Chapter 73 Watching the Lonely Lamp "I don't want to wait right now."...
The night was deep, with no stars or moon, and the darkness was thick.
She walked out of the darkness, holding a solitary lamp.
Jiang Ce's heart was pounding wildly, but his steps were very steady and slow.
The dark shadows moved little by little, until they completely enveloped Xue Chan.
Until he gradually intruded into the small patch of light, until Xue Chan's eyes reflected his long eyebrows and beautiful eyes.
Her heart suddenly settled down, landing steadily and beating gently and rhythmically in her chest.
Jiang Ce stood in front of her. Xue Chan stood under the lamp, her face clean and her hair simple, only the edges of her face glowing faintly, dim and hazy.
Appearing and disappearing, seemingly close yet distant.
As he approached and stood before her, her heart suddenly raced. She took two steps back as he drew nearer.
So, Xue Chan suppressed her trembling body and spoke first: "Where did you put all my maids?"
Jiang Ce said, "They are all sleeping soundly."
As he spoke, he moved a little closer.
They were too close, so close that Jiang Ce could see her pupils had turned a clear, amber color. So close that Xue Chan could hear his slow, controlled breathing.
She gripped the lamp tightly in her hand, pursed her lips, and looked somewhat angry.
"What brings you here so late at night, Second Young Master?"
Do you want to hear the truth?
Xue Chan looked up and saw that Jiang Ce had already bent down, the firelight flickering and casting a dim glow on their faces.
She didn't speak, her slightly lowered eyes conveying an unusual silence.
Jiang Ce looked down at her, answering his own question.
"I missed you so much, so I came to see you."
Xue Chan turned her face slightly away, her voice very soft.
"If you want to see me, just come during the day. Why bother with all this?"
"Xue Chan, you don't understand."
Jiang Ce seemed to smile slightly, his eyes filled with her image.
"My heart is burning with anxiety, tormented and filled with turmoil. Between you and me, I have hesitated for too long and missed too much, and now I don't want to wait anymore."
Xue Chan lowered her eyes: "It's getting late, and it might rain. Let's go back. If you want, you can come again tomorrow."
"I don't want to—" Jiang Ce refused decisively, then softened his voice, becoming low and aggrieved, "I've been riding for two days and nights straight, and now the horse is tired and can't run anymore, so I can't go back."
The reason he gave, bordering on the shameless, was tinged with an elusive chuckle.
Xue Chan frowned and couldn't help but look up at him. Jiang Ce was looking down at her, a slight smile playing on his lips.
His gaze remained fixed on her, and he moved a little closer, causing Xue Chan to feel a rare sense of unease.
Her hand started to ache from holding the oil lamp for so long, so she took two steps back, and the lamp swayed slightly in her hand.
Jiang Ce reached out and grasped the lamp, taking it from her hand. Their hands touched on the lamp; his touch was as natural as a willow branch brushing water, while Xue Chan lowered her hands and curled her palms.
Using the act of taking the light, Jiang Ce moved even closer without anyone noticing.
"Xue Chan, it's going to rain. You can't send me away. Getting wet in the rain will make you sick, and being sick is very uncomfortable. You can't be so heartless to me."
She had been sick countless times because of him, and yet the culprit still had the nerve to say such things.
She glared at him coldly.
Seeing that she suddenly became colder, Jiang Ce said in a low voice, "My injuries haven't healed yet, and they hurt terribly right now."
Jiang Ce's breath brushed against Xue Chan's hair as he spoke, sending a tingling sensation through her ear. She instinctively flinched away, and the scissors slipped from her grasp and fell to the ground.
Jiang Ce reached out to catch it, and the scissors tip landed in his palm. Xue Chan heard a hiss.
She hurriedly grabbed his hand to look through the lamplight, but the lamp in Jiang Ce's hand suddenly went out, and the thick darkness of the night enveloped the two of them.
Even though there were two lanterns overhead, they were practically useless to Xue Chan.
She couldn't see at all, so she could only reach out instinctively, and ended up touching Jiang Ce's arm.
"How are you?"
"It was just a prick."
She released her grip on Jiang Ce's arm and was about to pull her hand away when Jiang Ce covered her wrist.
Xue Chan felt his hand gently grasp her wrist, first tightening, then loosening, and finally moving to her sleeve.
"Let me take you home."
Xue Chan did not refuse, because she really couldn't see the road and could only let Jiang Ce lead her back.
"The threshold, stepping over it."
Xue Chan didn't move. She said, "Aren't you injured? Come inside and get some medicine and bandages."
But Jiang Ce said, "This is your bedroom. May I come in?"
A faint, enigmatic laugh came from the darkness: "You've gone to such lengths, do you still care about these things?"
Jiang Ce said softly, "Xue Chan, these are two different things."
Xue Chan seemed to sigh: "There are two art studios ahead, let's go there."
Jiang Ce then took her sleeve and slowly walked forward. The summer shirt was so thin that even through the layers of clothing, the burning heat of his palm still reached the skin on her wrist.
Even through these layers of summer clothing, he could feel Xue Chan's throbbing pulse.
One blow after another, as if striking his heart.
Xue Chan felt that Jiang Ce seemed to have become inexplicably happy. She wasn't sure if it was just her imagination, but she thought she heard a laugh as soft as the wind.
At that moment, they were both glad that it was too dark when they got up, so neither of them could see the other clearly, but they were so close that they were everywhere to each other.
He took her hand, and she did not try to pull away.
"If I don't come out, are you planning to stand outside all night?"
"I don't know, maybe he'll just stay for a while and then leave."
As they talked, they arrived at the art studio. Jiang Ce carefully led Xue Chan through the door. Following her memory, she found the desk on the right and said to Jiang Ce, "Please sit here."
Xue Chan pulled her wrist away from his grasp and groped her way into the house.
Jiang Ce's hand suddenly loosened, and his heart suddenly felt empty.
Where are you going?
"Find something to start a fire, and light a lamp."
Jiang Ce said, "There's no need to light the lamps."
Xue Chan did not respond, but after a while, she seemed to come back.
How can you see without a light?
She touched the lamp on the table, took it in front of her, and lit it.
The lamp flickered on softly, illuminating the small area in front of the desk. Xue Chan slowly raised her head, wanting to light another lamp.
"Don't order!"
As soon as she brought the fire closer, the lamp came on, and when she turned around, everything went dark.
Jiang Ce's arm wound was torn open and was bleeding.
Xue Chan suddenly leaned in and lit two lamps. He could only cover her eyes and turn her body so that she sat with her back to him.
The two sat there, her shoulder and back against his chest, their body heat mingling through several layers of summer clothing.
It's probably going to rain; it's unbearably hot and humid, cramped and parched.
Jiang Ce's palm was brushed by her eyelashes, causing an unbearable itch that spread from his palm along his meridians.
An awkward silence fell over the room.
Jiang Ce tilted his head back, exhaled a few breaths, and said, "Didn't I already say we don't need to light the lamps?"
Xue Chan felt his chest suddenly rise and fall rapidly as she leaned against her back and whispered, "How can we see without a lamp?"
“If you light a lamp, you should be afraid.”
"I'm not that timid."
Xue Chan heard Jiang Ce behind her sigh softly and say in a low voice, "But I'm scared."
The scene of him vomiting blood that day always flashes before his eyes, so shocking that he feels a chill every time he thinks about it.
Xue Chan is now sitting in front of him, the two leaning against each other almost imperceptibly, the direct touch proving that she is still there and doing well.
Jiang Ce couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.
Xue Chan reached out and pulled down Jiang Ce's hand that was covering her eyes, still with her back to him, and said, "There's a screen in the studio, I'll go behind the screen."
As she spoke, she stood up, quickly grabbed a lamp, and walked outside.
A moment later, he brought the medicine box, quickly placed it in front of the desk, and then hid behind the screen.
Xue Chan lit a floor lamp next to the low couch and sat down.
The sky was overcast and gloomy, and even the few lamps that were lit only provided a faint, hazy glow, like drops of dark yellow ink on a canvas.
She sat quietly, listening to the sound of clothes slowly slipping off behind the screen, and Jiang Ce's gasping in pain.
"Is your injury serious? It's been so many days and it's still not healed."
Jiang Ce fastened his shirt belt and glanced at the large bloodstain on the back of his outer robe.
"It's not serious. It was almost fully recovered, but the two days of riding horses aggravated it a bit. Now it's been re-bandaged, and it will be fine in a couple of days."
The copper bells under the eaves jingled crisply, and a strong wind rose outside the window, carrying the force of uprooting mountains and urging peaks to rise. The bamboo grove doors and windows rattled loudly, and the cicadas that had been chirping earlier fell silent.
First, a white, snake-like flash appeared, then the room was plunged into a blinding, deathly white light. Thunder followed in quick succession, surging and rumbling as if it were about to strike.
The rumbling thunder was intense, one after another, low and approaching, mixed with bursts of bluish-white flashes of light. The room was alternately bright and dark, with only the lamp beside me quietly emitting a warm yellow glow.
Jiang Ce spoke up: "I'm still here."
Xue Chan gave a soft "hmm".
After a few sharp claps of thunder, the rain began. At first, a few sparse raindrops hit the tiles, like someone hastily scattering a handful of pearls. The sound of the pearls intensified, and then the rain poured down.
The rain finally came, and the tense, humid atmosphere dissipated instantly.
The wind howled, the rain poured, and there was no other sound except for this sudden downpour that arrived in the dead of summer.
Xue Chan listened to the torrential rain outside the window and suddenly spoke.
"Second Young Master, this is the second time I've met you at the Bitter Bamboo Temple."
Jiang Ce was taken aback by her sudden words. He knew that the two of them would have to talk things out someday, but he didn't expect it to be at this time.
"You...know?"
"I know."
"when?"
"From the very first moment I saw you after arriving in the capital, I knew it."
Jiang Ce asked her, "If that's the case, why did you avoid admitting it when I asked you back then?"
Xue Chan smiled and asked him in return, "Were we that close back then? Why should I admit it? Besides, I was quite angry at the time."
"You were angry... Were you that hostile towards me back then?"
"Yes, I know you still hold a grudge against me for not helping you in your time of need and even turning against you, thinking I'm cold-hearted and heartless. But Second Young Master, I was kidnapped as soon as I arrived in the capital. It was terrifying, and you even threatened me. Since I don't know you, why should I risk my life to take responsibility for you? What if it wasn't you who appeared that day? What if it had been a real ruthless villain? What would I have done? Would I still be sitting here reminiscing with you about the past?"
Her voice was soft and calm, with even a hint of a smile.
“I don’t admit it for three reasons. First, it’s too much trouble. We’re not close, and I don’t want to pry into other people’s secrets or take responsibility for keeping them. Second, I’m angry. I was sick for a while after that incident, and every time I see you, I’m reminded of that harrowing night and all the bitter medicine I drank. Third, I’m really annoyed by your repeated provocations and tests, so I don’t want to see you. The more you test me, the less I want to admit it.”
As time passed, the two gradually became familiar and warm towards each other, and Jiang Ce had long forgotten about the incident and no longer dwelled on it.
When Xue Chan brought it up, he remembered that she had fallen seriously ill last year because of him.
She said, "I know you're upset that I didn't save you. If it really caused you any trouble, then I apologize."
“I stopped caring about this matter a long time ago.” Jiang Ce took a deep breath and said solemnly, “Xue Chan, this was my fault. Words cannot make up for it. I will repay the kindness I have shown you in the past.”
Xue Chan said softly, "Then let's wait for another day."
He was taken aback. During the Dragon Boat Festival, he had clung to Xue Chan so much, yet she wouldn't even give him a chance to apologize. But now she had agreed to this matter so readily.
After a moment, Jiang Ce spoke again: "Xue Chan, what kind of person do you like? You can tell me, and I will become that kind of person."
Xue Chan wanted to say no, but after thinking for a moment, she spoke softly.
"On February 27th, at the back mountain of Jixiang Temple, the tune you played was very beautiful."
Jiang Ce looked up. Even though the light was dim and he couldn't see Xue Chan behind the screen, he could feel that Xue Chan was looking at him.
That day...
He never expected it to be that day. In fact, he was very uneasy that day, waiting for her reaction with every word he said to Xue Chan.
Too soft, too fragile.
Perhaps he was always that kind of person, but he was simply too unable to face or accept it, so he subconsciously ignored it.
But she remembers, she remembers.
Jiang Ce seemed to understand but not quite; the feeling was like the wind passing through his palm—invisible and ungraspable, yet palpable.
"I'll play it for you when we get back to the capital."
"good"
A lamp burns low, flowers fall, and a mountain rain brings a refreshing coolness.
The two stopped talking and listened quietly to the rain, the torrential rain falling on the windowpane, the dense sound making them a little sleepy.
The oil lamp popped, and Xue Chan looked away from it, letting out a shallow yawn.
Perhaps the rain was too heavy, because she felt a little sleepy and half-lyed on the low couch, closing her eyes.
I'll just take a nap. Anyway, this rain isn't going to stop anytime soon, and he's here.
Just a short nap, just a tiny bit...
The rain continued to fall, long and torrential.
Jiang Ce sat at his desk, gazing at the screen for a long time. He thought it would be nice if the rain didn't stop, then he wouldn't have to leave.
"Xue Chan?"
No one answered.
He stood up and walked to the screen, tentatively calling out again, "Xue Chan?"
Only the sound of rain.
Jiang Ce tiptoed around the screen and saw her.
Xue Chan fell asleep on her side on the low couch.
He softened his breathing and slowly walked to the bedside.
Jiang Ce stood in front of her, blocking out all the light from the lamp, leaving only a dark gray shadow covering her somewhat thin body.
It was too dark; I couldn't see her clearly.
Jiang Ce wanted to get closer to take a look, but after taking two steps, he stopped, thought for a moment, and then took two steps back. He bent his knees and knelt down in front of her, looking at her.
Xue Chan must have been exhausted, for she was sleeping soundly with long, even breaths.
He kept his head slightly lowered, his hands clasped in front of him, rubbing the hem of his clothes.
The summer rain came suddenly and fiercely, and the torrential sound of the rain masked the turmoil in his heart.
Jiang Ce sat up straight, leaned forward gently, and tilted his head to look at Xue Chan.
Half of her face was buried in her sleeve, revealing only half of her features, with only a curved eyebrow and the bridge of her nose visible, bathed in a hazy light.
Jiang Ce reached out, wanting to touch her face, but before he could touch her, he curled his hand back.
In the dim light where the lamps couldn't reach, he curled his lips in satisfaction.
He took a breath, shifted his gaze, and it fell on that slender neck.
It was completely empty.
He thought there should be something.
But what should be included?
His gaze shifted again, and he saw several layers of clothing gathered on his shoulders and back, the color of water, with many fine and light flowers.
He stared at it for a long time, so long that he was suddenly startled and quickly lowered his head to stop looking.
Jiang Ce clenched his hands, bowing his head deeply to calm the surging emotions within him.
After a long, long time, he slightly raised his eyes.
But this time he saw it—he saw a piece of floral silk skirt hanging from the low couch. There was a faint, barely noticeable bloodstain around the hem of the skirt.
That was his blood.
Jiang Ce frowned, his anger rising.
There should be no stains, no dust, and not even the slightest bit of filth should be allowed on it.
As the oil lamp burned out, a thick, dark ink-like liquid swept over her like a tidal wave, and Xue Chan's face darkened.
After a long while, a long sigh fell to the ground.
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Author's note: Xiao Jiang: The horse is tired and can't run back.
Green Eyebrows: ...What a huge black pot.
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