Chapter 123 Everyone Has Their Own Troubles
The first page of the "Monthly Journal" is still blank, and the lint marks left by tearing paper at the bottom of the page are already quite thick.
So before she even put pen to paper, Qi An paused for a moment, wondering when her "Monthly Diary" could be preserved.
She paused for a second, then, bathed in the glow of the setting sun, she began to write:
This mission was much shorter than the last one, but looking back, it feels like a lifetime ago.
This mission yielded two crucial discoveries:
There are probably more than three people in this world who like me, treat me well, and can accept me.
If I told Chen Xi, Lin Jiaran... or even Chen Yuezhou and You Zi about my abnormality, they... might be able to accept it.
Of course, I wouldn't say it rashly, but being among them, I felt warm, relaxed, and safe.
These people, as well as those who were willing to go down the well to save me, are all included in my third goal: "to help those who are willing to care for me to realize their wishes."
2. While underground, I allowed my contamination level to exceed 65%.
I don't know if calling it "pollution level" is accurate, because my sanity is completely unaffected; I'm just physically deformed.
When I empathize with others, I can feel their pain during times of change.
Suffering has two parts: one is mental, and the other is physical.
Physical deformity is a terrifying feeling of every cell breaking down and rebuilding, while mental pain lies in the fact that reason and "self" are being devoured.
As Teacher Tang once said, "I" refers to a person's self-awareness and understanding of the world, which is the condensation of all their experiences from birth to death.
If the "self" is completely eroded, then that person no longer considers themselves a human being.
If he retains his memories after the complete mutation, those memories might be like watching a video to him?
So, the White Priest's brief transformation into a humanoid form and the drawing of totems before his death might have been a mockery of his own human life.
These are all guesses, but what is certain is that I felt physical pain during the mutation, but mentally...
My mind is still completely in control of my body. When I saw the vice-captain and Chen Xi injured, I could still feel grief and anger.
Qi An stared blankly for a while before picking up his pen again:
But it's also a contradiction.
During the mutation, I also have another strange feeling, like staring into an abyss.
Or perhaps half of me has entered the abyss?
I still have my reason and emotions, and I can still control my body, but a small part of myself seems to exist upside down in different times and spaces.
This is so bizarre, and it terrifies me!
Qi An paused for a moment, his brows furrowing deeply:
But the mutation will make me stronger. I can feel my body, strength, speed, and lethality greatly enhanced.
This doesn't seem to conflict with my first goal of "becoming stronger".
Perhaps I can keep this as a trump card in a desperate situation.
However, given the terrifying sense of impending doom, this trump card should be used sparingly.
At this point, Qi An suddenly remembered something and wrote down two more lines:
Can I pollute it?
If I grow tentacles and wrap them around someone for a few minutes, will I contaminate them?
These two sentences sent a chill down Qi An's spine, even in the already sweltering early summer heat, bathed in the thick glow of the setting sun.
She closed the "Monthly Journal," gazed at the sunlight and the little blue flower by the window for a long time, calmed her emotions, and then tore off the page filled with writing and burned it to ashes.
......
After finishing writing the "Monthly Diary," Qi An drew the curtains and changed his clothes.
She looked at her back in the two square mirrors pasted near the door.
The wounds are numerous, but the deepest and most hideous burn scars are fading and peeling away, and tender new flesh is growing on the slender upper back, waist dimples, and the backs of both arms!
It seems there won't be any permanent scars.
Her strange constitution...
However, it was already this late, and Qi An couldn't have a proper dinner, take a shower, and go to bed.
Water and electricity were only available intermittently, and she still had a mission to complete.
"I'm fucking fed up! You can't treat the production team's donkeys like this! Does the higher-ups have some kind of grudge against us or what?"
"Do you blame us for causing that scene at the hospital?" Yu Shuang angrily slapped a fallen insect and smeared the blood.
Today is May 6th. Since they returned to base on the 3rd, the team has been on missions, mostly involving the transportation of personnel or supplies.
After the team brought the supplies back from the raging river on the night of the 3rd, all the wounded soldiers in the building were completely convinced of the power of the Wind Riding Team 2. However, there were still some with ulterior motives, and the hospital director and several doctors, including Director Yang, were not very enthusiastic about it.
This forced the team to also focus on protecting the wounded.
One task after another came from above, with only half a day of rest between tasks on average. Yesterday, everyone had a half-day break to welcome the action team's foot squad back and relax for a moment, and today there are tasks again.
Yu Shuang has just been through a major battle, and after so many days, she only slept for a full 10 hours yesterday. It's no wonder she's irritable!
"The capable should do more." Zhao Bohan fired another shot at the cyst of the fallen insect in front of him.
His marksmanship was not as good as Yu Shuang's, and even less so than Zhuang Xiao's; he couldn't even kill an insect with a single shot at long range at night.
"Just because we have zero mistakes in our missions, they're exploiting us to death!" Zhuang Xiao's usual carefree optimism was unusually replaced by resentment.
"If you push me too far, I'll retire!"
“These past few days when we went to the logistics department to collect equipment, it was quite chaotic inside,” Qi An said.
The logistics minister and the 3rd regimental commander, who was in charge of all material transportation, were replaced at the last minute, so the overall coordination and allocation of materials in the base was very chaotic, which was one of the reasons why medical supplies were so scarce that day.
Su Qingran has always been insightful about human relationships and worldly affairs:
"From the perspective of the Commander-in-Chief, what category does our team belong to?"
The most capable special operations team, the pride of the base? Or a bunch of troublemakers?
If the headquarters reprimanded him that day because of the injured, then in his eyes our team would be even more of a scourge.
If this conjecture is true, then the Commander-in-Chief and the Dean may not care about the lives of the 22 seriously wounded soldiers.
Everyone has their own priorities.
After dropping the last airdrop bomb and clearing the battlefield once more, the squad finally finished work at 3 a.m., retrieving a batch of heavily damaged compressed rations from the worm nest.
After killing over a hundred insects, the pollution levels of Tang Long and the other two exceeded 50%. Qi An didn't touch it because Zhao Bohan was the one to purify it today.
It's relatively easy to resonate with Zhuang Xiao on a spiritual level because Zhuang Xiao is simple-minded and unguarded.
After a 3-minute emergency purification process, Zhuang Xiao's contamination level dropped to 30%. Zhao Bohan, with beads of sweat on his forehead, rested briefly before purifying Tang Long's contamination.
Tang Long is at a medium difficulty level because his resistance is low, making him prone to sudden loss of control over his contamination level.
The moment Zhao Bohan successfully resonated with Tang Long, he was still not quick enough to adapt to the shock of the other party's mental confusion. As soon as he came into contact with Tang Long, his pollution level reached 42%.
Qi An felt a slight chill and hesitated for a moment whether to resonate with Zhao Bohan, but still didn't move.
Zhao Bohan possesses exceptional rationality and willpower, allowing him to quickly adjust himself and even analyze the source of the other person's emotions, offering words of comfort:
"With Xiao Qi here, nothing will happen. Don't be nervous."
This was just an experiment; there would be no consequences whether it succeeded or not. Tang Long's mind gradually calmed down, and the purification was successful!
Qi An silently cheered for the vice-captain!
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