Chapter 54, *A Doll's House*: "I am first and foremost a human being."
At 1:30 p.m., a beam of light shone on the stage.
The doorbell rang, and the door opened.
Jiang Yan's breath hitched.
Qin Lan—no, it was Nora—walked in.
She hummed a song happily and said to the maid, "Ellen, hide that Christmas tree well. Don't let the children see it during the day, just light it at night."
Qin Lan's opening remarks stunned the entire audience, eliciting a breathtaking silence. Her enunciation was clear, her voice bright, a natural gift for delivering lines. Accustomed to reciting lines in film and television dramas, her voice was equally adept at reciting theatrical lines, clear and resonant, like pearls falling, imbued with a classical charm.
The male protagonist, Helmer, makes his appearance.
The two chatted and laughed, clearly showing their deep affection. Nora began to show her husband the Christmas gifts she had bought for the children, and for everyone in the house, even the maid. But when Helmer asked her what she had bought for herself, Nora replied, "For myself? I don't want anything for myself."
At this time, Nora's old classmate, Mrs. Lindan (played by Yang Xingji), came to visit. Taking advantage of Helmer's absence, the straightforward Nora revealed a secret. It turned out that her husband had suffered from a serious illness in his early years, and the doctor suggested that he go to the south for recuperation. However, at that time they were short of money and had to ask Nora's father for help, but in fact, the old man was also seriously ill.
To avoid causing her father worry about them before he died, Nora took it upon herself to borrow money from Helmer's subordinate at the bank—who is also the soon-to-be-introduced Chloe.
Kolo enters and speaks privately with Nora. Helmer is about to be promoted, and Kolo hopes Nora can whisper in his ear to save him from being laid off.
The upright Nora naturally refused, but Chloe revealed his true colors—when Nora wrote the IOU, he deliberately set a trap, requiring Nora's father to be a guarantor. However, in order to let her father pass away peacefully, Nora forged her father's signature without permission, but Chloe saw through the deception and used it to threaten Nora into working for him, or he would sue her.
Desperate, Nora tried to gauge her husband's attitude but was refused. Helmer didn't want his subordinates to think that the new manager was being led by the nose by his wife, so he remained unmoved no matter how much Nora pleaded.
Nora could only watch helplessly as Helmer sent out the letter dismissing Chloe.
Kolo realized that Nora couldn't influence Helmer's decisions, so he decisively abandoned her and planned to write a letter to threaten Helmer. His ambition also grew, and he demanded a higher position at the bank than before.
Nora's first thought was to protect her husband, so she asked Mrs. Lindan to vouch for her and prove that Helmer was not involved in the matter.
Mrs. Lindan agrees to help persuade Chloe to change her mind, while Nora needs to keep her husband occupied in the meantime. As Helmer goes to check the mailbox, she plays the first few bars of a dance on the piano.
Helmer, thinking she was nervous about tomorrow's ball, stopped to comfort her. Nora, preoccupied with the secret of her family's safety, danced absentmindedly and wildly before the fireplace. Her hair, loose and flowing over her shoulders, swirled and billowed with her frenzied movements.
Jiang Yan stared intently at her, watching her chestnut hair, dyed for the role, dance wildly in the air. The character and she herself seemed to have become one, radiant to the point of fervor.
As the drama reached its climax, Helmer finally saw the letter and learned that Nora had borrowed money under her name. He also knew that if he did not agree to Chloe's shameless demands, the matter would be exposed, and Nora would be prosecuted.
Nora was determined to commit suicide by drowning to protect her family's reputation. But as she pondered how to protect them, her husband stopped her, saying, "These past eight years—my most prized and beloved woman—I never imagined she'd turn out to be a hypocrite!"
Nora's fanatical expression gradually calmed down.
Helmer paced back and forth in the foyer: “He was a liar—worse than that—a criminal…you’ve inherited all of your father’s bad habits—unreligious, immoral, irresponsible…I never expected you to repay me like this!”
He became increasingly agitated, hurling insults as if he weren't the one benefiting from it all. In contrast, his wife, Nora, remained remarkably calm. She scrutinized her husband as if she had never met him before.
The atmosphere on stage grew increasingly tense, and the room fell completely silent.
“That’s good, this is how I’ll repay you,” Nara replied calmly.
Helmer: "You've ruined my entire life's happiness. You've destroyed my future... This whole mess was caused by a lowly woman!"
Nara stood there, her usual chatter gone: "If I die, you'll be fine."
"Hmph, stop lying. Your father used to have the same old story. According to you, even if you died, what benefit would I get?... People might even suspect that I was in cahoots with you!"
Qin Lan portrayed the "calm and composed" character from the script: "I understand."
Just then, the doorbell rang, and another letter from Chloe arrived.
Mrs. Lindan successfully persuaded Kolo to change his mind and give up his idea of threatening the Helmer family.
Helmer was overjoyed: "Oh! I'm alright! Nara, I'm alright!"
Nora: "And me?"
Helmer: "Of course you're fine too."
The man's expression changed as quickly as flipping through a book: "Did you hear that, Nora! You seem not to understand. I'm telling you, it's all over now. Why are you keeping such a long face and not saying anything? Oh, my poor Nora, I understand now, you think I haven't forgiven you yet. Nora, I swear, I have forgiven you, I know you did that because you love me."
Nora remained tight-lipped: "That's the truth."
Helmer: "You love me just as a wife should love her husband. It's just that you're inexperienced and used the wrong methods. But does that mean I won't love you just because you don't have your own ideas?... Just now I felt like the sky was falling, and I was so scared that I said a few unpleasant things. Please don't take them to heart."
Nora turned and walked away, saying, "Thank you for forgiving me."
Helmer noticed his wife's coldness. Clearly, subconsciously he knew that his recent behavior was that of a true hypocrite; otherwise, why would he suddenly shower Nora with sweet words and contradictory attempts to comfort her?
"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything. I have the wings to protect you... How could I bear to kick you out? Let alone kick you out, even if I were to scold you, how could I bear to scold you?"
"Nora, you don't understand the kindness in a man's heart. If a man forgives his wife... he will feel an indescribable goodness in his heart. From then on, his wife will be even more his private property... From now on, you are my child, my frightened, poor little baby. Don't be impatient, Nara, as long as you treat me honestly, I will take care of everything for you and guide you."
Nora changed her clothes and sat down, wanting to have a serious talk with him: "You don't understand me, and I only understand you tonight."
Since their marriage, the couple had never discussed anything serious: family decisions, mutual respect, responsibility, or the kind of selfless, genuine love that Nora longed for.
She devoted this love entirely to her family. When Helmer faced a crisis, her first thought was to drown herself to preserve his reputation. But she never expected that her husband had never loved her.
Helmer was puzzled: "My dear Nora, what does this have to do with you?"
Nora: "That's our problem! You've never understood me. I've suffered so much, first at my father's hands, and then at yours."
Helmer was somewhat annoyed: "Your father and I love you so much, and you still say you've been wronged by us!"
Nora shook her head slowly but firmly. "You never truly loved me. You only loved me to amuse yourself."
This is a dollhouse.
Husband and father are like heaven and earth, like heads.
The wife is a servant, a helper, a doll.
Before marriage, Nora could only follow her father's advice. Later, however, "the decision was transferred from my father to you, and you are now in charge of all the arrangements."
"I'll love whatever you love, or maybe I'll pretend to love something—I don't know if it's true or not!"
When she looked back, she felt like a beggar begging for food.
Helmer's expression changed, and he began to accuse her of being ungrateful.
Nora began to analyze the fundamental problem of this dollhouse: "You have always been very good to me, but our home is just a place to play. We never talk about serious matters. Here, I am your clay doll wife, just as I am my father's clay doll daughter at home."
Helmer thought there was some truth to what she said and said he would teach Nora how to be a good wife.
A good wife is one who listens to her husband and lets him make all the decisions at home.
Nora began to realize her existential predicament. As she spoke, she thought and decided to do just that: "Now I'm leaving you. To understand myself and my environment, I have to live alone."
Helmer jumped up and shouted his wife's name.
"Are you crazy! I won't let you leave! You're not allowed to leave!"
Nora's voice was clear and calm, which made Helmer's rage seem even paler.
She wants to go back to her hometown and find something to do there.
Helmer, however, habitually began to belittle her: "Someone as inexperienced as you—"
For the first time, Nora interrupted him, and for the first time rejected his denial of her value: "I will try my best to absorb it."
Helmer retorted angrily, "You've lost your home, your husband, and your children! Don't you care what people say!"
But Nora no longer cared. The angrier Helmer became, the more she realized she needed to leave, to leave this person she had never truly understood.
Helmer was furious and paced back and forth on the ground: "Are you just going to abandon your most sacred duty like this?"
"What is my most sacred duty?! Tell me!"
"Do I even need to say it? Your most sacred duty is your responsibility to your husband and children!"
Nora shouted even louder, "I also have responsibilities to myself!"
Helmer tried to interrupt her: "First and foremost, you are a wife and a mother!"
"I am first and foremost a human being!" Nora shouted, turning around. "Just like you!"
“I forged the signature, but I don’t believe that when a father is dying, the law doesn’t allow his daughter to relieve his worries, or when a husband is dying, the law doesn’t allow his wife to find a way to save his life! Now I’m going to study and see if society is right or I am right.”
"Nara, you are sick. You have a fever and are talking nonsense."
Nora calmly interrupted him: "I've never been so clear-headed or so confident as I am tonight."
Helmer looked at his wife in disbelief: "Are you so lucid that you'd abandon your husband and children? Don't you love me anymore?"
"That's right!" Nora exclaimed, "I don't love you anymore!"
Helmer still couldn't understand why Nora suddenly stopped loving him.
Nora looked wearily at her husband's face: "It's because the miracle didn't happen tonight that I realize you're not the kind of person I've always dreamed of."
"After Kolo threw the letter in the mailbox, I never expected you to accept his conditions. I fully assumed you would say to him, 'Go ahead and announce it!' And after saying that, you would definitely—"
Helmer interrupted her, his face flushed: "What will happen? Will my own wife be embarrassed and disgraced, and become a laughingstock?"
Nora said sadly, "I had hoped that you would step forward and take all the responsibility upon your shoulders. This was the miracle I was hoping for, and to prevent it from happening, I was prepared to commit suicide."
"Nora, Nara." Helmer tried to take her hand: "I am willing to work day and night for you, to suffer poverty and hardship, but a man cannot sacrifice his reputation for the woman he loves."
Nora roared, "But countless women have sacrificed their reputations for men!"
"Later, when the danger passed, you pretended that nothing had happened. You told me to be your little bird and your clay doll again, just like before. You said that you should be extra careful to protect me from now on because I am so fragile and useless."
She wandered around the house as if waking from a dream, unable to believe that she had lived with such a stranger for eight years.
Helmer tried his best to persuade her to stay.
Nora just muttered to herself, "I can't spend the night in a stranger's house."
I want to push open this door, I want to get out of this predicament, I refuse all mental oppression, value denial, I refuse others to make decisions for me, and I refuse to continue to suffer inequality in an unequal era.
Amidst the lively atmosphere, Qin Lan calmed down and then pushed open the door.
She walked out and disappeared through the door.
＊
The performance concluded successfully amidst thunderous applause, and all the actors went on stage together for a curtain call. The theater was bustling with noise as people rushed forward to interact with the actors.
The troupe sat in the front row and began signing autographs for the fans.
A girl stumbled and fell onto the table. Qin Lan steadied her and picked up the microphone: "Don't push, keep order."
The girl was incredibly excited. She was closest to the microphone, so her question was amplified throughout the room: "Senior Qin, I've had one question while watching: Do you think Helmer loves Nala?"
Qin Lan countered with a question: "Where did you see love, and where did you see the lack of love?"
“Helmer was willing to sacrifice for his family, spend money on Nora, and usually showed her great affection, so I think there was love between them. However, he also belittled Nora's value and abandoned her when disaster struck, so I think he didn't love Nora either.”
Qin Lan withdrew her hand and answered with ease, "Of course there are feelings involved. Helmer also loved Nora, but his love was a love for objects, for dolls, for beautiful women. I don't approve of that kind of love because it lacks respect for others."
She had no romantic experience, but had watched many works of art, so she had a set of ideal views on love. She had standards, but lacked some deeper life experiences.
For example, she doesn't understand the bittersweet nature of love, nor does she understand why two people would become mute. In her view, conflicts should be brought up and resolved; if they can be resolved, the relationship continues; if not, it's best to break up. She likes the ending of "A Doll's House," admires Nora's resolute departure from her family, and dislikes indecisiveness and lingering attachments.
The crowd gradually thinned out, leaving only a few people still gathered in front.
Yun Chui walked over to Jiang Yan: "Aren't you going to ask for an autograph?"
Jiang Yan slowly raised her head, her gaze shifting to her face: "What? An autograph? Ah, I want one."
She stood up absentmindedly, stood there for a while, and said in a daze, "Go and ask for it for me, just write it here."
She handed Yun Chui the exquisite leather notebook she had been holding to her chest, turning to the latest page, which already had the date and subject marked on it.
"What's wrong?" Yun Chui looked at her with concern. "You don't look well. You seem to have a fever."
Jiang Yan had already turned and walked away: "No, I feel perfectly clear-headed."
Yun Chui felt a sense of déjà vu as he listened.
Could it be that Yu Jintang's remake of the play was the first thing to awaken Jiang Yan?
She took her notebook and walked to the front, waiting until all the fans had left before saying, "Teacher Qin, I want an autograph too."
"ha?"
Qin Lan was taken aback, then turned to Song Man: "Has your girlfriend been possessed?"
Song Man was initially surprised, then raised her chin and said, "Yun Chui, are you going to fall in love with someone else?"
"It's for someone else." Yun shrugged, tapping the bottom of the notebook with her fingertip: "Sign here."
Jiang Yan should post a still from the drama in the middle.
Qin Lan glanced at it and saw that the notebook was quite thick, with some color showing through the first page, making it look like a notebook for fans of celebrities.
"I thought you'd gone mad." She quickly signed her name.
"The premiere went well." Yun Chui put away his script and looked at Yu Jintang.
"Absolutely!" Yu Jintang exclaimed happily. "Come on, come on, I'll treat everyone to dinner!"
A group of people removed their makeup, changed back into their own clothes, and walked noisily toward the school gate.
Jiang Yan walked on the opposite road, looking lost.
The moment Nora cried out, "I am first and foremost a human being," a crack suddenly appeared in her heart.
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The script is excerpted from Henrik Ibsen's *A Doll's House*.
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