38. I cheated
There is a regular meeting on weekday mornings, and Deng Shilang goes home to rest for an hour or two. No matter if he has insomnia or is just sleeping lightly, he has to go to work on call as usual at nine o'clock.
Hong Kong is a place of pure normalcy. The drunks who hang out on the slopes of Lan Kwai Fong can lose their love, money, soul, and heart in a single night, but even if they get into a riot at night, they can still look radiant and fine in the morning.
He demands strict self-discipline and a high level of refinement. Even when he was in love in Hong Kong, he never got drunk, and at most he stayed awake. This might also be a lesson Yao Ling taught him. During their cold war, he often stayed out all night, which hurt him so much that he ended up with an irreparable loss. He never did that again.
The situation is different now, but in the end the object is still her. The mixture of old and new makes him somewhat exhausted.
It was still a while before nine o'clock when Deng Shilang dozed off for twenty minutes before being woken by text messages. He hadn't been checking his phone while he was with Yao Ling. Ten messages were from Liang Litang and fifteen from Chen Li'er, all asking what he was up to.
He didn't say goodnight to Chen Li'er, nor did he tell her his location. After reading her anxiety and questioning, he became completely sober, went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on his face, and leaned his head against the mirror to reflect.
After thinking it over, he wiped his face with a towel, returned to the living room, picked up his phone, and told her he would pick her up tonight and told her not to worry. With just this one reply, he exited the chat box, determined to save other conversations for when they met in person, otherwise the vague online chat would interfere with her work mood.
Before and after the regular meeting, Deng Shilang made two cups of coffee in the tea room and drank both. After the regular meeting, different departments were handing over the same project. Liang Litang took a document and brought a hot latte to his desk.
"Hayden, drink your coffee."
Deng Shilang shook his head when he saw the 16-ounce coffee and refused: "I accidentally took too much caffeine. I feel a little flustered and dizzy now."
"You've obviously been up all night," Liang Litang said with a sympathetic sigh. He moved his coffee to another table and offered it to his colleagues for free. He wasn't just there to deliver documents; he was also there to pass on a message. He lit up his phone, pushed it toward Deng Shilang, and said, "I've received so many calls this morning. Is she your girlfriend or mine?"
Deng Shilang sat down and carefully scrolled through the incoming calls. They were all Chen Li'er's numbers. He closed his eyes and pinched the middle of his nose to relieve the dryness. When he felt better, he returned the phone and said, "I'll pick her up tonight."
"The ghost girl and the ghost boy are done playing. It will take a long time to make them happy."
Deng Shilang remained silent. He had many things to deal with. After thinking for a moment, he stopped her and asked, "Is Rosalie still sleeping?"
Liang Litang raised his eyebrows slightly, realizing the problem, but he didn't say anything for the time being. Instead, he said, "I don't know."
"Thanks anyway," Deng Shilang said, looking at his computer and opening today's stock price trends. He asked the person standing behind him to leave, "If you're fine, you can leave now."
"Okay, I'll ignore you." Liang Litang turned his phone swiftly. When his colleague from next door came back and received coffee for no apparent reason, he smiled and let the other person drink it, then returned to his department.
The office was quiet as Deng Shilang began to work. Once he got into the zone, he felt less tired and less distracted. However, this morning's efficiency was still 10% lower, forcing him to adjust during lunch break so that he would finish the work at hand by the end of the day.
Chen Li'er rushed from her studio to Plaza Hollywood in Diamond Hill, finishing a photoshoot for one of the fashion brands she was working for. She waited there, and even when Deng Shilang arrived, she remained irritable. He wouldn't reply to her messages or tell her what he was doing. She used her connections and learned from Liang Litong that he had asked where his ex was.
The atmosphere in the car was tense, suggesting something serious was brewing. Deng Shilang dropped Chen Li'er off at her apartment. As soon as she entered, she dropped her bag on the table and grabbed her phone to show him the messages she had sent.
The familiar slippers were placed in the entrance hall, and one of his sweatshirts was hanging on the balcony. It seemed as if nothing had changed, yet something had somehow changed. He didn't change into his slippers immediately, nor did he try to cheer her up as quickly as possible. That meant something was wrong. Her intuition was spot on this time, so accurate that it made her tremble all over.
"Do you have anything to explain?" Chen Li'er didn't want the answer to be something she didn't want to hear.
Deng Shilang decided not to hide it any longer and looked at her face. "I cheated on her."
Chen Lier heard what she didn't want to hear, but she couldn't believe it. He was so nice, how could he cheat on her? She didn't know what was wrong. She threw her phone on the sofa in frustration and shouted, "You lied to me! Tell me you didn't cheat!"
"I'm sorry, it was with my ex. I slept with her many times." Deng Shilang confessed to her guiltily.
Chen Li'er was struck hard, and without hesitation, she slapped him across the face, a powerful slap that made a resounding sound. He didn't try to dodge or stop, but took the blow head-on, his face reddened and marked with finger marks.
After beating him, she ignored the pain in her hand and continued to pick up the pillow on the sofa and throw it at him, venting her anger at him: "My two-year relationship with you is not as good as my first love. In the end, you were the first one, or did she seduce you?"
"Enough, listen to me first." Deng Shilang hugged her and patted her back to calm her down.
Chen Li'er moved in his arms for a while before stopping. She hadn't cried yet, because she couldn't believe he would do such a thing. She could distrust so many men, but only him, and he actually did the thing she couldn't stand the most, cheating on her and rekindling his old relationship with his ex.
"I thought we could just be friends, and that five years later we wouldn't have any more trouble, so I took the initiative to talk to her and help her. But then I didn't handle my desire for her well, and gradually crossed the line, and things got more and more chaotic."
Chen Li'er felt even more distressed when she smelled his scent. It turned out she had been sharing this person with his ex. She checked his social media, his email, his friends, and his colleagues, and finally learned the truth about his infidelity. She gritted her teeth and demanded an explanation for what happened in the early morning. "You didn't reply to me, so you went to see her?"
"Yes," he replied.
She gripped his arm so tightly that her nails dug into his flesh. "When did you start this?"
"After going to Repulse Bay."
"You want to break up with me now, right?" she asked sternly.
Deng Shilang was silent, and this silence was the answer.
Chen Lier knew full well that he wanted her to break up with him. This would be her way of dumping him, a punishment for his infidelity, and a way for her to save face. She knew the implications behind it, and it didn't matter that she'd read so many books. Her moral standards were so high. She could just tell him to get out. But she couldn't bear to do that. Now she just wanted to be unreasonable and make a scene. "I don't want it!"
Deng Shilang was stunned. Seeing her reminded him of himself, he pressed harder and harder to keep her. He was most afraid of hurting her like this, but now that things had come to this, he patted her back, once, twice, and closed his eyes helplessly. "The past two years between you and me were real. When you wanted you well, I was willing to give you everything. Even if you wanted to pry into my privacy, I could accept it. I gave up some space for you. But after returning to Hong Kong, I found that my feelings for you had faded. Gigi, they really had."
He was powerless to utter the last words.
Chen Lier pushed him away in anger and slapped him again, "I'm very disappointed. You've become indifferent because you've fallen in love with someone else. You have improper thoughts about someone other than me."
"I can't hold two people in one heart," Deng Shilang's face burned. He understood her disappointment, but if she didn't mention it, he would only make her more disappointed. "Let's break up. It's not worth it."
"Are you breaking up with me so you can get back together with her and make it seamless?" She insisted.
He smiled bitterly and shook his head when he heard it. "We haven't developed to this point. It's just that I made a mistake and there's no turning back. I couldn't lie to you, so I decided to tell you. She didn't mean to like me. It was me who cheated on her unilaterally."
Chen Li'er had a splitting headache, holding her forehead, slumped on the sofa, and told him to die. She didn't know when he died, and she cried for two hours alone. She called Liang Litang and asked for Yao Ling's address.
Yao Ling was at the B&B when she received a WhatsApp message from Liang Litang. She threw on a coat and went downstairs. Seeing Chen Li'er at the intersection, she guessed she was there to question and judge him. Either she had discovered the truth, or Deng Shilang had confessed. Yao Ling believed it was both.
Chen Li'er had calmed down. She put on her glasses to hide her swollen eyes, and folded her arms across her chest as she faced Yao Ling. When Yao Ling stopped in front of her, she took off her glasses and said, "Let's talk."
Yao Ling nodded and followed her into a nearby ice cream parlor. They each ordered a drink, but neither of them touched it.
"You interfered with the relationship between Hayden and me." Chen Li'er put her glasses on the table, her aura domineering.
"I'm Xiao San." Yao Ling added, "You want to say that."
"I was mistaken in thinking we could be friends." Chen Li'er said in a flat tone.
"I know I have no right to say this, but I really didn't want to hurt you in the beginning. From my interactions with you two, I can see that he puts you first. If I were you, I wouldn't be able to tolerate the sudden appearance of my ex disrupting everything." Yao Ling also admitted.
Chen Lier smiled and said, "Even though you speak so nicely, you still have no sense of morality."
"Sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't." Yao Ling held the hot drink in her hand, thinking of Deng Shilang, her gaze scattered and focused on him. "I used to like him very much, just like you. When I saw him in Hong Kong, we would occasionally argue about things in the past and accidentally forget your existence. Later, when I thought of you, I also tried to keep my distance-"
Chen Lier interrupted with a scornful expression, "It doesn't matter what you think. What matters is how you act. The impact of your actions is obvious."
"I actually don't like the word 'compete'. It seems like the two of us are just being led by the nose by one man. I don't even feel particularly sorry for you, because I am just that kind of person, constantly hurting others without feeling sorry." Yao Ling laughed after she finished speaking, and her eyes were red when she laughed, but she just raised her head, held it back, and then looked at her directly.
"Cry, cry, I want to see you cry. You feel wronged, but I feel even more wronged than you." Chen Li'er threw her glasses at her. "What I care about is the two-year relationship between him and me, and you, as his ex, can make his ex come back just by showing up. What do you think of me? You keep saying you don't like fighting, but in the end, he broke up with me for you."
The people in the ice room were attracted by the sound and watched them perform this show.
Yao Ling shed a tear in the blink of an eye and quickly wiped it away. She could be very cold to Deng Shilang, but she showed her true thoughts and fragile emotions to Chen Li'er, and answered the questions without any interpretation.
Both were highly educated women, navigating the volatile art world and possessing a Bible. One would have thought their upbringing and experience would allow them to handle the situation well, but in reality, their approach to sex and love resembled the diary of Susan Sontag in their bookcase: adultery, self-indulgence, jealousy, and a tendency to be capricious rather than polite. They shared books by the same author and fashion designer, and now shared the same man, experiencing both empathy and betrayal, ultimately convinced they would one day become friends.
"I still want you to believe that I have no intention of slandering you. The trouble was indirectly caused, and I accept your accusation."
"Indirectly... You don't like Hayden, yet you still try to step on him. Even if you don't like him, you can still make the situation like this. I'm in so much pain." Chen Li'er was in so much pain that she couldn't breathe. She took a shaky sip of water, full of resentment. "He and I have met each other's parents, and we've been dating since graduation. He's been accommodating to me, protecting me, and doting on me. I think this is the most suitable relationship I've ever had."
"I know." Yao Ling lowered her brows. She was like that at that time.
"Now it's destroyed." Chen Li'er laughed.
Liang Litang called them, but no one answered. He rushed to the B&B, but couldn't find anyone. Passing by the ice cream parlor, he heard a familiar voice and realized they were sitting inside. He quickly called Deng Shilang and asked him to come over immediately.
Deng Shilang, worried about Chen Li'er's condition, had been sitting downstairs in her apartment. He hadn't known she'd gone to see Yao Ling, so upon hearing the news, he rushed to the ice cream parlor and caught a glimpse of Liang Litang standing outside, leaning against the ice cream parlor sign.
From morning till dusk, Liang Litang was keenly aware of the problem. Now he clearly noticed the palm print on his face and understood it more thoroughly: "Now I know what you meant when you told me in K11."
Deng Shilang, like him, leaned weakly against the signboard, "I made all this."
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