31. They seem to be breaking up
They didn't meet many times during the entire holiday.
Deng Shilang had previously spoken to his family on the phone and was told that he would be going to Hong Kong for a while, so after sending her home, he sent her a message asking her to be careful while he was away.
Yao Ling arrived home just in time to check her phone. She smiled faintly, sent an emoji, and placed her keys on top of the shoe cabinet. She changed into slippers and ran into Chen Yu coming out of the kitchen carrying a plate of fresh fruit. She simply called out "Mommy" and went to wash up.
Chen Yu looked at her and noticed that she looked a little pale. She asked, "Have you been studying at Xiao Yu's house these past two days?"
Yao Ling had already walked to the corridor when she was called and stopped. "I read a little."
Chen Yu put the fruit on the coffee table, sat on the sofa, picked up the remote control and turned on the TV, and continued to look at her: "You look good. I will buy her a box of gifts to thank her for taking care of you."
Yao Ling actually intended to let her good friend accept this gesture, "I'll help you bring it to her."
So after taking a shower, she sat at the table and sent a message to Xiaoyu, telling her what had happened in the past two days. Xiaoyu didn't mind accepting it on behalf of Deng Shilang. After all, she was their excuse for secretly dating.
Three days before school started, Deng Shilang finally came back. They met at the library in the city center, planning to study from morning to night, staying as long as they could.
Deng Shilang liked her in her school uniform as well as her casual clothes. He often praised her for being beautiful no matter what. When he saw her at the library entrance, he said, "Your hair has grown a little longer."
Yao Ling glanced at the ends of her hair. It was only a little below her shoulders, and the ends didn't curl inward that much. She was somewhat impressed by his observation. "It's not time for me to trim it yet. You can still see it even though it's not obvious."
"Because I remember." said Deng Shilang.
Yao Ling knew the underlying meaning behind this. He must have missed her terribly, the kind of thing that kept him thinking about her, repeatedly recalling how she looked after they'd parted that day in the park. She also said to him, "I miss you, too."
They entered the library, found a less crowded corner, put down their bags and sat at the same table, next to each other. She was very focused, studying for hours without paying attention to him, and only when she was tired would she lean towards him, resting her chin on his shoulder, watching him write.
She could smell his scent more closely, pay attention to the way he held the pen, and follow the veins connected by the blue veins, sliding from the finger bones to the wrist, as if to relax herself. In this situation, his handwriting was still smooth and not sloppy, and the logic of the writing was also very clear.
Deng Shilang's concentration fluctuated, depending on Yao Ling's pace. He understood this and always satisfied her first, a skillful combination on both sides. After a brief moment of intimacy, they sat back down and buried themselves in their homework.
"Have you decided what to read?" Yao Ling asked, supporting her chin with one hand and writing with the other.
Deng Shilang stopped writing and said, "It depends on where you go."
She paused and stopped writing. "You're kidding."
He wasn't teasing her, "My dad asked me to go back to Hong Kong, but I said I have a girlfriend. Not necessarily."
Yao Ling didn't buy it, "I don't like this, you have to think about yourself."
Deng Shilang chuckled, thinking she was very opinionated, and rubbed her head. "Okay, let's talk about it later."
After school started, things were tense, with desks piled high with test papers. But that didn't stop them from quietly dating, or from Xiaoyu dragging Yao Ling to the corridor after class to relax. She and Xiaoyu stood on Class A's side, leaning against the railing and chatting. Deng Shilang, who had been talking to Yizi from Class E, said something and then looked at her from a distance.
They maintained a normal distance at school, but in fact, they were secretly having affairs in various places. Uninformed classmates noticed that they often left school together and bumped into each other several times on the same bus. At first, they thought the two of them were acquainted because of their English teacher, but later they speculated that Xiaoyu had joined the group of four celebrities in Class E and brought Yao Ling with him.
Yao Ling's card camera contains many photos of the six of them. She doesn't post them often, but Deng Shilang occasionally posts a few photos of the six of them, which makes people mistakenly believe that it is what they said.
The exams were officially over, and they took commemorative photos in the corridor and playground after school.
Yao Ling received the photos taken by Pili in the group, and she also shared the photos in her camera. After sorting them out, she suddenly saw that Deng Shilang’s social account had posted three photos, a group photo of six people, a photo of him and her, and a solo photo of her.
The comments below said that this was the first time he had publicly announced that they were in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, and that it was somewhere between low-key and high-profile.
That night, Yao Ling smiled while holding her phone, and rarely posted group photos. The first one was exactly the same, the second one was a photo of her, Xiaoyu and Pili, and the third one was a photo of her and him.
She put down her phone, gathered her clothes, and went to wash up. Chen Yu sat on the sofa in the living room, staring at her computer, scrolling through a webpage she couldn't understand. Next to her lay a pile of official documents: ID photos, forms, and numbers. One of them had the word "immigration" written on it in English, something she recognized.
When Yao Ling saw the English, she realized that they planned to leave after she graduated from high school.
I went to Italy with them during a break from junior high, and I heard them talk about this before high school, but it was often left unaddressed because she didn't understand it. I was so busy with school that I didn't pay much attention to the adults' affairs, just thinking they mentioned it casually and never seeing them actually take action.
Yao Ling sat down and could see the computer clearly. It was all in Italian, which further confirmed her thoughts. She picked up the English materials and started reading.
Shen Yu noticed the seat next to her sank, and when she turned her head to see her studying, she decided it was time to explain to her, "We don't want to disrupt your state, so we won't tell you until you finish the exam. I've already asked a lawyer to prepare the paperwork some time ago, and it's going very smoothly. If you think this is too fast, you can study the language here after graduation and let Dad stay with you for a while. I'll go over and help you settle in."
Yao Ling finished reading the document, put it down, and asked calmly, "How long can I think about it?"
"One week. You need to think carefully about whether you want to stay a while longer or come with us right away to adapt to life there. I wholeheartedly support you going right away. After all, you're still young, and attending a language school there for a few months will help you integrate faster."
Yao Ling's reaction to the arrangement was calmer than she'd expected. Perhaps because life is full of uncertainty, she knew she had reached a new stage and faced a choice. The only thing she hadn't anticipated was the magnitude of the uncertainty, the pressure on her to make a decision so quickly. After washing up, she checked various websites on her phone, not even glancing at the messages from Xiaoyu and Deng Shilang.
After two days of deliberation, she was beginning to feel suffocated, repeatedly choosing between a difficult attempt and simply giving up. Giving up was easy, a simple thought could do it, but the price was not to regret, as regret would consume even more energy.
The more information she gained, the more she realized that starting over in Italy would require perseverance. She wanted to be with Deng Shilang, but she didn't have the choice of staying; it was just a matter of leaving sooner or later. She had foresight: just because they were in the honeymoon phase of their relationship didn't mean they would always be together.
On the fourth day, Yao Ling received many messages from Deng Shilang. The school was holding its final assembly, and she saw him in the auditorium. After the meeting, he came to find her, and in front of everyone, she led him to a quiet storage room nearby and locked the door.
"Tell me what's the matter." Deng Shilang found that she was absent-minded recently and rarely replied to his messages, giving him the illusion that she was perfunctory.
Yao Ling lowered her brows and said, "I can't be with you."
He sensed a change in her attitude and anticipated it. "Reason."
“I’m going to emigrate.”
Deng Shilang had never thought it would be so sudden when he talked to her until now. "You're telling me now."
"I found out the day after the exam."
"It's been four days," he said.
Yao Ling looked up and saw that he was still calm, seemingly unfazed. Perhaps their brief, passionate love was about to break up. She said, "I can't tell you on the first day."
"You're not going to talk to me, but instead tell me to accept it." Deng Shilang found it funny. "Am I not your boyfriend?"
Yao Ling felt her heart being tugged at. "I'll tell you once I figure it out."
He shook his head, not accepting her statement, "You still don't think it's necessary to talk to me."
Yao Ling now talked to him and expressed her careful considerations, "I won't stay, and you won't go with me. It's difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship when we're separated. We might end up breaking up, and that would hurt us more in the end."
He could tell she had no confidence in their relationship. "You're defining things before you've even tried. Have you ever considered my perspective? Only you make the decisions, only you help me anticipate the outcome in advance. I don't even need to be there. I'm like dead in your eyes."
Hearing his radical words, she felt a sharp pain in her nose, which then welled up in the corners of her eyes. But since she'd already made her decision, she wasn't going to hesitate. Her tone grew more serious, "So what do you think you have the power to make decisions for me? What do you control? Am I going to ruin my future for you? I told my parents I wasn't going because of Deng Shilang. That's simply unrealistic."
Their voices caught the attention of students emerging from the auditorium, but the locker room was sealed, preventing them from seeing what was going on inside. Yizai, a passerby, overheard Yao Ling talking and took off his glasses to eavesdrop. Xiaoyu, startled, leaned in to listen. More and more students gathered behind them.
"DC is in there?" Lin Zhe, who appeared later, squeezed in and asked.
"It seems like they're breaking up," someone said.
In the storage room, Deng Shilang remained silent, having noticed her tears and gently wiped them away. Yao Ling turned her head away, wiping them away herself, quickly calming down. His hand paused, then dropped again. He had been so rejected by her, yet even seeing her unhappy, he still wanted to hug her.
Deng Shilang didn't hug her, and his tone returned to calm, "You don't care about me at all. If you cared about me, you wouldn't be like this now."
Yao Ling suppressed her heartache and said, "I told you this because I care about you. If you don't believe me, it means you don't understand me. Maybe we are still not suitable for each other. It will only make things more painful in the future."
Deng Shilang didn't mind the torture, "I don't accept breaking up."
Yao Ling was more decisive than him: "Then just keep wasting time, and don't give up until everyone is exhausted. Listen carefully, to me, that means I'm dumping you."
After she finished speaking, she opened the door first. There were crowds of people outside. Yizi and Xiaoyu's heads couldn't lean against the door and suddenly swayed in front of her. She walked through the crowd and left, and was followed by Xiaoyu.
Deng Shilang then came out, closed the door, and said to Lin Zhe, "You win."
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