Chapter 88, Tai Su, Xue Chenghuai said: "Your promise, how much is it worth...?"
The two found a stone table.
Xue Chenghuai placed the wine on the table and sat down first, while Jiang Ce stood to the side, not daring to speak.
"Want to stand there until dawn?" Xue Chenghuai poured himself a drink and said.
Jiang Ce immediately sat up straight next to the stone bench, not daring to be lazy at all.
Xue Chenghuai gently pushed the wine cup towards him.
Jiang Ce said, "Is it... not appropriate to drink alcohol in this sacred Buddhist place?"
"Oh?" Xue Chenghuai looked up at him, smiling. "Drinking isn't good, so how about going up the mountain late at night to see someone else's daughter?"
Jiang Ce was speechless at his words, and shame immediately appeared on his face. He dared not say anything more, and simply picked up his wine cup and drank it all in one gulp.
Xue Chenghuai stopped laughing and didn't say anything more, silently pouring him wine.
Under the full moon, we drank until we were drunk, then poured it out, then drank again.
As they drank, the moon began to set in the west, and the wine jar was more than half empty. Jiang Ce was dizzy and lightheaded from drinking.
Xue Chenghuai continued to pour him wine, while Jiang Ce, supporting his forehead, reached out to stop the wine jar from tipping over.
He gasped for breath and said, "Lord Xue, I am already drunk and really can't drink anymore."
Xue Chenghuai chuckled, staring intently at his face: "Jiang Erlang, you can't even handle ten or so cups of wine? Do you know how much sorrow I've drunk since this marriage was arranged?"
Jiang Ce was speechless. He knew that Xue Chenghuai was deliberately making things difficult for him, but he had no right to complain.
“Although I am not a father myself, I know that you cherish and value me, so I have no complaints.”
"only......"
Jiang Ce stood up and bowed to Xue Chenghuai.
He was very drunk and dizzy from drinking so much that he was swaying as he stood. But because he had something on his mind to say, his eyes were unusually clear and bright.
“Lord Xue, this marriage was bestowed by His Majesty, and it is true that it was a forced union. But after spending nearly a year together, I have already fallen in love with her. I know that perhaps in your eyes I am not good enough. Young and impetuous, arrogant and conceited, not a good choice for a partner. But I really like her and am willing to give her everything I have.”
He bent his back even more, his expression extremely sincere: "This junior promises never to deceive or betray you. If I break this promise, may I be struck down by heaven and earth, and may my soul be scattered to the winds."
"You don't need to tell me all this!"
Unexpectedly, Xue Chenghuai flew into a rage, stood up abruptly, and swept the table with his sleeve, knocking the wine cup to the ground where it shattered at Jiang Ce's feet.
Jiang Ce was startled by the rebuke, completely unexpected that Xue Chenghuai would react in this way.
Xue Chenghuai's voice was trembling uncontrollably: "What is the value of your promise?"
"Oaths and promises are, in the end, nothing more than words uttered from the mouth, utterly insignificant. How old are you now? What makes you think you can keep making promises for a lifetime? Even if you break your oath, so what? Who can guarantee that you will truly be struck down by heaven and your soul will be scattered to the winds?"
"If that happens, only my child will be truly harmed."
"I'll tell you!"
He didn't even have time to use his crutch; he supported himself on the stone table and strode to Jiang Ce, reaching out to grab Jiang Ce's robe on his shoulder.
Jiang Ce was caught off guard by his reaction and was completely unable to defend himself. He had nothing to say and could only let Xue Chenghuai pierce him with every sharp question.
"You don't need to tell me these promises, much less her!"
Xue Chenghuai said these words to him almost through gritted teeth.
Because the two were so close, Jiang Ce could even see that his entire face was contorted with anger, and his bloodshot eyes were filled with tears welling up in his eyes.
He stood there, stunned, letting Xue Chenghuai grip his clothes tightly.
In that tense moment, he thought about many things.
He knew that Xue Chenghuai was dissatisfied with him, or perhaps it was more accurate to say that Xue Chenghuai was never satisfied with anyone.
Jiang Ce originally thought that as long as he was humble enough, sincere enough, and genuine enough, he could succeed.
Even if he couldn't please Xue Chenghuai, at least he could at least be accepted.
However, for him, Xue Chan, and Xue Chenghuai, this marriage was not simply a matter of being sincere and having genuine feelings.
He was still young and not very able to empathize with Xue Chenghuai.
It wasn't until Xue Chenghuai, who had been holding back for so long, finally couldn't bear it any longer and erupted in fury.
Jiang Ce suddenly realized that what he said was true.
His own feelings were sincere and intense, yet they seemed so insignificant in the face of blood ties and kinship. His promises, too, were like a tree without roots, drifting aimlessly.
So Jiang Ce simply stood there with his eyes closed, even preparing himself to be beaten up by Xue Chenghuai.
However, the collar of his clothes that was being held suddenly loosened.
Xue Chenghuai seemed to have sobered up. He released him, sat back down at the stone table, picked up the only remaining wine cup, and began to pour himself a drink.
He looked up at the high-hanging moon, holding back the tears in his eyes.
After a moment, he slowly spoke again.
“I know that the Marquis of Wu’an’s mansion is a noble and prestigious family, which is not something that the humble Xue family could possibly be worthy of.”
Jiang Ce sat back down, listening to Xue Chenghuai drinking and talking to him. He should have spoken up in rebuttal, but he shouldn't have.
Xue Chenghuai looked at Jiang Ce and said, "But so what? My Qiaoniang is not from a noble family, but she came into this world carrying the hopes of me and her mother. In our hearts, she is extremely precious."
His tone was calm, but his eyes were brimming with tears.
When Xue Chan is mentioned, he always smiles involuntarily, his expression full of tenderness.
Those tears contained little sadness, but much pride.
At this moment, Xue Chenghuai remained as gentle and approachable as ever, as if the person who had been furious just moments before had never existed, and even spoke in a soft and gentle voice.
He was very polite to Jiang Ce at this moment, and smiled, even with a smile that was somewhat heartbreaking.
"The wedding is imminent, and I have no power to stop it. Besides, Qiaoniang is happy to be with you, so I don't want to interfere. But as a father, please allow me to be sad and lose my composure for a moment."
Jiang Ce gently shook his head: "This is only human nature. If I were to become a father one day, I might not do any better than you."
"Thank you." Xue Chenghuai caught his breath and gently wiped the corner of his eye with his sleeve.
"I understand your feelings. But now, with only a month until our wedding, there's something I have to tell you."
Jiang Ce bowed respectfully and said, "Lord Xue, please speak."
Xue Chenghuai extended his hand: "Please sit down."
Jiang Ce sat down nervously.
Xue Chenghuai leaned forward: "You two are deeply in love now and naturally want to spend your lives together. But if three, five, or ten years pass... with the wear and tear of life's contradictions, your feelings may fade, and you may even grow tired of each other."
"If that day ever comes... you stop liking her, and even find someone new..."
Xue Chenghuai felt a pang of sorrow and could no longer hold back his tears; a sincere look appeared in his eyes.
"Please don't mistreat her, just let her... just let her..."
His voice was thick with sobs, and he could barely speak. He suppressed his sobs again and again before clutching his chest and pleading.
"Let her come home, back to my side."
Jiang Ce stood up, lifted his robe, knelt down, and kowtowed to him.
"Lord Xue, I know that any promises I make seem so pale and powerless. I also have something to say to you."
He clasped his hands together and bowed again, kneeling upright with a firm and serious expression.
"Xue Chan regards calligraphy and painting as her life's pursuit and the path of her remaining years. I will not make promises lightly for other things, but I can make promises for this. I, Jiang Ce, am willing to swear to heaven and earth that I will accompany and assist her in her pursuit of calligraphy and painting."
Xue Chenghuai nodded reassuringly, wiped away his tears, and reached out to help him up.
Jiang Ce waited anxiously for Xue Chenghuai's reply. However, Xue Chenghuai simply carried the lantern and walked towards the temple with his cane.
"It's late, go home."
Jiang Ce stepped forward to help him up: "It's too late, shall I take you home?"
Xue Chenghuai turned his back, waved to him, and walked away.
"Let's go before I regret it."
Jiang Ce disappeared into the deep night, silently following him until they returned to the Zen temple before leaving.
Having drunk the wine, Xue Chenghuai slumped down on the stone steps.
When Xue Chan came out, she saw him leaning against a pillar with his head down.
Smelling the strong smell of alcohol on him, she had someone fetch the prepared hangover soup and then called a servant to help him back to his room.
"Father, it's cold outside, let's go back inside." Xue Chan patted Xue Chenghuai's shoulder and called to him softly.
Xue Chenghuai raised his hazy, drunken eyes, saw Xue Chan, and smiled: "Qiao Niang..."
The servants lifted him up on either side to prepare for his return, while Xue Chan picked up the cane and lantern that had been scattered on the ground.
Xue Chenghuai had only taken a few steps when he pushed aside his servants and started making a scene.
"No, no, we can't go back yet!"
He stumbled back, took Xue Chan's hand, and said as they walked, "There's... there's something very important I haven't given you yet."
Xue Chan was puzzled by his words, but comforted him, "You came home drunk, and it's late now. You can give it to me tomorrow."
"no!"
Xue Chenghuai refused outright, pulling her towards the corridor: "I'll give it to you now, right now."
Xue Chan couldn't refuse him, so she could only put the cane in his hand and let him pull her along while supporting his unsteady steps.
Some carried lanterns, others served soup; they walked and stopped frequently until they finally returned to Xue Chenghuai's house.
Upon entering, Xue Chenghuai looked around and pulled Xue Chan toward the desk.
He fell down as soon as he reached the desk.
"father!"
Xue Chan hurriedly tried to help him up, but he waved his hand and stood up on his own, saying, "It's alright, it's alright, I'm fine."
Xue Chenghuai fumbled around on the shelf, while Xue Chan held a lamp for him.
After searching for a while without finding it, Xue Chenghuai muttered, "That's not right, I remember, I remember putting it here."
Xue Chan frowned and advised him, "It's getting late, let's look for it tomorrow."
Xue Chenghuai replied, "It doesn't matter if I can't find it, I remember, I remember..."
He walked to the desk, took out paper, ground ink, picked up a brush and wrote two large characters, then smiled gently and waved to Xue Chan.
Come here quickly.
Xue Chenghuai smiled more than usual, and pulled Xue Chan to sit down at the desk: "Qiaoniang, you will be getting married in a few days and will be leaving your father's side. I have a gift for you."
Xue Chan lit a lamp and saw the words on the paper: “Tai Su”.
She asked him, "This is...?"
Xue Chenghuai laughed, his laughter tinged with tears.
"When His Majesty bestowed this marriage upon you, your father was thinking. When you grow up and get married, what kind of courtesy name should I give you? And what name would be worthy of our Qiaoniang?"
"father......"
"Over the past few years, I have read many books and selected countless words before finally settling on the word."
Xue Chenghuai paused for a moment, then looked into Xue Chan's eyes and said seriously, "The beginning is the intersection of heaven and earth. The number of the beginning is four. When four is full, the four symbols change and all things are formed, which is called the Great Simplicity."
Xue Chenghuai sniffed, but still smiled.
He wanted to reach out and touch her head, but then he remembered that the person in front of him was no longer the little child who loved to snuggle in his arms.
"Your mother named you Qiao in the past, hoping you would be tall and healthy. Later, the Empress bestowed upon you the name Chan, wishing you a perfect and beautiful life. Now, I give you the courtesy name Taisu. I hope that in your life, you will embrace everything in your heart, from the vast universe to the smallest blade of grass and mayfly. I also hope that you will be true to your heart, and remain simple and pure to the end."
Xue Chan's nose tingled and her eyes welled up with tears: "I will definitely not let you down."
"No, no," Xue Chenghuai stopped smiling, quickly waved his hand, and looked at her seriously as he spoke.
"I hope you understand that your mother and I didn't name you because we wanted you to become a certain kind of person. It's just our wish as parents for you to be healthy, have a smooth life, and experience more joy than sorrow. It's just a wish."
Xue Chan nodded, tears falling from her eyes.
She stepped forward and hugged Xue Chenghuai, whispering, "It's my fault for making you worry."
"No matter what you are like, you are fine." Xue Chenghuai wiped away his tears, smiled and patted her back: "Alright, it's getting late, go back to sleep."
He waved to Yun Sheng outside the door, signaling her to accompany Xue Chan back.
"Then drink the hangover soup, so you won't have a headache tomorrow morning."
"Okay, I'll drink it."
Xue Chan watched him drink the hangover soup before leaving.
After she left, Xue Chenghuai dismissed everyone, took out a scroll painting, spread it out on the table, and reached out to touch the person in the portrait.
"You've seen it too, haven't you? Our Qiaoniang has grown up so much in the blink of an eye, and she's already getting married."
The only light in the room was the lamp on the desk, which was quietly burning.
Xue Chenghuai sat down on the floor tiles and began to ramble on to the portrait.
Over the years, he would always talk and laugh with her in front of the memorial tablet and the tombstone. They would talk about nothing more than trivial daily matters, with more laughter than tears.
For example, Qiao Niang ate an extra bowl of rice, and he learned two new dishes.
Even if no one answers, he still wants to tell her these things.
Sometimes, after talking too much, I'll laugh at myself.
"I know you usually find me annoying and think I'm long-winded and nagging, but now you can't scold me or hit me even if you want to. No matter how long I nag, you can only cover your ears and listen."
Xue Chenghuai made a few jokes, thinking that this should be a joyous occasion and there shouldn't be too much sentimentality.
It would have been better if he hadn't spoken at all; once he started talking, it was like water flowing through broken ice.
He couldn't stop his eyes from welling up and his nose from stinging. He lowered his head and tugged at his hair, trying to control himself. He took a couple of breaths, smiled and smiled, but his tears fell onto the painting.
Xue Chenghuai didn't even have time to wipe away his tears; he quickly used his sleeve to wipe the tear away.
The movement was too large, and the tears started falling faster and more frequently.
He leaned against the table, remained silent for a long time, and finally spoke.
"If I had known this would happen, I should have let you beat and scold me back then, and never left home. It would have been better than us being separated by death now."
The room was quiet, with only a patch of moonlight shining through the small lattice window.
He kept rambling on and on.
“I should have gone with you, but I was afraid that Qiaoniang would be all alone. For more than ten years, Qiaoniang has been by my side, and I feel that there is still something to cherish in this world. But now she is also going to marry someone else, and in our family, I will really be all alone.”
"I wonder if it's cold down there? Is it lonely? You...you...do you miss me?"
He then continued touching the painting and talking to himself.
"You must wait until Qiaoniang is well, and we will meet again in the netherworld. Then we will be reborn together as intertwined branches, as butterflies flying in pairs, as birds flying wing to wing, as swallows on the beam."
"You find my sentimentality annoying, my nagging annoying. But since you're not here, I don't know who to be sentimental and nagging with. Please bear with me. You can be annoyed or resentful, but don't forget to appear in my dreams more often. Just like when we were kids, just like before, chasing after me, hitting me, pinching me, and scolding me. Just don't be so quiet, so that the long nights are dreamless and the pillow and quilt are cold."
No one answered.
He curled up on the ground, clutching the painting, sobbing and weeping.
The moonlight gently fell upon him, as if they were sleeping side by side.
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Note: ① "The beginning is the interaction between heaven and earth. The number of the beginning is four. When four is full, the four symbols change, and all things are formed, which is called the Great Simplicity." — Pre-Qin Dynasty, *Sanfen*
②The two meanings of “Tai Su” are: one is the essence of heaven and earth and all things, and the other is a simple and unpretentious heart.
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Author's note: "The beginning is the intersection of heaven and earth. The number of the beginning is four. When four is full, the four symbols change and all things are formed, which is called the Great Simplicity."
—From the pre-Qin dynasty text *Sanfen*
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