Chapter 82 Cold War: "...You took your anger out on me?"
Jiang Yan stood up silently and walked outside.
Qin Lan stood in front of the emergency room for a while longer before dragging her heavy steps into the fire escape.
Jiang Yan leaned against the window, a cigarette dangling from her lips, but she didn't light it.
Her lighter was still at the bottom of the river in Los Angeles; carrying a pack of cigarettes was just a habit. Ever since that disastrous 419 incident, she had to carry something with her that could "save her life," which was one of her strange sources of security.
The shadow of her bangs falling on the bridge of her nose looked beautiful to Qin Lan. The surroundings were dark, like a filter in a movie.
Qin Lan walked over, leaned forward, took the cigarette in his mouth, and said in a low, buzzing voice, "Why aren't you lighting it?"
"No smoking indoors." Jiang Yan put her hands in her pockets.
Qin Lan glanced at her: "And then you just hold it in your mouth and strike a pose? You're such a deadpan actor."
Jiang Yan felt inexplicably annoyed.
She looked up at Qin Lan, completely unaware of why she had put the pack of cigarettes in her pocket.
It was something that concerned her, but Jiang Yan couldn't bring herself to speak. She used to love Qin Lan's tone, which sounded like she was about to pounce on her at any moment, so why was she so agitated today?
She quickly realized that it wasn't Qin Lan who had changed, but she herself. She was no longer content to look up to Qin Lan from a position of inferiority; she was now greedy. She wanted to look at him as an equal, to be passionate, and to receive the tenderness and care that was unique to her, beyond her pride.
They wanted Qin Lan to realize these problems herself, but she was already losing control of herself.
Qin Lan waited a while for her to speak, and thought she was sad about Yun Chui: "Yun Chui... did he get this illness four years ago before he argued with Song Man?"
Jiang Yan took a deep breath and tried to focus on Yun Chui's situation: "Once, she suddenly felt short of breath and dizzy, so I took her to the hospital... I didn't expect that she would be diagnosed with a rare disease."
"She's so calm," Qin Lan chuckled, a hint of sadness in her voice. "She kept it from us so well without saying a word. But she's the kind of person who wouldn't flinch even if a mountain collapsed in front of her—"
“No,” Jiang Yan said. “She was very flustered and sad. She said she was afraid of dying.”
Qin Lan was stunned for a moment.
Jiang Yan didn't want Yun Chui to appear so calm. She felt as if she was the only one in the world who knew how vibrant Yun Chui was when she cried. She said sadly, "Yun Chui cried for a long time. She said she was afraid of dying, that she still had so many things to do, that she wanted to win the Blackpool trophy with Song Man, and that she wanted to see the sights of this world. I often saw her staring blankly at Song Man's chat box, and countless times she was restraining herself from telling Song Man about her desires."
“But Song Man doesn’t need that kind of selflessness,” Qin Lan retorted. “I hate it when people use the guise of doing what’s best for me to hurt me…”
"That's because you haven't considered Song Man's future at all!"
Jiang Yan was a little angry. She felt sorry for Yun Chui, who had sacrificed so much, but even her friends didn't understand her actions.
"She's in no condition to dance. If Song Man knew she only had a few years left to live, how could she possibly win the Blackpool Championship?"
Qin Lan's first thought wasn't whether Jiang Yan's words were reasonable, but rather the unkind tone of Jiang Yan's voice.
She was taken aback, and even stammered, "...You took your anger out on me?"
Jiang Yan was also stunned. The two faced each other in the dimly lit corridor, unable to even see the expressions on each other's faces.
A sense of estrangement grew in the silence, and Qin Lan felt a sudden pang of unease for no apparent reason.
After a long while, Jiang Yan finally spoke, but her voice sounded tired and weak: "Can you hug me first?"
Qin Lan hesitated for a moment, then said, "No, you just yelled at me, you have to apologize first."
I'll hug you if you apologize first.
Jiang Yan got angry again and blurted out, "Why should I?"
Yun Chui's illness aggravated her already tense nerves, making her volatile and easily angered.
"What, on what grounds??"
Jiang Yan felt wronged and angry: "Why am I always the one who has to bow my head first? Can't you just bow your head for me? Why do you always act so superior?"
Qin Lan was stunned: "What? You think I'm high and mighty? I've always been like this, why didn't you say so before??"
Jiang Yan was furious: "Think about your tone!"
"I like your arrogance, but can't you show some of the tenderness you only show to me? If you could just say 'I love you' a few more times and give me a little more security, I wouldn't be smoking like this now!"
Qin Lan paused for a moment, deciding to address the question closest to her first: "So why are you carrying cigarettes?"
Jiang Yan glared at her: "Is that the point?!"
Qin Lan also lost her temper: "Either make things clear, or let's have a fight. I'd like to ask you the same thing: you suddenly got angry and said I don't love you enough. What made you that judgment? Did you already think that way during the variety show? Why did you hold it in for so long and specifically choose now to argue? Yun Chui is still in critical condition! You really know how to pick your time, you—"
Jiang Yan forced back her tears: "Did I want to get angry with you at this time?!"
"Okay, so now you know. I was already unhappy during the variety show. As for how I judged your love, Qin Lan, think back to your words and actions. How much do you love me? You only loved me because you felt sorry for me. You promised me—"
In her anger, she spoke without thinking, and realized she had gone too far halfway through her sentence, abruptly stopping there.
But Qin Lan was furious: "I feel sorry for you? Is that what you really think? Fine, fine, I think we should stop talking for now, go and calm down!"
She slammed the door and left, leaving behind the cigarette that she would later keep between her fingers but never light.
Jiang Yan opened the window in frustration; this time, she really wanted to smoke a cigarette.
＊
The others, unaware of the argument inside the fire escape, paced anxiously outside the door. After what felt like a lifetime, Yun Chui was finally wheeled out, alive.
"Thank God." Yang Xingji collapsed on the spot, clutching Buddhist prayer beads in one hand and making the sign of the cross with the other: "Thank God, may the gods protect us..."
Yu Jintang stood up confidently, but upon closer inspection, her legs were trembling: "How is the patient?"
The doctor removed his mask: "Let's move you to a different ward first. Who among you is your guardian?"
Anna and Song Man stepped forward at the same time: "You can just tell me."
Doctor: "...Are you two her mother or her grandmother?"
Anna: "I'm not her mother or her grandmother, but I'm her private doctor. I know her condition, and you can discuss any medical matters with me until her legal guardian arrives."
The doctor glanced at Song Man.
Song Man: "I am her spouse, whom she has not yet registered her marriage with."
Qin Lan, who had just returned from outside, gasped in shock.
＊
Yun Chui opened his eyes and then closed them again.
She had never seen so many people gathered around a bed before.
She felt like a dying head of the family, with her children and grandchildren waiting to divide her inheritance.
Worried that Yun Chui might get too excited, everyone said a few words in line and then left. Only Song Man didn't move, and Xiahou Cheng was the last to leave, locking the door behind him before he went.
A silence ensued until Song Man finally spoke first: "Don't you have anything to say to me?"
“Aman,” Yun Chui said thoughtfully.
"You have nothing to say, but I do. I'll just ask you one question: do you still need me?"
Yun Chui looked surprised: "You're not angry with me?"
Song Man sneered: "I've been angry for four years already. I'm afraid if I get angry any longer, you'll be gone in a heartbeat."
She had lived in the same villa as Yun Chui for ten days, yet she was completely unaware that Yun Chui's body had begun to swell. On the day of the ball, she wore lace gloves, and her legs were also completely covered. At the time, she was amazed, never imagining that beneath the fabric lay a pain she couldn't bear to look at.
Yun Chui silently lowered her head. Song Man stood up and walked to her bedside, reaching out to tug at her sleeve: "I don't know how many years you have left, or if you'll even have a chance to live. I've already won the Blackpool trophy; the rest of your time is yours. Once you can leave the hospital, we'll go get our marriage certificate..."
If anyone else were present, they would be surprised that she had already planned to get married, but Yun Chui just nodded, and when he looked up at her, his expression made Song Man feel sorry for her.
"You can arrange it. Ah Man, I'm sorry I couldn't have a healthy body to embrace you."
Song Man's tears fell, but she forcefully wiped them away, turned her head away, and hugged her: "There's no need to apologize anymore. Let's put the past behind us. Let's start over. I want to live a happy life."
Yun Chui gently pressed his face against hers, letting out a satisfied sigh. It's so good that when I open my eyes... I can still see you beside me.
She apologized to Song Man: "I'm so sorry for keeping this from you for so long. I'm very sorry."
Song Man's face turned cold: "So you do know that?"
Yun Chui said softly, "Because this will bring you a lot of pain. You didn't have to suffer so much."
“More than this pain, I care about the time you have left.” Song Man hugged her tightly: “Don’t make me feel like I’ve been abandoned by you. I want to face this with you.”
＊
Soon everyone knew about Qin Lan and Jiang Yan's argument. Their obvious need for someone else to relay messages when they were in the same space was so obvious that even Song Man, who had just reunited with Qin Lan, was distracted by their gossip.
Xiahou Cheng rushed into the ward clutching a bag: "Sunflower seeds! Spiced sunflower seeds!"
Song Man held out her hand: "Give me a pack."
"Me too!" Yang Xingji raised his hand.
Xiahou Cheng gave each of them a pack. Song Man asked for a pack of the original flavor and started peeling, popping one into Yun Chui's mouth.
“So,” Yu Jintang chewed, “Old Qin and Jiang Yan…” chewed, “were they… arguing?”
“Otherwise,” Yang Xingji stammered, “it could also be,” stammered again, “flirting?”
Xiahou Cheng: "Who do you think invented spiced melon seeds...?"
Song Man asked Yun Chui, "Is it delicious?"
Yun Chui: "It's delicious! Where did Teacher Xiahou buy it?"
Xiahou Cheng: "I cooked it myself."
Song Man was astonished: "A master! Could you please give me a copy of the recipe?"
"No problem, please follow and favorite this page first, then send me a private message with a screenshot..."
“Just listen to her rambling.” Yu Jintang spat out a mouthful of sunflower seed shells: “She probably saw some old lady roasting sunflower seeds and just wanted to roast some for fun.”
Song Man was stunned: "Really?"
Xiahou Cheng gave a thumbs up: "Teacher Yu really understands me."
Yu Jintang raised an eyebrow: "Was I cute just now?"
Xiahou Cheng looked at her quietly, her smiling eyes captivating: "In my eyes, you're adorable even when you're eating."
Yu Jintang's tears of emotion froze in her eyes.
Song Man laughed so hard she almost passed out: "Hahahaha, Yu Jintang, finally someone can handle you..."
Yun Chui added, "Thirty years east of the river, thirty years west of the river, don't look down on us for being poor, someone will take care of you."
"Who needs to collect the trash?" Qin Lan pushed open the door and entered.
“Nobody wants to take that stuff.” Song Man glanced at her sideways. “Where’s Jiang Yan?”
"Why are you asking her?" Qin Lan glared at her, annoyed. "Are you two that close?"
"Jiang Yan is now the number one contributor to my reunion with Yun Chui. I would be willing to dance for her all the time, let alone ask her about it."
"Then why are you asking me? We're arguing right now."
"Then go and coax her. Once you've coaxed her, the quarrel will stop."
"Me, coax? Why should I coax? I didn't do anything wrong."
Qin Lan felt wronged whenever this was mentioned. She felt that Jiang Yan had suddenly become angry and said a lot of things that she couldn't understand. It was as if the two of them were communicating on different channels.
Yu Jintang looked at her with disdain: "You damn straight person, you deserve to be single until last year... Listen to what you're saying. Jiang Yan was willing to humble herself and coax you and chase after you. Isn't that a blessing you earned in your past life?"
Qin Lan was furious: "Do you guys have to be so hypocritical? Why are you all siding with her? I didn't do anything and she's already angry!"
Yang Xingji: "Impossible. Yanyan has such a good temper. You must have done something wrong and offended her."
“I second that.” Yun Chui also raised his hand: “I know Yan Yan. She’s not the type to lose her temper easily, and she loves you very much.”
Qin Lan felt utterly wronged. She glared at them one by one, then started cracking sunflower seeds in anger.
See? That's what it means to have good interpersonal relationships; you're liked by everyone wherever you go.
The more people tried to persuade her, the more defiant she became: "Anyway, I will not back down. I have a clear conscience."
Xiahou Cheng hissed: "Choose one: save face or have a wife."
Qin Lan replied matter-of-factly, "Of course I care about my image. Anyway... that thing is right here and it's not going anywhere."
Yu Jintang pointed and said, "Why is this guy so awkward? He won't even call me 'wife'."
"Who knows?" Yun shrugged. "She's never like this with us."
Song Man pondered, "Could this be Jiang Yan's power?"
Yang Xingji was writing furiously: "I've noted it down... Jiang Yan... can make Qin Lan... act awkwardly..."
Qin Lan was too proud back then, thinking that Jiang Yan loved her to the extreme, so how could such love leave her?
Her life has been so smooth that she has hardly experienced any setbacks. The only "stain" is the two failed attempts she made in campus romance dramas, which are still valuable material for her haters to talk about. Qin Lan is very confident, even arrogant. She thinks that she is just a bit clueless when it comes to relationships, and that this is not something to be ashamed of. She is upright and honest, and that's just her shortcoming.
It's fine to just avoid that for now; there are plenty of topics for her to shine.
Her life story was undoubtedly filled with success. From her family background to her appearance, from relatives to friends, from fans to Jiang Yan, everyone doted on her, loved her, and gave her ample reason to be arrogant. She had never lost anything, so she was completely oblivious to the deeper meaning in Xiahou Cheng's words, and also ignored the subtle flicker in Yun Chui's eyes. Yu Jintang and Song Man exchanged a glance, then shook their heads together.
Song Man went out to wash fruit for Yun Chui. As he passed by her, he patted her shoulder with a weary expression and said, "Young man, being stubborn will only backfire on you."
Qin Lan was practically fuming: "You're getting cocky again! Who was it that refused to back down before?!"
Song Man was not provoked at all: "Didn't O'Brien teach you that I am not who I am today? I have now greatly discovered the benefits of bowing my head. Let me give you a piece of advice: bow your head and coax people as soon as possible, otherwise you will end up like me, wasting a lot of time."
She walked away with the fruit basket, leaving Qin Lan dumbfounded.
Yun Chui pointed to himself as a cautionary tale: "Your example is right here."
Qin Lan was speechless: "Jiang Yan doesn't have a terminal illness."
“But she can break up with you.” Yu Jintang fanned the flames: “Look at yourself. Although you are rich, good-looking, a big star, have good grades, and are not bad at fighting… well… it’s bad that apart from your personality, you can’t find any faults.”
She inadvertently cheered Qin Lan up: "That settles it then. Besides, she likes me so much, why would she break up with me?"
Yu Jintang glanced at Xiahou Cheng and said, "I really have no other choice. Let her fall down on her own."
Xiahou Cheng: "Guess why I didn't try to persuade her?"
Yu Jintang said with admiration, "Teacher Chengcheng, you are so wise."
Xiahou Cheng said gently, "Teacher Tangtang, you are also very amazing."
The two of them embraced openly and affectionately, leaving Qin Lan dumbfounded for two seconds, feeling as if she had been kicked by a dog.
She turned around speechlessly to find her comrade, only to find Yang Xingji snapping photos with his phone: "I never expected Sister Yu to be in love like this, I never expected her to be so sweet..."
Qin Lan was completely speechless, then turned to look at Yun Chui. Yun Chui was practicing raising his legs, his posture as still and meditative as an old monk.
Moreover, she and Song Man have a very good relationship now, so she won't be hurt by those two.
Qin Lan had no other choice but to leave the room.
As soon as she closed the door, Yang Xingji asked the others, "Aren't we going to help at all?"
Yu Jintang said earnestly, "Yang'er, you'll understand when you start dating. The worst thing you can do is let others interfere in these kinds of things, and no matter what you say to someone who's really into it, they won't listen."
Yang Xingji scratched his head: "Yeah, Sister Qin is a bit stubborn."
Yu Jintang waved his hand and said, "Oh dear, she's just been spoiled too much. She doesn't know the ups and downs of life. It's only because Uncle Qin and Aunt Lan taught her so well that she didn't grow up to be a scoundrel."
Yun Chui suddenly said, "Actually, I envy A Lan. She had such a happy and fulfilling childhood."
I envy her for having always felt secure in her life, and for never having experienced loss.
Xiahou Cheng was a little surprised: "I remember everyone in this room is a second-generation rich kid, right?"
“Yes, but not everyone grows up surrounded by love.” Yun Chui smiled. “It’s obvious from our personalities. Alan is the happiest; Xingji’s parents built their business from scratch and rarely have time to spend with her, so she’s addicted to the internet; Yu Guaiguai has an older sister, so her parents often compare her to her sister, which is why she used to be very well-behaved, but started to rebel as she got older. Aman’s parents are also good to her, but she has a younger brother.”
"And what about you?" Xiahou Cheng asked her.
“Good question.” Yun Chui smiled. “My family is a blended family. My father said that my birth mother died a long time ago, and my stepmother brought a boy into the family. Later, they had a son and a daughter. The five of them lived a very happy life. Because my father had only been married once, his relationship with my mother was probably just a fleeting affair.”
“I tried to find my birth mother, but to no avail. When I was 21, I developed symptoms, so I followed this lead and eventually found a woman in the hospital records. IPAH is a hereditary disease on my mother's side. She had been hiding it from my father, probably initially to get some money to prepare for the future, and after she got pregnant, she was afraid that my father would abandon me.”
The past is gone, but Yun Chui's guess was pretty much the truth. Although her father didn't know she might carry the disease-causing gene, he didn't pay much attention to her either. Her stepmother treated her neither well nor badly, and she was practically invisible at home. So she learned that silence is golden, trying her best not to draw attention to herself when the family of five was laughing and chatting.
"So I especially envy Alan. Her life is so good, she has been loved since she was a child. Many people don't like her arrogance, but I envy her for having enough confidence to be arrogant. What impressed me most was once when I came back from class, my family was celebrating my second brother getting a perfect score on a test. My father bought a cake and prepared a big meal, and my stepmother bought him a small motorcycle. The whole family was as happy as if it were a birthday celebration."
“That day was my birthday,” Yun Chui said quietly. “My friends came back from class that night and dragged me out to celebrate my birthday. When I came back in the middle of the night, the house was quiet. I went upstairs with my friends’ gifts, but when I opened the door, there was nothing there. They don’t remember my birthday, and even if they did, they wouldn’t care.”
Outside the door, Song Man quietly held a bowl of strawberries, tears streaming down her face until she broke down.
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