Chapter 51: Exclusive 32 "Have I grown into...
Chen Ying thought that it was impossible for Chen Jinshi to belong to her alone.
In this world, no one is exclusive to anyone else. Everyone is an independent entity, each has his or her own destiny and bears his or her own worries.
Affection comes and goes, enthusiasm comes and goes, and relationships between people come and go.
She never thought of staying with him for the rest of her life, and that was why she agreed to spend such a ridiculous amount of time with him.
Now, it's almost time to end.
But Chen Ying is not someone who would leave without saying goodbye, especially now. She feels that she needs to be loyal in her relationship with Chen Jinshi.
The so-called loyalty means that if you don't send me away, I will not leave you unless it is absolutely necessary.
She didn't want Chen Jinshi to be sad.
She let go of him: "Sorry, I hurt you."
She apologized for this, but Chen Jinshi became flustered.
"Emu, you never have to apologize to me."
He raised his hand and touched the teeth marks on her shoulder blade, two neatly concave arcs. He leaned over and kissed the corner of her eye.
"Did I do something wrong to upset you?"
Chen Ying turned her head away, avoiding his gaze. Her fingertips gently gathered up her messy clothes, and she tried to keep her tone calm: "No, we should get up. You can discuss the audience with your elder brother about this."
Zhang Ruoling waited for a long time for the person to come back, and was about to send someone to look for him, when she saw two people coming out of the side room, one in front and one behind, dressed neatly.
"You guys... didn't go out?"
Chen Jinshi picked up the copy of the imperial examination list on the table, which only listed the names of the candidates, and replied softly, "Thank you for your trouble, sister-in-law."
Zhang Ruoling didn't ask any more questions, her eyes and eyebrows showing joy: "The Ministry of Rites just sent someone to tell me that they need to inspect the documents of the tribute students tomorrow. Jinshi, you must not miss the time."
Chen Jinshi smiled and leaned towards Chen Ying. Chen Ying took the list and looked at it, and she couldn't hide the joy on her face.
Chen Jinxing strode back from outside, his face full of pride.
My younger brother passed the imperial examination and became a tribute scholar. Although he has not yet taken the palace examination, many people in the officialdom have changed their attitude towards him, and their previous contempt has turned into fawning on him.
"That's great. All these years of hard study have not been in vain." As soon as Chen Jinxing stepped into the courtyard, his eyes fell on Chen Jinshi. He walked up quickly and patted him on the shoulder.
His eyes swept over Chen Ying beside him, and his smile became a little gentler: "I just passed by the West Market, and thinking that my mother likes to eat it, I brought back two boxes of date paste cakes." After saying that, he gave a wink to the servant behind him, and the servant held two oil-paper bags as a reward.
Zhang Ruoling also said, "I made some Tremella soup. You two should have a bowl to replenish your energy."
Chen Jinshi followed him in and saw Chen Ying helping to set the table, so he hurried over to help.
The family sat down and began to check the documents sent by the Ministry of Rites.
There were three pieces of paper spread out on the table. One was a list for qualification review, listing household registration, family background, and career history, which needed to be checked and stamped one by one.
The Chen family had a clean background, so there was nothing to complain about. Chen Jinshi also had no bad reputation outside. The other document showed the etiquette for the palace examination, with the details of the etiquette circled in red ink.
Chen Jinxing said, "I've asked Chen Xing to send the family tree to the Ministry of Rites. You should pay more attention to etiquette."
Chen Jinshi lazily stood up from his chair and imitated the "walking posture" written in the booklet. He usually couldn't stand the way these scholars walked, but now he had to add a layer of servile posture to the scholars' walking posture.
If you stand outside the Hall of Supreme Harmony and look at the backs of the civil servants, you will find that they always have hunched backs, yet they possess a certain dignity. However, in the case of Chen Jinshi, although he is leaning forward and bowing, one can still see his arrogance and unyielding spirit. No one would believe that he is really submitting to the person sitting on the dragon throne.
His brother, sister-in-law, and mother were all looking at him at this time. Chen Jinshi was annoyed, but he still did it according to the rules. If he was willing, no one could find fault with it.
Before dawn the next day, Chen Jinxing took Chen Jinshi out.
Chen Ying also got up early. She stood in front of the medicine stove to boil Chen Jinshi's medicine.
Zhang Ruoling came over to help and said with a smile, "I woke up last night and saw that the light in Shi'er's room was on in the middle of the night. I guess he was reading."
Chen Ying paused as she stirred the medicine in the furnace. Last night... she was in his room.
"He has been concentrating on the palace examination these days. He is really working hard."
It was almost noon when Chen Jinshi came back with Chen Jinxing, looking a little tired.
Chen Jinxing babbled beside him, "Lord Li said this year's policy discussion will most likely focus on agriculture. You should think more about the differences in grain production between the north and south."
Chen Ying smiled upon hearing this and said, "I do know a little about this."
Chen Jinshi's eyes lit up with a faint smile. He walked over to her, took her hand and kneaded it under the table: "Okay, tell me about it, Am."
A few days later, two clerks in green official uniforms came to the gate of Chen's mansion, holding a yellow silk booklet. They came specifically to teach Chen Jinshi the etiquette in front of the palace.
"Mr. Chen, you must study carefully. His Majesty will personally supervise the examination at the Baohe Hall tomorrow. If you fail to observe proper etiquette when kneeling and reporting, you will be guilty of a serious crime."
Chen Jinshi knelt for the entire day. He was extremely obedient and did his job naturally and perfectly.
Chen Ying watched him lying on the ground from afar, and the arrogant expression on his face was restrained. Somehow, she felt that Chen Jinshi was not that kind of person and should not do such a thing.
But he grew up, and he was different from when he was a child. People grow up, and he will become a civil servant who is cautious and careful in the palace every day.
But there was no way. He could not become a military general like his father, nor could he remain unknown all his life.
At this point, Chen Ying could only feel happy for him.
Xie Qingyue was also on the list. He handed a letter to Chen Ying, promising to come and see her after he got his ranking in the palace examination.
Chen Ying held Xie Qingyue's handwritten letter and did not feel embarrassed. When he came, she only needed to refuse him clearly.
Even if she couldn't marry Chen Jinshi, she couldn't stay in the capital and marry Mrs. Xie San. This would be too cruel for Chen Jinshi. Chen Ying felt that she was not such a bad woman.
The most she would do is leave him.
She was busy packing the things he would take tomorrow, from pens, ink, paper, and inkstone to his robe and boots. She checked them one by one several times until it was late at night.
She returned to the east wing alone. The lights in the west wing were on, and Chen Jinshi was still reading.
She had specifically told him to get a good rest tonight, and now it seemed that he was obedient.
She sighed and said, "Just be obedient. As long as Chen Jinshi is obedient, there will be nothing wrong with him."
She pushed the door open and entered the room. In the warm yellow candlelight, Chen Jinshi was half leaning against the head of the bed, wearing only a light green robe loosely draped over his body, with the collar wide open. The teeth marks on his shoulders were like his achievements, which he wished to show in the most conspicuous place.
His black hair was scattered and spread on her pillow. He pretended to be so. He was as handsome as jade. He raised his body slightly, and his water-green robe slipped down a little, revealing a neatly gathered waistline, making a very seductive posture.
Chen Ying paused and looked at him coldly.
Chen Jinshi's voice was a little hoarse: "Amu, why did you come back just now? I have been waiting for you for a long time."
Chen Ying walked in slowly and looked down at him. He took her hand and gently placed his palm on hers. His fingertips had thin calluses, but he was extremely gentle and his whole body exuded a flattering air.
He was lying on her bed, his clothes disheveled, his hair combed like black satin, his body clean and smelling of after a bath.
Chen Ying looked indifferent and pulled her hand away: "Get off my bed."
Chen Jinshi looked panicked, and his aqua-green robe completely slipped to his waist.
Chen Ying tilted her head and looked at him coldly. After being cooped up in the house for a whole year, his skin was as cold white as jade, and would turn a faint red when rubbed. His black hair fell on his shoulders. Looking at him carefully, his eyebrows were the light ink color of distant mountains, and the corners of his eyes were slightly upturned. When he felt wronged, his pupils were like immersed in warm water, so bright that it made people feel weak. His nose was high, his lips were light pink, and his voice was gentle.
He pulled her hand again, his fingertips slightly curled, his wrist bones distinct, the pale blue veins on the back of his hand faintly visible, along with his neat waistline, strong and bulging chest muscles, arrogance and dignity mixed together, making his appearance even more dazzling and eye-catching.
Chen Ying looked him up from head to toe, lowering her eyes. "The palace examination is more important. You should rest well instead of doing these ridiculous things here."
She was so cold and apathetic.
"But how can I sleep without you?" He looked up at her, with a glimmer of light in his eyes.
He reached out and gently touched her hand hanging at her side. Seeing that she didn't dodge, he became bolder and slid his fingertips up along her wrist.
"You don't have to do anything, just dedicate myself to you and serve you."
He slowly propped himself up with his other hand and leaned close to her ear, his warm breath sweeping over her earlobe. As he spoke, his lips occasionally brushed against her earlobe, his breath lingering.
Chen Ying began to look at him sideways, watching his behavior.
Chen Jinshi, if you really want to, just be a little fierce.
He bit her earlobe, and with a slight gasp, he gripped her wrist a little harder than before.
Chen Ying was caught off guard and fell on the edge of the bed. He leaned over and supported her with one hand on his side, trapping her between his arms.
The aqua-green lining slipped off completely, revealing the smooth back and well-defined shoulders.
He leaned closer to her, his voice a little hoarse with a bit of suppression: "Amu, you are mine."
The hot and humid air swept over her skin. Chen Ying looked directly at him, a little scrutinizing. He lowered his head and changed his tone: "No, Am, it's me. I am your property."
She finally loosened up, unbuttoned her clothes, and stroked his head. He was completely immersed in the rolling waves.
His actions had a sense of success. He enjoyed himself for a while, then raised his head and kissed her lips.
The kiss slid from her lips to her neck, and he asked her, "I've grown up, haven't I?"
Chen Ying was stunned and remained silent, and he hugged her tighter.
"Have I grown into the kind of man you wanted?"
He lifted her up in his arms. Chen Jinshi's arms were strong enough to hold her up steadily and securely.
Chen Ying was not a petite woman, so he held her higher. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his features gentle, but a part of him that had a strong presence was towering high. She gently stroked the teeth marks on his shoulder with her arm, and did not deliberately lift his shoulder to avoid it. She could not avoid it, and if she changed her sitting position, he would hit her buttocks from another direction.
"You just grew up to look like Chen Jinshi."
"But Chen Jinshi was raised by Am, so naturally she has to grow up to be the way Am likes." He lowered his head and rubbed his nose against her chin.
Chen Ying tilted her head, and his kiss fell on her neck. He grabbed her hand and said, "Chen Jinshi is what Ammu wants him to be. Do you like it?"
He lifted her waist, and she lifted herself gently against his shoulders, her strength trembling slightly. His hand on her waist was steady, his fingertips pressed against her skin, carrying a scorching temperature, even his breath was wrapped in a scorching breath, spraying on her neck.
"Do you like it?" He asked again, his voice even lower than before, filled with a hint of stubborn anticipation, his eyes bright enough to reflect her appearance. His other hand gently stroked her back, his movements as slow as if he were tracing a treasure, sliding from shoulder blade to waist, each touch filled with careful cherishment.
His eyelashes were very long. She unconsciously grabbed his hand that was clasped around her waist, and he slipped his fingers through hers.
He supported her and raised his head to kiss the corner of her lips.
Chen Ying closed her eyes and let him hold her, letting his kisses fall on her lips, neck, and collarbone. She let go of her hands, raised her hands to wrap around his neck, and buried her head in them.
His hands passed through the inside of her arms and clasped her shoulders from behind. The two of them stubbornly pressed close to each other. The rolling movement was always more addictive than opening and closing, and it made people feel the affection more deeply. The inseparable affection seeped into her senses bit by bit along her spine.
She slowly deepened the kiss, prying open his lips and teeth with the tip of her tongue, and moved her hands from his shoulders to his neck, then lifted up his head and kneaded his ears.
Until her breathing became slightly disordered and she almost gasped, he raised his hand to cover her lips, his voice hoarse. He gently wiped the water stains from the corners of her lips and pressed her shoulders down tightly: "Chen Ying, don't leave me, don't leave me for the rest of your life."
Chen Ying leaned on his shoulder without saying a word, and her "hmm" was as light as a sigh.
Just after the hour of Mao, the square in front of the Baohe Hall was already filled with tribute students in blue robes.
Chen Jinshi stood in the queue with the crowd, his figure was particularly eye-catching. He was born with outstanding appearance, but in Jinling before, his reputation was always overshadowed by his brother. After arriving in the capital, his family background was not conspicuous, and fewer people knew him.
But it was different now. He lowered his eyes, and his long eyelashes cast a light shadow under his eyes, covering the emotions in his eyes and making them look a bit cold.
When the eunuch announced, "The tribute scholars are coming into the palace," he followed the procession forward.
He is actually considered young among these people.
In this solemn palace, he has his own appearance.
The queue moved slowly forward along the white marble steps. The floor of the hall was paved with golden bricks, and a dragon throne stood high on it. The examiners on both sides were dressed in court robes and had solemn eyes.
Soon, a eunuch holding a yellow silk umbrella led the emperor out of the side door of the Hall of Supreme Harmony. All officials knelt, and the tribute students also bowed and saluted following the order of the official from the Ministry of Rites.
After the ceremony, the candidates were divided into the Baohe Hall according to their ranking and took their seats. On the desks, jade paper, rabbit-hair brushes, and pine soot ink had already been laid out according to regulations. A lamp was also placed before each desk. Because the palace examinations had to be conducted from the hour of Chen to the hour of You, and candidates were not allowed to leave their seats during the exam, the lamps were prepared for the fading light of the afternoon.
Chen Jinshi had just sat down when he saw an editor from the Hanlin Academy coming over with a book of policy essays. The book was framed with yellow silk, and the first page had "Asking about the Policy of Peace and Defense" written in red ink. It had three questions: one was "How to eliminate the threat from the Japanese pirates in the south and the Tartars in the north", the second was "The pros and cons of the changes in the grain transport and people's livelihood", and the third was "The pros and cons of the method of military farming in border areas".
This topic was far from the "farming affairs" that Lord Li had predicted, but Chen Jinshi did not panic, because the connections his brother had found were not reliable.
He remembered what Chen Ying once said, "After the grain transport system in my hometown was changed, grain merchants hoarded grain and the tenants couldn't even afford coarse rice", and "most of the border army's farmlands were occupied by generals, and the soldiers had no food to eat." When he dipped his fingertips in ink, he began by writing about the suffering of the people, and then quoted "The best strategy is to attack the enemy's strategy" from "The Art of War" to discuss the strategy of defending against the enemy, avoiding the empty morality that literati often talk about.
He calmed himself down, and the pen began to move downwards, his mind full of her.
In the afternoon, the lights in the hall gradually dimmed as the tribute students lit their lamps. Chen Jinshi vaguely recalled a distant, childhood chat with his father. He was just writing about the "military farming system should have 'military households farming themselves' instead of 'generals supervising farming'" when he suddenly heard the call for "meal service" from outside the hall.
According to regulations, the emperor would grant "Guanglu Temple food" during the palace examination: each person would receive a plate of steamed buns and a bowl of porridge, and no more than was allowed. Chen Jinshi took the plate of food handed to him by the eunuch, ate only half a steamed bun, and then picked up his pen to write rapidly.
At three quarters past the hour of the twilight, the official from the Honglu Temple called out, "Submit your papers." Chen Jinshi folded his paper into four, inscribed on the first page, "Chen Jinshi, the candidate for the Palace Examination," and, according to regulations, had the eunuchs present it to the examiner.
The examiners were composed of eight people, including the chief minister of the cabinet and the ministers of the six ministries. They had to review the papers together in the Wenhua Hall and rank them into four grades: "excellent, good, average, and poor". The top ten papers would then be presented to the emperor for his approval.
By the time Chen Jinshi followed the tribute scholars out of the Baohe Hall, the setting sun had dyed the glazed tiles on the eaves of the hall golden red.
A eunuch outside the hall bowed and said, "According to the rules, everyone must wait in front of the hall tomorrow to wait for the announcement of the results. Please go back today."
Chen Jinshi walked out. Chen Jinxing had been waiting for him outside the Meridian Gate. He handed him a padded robe and asked, "How is it?"
Chen Jinshi took the padded robe, the scent of pine soot ink still on his fingertips. He pressed it against his body and felt the afternoon coolness of the hall permeate his entire body.
He only asked his brother: "How is Am?"
Chen Jinxing was stunned.
Then I remembered that Am had said earlier that if she wanted to leave, she would probably leave after Chen Jinshi's palace examination was over.
Now that the papers have been submitted and everything is settled, if she wants to leave, she doesn't have to worry about Chen Jinshi anymore.
Chen Jinshi had obviously foreseen this, and Chen Jinxing was a little surprised that Chen Jinshi was so calm now.
He was not afraid that the man had really left.
Chen Jinxing nodded: "She is fine, she is making soup for you at home."
Chen Jinshi nodded slightly without asking any more questions. The two walked side by side in the twilight.
The lanterns on the street gradually lit up. Chen Jinshi teased, "Brother, don't try to find connections anymore. The questions Lord Li mentioned are a million miles away from the exam questions."
Chen Jinxing was stunned and said in shock, "Master Li is a disciple of Grand Secretary Yang in the cabinet. How could this be possible?"
Chen Jinshi walked briskly and shrugged, "Who knows? Perhaps Grand Secretary Yang didn't tell him the question."
While Chen Jinxing was still pondering, Chen Jinshi had already quickly turned the corner.
When I returned to Chen's house, the gate was still ajar as usual and the lanterns in the corridor were not lit yet.
Chen Jinshi pushed the door open and entered the yard, and the first thing he smelled was the fragrance coming from the kitchen.
"Brother is right. It's time for us to move to a bigger house."
He walked lightly towards the east wing. He had already seen Chen Ying's silhouette reflected on the window paper. She was bending over to tidy something, with neatly folded robes piled beside her.
He stood in the corridor and watched without saying anything until Zhang Ruoling called out, "Brother Shi is back. How was your day?"
Chen Ying raised her eyes and saw him: "You're back."
"Amu, why didn't you come to pick me up today?"
Chen Ying smiled and said, "Your brother wants to pick you up. I made some soup for you. I'll go get you a bowl."
"Don't worry." Chen Jinshi reached out and grabbed her wrist, holding it tightly. "I have something to tell you."
Chen Ying's fingertips moved, but she didn't break free. She just lowered her eyes and said, "What do you want to say?"
"Tomorrow, when the imperial examinations are announced, I want you to wait for me by the Meridian Gate." Chen Jinshi looked at the top of her head and said softly, "The first thing I want to see when I come out is you."
Chen Ying's back stiffened, and it took a long time before she softly said "hmm".
If she didn't leave today, she won't leave tomorrow either.
Seeing that she agreed, Chen Jinshi couldn't help but raise the corners of his lips and pulled her to the kitchen: "I'll serve the soup."
At dinner time, a servant outside the door announced, "There is a letter from Loufan, addressed to Miss Chen."
Chen Ying stood up and said, "My brother must have replied to my letter."
She looked delighted and walked out of the door quickly, her skirt lifted high. She took the envelope handed to her by the servant, and her fingertips trembled as she opened the letter.
Chen Jinshi watched her go out, watched her open the letter, watched her full of joy, and suddenly he was stunned.
Her brother's handwriting was crooked, but it seemed particularly sincere: "Dulan, our sheep are very fat this year. Your sister-in-law pickled some meat and wanted to wait for you to come back to eat it, but when we learned that you would not be returning home this spring, we ate it first. I heard that you moved to the capital. It's a good place. You can stay there for a while and come back whenever you want... Father is doing well, Mother is doing well too, don't worry, I'll take care of everything..."
Chen Ying pressed the letter to her chest, her eyes instantly red.
Chen Jinshi hesitated for a moment, but still stepped forward.
Chen Ying grinned, stroking the letter repeatedly with her fingertips.
She turned and walked into the yard with light steps. Just as she turned around the corridor pillar, she bumped into Chen Jinshi's chest.
She raised her eyes, and although they were red, they were full of smiles.
Chen Jinshi was filled with anxiety.
"Amu...what did your family say?"
"My brother said that our sheep are very fat this year!"
Chen Ying walked quickly into the main hall, and Chen Jinshi followed her, his eyes fixed on the letter in her hand.
He knew she missed home, the grassland and her sheep.
For the first time, he wondered why he had to detain her in the Chen Mansion.
But he never forced her to stay, nor did he make a fuss about her leaving.
She was born free, he knew that.
He would just lie on the ground and beg in the middle of the night, begging her to take pity on him and stay if possible, give him more, anything at all.
Chen Ying put the letter on the table and poured a bowl of soup for Chen Jinshi. The smile in her eyes was as bright as the stars in the grassland: "What's wrong with you? I see you are absent-minded."
Chen Jinshi took the bowl of soup, his eyes still glancing at the letter from time to time.
"Amu, you must be homesick."
Chen Ying nodded, her eyes fixed on him: "Yeah, I do."
"Then, then I..."
She smiled, raised her eyebrows, and handed the letter to Chen Jinshi.
Chen Jinshi unfolded the letter and looked at it. Suddenly he looked up and met Chen Ying's eyes which were half smiling.
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