Chapter 33 The Original Intention
The fat man tiptoed onto the bed, pulled out two cigarettes from somewhere, and handed one to Han Shuo.
"Where did they come from?" Han Shuo remembered that they had run out of cigarettes not long after they left City B.
"They found it downstairs; it was probably left by Uncle Jiang's son. But after being left for so long, the tobacco is a bit dry."
Han Shuo lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. After not smoking for so long, he felt a little dizzy from the first puff.
"Are you thinking about tonight?" the fat man asked.
"Yes!" Han Shuo said calmly.
"Well, Li Shurou was just saying things in anger today, don't take it to heart." The fat man clearly knew that Han Shuo was thinking about this.
"I know." Han Shuo paused for a moment, then continued.
"However, I think I lost my mind in the end."
"Sigh, you're a normal person too. It's normal to have mood swings."
"But I actually had the idea of killing Li Shurou."
“That’s normal. Didn’t Li Shurou also say that she wanted to kill you to avenge Uncle Jiang and the others? It was all said in anger.”
Han Shuo continued smoking without saying a word.
"Of course, it's not your fault. Li Shurou is just too stupid." The fat man glanced at Han Shuo's expression and continued.
"She'll understand you once she thinks about it tonight."
Han Shuo smoked his cigarette very quickly; one had already burned to the end.
"Any more? Give me another one."
"Yes, yes, yes." The fat man quickly offered Han Shuo another cigarette.
The cigarette was lit again.
“You know what? I understand Li Shurou’s behavior today. After all, those two old guys were too good at pretending. It’s normal for Li Shurou to fall for it,” Han Shuo continued.
"Actually, this shows that Li Shurou is actually very simple-minded. Moreover, if she really had bad intentions, she would have kept her words of retaliation to herself."
"Fatty, I feel like I've changed," Han Shuo suddenly turned and asked.
"Nothing's changed. You're still the Han Shuo I used to know," the fat man said with a smile.
"But...sigh..."
Han Shuo ultimately didn't say what he was going to say.
"Do you know why I've always believed you without any reason?" the fat man asked back.
"Why?"
"Because I know you completely. Although you are not good at expressing yourself, you are decisive and ruthless, and you have a clear sense of right and wrong. But deep down, you are still kind."
Han Shuo gave a self-deprecating laugh.
"Kindness? Heh, you know that if you don't say anything in the end, I might have already drawn my knife."
The fat man suddenly didn't know how to comfort him.
Han Shuo's words were tinged with sadness.
Just as Han Shuo said, if he hadn't snapped Li Shurou out of her daze and had instead let her continue shouting, Han Shuo really would have taken action!
"I'm a little scared of who I am right now, you know? I killed two people today, and I even tried to kill my own teammate?"
"What I fear is not killing, but the feeling of killing itself. It's strangely exciting."
Han Shuo seemed a little excited, and his voice unconsciously became a little louder.
"Is my true nature to be cold-blooded, like a wild beast?"
The fat man was anxious; tonight had indeed had a significant impact on Han Shuo. The calmer and more composed a person is usually, the more disastrous the consequences could be if their mindset undergoes a drastic change.
If Han Shuo can't figure things out tonight and can't get out of this mess, he could easily become completely lost.
Suddenly, a thought struck the fat man, and he quickly said...
"Stop overthinking. Think about your original intention, not the intention after the catastrophe, but the intention before the catastrophe!"
"My true self, my true self!" Han Shuo murmured to himself.
At this moment, Han Shuo was seriously reflecting on his original intentions. What exactly were they?
After much thought, Han Shuo felt that "original intention" could be understood as: the most genuine and desired thing deep in one's heart.
If this were after the catastrophe, Han Shuo could instantly say what he wanted most: to live.
"But Fatty just said I should think back to my original intentions before the catastrophe?"
Although only two months had passed since the events before the catastrophe, Han Shuo suddenly felt it was a long time ago, as if it were two completely different worlds with two different attitudes towards life.
Soon, Han Shuo thought of his first love, and the feeling was indeed profound.
"Is spending my life with the one I love what I want most?"
Han Shuo shook his head, dismissing the possibility, because after being hurt, he completely gave up on love, and even now, he never expects it; he's gotten used to being alone.
"If it's something buried deep inside, something you want most, it shouldn't change."
"Money? Material possessions?"
Han Shuo continued to think that this might be what most people want most, but it is definitely not what most people truly feel.
Han Shuo saw this very clearly. Due to their childhood environment and the influence of the surrounding society, many people have gradually assimilated and adapted to this rhythm, but have forever forgotten their original aspirations.
Ambition, comparison, face-saving... a whole host of factors influence everyone...
It's obvious that neither of these are what Han Shuo wants.
Sudden!
A picture instantly flashed into Han Shuo's mind.
It was when he was very young, and Han Shuo was playing with a group of friends. Han Shuo's memory of that scene was somewhat hazy; he couldn't recall it for a long time.
Han Shuo felt a tremor in his heart. This feeling from his childhood was the most carefree, relaxed, and happiest time for him.
Han Shuo understood, because he had been an orphan since childhood and had never experienced the feeling of family and home.
So, my friend!
Yes, that's right, friends are what Han Shuo wants most. Because only when Han Shuo is with his friends can he truly cherish life.
This is Han Shuo's original intention!
Han Shuo wants everyone he cares about, and who cares about him in return, to live well!
And these people are friends!
When the fat man saw a softening in Han Shuo's blank gaze, he knew that Han Shuo might have been found.
“My true feelings… my friend!” Han Shuo turned to the fat man and said.
"That's it, that's it!" the fat man exclaimed excitedly.
“I am your friend, and Li Shurou is your friend too. Although what you do on the surface is all for your own survival, in reality, a lot of it is for our sake.”
Han Shuo frowned, and said somewhat uncertainly, "But, do I really consider Li Shurou my friend?"
The fat man quickly said, "It's true, those involved are often blinded while bystanders see clearly! I see it all clearly, it's just that you haven't noticed it yet."
The fat man continued to press for answers.
"Do you remember what you said to me before you took action tonight?"
"What?" Han Shuo asked in confusion.
"You told me to stay in the house and keep an eye on Li Shurou if I notice anything unusual."
Han Shuo remembered; he had indeed said those words.
"What does this prove?"
"That proves that you subconsciously already consider her a friend!"
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