak and didn't intend to say more to him at this time.
"Okay, go in. Everyone is here. You should appear before the prince and the queen."
Chen Jinshi took two steps forward, the shadow of the tree falling on his face, half bright and half dark: "I see you are in a bad mood."
Chen Ying shook her head and turned to the other side: "Don't ask too much, Chen Jinshi."
Chen Jinshi's voice was slow and gentle: "I didn't ask any questions, I just wanted to ask how I could make you feel better."
Chen Ying clenched her sleeves, her voice as soft as if blown away by the wind: "I won't get better."
"You don't like it here."
"I may have to leave, Chen Jinshi."
The man froze in shock, his crimson robes swaying slightly in the shadows of the trees. He had finally received the "verdict" he had been dreading for so long.
Chen Ying avoided his suddenly aggrieved gaze and looked at the stone steps on the distant mountain road. Her voice was hoarse: "I only said before that I would never leave without saying goodbye, so I think I should tell you. But now is the time."
Chen Jinshi stepped forward and grabbed her wrist. "If you just don't want to be involved in the palace affairs, I'll talk to the Empress on your behalf."
Chen Ying gently pulled him away: "It's not like that, there's more to it than that."
Panic welled up in his eyes, and his Adam's apple rolled. "Is it because of Yang Zhiwei? Chen Ying, even if the Yang family asked the Emperor for permission to marry, or the Empress issued an edict, I would never marry her even if I died."
Chen Ying opened her lips slightly and quickly covered his mouth. She was not moved at all and seemed unable to understand.
"Don't dwell on this, Chen Jinshi. Life is full of possibilities and choices. I hope you can step out and see the outside world. You may think I'm cruel to you, but I have to say, I won't stay here with you anymore, Chen Jinshi. I have no obligation to stay here with you forever."
Chen Jinshi suddenly grabbed her hand that was covering his lips, and the panic in his eyes surged like a raging storm: "Get out? Where to go? Anywhere without you is a desperate situation for me."
Both of them lowered their voices deliberately, and Chen Jinshi had to reveal an even more ferocious face to convey his emotions.
Chen Ying tried to pull her hand away, but he held her firmly. She tilted her head helplessly, "Chen Jinshi, I thought you understood all along. The time we've had together is a gift from heaven, a stolen gift! It's not legitimate, it's not logical, it's inexplicable, and there's no way forward."
She sighed, looked into his eyes, and advised him sincerely: "We should all be content."
She looked at him like this, with eyes that embraced everything, and with the most sincere and gentle words.
He could only slowly let go of her hand, his eyes red, but he was powerless.
She has always lived a restrained life, and she knows how to control her desires and never lets them run rampant.
Even when they were extremely passionate, she would only reveal a third of her desire. Even that third was enough for him to be completely intoxicated and he couldn't wait to pour himself out so that she could repay him with a flood of desire.
He was certainly different from her, completely opposite, but as her mother, she educated him like this:
"Life is not perfect. We all need to learn to be patient and make choices."
"Amu, I don't need all these fame and fortune, I just want to follow you."
"No, I won't allow it. If you do that, Chen Jinshi, I will completely abandon you."
Her feelings towards him were very complicated, not just one of possession or love. She had raised him, so naturally she had more expectations of him.
She treated him as her own child, so how could she accept that he would give up the fame and future that she had earned through ten years of hard study?
It's just that when it comes to fate, she accepts it with pleasure, while he is stubbornly unwilling to accept it.
He smiled bitterly. "You're right. I shouldn't have asked too many questions today. It was my fault."
In all his gentle, pressing questions of her, he was destined not once to be satisfied with the answers he received.
Yang Zhiwei stopped five steps away. Although the two of them didn't speak loudly, she happened to have good hearing. A hint of surprise flashed across her face, and then she returned to normal and left quietly.
The crowd escorted the Queen out of the Great Hall. The Queen looked quite happy and said to Shen Ying with a smile, "I had a pleasant incense offering today. The abbot said that the Zen room in the back mountain is quiet and elegant. It happens to be the first frost of this autumn. When I wake up in the morning, I can see the frosted leaves on the steps reflecting the morning light. It is a rare sight."
Hearing the Queen's words, Xuan Che said, "Mother, I will send this letter back to the palace and ask for Father's instructions."
"No need, I have my own ideas."
Chen Ying knelt down and responded: "I will obey your Majesty."
"In that case, have the palace servants prepare a few meditation rooms."
Yang Zhiwei had been silent at first, but suddenly spoke up, "Your Majesty, a few days ago I was reading the 'Water Classic' and came across the line 'The river flows out of Mount Min, its source can be traced back to the source'. I've always been curious about what it looks like."
The Queen turned her gaze towards the Crown Prince, who then looked at Chen Jinshi: "Master Chen seems to have considerable knowledge of geography. I wonder if he could help Miss Yang with her doubts."
Chen Jinshi was suddenly called out. He looked at Yang Zhiwei, the instigator, and actually saw through some of her intentions.
He bowed and replied, "Where the mountains are steep, the river is initially just a trickle, winding around the indigo peaks. There are many arrow bamboos growing on the banks, rustling in the wind. As it flows to a wider area, several tributaries merge into it, and the water gradually becomes majestic."
Yang Zhiwei immediately responded, "I wonder how the river water in the plain section differs from that upstream?"
"The river is several times wider on the plains, and the current is much calmer. The banks are lined with rice paddies, lush and green in spring, a stark contrast to the treacherous conditions upstream. Locals often build waterwheels on the river to irrigate their fields, a clever way of adapting to local conditions."
The two of them asked and answered each other, and seemed to be having a good chat.
Chen Jinshi glanced at Chen Ying. She was standing beside the Queen with her eyes downcast, as if she had no interest in the topic at all.
At night, Chen Ying lived in a Zen room next to a pine forest. There was a carved wooden table in the room, on which were writing brushes, ink, paper and inkstone. There were also two small pots of asparagus fern on the antique shelf in the corner.
When she entered the room, the palace servants were adding silver bone charcoal into the charcoal basin. She smiled and thanked them.
It was not until midnight that Xuan Che arrived to visit, which was really impolite.
She was slightly startled, stood up and straightened her clothes before pushing the door to greet him.
But I felt a little uneasy in my heart.
Xuan Che stood in the corridor, the moonlight casting a shadow on his plain clothes, stripping away the princely majesty he held during the day and giving him a touch of warmth. Seeing her emerge, Xuan Che smiled and raised the chess box in his hand. "I couldn't sleep tonight, so I came to ask for a few chess lessons. I hope I won't disturb your peace."
"No." Chen Ying was too lazy to be polite to him and stepped aside to let him into the house.
Chen Ying sat at the table, opposite the prince. Between them was a chessboard with black and white chess pieces interlaced. Xuan Che was holding the black chess piece by his sleeve, with his head down as if in thought. Chen Ying lowered her eyes to look at the chessboard, absent-minded.
“Doctor Shen, what are you thinking about?”
"Nothing." She made her move calmly without much thought, as she was not very good at it.
She could lose very quickly. If Xuan Che wanted to play chess with her for a longer period of time, he would need to rack his brains, which would be more difficult than simply winning the game.
Chen Ying thought that she had made her refusal very clear.
She is not good at speaking more directly.
Xuan Che is so insightful, but unfortunately he is not a good person, he is the prince.
"I can welcome you into the Eastern Palace as a concubine, but since you are from a foreign race, I can't give you more."
He finally said it out loud. He had been lingering over the issue of someone as high-ranking as the Crown Prince for long enough.
Chen Ying stared at him closely, her posture and expression were extremely rude.
However, the prince had never shown her full courtesy because she was a woman of a foreign race, otherwise he would not have visited her so late at night. She believed that she did not need to return the courtesy.
But she is more than that.
Chen Ying stood up and looked down at the prince. This man was too arrogant.
She lifted the pieces lightly with her fingers and flipped them over. With a "swish", all the chess pieces fell to the ground.
"I won't talk about him anymore. You're not even as obedient as Xie Qingyue. Why should I want you?"
Xuan Che was stunned, and a hint of surprise flashed across his gentle brows.
"Good...obedient?"
Chen Ying finally understood what it felt like when Chen Jinshi "flipped the table".
So that's how it is.
Unfortunately, Chen Jinshi has grown up and can no longer experience this feeling.
She didn't know how the seemingly gentle prince would treat her tomorrow, but she did it.
Xuan Che was stunned for a long while before he slowly put away the astonishment on his face. A complex emotion flashed in his eyes, including surprise and a hint of anger.
He bent down and casually picked up a black chess piece that had fallen at his feet, stroking the edge of the chess piece with his fingertips: "I feel like I'm just beginning to know you."
He slowly stood up, his figure gradually overshadowing her, overwhelming her.
"Who is this 'he' you're talking about?"
Xie Qingyue was someone she could talk about without hesitation, but Xuan Che didn't care.
But that "he"...
These words were like a needle, piercing Chen Ying.
"If you don't tell me, I'll just have to guess."
He approached step by step, a hint of teasing in his gentle eyes. Chen Ying raised her eyes, her gaze as sharp as a knife.
The reason why the prince is the prince is not that he is stupid.
So many details have emerged, and the person in front of him kept silent, highlighting the "taboo", which seems not difficult to imagine.
Xuan Che saw the undisguised wariness in her eyes, and suddenly put away his anger. He slowly guessed, "Is it Chen Jinshi?"
He spoke with conviction.
A mocking smile appeared on Chen Ying's lips: "Your Highness, so what?"
"I originally admired him very much. Perhaps through your relationship, I would have given him a chance to succeed. But now, it's such a shame."
Chen Ying stopped laughing and straightened her back: "Your Highness, are you forcing me?"
"What if I were you? What choice would you make?"
The arrogance in these words made Chen Ying very uncomfortable, and she almost regretted provoking the prince.
Chen Jinshi was right. The prince could not be disobeyed. No matter what he gave them, good or bad, they had to accept it.
She raised her eyes to meet his, and her tone became a little colder: "Your Highness is of noble status, and the subjects of this world are naturally at your disposal."
Xuan Che's eyes darkened.
He originally thought that she was kind and gentle, a rare kind of person, but he didn't know that she only gave this sharp side to him.
He was very dissatisfied.
"I will not punish him. I will only make his future in the court difficult."
Chen Ying stared at him intently, her sleeves clenched so tightly that her fingertips almost dug into her palms, her face still stiff and cold.
Xuan Che frowned and looked at her solemnly for a long time.
Finally, he took a half step back: "Just kidding, I just said, 'if'."
He slowed down his tone and regained his gentle expression.
He wanted to tell the other party that he was not wrong about him and that he was probably a good person.
She remained alert and listened to him say, "But I want to punish him. Otherwise, you should leave before dawn tomorrow."
Chen Ying raised her eyes suddenly, thinking she had misheard.
Xuan Che avoided her gaze, bent down to pick up the chess box on the table, and put the scattered pieces inside one by one. "I have my own pride, and I've been very tolerant of you. Besides, at the beginning... well, that kid of yours who works in the Imperial Hospital, I promise you that I will spare his life in the future."
He paused, then looked up at her. "I'll explain to Mother Queen. If you stay here, it will be an eyesore for me to see you two again. Is this an acceptable excuse?"
Chen Ying was silent for a moment, and finally said: "I need to say goodbye."
"Goodbye?" Xuan Che placed the last chess piece into the box, closed the lid, and said in a calm tone, "Didn't I say goodbye today?"
She looked up suddenly: "You..."
Xuan Che pursed his lips and smiled faintly.
She finally understood why every word the prince said tonight touched her heart.
In the end, she still regretted it, regretting provoking the prince, who seemed to be kind.
Even though it saved Chen Jinxing's life.
But she was completely defeated in the confrontation with the prince.
Later, she thought, it wasn't really a loss; the prince had finally softened his heart towards her. If you counted them up, she'd won more.
Just leaving a little early.
"There's a small path in the back of the mountain that leads out. No one will stop you."
"I've been rejected for everything tonight. It's impossible that I don't even have the authority to issue such a small order."
"I've been very generous, Chen Ying."
Chen Ying nodded, yes, the other party was already very generous.
"But I have to tell you in advance that Chen Jinshi must marry Yang Zhiwei."
Chen Ying was stunned and raised her eyes to question.
"The Yang family holds great power, and even I do not take it seriously. Yang Chang has chosen two sons-in-law for his favorite daughter. I will not let her marry another one. Do you understand?"
Although Chen Ying didn't understand the intricacies of the matter, she roughly understood the prince's intention.
So, this is why the prince valued Chen Jinshi in the beginning.
He came from a middle-class family, but unfortunately, General Chen was already dead.
The prince's actions tonight really dazzled her and she was losing ground.
But she had to say: "Your Highness, you are a good person, please don't forget what you promised me."
Xuan Che smiled and said, "Of course, if Chen Jinshi becomes Yang Chang's son-in-law, I will never touch the Chen family again, including that Doctor Chen."
He put away the chess box and tapped the pen and paper on the table: "Sit down, leave a letter, and write it according to my instructions."
Chen Ying looked at the writing brush on the desk, her fingertips trembling slightly.
She took a deep breath. Was there any way out for her?
She picked up the pen, and Xuan Che leaned down, his figure covering her.
The prince is a good man, but unfortunately for her, he has supreme power and she cannot disobey him.
The ink spreads on the rice paper, but the brush strokes are extremely firm.
"Jinshi's personal message: After this farewell, the grasslands will be your home, and we will never meet again in the mountains and rivers. Our fate ends today. From now on, do not miss me, do not seek me, and focus on your career. Only then will you be worthy of your ten years of hard study and my eight years of teaching."
After writing, she looked up at the prince.
Xuan Che continued his command: "Write again. The prince is the image of a wise ruler. Please follow him. Miss Yang's Zhiwei, you must not refuse her with your life. Treat her with sincerity and do not let down this good marriage."
Chen Ying gritted her teeth, tightened her grip on the pen slightly, and the ink stagnated on the tip of the pen for a moment.
Xuan Che urged her: "You just said that I am a good person."
"yes."
"You also said that the Yang family is a good match for him."
"yes."
"Then why are you still hesitating? Could it be that you want to marry him?"
Her fingertips turned white: "No, I can't."
"Then put pen to paper." Xuan Che said in a calm tone, thus declaring the ending of her and Chen Jinshi.
The pen finally fell.
"Take this. When you get out of the mountains and reach Nandukou, treat the jade pendant as if it were me. Someone will escort you all the way north until you return home." Xuan Che folded the letter and took a token from his waist. "Are you speaking every word against your will?"
“Not really.”
"Then why do you look like that? It's as if I've bullied you."
Chen Ying smiled bitterly: "Your Highness, I will leave this letter here, but I really don't know what kind of Chen Jinshi you will get."
Xuan Che was a little confused: "What do you mean by that?"
However, Chen Ying no longer had the heart to talk to him.
"Good luck, Your Highness. He's very good when he's being good."
She stood up, packed up her things, and prepared to go down the mountain.
Since we have agreed to leave, there is no need to hesitate.
Xuan Che looked at her back, frowning slightly.
He held the letter she wrote in his hand and always felt that she should give him something else.
If Chen Ying could explain it more clearly, she would tell him that the thing was probably called "Chen Jinshi Taming Manual".
Chen Ying had already opened the door, and the cold moonlight poured into the room, making her figure look thin and distant.
The wind from the courtyard blew in, carrying the coolness of pine branches, gently lifting the loose hair at her temples. Moonlight, like a thin veil, drifted across the bluestone slabs in front of the Zen room. In the cracks of the slabs grew a few clumps of fine moss, stained with night dew and shimmering pale blue in the moonlight.
In the corner of the wall not far away, two asparagus ferns were moved from the antique shelf to the outdoors for fresh air. Their slender branches and leaves swayed gently in the wind, and the shadows of the bamboo fell on the wall, like crushed ink marks, flickering.
The unburned silver bone charcoal in the charcoal basin still had some residual heat, occasionally making a slight "crackling" sound, which was soon drowned out by the sound of pine waves in the courtyard.
Xuan Che's figure holding the letter was reflected on the window paper, motionless.
The wind blew a half-yellow ginkgo leaf, which lightly fell on Shen Ying's cloak. It was then blown away by the airflow caused by her steps, swirling towards the depths of the courtyard, and finally stopped beside the tilted ceramic basin, next to the unopened chrysanthemum bud.
Chen Ying's footsteps were crisp, and the traces of mud left on the bluestone slabs were soon soaked by the night dew, blurring into faint marks that merged with the moonlight on the ground. Only the crooked autumn chrysanthemum remained, trembling slightly in the wind, as if bidding a silent farewell.
Chen Jinshi tossed and turned, unable to sleep, so he simply put on his clothes and got up.
But I missed it in the end.
He seemed to sense something, and he stopped beside the tilted ceramic basin. He picked up the half-yellow ginkgo leaf and froze in place.
He pinched the ginkgo leaf, his fingertips unconsciously stroking the wrinkles on the edge of the leaf. Autumn dew was on it, and the coolness spread through his fingertips into his heart.
The night was as dark as indissoluble ink. Only the whimpering sound of the wind blowing through the pine trees echoed in the empty courtyard, like someone's unspoken sigh.
He slowly squatted down, stroking his face with both hands, and suppressed sobs escaped through his fingers.
If mountains and rivers do not meet, do not miss them, do not look for them.
—
Dulan rode his horse among the sheep, and the wind blew the scent of green grass across his cheeks.
As soon as the spring breeze softened the frozen soil, Dulan led the horse, hanging the medicine box next to the saddle, and headed east to the Agula tribe.
There was a patient there who sent a letter last winter asking her to visit. It was not until the river thawed in the spring that she received the letter and set off.
The grass buds along the way have sprouted, covered with morning dew, and the flocks of sheep in the distance look like clouds scattered on a green carpet.
My brother's voice came across the wind: "Dulan, can you come back before the day after tomorrow? General Xie said he will probably come the day after tomorrow to help us pick sea buckthorn."
Du Lan turned around and raised his hand: "It should be possible."
As soon as she finished speaking, she mounted her horse, turned its head, and headed towards the east bank of the river.
Dulan rode his horse and followed his memory towards the Agula tribe. He set out in the morning and arrived before dark.
She reined in her horse and shouted "□□". After a long time, she saw the curtain of a yurt being lifted.
Uncle □□ came out hunched over. When he saw her, he stammered for a long time, "Dulan! Come in and sit down."
Chen Ying followed him into the yurt and was about to ask about the child's condition.
□□ waved his hand first, his voice hoarse from the wind and sand: "Thank you for the trip, the child will be gone in the twelfth lunar month."
As he said this, he asked his wife to serve mutton and milk tea to Dulan.
Du Lan was stunned for a long time, and it seemed like a long time before she realized that she had returned to Loufan.
This is not the capital.
She should be used to such things.
Of course they want to be sad, but what's the use of being sad?
The lives of the people in Loufan have always been so fragile that even if you try your best, you can only sigh that the child is not lucky enough.
"The riverbed was frozen, and the man died before the letter could be delivered."
Du Lan held the medicine box tightly in her hand, causing pain in her palm.
The next day, she walked out of the yurt. The wind outside was even stronger, blowing up the snow foam on the ground and hitting her face, which was cold.
The green mountains in the distance look particularly solemn under the gray sky, and the grassland is like a green carpet that has been frozen hard and has no end in sight.
The sky is big and the earth is vast, but there has been no news from him in three years.
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