Chapter 111 Chapter 111 Sweetness in despair.
It was the first time Zhang Jingxian saw him crying. She looked at him with a bit of confusion.
Why would he cry? His illness had already healed. She was the one who had truly experienced death and despair. He only needed to continue being Envoy Xie and become famous in the near future.
"Will it be a problem for you if I kill Chao Xu like this?" Zhang Jingxian thought slowly that she might have ruined Xie Yun's plan, so she asked him to stop crying and that she would bear the consequences alone.
But these words made Xie Yun's tears flow even harder. There was no sound, only traces of tears sliding across his nose and jaw, with a cold and watery light on his face.
Those always terrifying black eyes, immersed in the shattered ice, numb with despair, spoke calmly, "Ah Xian never believed me. Was it because she knew all along that I...had killed you, too?"
Her stubbornness, her evasion, her indifference, and her evasion of answers were all explained now. She said she would not forgive, and his last hope was shattered.
Why hadn't he thought of this? At night in Xishan Village, separated by a thin wooden wall, this peasant girl would always curl herself up helplessly.
Perhaps, as early as that time, she had the same nightmare as him.
The voice in his ear told him again and again that this was not a false dream, but reality, a fact that had already happened!
But why didn't she take revenge on him, kill him? Didn't she even have any resentment towards him?
It was so long that a lifetime was about to pass. Zhang Jingxian's eyelashes trembled slightly. She answered yes and turned her head away to avoid looking at the tears on his face.
"You heard me. As a son of the Xie family, you must marry a daughter of the Chao family. I am an obstacle, a lowly peasant girl who is trying to repay your kindness. Regardless of whether it is your will or not, I will eventually lose my life because of you. Therefore, I cannot trust you, and I must leave you."
Near him, with him, she really died.
If they had never met, if she had not proposed to him without considering her own limitations, if she had listened to her uncle and stayed in Xishan Village, as the savior of Envoy Xie, no one would have wanted to get rid of her.
She lived a stable life, a little hard and lonely, but she would not be killed.
Xie Yun's face turned pale as he heard these words, which were just like those in a dream. He seemed to be experiencing the pain of having his heart pierced by thousands of arrows again. He was holding Ah Xian in his arms, but she would never wake up again and would never look at him again.
Fear made Xie Yun's heart burn as if on fire. He laughed miserably and said, "The only person I want to marry is Ah Xian."
But he could only refute this one sentence, only this one sentence... Xie Yun clearly saw that a huge gap had emerged between him and her, and her life lay in between. He could not get rid of it, and she would not forgive him.
Will she take this opportunity to end her relationship with him forever? The answer seems to be yes.
Xie Yun stood in front of her, his tall and thin body swaying slightly. "Whether you believe me or not, Ah Xian is my wife now. Chao Xu is dead. We can't stay here for long. Let's go home." He almost suffocated, but pretended to be calm as he reached out to her, begging the peasant girl to go home with him.
Go back to their home. As long as she doesn't leave him, he still has time, one year, ten years, twenty years or even a lifetime to gain her forgiveness.
Zhang Jingxian dodged his outstretched arm. The odor of burning flesh mixed with the cool air of ice and snow rushed into her nostrils. She bent down uncomfortably and laughed along. "Since you already know everything, where is our home?"
In this life, she could have returned safely to her own home, but he felt that he had been deceived and forced her to marry him.
Xie Yun's face turned even paler, his thin lips were pursed, and there was an unspeakable depression that seemed to be destroying him completely.
"Xie Yun, Xie Shijun, Xie Qilang... Langjun," Zhang Jingxian called him over and over again, the white snow reflecting the distinct black and white of her eyes. "If you truly love me and want me to live, please let me go, okay?"
"Maybe I love you, but I really don't want to continue to be entangled with you."
"Just treat me as a coward, okay?"
...Xie Yun's heart was stabbed with holes, but even though he was filled with pain and blood, he still repeated his previous words.
"Ah Xian, let's go home."
"Go home. It's cold and my legs hurt."
"I'm sorry, I didn't lie to you."
He was in so much pain that he almost died.
Zhang Jingxian laughed again, this time with cold and mocking laughter. What on earth was she expecting?
Stepping on the snow, she straightened up and walked past him without looking at him, but called out to the colt in the valley.
When Xiaoju came running over, more than ten people including Xie suddenly appeared. Following Xie Yun's orders, they cleaned up the mess she left behind, buried the traps, and cleared the traces.
Not long after, another "Chao Xu" rode away on the escaped horse. To the naked eye, there was almost no sign of anything unusual.
Zhang Jingxian looked silently at the man with a face as pale as paper, silently asking what was the reason and what he planned to do.
"Ah Xian reminded me that Chao Xu loved to take Wushisan. People like him are always confused and overly excited. It seems reasonable that one day he would burn himself to death."
Xie Yun paused, raised her hand and brushed away the ashes on her cheek, "I have already made arrangements, no one will suspect Ah Xian."
Trust him again.
Zhang Jingxian turned around, rode on the colt's back, and did not look back.
The death of Chao Xu actually did not change the conflict between her and Xie Yun. He was a nobleman, she was a commoner, she could not be the same as him, and he would not understand her world.
Even if he had only a trace of empathy, he couldn't force her to stay and ignore her death.
As long as there is Chao Xu in the Chao family, there will be a second and a third one. And Chao Xu might not be wrong in what he said. The Xie family tacitly agreed to get rid of her.
Zhang Jingxian didn't think she had the ability to fight against the two powerful families. So what if Prime Minister Xie admired her a little? Could she compare with Prime Minister Xie's niece Xie Fujun?
Xie Fujun still wants to marry the mediocre and incompetent Wang for the sake of her family.
…
Xie Yun followed the peasant girl from a few meters away, watching her turn her back to him without looking back once, with a faint smile on his face.
At least she is alive, visible and tangible.
He comforted himself in this way, but not a single light could penetrate his gray eyes.
"Ah Xian, it's not that I won't let you go. But if I let you go, I will die."
Xie Yun looked ahead tenderly and whispered a promise to her, "Don't worry, I will set you free before I die. If I'm lucky enough to survive, please have pity on me and stay with me."
There was another reason that he did not tell Gong Chengyue in the dream. He was not an invincible god, and he might die in the war that would come sooner or later.
So, at first he only thought about getting married after the war was over.
But her repeated escapes made Xie Yun no longer care about so much. He needed to use this most ancient method to trap her so that she would never be able to get rid of him in her life.
"Ah Xian, you can actually kill me, and I will be happy instead."
Xie Yun caught up with him. Zhang Jingxian took a deep breath and without even looking at him, she let Xiaoju speed up.
If she wanted him to die, she wouldn't have saved him in the first place. She didn't want him to die before, and she won't want him to die now or in the future.
-
"Chao Xu" died three days later. It is said that before his death, he laughed and ordered his personal attendants to deliver a letter to Jiankang.
After laughing, he was so excited that he asked for Wu Shi San and started to smoke it in the room. As a result, he smoked too much Wu Shi San and knocked over the candlestick. The people below rushed in to rescue him, but in the end they only found a charred corpse.
His height, build, and facial features all match Chao Xu's.
Xie Yun learned about this in the early morning and hurried over, but it was too late. Chao Xu's body was placed in the hall. His face changed drastically after seeing it.
"Make an ice coffin immediately and place General Chao's body in it until the Grand Marshal sends someone to investigate."
He gave orders with a cold face, insisting that someone find out the cause of Chao Xu's death. His impatient attitude was even worse than those brought by Chao Xu.
This kind of behavior is natural. After all, the son of the Grand Marshal died in Jiankang. Whether it was a conspiracy or an accident, he could not escape the wrath.
However, those around Chao Xu who knew the inside story had almost no doubt about him, because the letter delivered to Jiankang revealed the guilt of the King of Donghai!
The Grand Marshal and the King of Donghai have a deep-seated grudge against each other, and now their fight is even more intense.
In comparison, Xie Yun, who treated Chao Xu with great courtesy, seemed quite innocent. Furthermore, Envoy Xie had fallen ill after returning to his residence and indeed looked somewhat thinner, while his wife, of humble origins, had been seen more often.
Chao Xu's death shocked the court and the country. Years ago, Chao Xu's elder brother Chao Xi personally led people to investigate. Accompanying him were Xie Yun's cousin Xie Jue, the biological son of Prime Minister Xie, and a daughter of the Chao clan.
Zhang Jingxian, who was in the front hall of the meeting room, was quite calm when she first heard the news.
In front of Gongcheng Yue and others, she bluntly told Xie Yun that if he wanted to marry into the Chao family, she would immediately "step down and give way to the wise" and hand over the position of the envoy's wife.
"Although I am not from a high family, I know how to consider the overall situation. What do you think, my lord?"
She deliberately made Xie Yun angry. After everything was revealed, all the depression in her heart turned into real output.
When she was unhappy, she would say a few sarcastic words to him, and when she was happy, she would not even take Xie Yun seriously.
At this moment, her clear voice reached Xie Yun's ears. Although it was obviously provocative, he was not angry at all. He just looked at her quietly and obsessively.
"What Ah Xian said is true, but I don't want to consider the overall situation. I am a human being, and it is normal to have my own selfish desires."
Xie Yun had no shame at all, and naturally said that his selfishness was her. He smiled and raised his lips, saying softly, "Ah Xian is very cute when she's angry. Do you want to scold me? I'm listening."
Upon hearing this, several officials from Changling County immediately lowered their heads, wishing they could find a crack in the ground to crawl into.
Zhang Jingxian's face also turned red, and she covered her eyes with the back of her hand with extreme helplessness and resentment. How could she scold him after he said that?
I'm afraid the more she scolds him, the more excited and happy he will be.
Zhang Jingxian finally realized that his illness was not cured, but was incurable. No matter when and where she was, she could always find him. He was like a stingy person who carefully guarded a treasure, fearing that she would suddenly disappear.
Gong Chengyue frowned and tried to persuade him, but to no avail. Instead, he let him go and no longer objected to Zhang Jingxian's involvement in Changling's political affairs.
Because Xie Yun looked too abnormal and too normal, everyone who looked at him couldn't help but feel terrified.
In comparison, Zhang Jingxian is gentle and amiable, honest and principled, and hands-on. Regardless of gender and background, most people still enjoy working with her.
The power in her hands is growing little by little, and her reputation inside and outside Changling City is no longer unknown. Even Zhang Rushan and others in the army have noticed it.
"Is that Ah Xian? She's walking in front of the envoy." During a routine battle formation drill, Zheng Qi accidentally saw the woman surrounded by the crowd in the center, her face full of daze.
She was clearly a farm girl who had grown up with them, but in just a few months, her situation and temperament had changed drastically.
It was like the cool bright moon in the sky, surrounded by stars, and the dazzling golden wheel even fell behind her, looking at her with pampering and preference.
Zhang Rushan also saw this scene, his eyes full of relief. Ah Xian was unrecognizable now, which was the best, as it meant that she had not been wronged after marrying the Envoy.
But Zhang Rushan never thought that a person's transformation is often accompanied by hardships and torture.
His cousin has been able to get to where she is today without driving herself crazy due to her success, which shows her strong character.
When Zhang Jingxian went to the barracks this time, it was impossible for her not to see her cousin. She asked General Yu about the location of her cousin, stood up with confidence, and walked past Xie Yun.
Didn't say a word to him.
Of course it doesn't matter, because Envoy Xie will take the initiative to follow her. With a faint smile on his lips, he ignores every strange look that comes his way and follows her leisurely in the garden.
Zhang Rushan knew the etiquette, and when he saw his cousin, he bowed respectfully and said, "Thank you for your help, sir."
Xie Yun smiled but did not answer, just staring at the two cousins silently. He could talk to them in whispers, or complain with a smile, but if they got too close or had physical contact, his tall body would move forward and squeeze between them.
This series of actions left Zhang Rushan confused and extremely embarrassed.
Looking at my cousin next to me, she looked calm as usual, as if she was used to it after seeing it so many times.
Zhang Rushan suddenly understood, and felt that this might be Xie Shijun's attitude to express his closeness, so he suppressed his doubts in his heart.
On the way back from the barracks, Zhang Jingxian didn't speak to Xie Yun all the way. Since that day, she often treated him as if he didn't exist at all, and was completely discouraged.
This kind of disregard is very hurtful, but Xie Yun insisted on trapping her even after knowing that she had died once. It was difficult for Zhang Jingxian to be torn between being mean to him at one moment and being nice to him at another as before.
She didn't know how he knew some things in her previous life, but at least one thing was clear to her: whether in the previous life or now, Xie Yun was just Xie Yun, and they were indeed the same person.
So she felt no guilt in treating him like this.
However, after experiencing the heart-wrenching pain, what Zhang Jingxian thought was cold treatment was not worth mentioning in Xie Yun's eyes. He did not dare to expect her to love him. He was already very happy to be alive and by his side.
The woman next to him turned sideways to him, half of her face was as cold as ice, without a trace of warmth.
Xie Yun sat in the same carriage with her. There was a cold wind howling outside. He reached out and touched the warm charcoal fire. A green hairband appeared on his long fingers at some point.
The woman appeared to be indifferent, but when she caught a glimpse of a soft and flowing hairband out of the corner of her eye, she pursed her lips and tried to hold back from asking if it was the one she had worn before.
"I put that one away after washing it, and this one is new."
No matter how difficult it is, Xie Yun will eventually accomplish what he wants to do. He spent two days thinking about it and sewed a new headband for the peasant girl who was clumsy and couldn't sew it.
He was so interested that he even put a jade stone of the same color as his hair crown on his headband and asked with a smile, "Han, take a look. Do you like it?"
Despair does not mean giving up. The man's cold eyes darkened. He is not dead yet!
Zhang Jingxian didn't say anything. As long as it wasn't the dirty headband, she didn't care about anything else.
After waiting for a long time without receiving any response from her, Xie Yun gently put away the hairband with the same smile on his face.
But he was not always humble. For example, at night, after drinking the grain soup, he would use the excuse that the soup was a bit bitter to cover the peasant girl's lips and let her taste it with him.
If Zhang Jingxian struggled, he would smile and put the sharp sword in her hand.
"Ah Xian can kill me at any time. Don't worry, before I die I will tell everyone around me that it is my own fault that I am tired of living, and it has nothing to do with Ah Xian."
Zhang Jingxian stood there motionless, his smile became more and more wanton, he pushed her into the soft bedding, and demanded it fiercely and fanatically.
Looking at her distracted appearance, only at this moment did he feel a hint of sweetness in his despair.
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The author has something to say: Muah, it’s in the final stages~
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