The corner of Lu Shiyan's mouth curled up slightly, almost like a smile, but more of it was an indescribable complexity.
He reached out, took the bottle from Xiao Han, poured himself a glass, and then slowly spoke, his voice low and calm, as if he was narrating an old story that had nothing to do with him: "I know."
He paused, raised his head, and drank the wine in the glass. His Adam's apple rolled, and after a moment he let out an almost inaudible sigh: "But... I... can only do that."
The casual words "We can only do that" completely stimulated Xiao Han. He raised his eyes suddenly and stared at Lu Shiyan, with pain and unwillingness that had been suppressed for too long surging in his eyes.
"Is that the only thing we can do?" Xiao Han's voice suddenly rose. "You said 'I can only do that' casually, and Xiao Fei is gone! He was only fifteen years old! He hasn't even lived a good life yet, but because of your 'only thing', he lost his life!"
He seemed to have been drained of all his strength. He leaned dejectedly against the cold broken wall, staring at the dark night sky with empty eyes.
"I often wonder whether I should blame myself for being incompetent and unable to protect him... or should I blame you for leaving and your choice... which made... which made Xiaofei..." He picked up the bottle again and took a big gulp, with the wine overflowing from the corners of his mouth.
"If you hadn't insisted on leaving, if you hadn't..." Xiao Han's voice choked, and he couldn't say the rest of the words. Those dusty past events were like sharp knives with poison, cutting his heart repeatedly, and the pain almost suffocated him.
Lu Shiyan remained silent, without refutation or explanation. He just looked at Xiao Han quietly, letting him vent.
Over the years, Xiao Han has been carrying this huge stone in his heart. Xiao Fei's death is an unhealable scar in the hearts of all of them, and it is also an invisible rift between the brothers.
The night wind was even colder, blowing on my body, as if it wanted to take away all the heat from my bones.
Xiao Han's emotions gradually calmed down, leaving only endless fatigue and confusion. He held the bottle and drank it mouthful by mouthful, as if only this spicy liquid could numb his already broken heart.
"That day at the villa," he suddenly said, "you asked me to protect Su Wan and leave... I really wanted to shoot you at that time."
He laughed at himself, and his smile was uglier than crying: "I think you are fucking sick! You are almost dying, and you still care about that woman's life or death?! How could Su Wan be such a rich and powerful woman? How could she treat you like that? Is she worth your life?"
"I was thinking, go to hell! Aren't you Lu Shiyan capable? Aren't you awesome? Then go and do it yourself! I don't care!"
As he spoke, he took another big gulp of wine, but his eyes gradually became blurred, as if he was lost in some painful memories.
“But…” His voice paused, and a suppressed sob came out of his throat, “But halfway through… I fucking… I fucking turned back…”
"I don't want you to die..." Xiao Han's voice was trembling, with a strong nasal tone, "Ashi... the thirteen of us... the thirteen of us have been together in the orphanage since childhood. We have fought against animals, snatched pig food, been beaten half to death, and also beaten others half to death together..."
"Xiao Fei is gone... Hao Zi is gone... Zhu Zi is gone... They are all gone..."
"There are only two of us left...Ashi..."
Without warning, a line of clear tears rolled down from the corner of this iron man's eyes, hitting the dusty ground and leaving a small dark mark.
"We... 13 people, only two of us are left..."
He lowered his head, his shoulders shaking violently, and he could no longer utter a complete sentence. The despair and loneliness buried deep in his heart completely destroyed all his disguises at this moment.
Lu Shiyan felt a sharp pain in his heart. He stretched out his hand and pressed heavily on Xiao Han's shoulder, his knuckles turning slightly white from the force.
…
The next morning, when the first ray of sunlight shone through the cracks in the air-raid shelter, Xiao Han had already regained about 70% of his usual spirit. Although his face was still pale and the dark circles under his eyes had not completely disappeared, his carefree and playful spirit was back.
He stretched his body, stretched his muscles, hummed a tuneless song, walked to Su Wan who was distributing breakfast, and said with a drooling smile: "Sister Su Wan, is there anything delicious? I am seriously injured and need to supplement my nutrition."
Su Wan rolled her eyes at him and handed him a bowl of porridge and a few buns in a sullen manner: "Eat it if you want." But she was relieved that he was in better shape. If this guy continued to be depressed, the atmosphere of the team would be depressed.
Lu Shiyan was wiping his saber at the side. He didn't even raise his eyelids when he heard this. He just said coldly: "If you want to eat meat, go outside and hunt a mutant rat yourself."
Xiao Han shrank his neck and laughed dryly: "Forget it, I'm allergic to furry things, especially those that are poisonous."
He turned to A'mo and said, "A'mo, let me discuss something. Next time you kill some game, can you leave me a leg?"
Ah Mo smiled innocently and nodded. "Brother Han, I'll make you some medicinal food when we can light the stove." Su Wan couldn't help but laugh out loud, this Ah Mo.
The atmosphere was much more relaxed than last night.
After breakfast, Lu Shiyan gathered everyone together.
"Lei Lao Hu's people won't be able to find this place in a short time, but we shouldn't stay here for long." He spread out the yellowed map, "Our next step is to go north."
Su Wan's heart moved when he heard this. To the north, that was where the original owner's father, Su Jinhe, built the Dawn Base.
According to the plot in the book, Su's father is very powerful and loves his daughter deeply. If he can arrive there smoothly, it will undoubtedly be the best choice at the moment.
Xiao Han raised an eyebrow: "North? That's a long journey. But it doesn't matter, I've had enough of this crappy place in City A. I'll kill that old guy Lei Lao Hu sooner or later."
Li Kui and Li Xinhu looked at each other and agreed. They were rootless and floating, and following Lu Shiyan and Xiao Han, at least they had hope of survival.
"Su Wan," Lu Shiyan turned his gaze towards her, "What do you mean?"
Su Wan met his gaze and nodded: "Of course I have no objection!"
"Then when do we set off?" Su Wan asked impatiently.
"Immediately." Lu Shiyan said concisely.
"So urgent?" Xiao Han wailed, "I still want to take another nap."
"You can choose to stay here and wait for Lei Lao Hu." Lu Shiyan said lightly.
Xiao Han immediately jumped up from the ground and patted the dust off his butt: "Okay! Young Master Lu! I'll obey your command!" The speed at which his expression changed made Su Wan couldn't help laughing.
only……
"Aren't we going to look for Mo Yao anymore?" Su Wan couldn't help but ask.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
